VORTIGERN AND ROWENA; A
COMI-TRAGEDY.
PASSAGES SELECTED BY DISTINGUISHED PERSONAGES, ON THE GREAT LITERARY TRIAL OF VORTIGERN AND ROWENA;
A Comi-Tragedy.
"WHETHER IT BE—OR BE NOT FROM THE IMMORTAL PEN OF SHAKSPEARE?"
VOLUME III.
FOURTH EDITION.
—"Open me a huge Wardrobe aboundinge in motlie habittes, and marke howe fantasticallie poore mortals will arraie themselves!"
VORT. and ROW
LONDON: PRINTED BY H. BROWN, FOR J. RIDGWAY, YORK-STREET, ST. JAMES'S-SQUARE.
IRELAND, versus SHAKESPEARE!!!
By the COURT.
IT having in our sapiency been discovered, through the course of the present important CAUSE, that
more
evidence may sometimes be given, where
much
has already been received—
It is ordered,
for the furtherance of strict poetical justice in said Cause, that no solemn ADJUDICATION be made therein, until final default of testimony extractive, be made appear by due proclamation, through our trusty, and well beloved, FILAZER, the EDITOR of those Diurnal Records, ycleped the MORNING HERALD!
(Signed) POLONIUS
Die Martis
11o , 1798.
CONTENTS.
A
Ad—ngt—n, Mr. Henry 96
And—rs—n, Lord M-y-r 65
Ang—sh, Miss 54
Anstr—r, Sir J. 57
As—ph, Lady St. 76
B
B—me, Lady 34
B—nb—y, Sir Ch. 63
B—d—tt, Sir Francis 87
B—kl—y, Countess of 88
B—rw—l, Mr. 39
Bl—gh, Hon. Miss 52
Br—dy—l, Mrs. 58
Br—d—d, Mrs. 46
B—k—g—m, March. of 60
C
C—nt—y, Archb—p of 9
C—ll, Lady 38
C-mpb-l, Mrs.
ci-devant
Miss W—ll—s 50
C—rp—r, Lady Almeria 74
C—wd—r, Lord 77
C—rk, Countess of 82
C—rd—n, Earl of 83
C—h—r, Lady 84
C—lp—ys, Vice-Adm. 85
Con—gh—m, Lady 92
D
D—rh—st, Lady 4
D—nt, Mr. 27
D—by, Countess of 30
D—y, Mr. 31
D—cre, Lady 40
D—l, Sir Lionel 53
D—nc—n, Adm. Lord 61
D—nc—n, Hon. Miss 66
D—m, Bishop of 81
E
Ed—n, Hon. Miss 12
Ed—ds, Mr. Bryan 71
F
F—n—ni, Mad. 26
Fitzg—ld, Lady E. E. 90
Fitzg—ld, Lady Edward 95
F—ll—t—n, Col. 23
G
G—nn—g, Miss 10
Gr—nv—le, Lord 41
G—, Prince William 45
H
H—m—lt—n, Duke of 13
H—le, Mrs. 22
H—l—d, Lady 42
H-w-rd de W-ld-n, Lady 44
H—st—gs, Mr. 47
H—d, Adm. Lord 59
H—ght—n, Sir H— 67
H—wkes—ry, Lord 69
H—rtf—d, March. of 72
H—ref—d, Lord Visc. 73
H—rc—t, Countess of 86
J
J—rv—s, Adm. Sir John 17
K
K—n—d, Lord 1
K—ng, Hon. Miss 68
L
L—ds, Duchess of 64
L—wr—ce, Dr. 79
L—ghb—gh, Lady 94
M
M—nd—p, Lady 24
M—r—ce, Capt. 43
M-nsf-d, Css. Dow. of 62
M—cn—m—a, Mr. [of Streatham] 75
M—nto, Lord 91
N
N—wn—m, Ald—n 7
N—res, Lady C. G. 28
N—lf—n, Rear-Adm. 49
N—th, Lady Ann 70
O
O—le, Miss 2
Oxf—d, Earl of 29
Og—lvie, Miss 36
P
P—ck—t, Ald—n 3
P—lh—m, Mrs. 6
P—g—t, Lady Jane 8
P—lw—th, Lady Bell 18
P—rr, Rev. Dr. 19
P—tt, Rt. Hon. Wm. 21
R
R—se, Mr. Sec. 33
R—del—fe, Sir Ch. F. 55
S
S—ph—a, Princess 16
S—vb—ge, Miss 20
S—ff—k, Earl of 25
Str—f—d, Hon. Mrs. 32
Scr—pe, Mrs. 80
Sc—t, Rev. Dr. [
Anti-Sejanus
] 93
Sp—r, Earl 37
St—t, Mrs. 48
Sh—ftsb—y, Countess of 56
T
Th—rl—w, Miss 14
T—t—n, Sir Thomas 35
T—yl—r, Lady — 78
V
V—nc—v—r, Capt. 15
W
W—ch—r, Bishop of 89
Y
Y—k, Duke of 5
PASSAGES. SELECTED AS SUFFRAGES ON THE FIFTIETH DAY's TRIAL.
CCIV.—LORD K—N—D.
—"I telle thee,
Urvin,
he is a
Lorde,
and that a keene one!—Why, man, he was once more poore, than nowe he's proude, untill jogging up on foote from t'other side the
Tweede,
he did contrive to repose his
Scottishe
crownette on the riche toilette of a
Monielender
's daughter!—thence tooke his honoures a more statelie pollishe, being sette in
golde!
—Nowe he hathe nightlie divinations of
Jeweish
aggrandizements, and will dreame you of nought but
lotteries,
and
loanes;
—nay, and a wiser man had not prevented it, he would have turned his eldest born into a
Blew-coate Boy,
to have a hand hereditarie in everie
wheele of fortune!
"
PAGE 6.—GENUINE.
CCV.—MISS O—LE.
—"Heaven befriende us, sister
Blanche!
and, in its nexte shower of sweete husbandes, send us a comelie couple!—Marry, but we can accommodate our lordlie masters more ways than one, or else be-shame our breeding up!—If they allowe us not to
combe
their conjugal heades, we can, at least,
carrie
their palfries, and ride them saddle-less to water; so that, when we are found useless as
Groomes o' the chamber,
we may be convertible into those of the
stable!
—Nay, and the worst do befall us, we can lay aside our
tomboye
trickes, and comport ourselves like reasonable women,
sans
further
ogle-ing!
"
PAGE 25.—GENUINE.
CCVI.—ALD—N P—CK—T.
—"When they did expunge those emptie heades from off the frontlet of our Citie's gate, mine own was sette thereon, and did most wittinglie devise, how to dismantle our
Temple's barre
to publique inter-cursion. To builde a goode right civique fame, one must be constrained to pull you down the stouter workes of auntient men!—and the minde, my masters, must be kept in concussion also, or the braine of an ordinarie citizen would curdle over, like greene ducke's-weede upon a gardenne ponde!"
PAGE 1.—GENUINE.
CCVII.—LADY D—RH—ST.
—"When first the sightless youthe by me was viewed,
"I sigh'd, and hoped, in any lowlie shape,
"That I might guide his slowe be-darken'd way!
"Vain worldlie objects thus shut out—save one—
"This, on his minde's keene eye did always hang
"Like a night-gendered
miste,
which dothe eclipse
"All Nature's fairer prospects wide around!
"My harte did proudlie gain its earlie wish!—
"With me, the solace nowe of all his wrongs,
"Love's cruse of
oyle
Mr. MALONE remarks, though on what authority is not declared, that these are punnistical allusions of the immortal Bard, to the VIRGIN NAME of the fair LADY, and the retail occupation of her SIRE, a worthy resident in those days of LOWER THAMES-STREET.
shall never run to waste,
"Although it be no longer
pitcher'd
Mr. MALONE remarks, though on what authority is not declared, that these are punnistical allusions of the immortal Bard, to the VIRGIN NAME of the fair LADY, and the retail occupation of her SIRE, a worthy resident in those days of LOWER THAMES-STREET.
up:
"For I will shunne the modishe steppes of those
"Who first themselves doe
blinde
their giddie Lordes,
"Then leade them darkling to a direr fate!"
PAGE 12.—GENUINE.
FIFTY-FIRST DAY's TRIAL.
CCVIII.—H. R. H. the DUKE of Y—K.
—"Yes, that's the
Prince,
"Whose pulse of youthe intemperatelie ranne
"In earlier daies!—How goodlie now the change,
"To viewe him classed with chieftains of renowne—
"Hear a pure blessinge dwell on everie tongue
"Through vet'ran rankes,—and see his palace gates,
"With proude delighte, spring open to receive
"The milde dispenser of domestique peace!—
"So peeres the radiance of a summer's sunne,
"When spring's lighte cloudes have fleeted far awaie!"
PAGE 100.—GENUINE.
CCIX.—MRS. P—LH—M.
—"Pooh,
Nardina!
—we
women o' the chamber
may as soone thinke of travelling to heaven on our backes, as into his
Highness'
favour by virtue of simple obedience.—Methinks one might ensure it by a proscription of all within the wane of his short-lived pleasure!—but then we must promulgate freelie, and without respect of persons:—nay, the prouder she be whom his fancie hath discarded, the nobler game for us full crie to followe!"
PAGE 73.—
Not
GENUINE.
CCX.—ALD—N N—WN—M.
"Sirs! 'tis wond'rous harde, that I, a
Citizen
and
Vintner,
should find my popularitie under
parre,
for
discompting
a princelie reputation at a marvellous small
premium,
which not a mortal amongst you would
underwrite
even at
cent. per cent.!
—I opened not this
accompt current
on the score of
compound interest;
for I was flattered that my comelinesse of person would well befitte the purlieus of a
Courte;
—on this I indiscreetlie drewe a
bill at sight
upon his Highness' favour, which being not dulie
honoured,
came back againe
protested!
"
PAGE 43.—
Not
GENUINE.
CCXI.—LADY JANE P—G—T.
"In features she is fashioned like her sexe,
"With luring eye, and roseate smile equipt,
"To catch you sillie gazers on their way:
"But for the airy magique of a shape,
"She dothe as far, in Nature's modelling,
"Her modern sisterhoode out-peere,—as did
"The love-formed statue all the antient worlde,
"Which Arte's proude rivalrie could never reach!"
PAGE 66.—GENUINE.
FIFTY-SECOND DAY's TRIAL.
CCXII.—ARCHB—P OF C—NT—Y.
"This morn our Lorde's prime
Abbotte
I behelde,
"In riche
pontificalibus
arraied!
"If, as in worldlie stature he dothe growe
"Erect in grace right spiritual—he'll prove
"The stoutest buttraffe of our Mother Church!—
"Let's heede not those who impiouslie saie
"That troopes of holie emptie-stomach'd seeres
"Now trencherlesse do leave the
Abbie
gate,
"For whom, in pious daies, alas, gone by,
"The buttrie-doores did hospitablie ope!—
"Nor those, who tell us that celestial soundes
"Of sackbutte, psalmodie, and dulcimer,
"Are drowned now in shrill
Italia
's straines!—
"And yet his
Excellence
may well assume
"To point men out a nearer road to blisse,
"By making them newe heavens here on earthe!"
PAGE 100.—
Not
GENUINE.
CCXIII.—MISS G—NN—G.
—"
Marvina,
Sir, blesse her poore harte, hathe been no better entreated by those from whome she sprung, than by the villainous worlde she dothe inhabitte!—the former made her a sillie baite for their own ambition, and the latter derided the abasement of its miscarriage:—then became she drie nurse to a withered
Duchesse,
who, in recompense for her fidelitie, left her even without a deathe-bed blessinge!—and now is she constrained to live by her own wittes, of which, she thanks Heaven, neither fortune, nor friendes can so baselie beguile her!"
PAGE 46.—GENUINE.
CCXIV.—MR. C—NC—N.
—"Arrah! but this foreign warfare abroad is a poore kind of trade for us Jontlemen at home, who thrive best by the sweete artes of peace and good plentie!—By my own prettie conscience, and I am destined to be scratched by a rantipole Ladie of qualitie to boote!—Och! but I had rather meete three flying devils in the bogge of Kilkennie, than one mad daughter of old King
Faro
upon drie lande!—
aithe, and I think it was prettie well, to be bothered out of one's light golde for a scrap of waste paper, without being tongue-tied to one's good behaviour by a piece of
qualitie binding
into the bargaine!"
PAGE 14.—
Not
GENUINE.
CCXV.—HON. MISS ED—N.
—"In virgin wildnesse thus each flow'rette bloom'd
"'Mid earthlie paradise, ere its faire face
"By sinne's illicit intercourse was blurred.
"Keepe then the worlde's insidious artes aloofe,
"That man, with serpent-tongue, may not beguile
"Primaeval innocence like this!"—
PAGE 81.—GENUINE.
FIFTY-THIRD DAY's TRIAL.
CCXVI.—DUKE OF H—M—LT—N.
—"You may marvelle how it came to passe, but,
certes,
Sir, he did once possess a
wife,
formed from the purest modelle of the antique worlde!—Soon, however, she was constrained to divorce herselfe from bedde and boarde, to shunne that
multiplying,
which her harte did loathe!—Then betooke he to the
chuck-ribbe
of another man, a stage-going rantipole, who, decked in all her
Grace
's jewelrie, did the counterfeite of a
Duchesse
so lasciviouslie enacte, that this leathernpated Lord transportinglie did sweare she was his onlie
Bona-roba!
"
PAGE 33.—
Not
GENUINE.
CCXVII.—MISS TH—RL—W.
"You are my Sire, great Lorde! so nature speakes,
"Although my humble destinie denies
"That in the worlde's faire face, or her's that bore me,
"I should this blessinge modestlie declare.—
"Some portion of that pride, howe'er, I'll boaste,
"Which doth right bluntlie appertaine to you;
"So that I ne'er, to gratifie my harte,
"Can saie the thing I mean not,—to deceive you."
PAGE 89.—GENUINE.
CCXVIII.—CAPT. V—NC—V—R.
—"Rememberest thou not,
Alberto,
that, in the southern latitudes, we did a flatte odde fishe descrie, with finnes for
circumnavigation
formed, who tossed the brinie element around him with the breathe of a fantastique nostrille, as if it were created for his owne single pastime?—but, cast on shore, he crawled not unlike to other quadrupeddes, who ever and anon must licke the duste!"
PAGE 4.—GENUINE.
CCXIX.—PRINCESS S—PH—A.
"Well, sister
Gertrude,
you, thus elder borne,
"With this worlde's happiness may trifle on,
"And of your royalle hartes make duckes and drakes,
"As it doth please ye!—But, for my poore parte,
"When I doe turne a wommane's mind to wedde,
"None shall at distance trafficke thus with mine.
"They wooe by
proxie
in so false a key,
"That when you come to viewe each other's face,
"You shrink aghast from features thus disguised,
"And falslie pictured on a courtlie minde!
"In soothe, I ne'er will yield this little hande
"But in the joyful presence of mine eye,
"And then my tongue may gladlie say—
Amen!
"
PAGE 18.—GENUINE.
FIFTY-THIRD DAY's TRIAL.
CCXX.—ADMIRAL SIR JOHN J—RV—S.
"Upon the fretteful bosom of the deepe
"A course of longe inquietude he steered,
"Untille that hopeful morne, which peering shewed
"
Castillian
streamers hemme the horizon rounde!
"The windes now leagueing on the
Britton's
side,
"Bore his rough barques amid the haughtie foe,
"Then lefte him on their reeking deckes to carve
"His owne, and countrie's glorie! Howe he played
"The gallant seaman's parte, those best can telle
"Who sawe the foe's proude banners floute the skie,
"Then furled lowlie at the conqueror's feete!"
PAGE 74.—GENUIN
CCXXI.—LADY BELL. P—LW—TH.
"Pshaw, man! a soule with ever so plaine a coveringe may grace its benevolencies right noblie. Shew me the face, however coarslie modelled, that can put you faire deedes out of countenance! So learned is this same
Oresterna,
that she hathe sette the wittes o' the whole
Vattican
to their laste stake to keepe discourse with her alive i' the dead languages! Her religion also you do question wrongfullie; for it is purelie
Christian,
in despight of her
Mahomedan
whiskers, a due portion of which she dothe licke in with her dailie foode, as dried cattle do oaten strawe in a farmeyarde!"
PAGE 104.—
Not
GENUINE.
CCXXII.—REV. DR. P—RR.
—"On my reverence, goode Sirs, I am an
Orthographer
most villainouslie entreated!—The varlettes tooke me at a
non plus,
just emerging from the suddes of our village tonsor, with my temples fresh shorne of their natural strengthe! Moreover, I had no
pipe
to smoke their waggeries withal?—I should have tried their poetique fictionne by the genuine rules of
syntaxe,
and then their false concords had been most apparent! In lack of this, like a dull water fowle have they ensnared me! Nay, 'tis well in Christian charitie I went no further; for the knaves did entreat my
affidavit
of their deedes, expecting, as a
Prieste,
that I should sweare through a churche-door, to save themselves from
d—mn—tion!
"
PAGE 100.—
Not
GENUINE.
CCXXIII.—MISS S—WB—GE.
"To publique virtue who so little known,
"But beares some patriotte impresse on his minde
"Of blooming
Erva
's sire?—Beholding her,
"Quick we retrace those lineaments of worthe
"Which so enwrapp'd mankind, but brighter still
"Displaie their radiance now mid virginne charmes!"
PAGE 34.—GENUINE.
FIFTY-FOURTH DAY's TRIAL.
CCXXIV.—RT. HON. WM. P—TT.
"What illes betide the manne, who seekes to rest
"His hope, upon the fraile, and footlesse toppe
"Of vaine
Ambition
's ladder!—His ascent
"A ray of guileful fortune circleth rounde,
"To lure the slaveish gaze of base idolaters!
"So gapeing crowdes are drawn at first to viewe
"The mimique vaulter soaring high in aire,
"'Till the spent actor can no longer poise
"His giddie frame by pride inflated: then
"The sated ingrates, turning from the scene,
"With tauntes, and jeeres, doe loudlie greete his fall!"
PAGE 100.—GENUINE.
CCXXV.—MRS. H—LE.
—"Thankes to my manlie starres, it did belike me better, from my youthe, to tell convivial tales arounde the festive board, than go and count o'er girlish dimples in my glasse.—Sirs, I was trained with gallantes of the passing age, who could saie a choice thing with a goode grace,—marry, and doe one, when occasion served, right merrilie to boote!—But mark me sonnes of Jollitie; if I follow not the dinner clothe of diaper so soone as doe the squeamish of my sexe, I tarrie more for the flavour of your
witte,
than your
wine!
"
PAGE 45.—GENUINE.
CCXXVI.—COL. F—LL—T—N.
—"Yclep me what you please, you shall finde me a
marvel-monger,
but not
fabulous!
—I belie no man's judgement, unlesse prompted thereto by the recognition of mine owne superior senses!—By my maiden buckler did I sweare, and that right trulie, that, as
Statesmen,
we are all journieing beside our faire wittes, and all this, I feare, for foule purposes!—Yet, Sirs! is there a doore open to our political salvation, turning upon the honourable hinge of one manne's single valour!—of him, who by arte magique, did transforme the penne of a
Lay Clerke
into the truncheon of a
Champagne Marshalle,
—who hath fought with brother-statesmen on all sides, as well as subjects, in the senate, and in the fielde!—who heroicallie traversed all regionnes, both hotte and colde!—who hath denied, in the teeth of
Welch
philosophers, that the
moone
was made of cheese that is
greene;
and was the first of mankind to discover, that the
Dragon of Wantlie
had no sting in his taile!"
PAGE 14.—
Not
GENUINE.
CCXXVII.—LADY M—ND—P.
"A paire of honest eyes may fondlie looke
"On this olde frame-worke to a noble minde,
"'Till admiration's selfe doth lacke a pause!
"She's not the fretted boaste of high-arched domes,
"But the dispensing visitant of peace,
"Who seekes the lowlie roofe in search of woes
"She was ordained luxuriouslie to share!"
PAGE 54.—GENUINE.
FIFTY-FIFTH DAY's TRIAL.
CCXXVIII.—EARL OF S—FF—K.
—"By virtue of the ermined crownette on my browe, I did demande an audience of the regalle eare within the privie closette. I went not, like a bungling burglarer, to this worke of state, by crooked steppes, or darke; marry, I sought the presence i' the open fronte of daie!—The tale was rounde, and to the purporte; and my tongue did descant on the sweete sobrietie of
Peace
so potentlie, that answer had his Highnesse none to give, to what my witte, and wisdome thus propounded!"
PAGE 18.—GENUINE.
CCXXIX.—MADEMOISELLE F—N—NI.
—"Come, come, my prettie prattlinge Cozz, we'll bicker no more about the virtue of our progenitors, like greene gosslings on an open common!—The worlde is bountiful enough to me to acknowledge my descent either from a wise
Witte,
or a weake
Lorde,
to both of whom has baselie been imputed the sinne of my begetting! Thus the oddes are two to one, at least, but I had a father amongst them! though, like the
cuckooe,
she that hatched me, made any bird she pleased to father,—nay, and feather well her nestelinge into the bargaine!"
PAGE 107.—GENUINE.
CCXXX.—MR. D—NT.
—"Because I did accommodate the Kinge's Prime Ruler with the
loane
of a taxe on quadrupeddes
canine,
the
curres
on t'other side the Senate, have forced a
run
of witte upon me, in lack of other
currencie,
and now
barke
at me for the deede
sans
ceasing!—Nay, some of them hamper me with dailie baskettes of
dead turnspittes,
while others do hang their puppies on the knocker of my
banke,
denoting thereby, that I am little more than a
discounter
of
dogge-skins!
"
PAGE 77.—
Not
GENUINE.
CCXXXI.—LADY C. G. N—RES.
"Heare, Madame, now, an outcast daughter speake!—
"If 'tis the failinge of puissante bloode
"To curdle in our veines, and back repelle
"The genial flowings of the human harte,
"Why not an humbler current be instilled
"To cheque th' ensanguined maladie of pride?—
"I feare me I'd a mother but per-chaunce,
"And not by any of those tender lawes
"With which so closelie Nature doth unite
"Her smiling progenie!—To me you've talked
"So vainlie of the
honours
of our house,
"That now by modestie, each peasant hutte
"Approves itself the sweeter habitation!—
"Oh, can you wonder, then, if, from false pompe,
"Fruitful to me of miserie alone,
"I sought life's quietude in simpler scenes,
"And found it in an humble husbande's armes?"
PAGE 89.—GENUINE.
FIFTY-SIXTH DAY's TRIAL.
CCXXXII.—EARL OF OXF—D.
"By this right hande of
Mortimer,
my Lordes,
"They did this
proteste
of mine harte purloine,
"Which the sublimer judgement of mine head,
"'Mid night's thicke lucubrations had compounded!
"'Tis not but I the feate might reatchieve
"In caballistique symbolles, fitting well
"My state perturbed: but again to view
"Of
Cambrian
whiskers such a prowling paire,
"Scenting it here instincktivelie around,
"To filch my treasure from our upper shelfe,
"As 'twere a fragment vile of mouldied cheese—
"The lordlie pride, and prudence of my house,
"Can never stomache to digestion!
PAGE 64.—GENUIN
CCXXXIII.—COUNTESS OF D—BY.
"Come! come! since you are now my wedded Lorde—you shall commande me as you please—I will refraine from laughter, though my poore sides do cracke themselves with the forbearance!—Then sans merriment, if these be their chiefe actresses, I marvel not that the service o'the State be managed so unprofitablie! The poore soules thinke, that if the bloode but riot noblie in their veines, they have no occasion for more witte, or plaine sense, than falls to the moderate share of a grey wild-goose! Howe such creatures played themselves into the statelie drama of the Courte, who could not earne clean strawe by their atchievings in a boarded barne, is past my finding out!—For my own poor parte, my Lorde, I will the
Countesse
so enacte, and weare mine ermined crownette with such thrift, that the insidious worlde shall find no spotte thereon, nor cause of faulte with him who kindlie placed it on a grateful browe!
PAGE 37.—GENUINE.
CCXXXIV.—MR. D—Y.
—"Enamoured of some or other of my rare qualities, his Highnesse dothe continue to loade me with his prime civilities!—Whether I am debitor for all this to my witte, or that portion of witte's master piece my pocket dothe containe, I wotte not!—But yester morn he did my countenance resemble to the Sunne, which had journied roseilie from the Easte to his full at noone day: and the self-same eve he bade me sitte familiarlie by his side, to talke of friendlie loanes, and such like courtesies.—Marry, there be those of my acquaintance, who, envious of these honours, would blight their future harvesting; but I heede them not, though one sarcasticallie says, that
'everie
dogge
hath his
day!
'
—and another,
'that I Thomas
Day,
shale soone bid my monies a goode
night!
"
PAGE 14.—
Not
GENUINE.
CCXXXV.—Hon. Mrs. STR—F—D.
"Sad rendings do betide that widowed harte,
"Whose girlish panting after wedded blisse,
"Did in its extacie so earlie raise
"Twinne beauties to dispute her sov'rain sway!
"Now by the side of cold neglecte I sitte,
"And see by slowe, but torturing degrees
"The luscious homage of adoring eyes,
"By parricidal artes thus wrested from me!"
PAGE 100.—
Not
GENUINE.
FIFTY-EIGHTH DAY's TRIAL.
CCXXXVI.—Mr. Sec. R—SE.
"Upon
my honour,
Sirs, I am condemned most unjustlie!—As a serving man o'the State, I have drudged too harde for scantie pickings, to be thus hardilie entreated.—To no one breathinge owe I aught on the score of friendshippe, or goode-wille—yet doe they cause hue and crie against me, as though I were the worlde's defaulter!—Nay, since the regalle treasurie hath somewhat runne to waste, mennes eyes inquisitivelie do search, as if the losse were to be found beneathe my humble goodes, and chatels; when
"
I can take my God to witnesse,
(and he will come along with me) that I am as
poore a creature
as any in his Highnesse' realme!"
PAGE 10.—GENUINE.
No. CCXXXVII.—Lady B—ME.
"Come, come, my higher titled sisters, now are you too elate: her
Grace,
our husbande-hunting Mother, has exercised her wittes in 'vantage for us all; and, though she caughte no unfledged
Duke
for me, she hathe at least a nestlinge
Marquisse
ta'en, with which my little harte's content!—She tells me, both his eyes are fashioned out of briliantes from the
Easte,
and that the reste of this my dea
er selfe, is formed of precious jewelrie throughout!—If it be so, looke lasses to't, or my gay
sparke
may your's yet outshine, and I, his
bonnie
BROOME, sweepe a proude traine before you!"
PAGE 16.—
Not
GENUINE.
No. CCXXXVIII.—Sir THOMAS T—T—N.
—"I stopped me onlie, in
Minceing-lane,
for a contraband glasse of
Carraway Comfitte,
at the luscious hande of TURGO's
sleeping
partner, and the Varlette hath demanded of me, payment through the nose for this little lippe-full of simple compoundes!—He did alledge, that I had
leakage
given to a tierce of precious
Coniaque,
most choicelie brought to proofe; when, in veritie, we no more than shooke an
ullage casque
upon the lees between us! Troth I did proteste, by the first-blown honours of my
Knighthoode,
the allegation was not true; yet this retailer of sinful provocatives, called him forth twelve worldlie minded sottes, who charged me on their oathes usurious,
five thousand Ducattes
for this fancied waste of perisheable wares!"
PAGE 77.—
Not
GENUINE.
CCXXXIX.—Miss OG—LVIE.
— — "
Rowena
did not so;
"For while the vaine, and giddie of her sexe
"Strove emulouslie to deform, and blurre
"The fairer excellencies of the minde,
"She all its native dignitie uphelde
"By 'complishments in reason's schoole acquired,
"Making
their
cloathelesse beautie shrink abashed
"From merit, so by modestie arrayed!"
PAGE 114.—GENUINE.
FIFTY-NINETH DAY's TRIAL.
No. CCXL.—Earl SP—R.
"Fie on your salte-water fates, who, from his cradle arristocratique, did bemounte this lande-nursed Lorde upon the proudest courser of the maine, and bade him rule the headestrong quadrupedde by guidance of his taile!—Awhile he rode o'er
Bisquay's
troubled seas, until his senses with his seate he lost, then, floundering, ploughed the deepe! the pitying
Mermaides
flewe to his reliefe, and combed his tearefull lockes; while
Neptune
's selfe deridinglie look'd on, and cracked his coral-mailed sides with laughter!"
PAGE 87.—GENUINE.
No. CCXLI.—Lady C—LL.
—"Stirre thee betimes goode
Blanche!
and endite me unnumbered cardes of complimente, invitinglie devised! so shall we out-telle the visitants to
Noah
's arque, where all Godde's animals of kindes distinguished did congregate in paires! Nay, we may boaste perchance, more tongues than did the builders of proud
Babel's
tower confounde!
Sacque-possets
let me have enow; and bid, that
lemmon-waters
flowe in plentie rounde our
dates,
on cupboardes daintilie be-dight! Thus shall the
Dames
of common men in envie learne, that they have neither meanes, nor manners to convoke like me assemblage of the greate!"
PAGE 10.—GENUINE.
No. CCXLII.—Mr. B—RW—L.
—"Laugh, and it so please you, my merrie masters; but true it is, that I was broiled for yeares beneath the radiance of a burning sunne, that my constitution might be warmed also, through a body so bepeppered by plannettarie influence?—Thus did I begette countless lacques of pagodas, that my fraile flesh might lacke nought to luste after in its mortal declension!—And now, quitting the hauntes of men, I have established a
free warren
for 'tother gender, where a single
skutte
i' the forest is not touched without privie leave of me, the sole Lorde-paramount! so that if any slie puppie among you be found running by the nose,—as licensed keeper of mine own
game,
I shall rate the lurcher from his queste, with simple losse of taile!"
PAGE 67.—GENUINE.
No. CCXLIII.—Lady D—CRE.
'No morne, or eve, when twilight calmlie rules,
"But
Elda
mantled in her sable stole,
"Walkes forthe to seeke deathe's consecrated shade.
"There on the monumental buste she leanes,
"And, 'mid her only luxurie in woe,
"Reades virtues appertaininge to her Lorde,
"Which the cold hande of sculpture could not trace,
"So left for purer recorde on her minde!"
PAGE 20.—GENUINE.
FORTIETH DAY's TRIAL.
CCXLIV.—Lord GR—NV—LE.
"Why doe the hungrie knaves begrudge me the common crumbes of comforte, which appertaine unto my table of estate? Those abroad, raile at me in the markettable style of
Byllingsgate,
because forsoothe I am daily purveyor of mine own
coddes heade;
while others on the opponent side of our own noble chamber, do invidiouslie hint, that with our illustrious house, it is all fishe (particularly
plaice
) that comes into our nette!"—In veritie we somewhat trafficke in that commoditie; for while our brother of
Buckingham
dothe retaile his finnie race by the
Alluding to one of this distinguished family selling the Carp of GOSFIELLD Park Ponds in Essex, by this scanty admeasurement, long subsequent to the days of good QUEEN BESS!
inch superficial, I, in wholesale, buy me lumping pennieworths by the pounde avoirdupoise!
PAGE 12.—GENUINE.
CCXLV.—Lady H—L—D.
"At her first enlaunchement, she was as trim a barque as ever floated on
Love
's billow! but her head-strong pilotte, clapping his helm too hard a weather, when she was light of ballast, the vessel was upsette, and soon drifted, sans reckoning or compasse, to a neighbouring Coaste, where, liberated from British
Vassalage,
she did become a leakie droit of Batavian
Hollande!
"
PAGE 35.—
Not
GENUINE.
CCXLVI.—Capt. M—R—CE.
—"Caparisoned in a motley jacquet with qualitie binding, he became a
Maurice dancer,
surmounted with cappe and bells, which he jingled to the tune of other mens follie! Thus pranced he into goodlie dinners in jig-time; and, for his night's repast, that picked he up merrilie, by chaunting to unhallowed mindes the vespers of lascivious intoxication!"
PAGE 16.—
Not
GENUINE.
CCXLVII.—Lady H—W—RD de W—LD—N.
—"Within the sepulchre of her deade Lorde,
"Deeplie she hathe entombed her harte's best love,
"Keeping alone the blissful hope alive
"Of soone replighting it in realmes above!
"Meanwhile, the cold abodes of povertie
"She seekes, and there with pious hande deals out
"Her meede of Christian Charitie to all around!"
PAGE 4.—GENUINE.
FORTY-FIRST DAY's TRIAL.
CCXLVIII.—Prince WILLIAM of G—.
—"Since your half-witted knaves do bemeasure man's reasonable faculties by the narrowe circumference of his waiste-band, I see not how a
Princelie
soldier now a daies is to passe muster!—For my own parte, I can wooe sighingly with most gallantes, and couch my lance, though full caparisoned, i' the tented fielde.—Let the
Knight Errant
who can atchieve more heroicallie, enter the listes, and he please, before me!"
PAGE 76.—
Not
GENUINE.
CCXLIX.—Mrs. BR—D—D.
—"Come, come,
Bud!
let not you and I disturb our sillie pates about such trifles!—Where is the benefitte of
golde,
unless, like the genial aire of heaven, it hathe most free circulation? or of mansions huge with their appurtenances, if not with occupation free?—True, as you say, by courtesie right conjugale, you are my Lorde and Master;—but you did always tell your friendes that you were their
obedient servant:
therefore have I, on our special nights of festival, ta'en care that you should not befalsifie your worde!—You do forget, that I, just out of dadeing-strings, in softest dalliance did allow great girles to be bemodelled after the likenesse of your own harte's delighte, and which are now so multiplied, that the sound of
grand-damme
echoes through my ears, before, in nature's course, I've ceased to be a
mother!
—Nay, dearest chuck, you owe me many kindnesses for this—indeed you do!"
PAGE 1.—
Not
GENUINE.
CCL.—Mr. H—ST—GS.
"The man of spleene, high-gifted as he rose,
"Who, through my wounded honour sought my life,
"Has paid the debt of nature thus before me!
"If e'er I turn towards his cold remains,
"'Twill be to breathe forgivenesse o'er a shrine
"Which
Science
hath so purelie consecrated!"
PAGE 18.—GENUINE.
CCLI.—Mrs. ST—T.
—"Last eve, in
Abbotte's
lane,
"Where spectred
suicides
have groaned their laste,
"An haggarde sorc'resse crosst me on the way,
"And wildlie ask'd me, if I had not borne
"A faire, and daintie daughter?—
Sans
reply—
"Flie hence!" quothe she,—"a mother be agen,
"Nor longer leave upon the whirlpoole's brinke
"A child that follow'd thine own steppes astray;"—
"Then bade me viewe a raven high in aire,
"Which bore my destinie on sable wing!—
"I, smiling, tosst some monie in her lappe
"As fortune carelesslie had done by me,
"And left the wretche, unsatisfied, behind!"
PAGE 100.—GENUINE.
FORTY-SECOND DAY's TRIAL.
CCLII. Rear-Admiral Sir HORATIO N—LS—N, K. B.
"Pshawe,
Tubert!
why, I tell thee that this man of warre, like the fire-basqueing
Salamander,
cannot live but within the rake of your red-hotte shotte, and other mortal conflagrationes! nay, in admiration of their leader's appetite, his mariners doe grumble, unless they have one warm meale a daie of this diette, which would give our ordinarie stomaches the harteburn!"
PAGE 77.—GENUINE.
CCLIII. Mrs. C—MPB—L,
ci-devant
Miss W—LL—S.
—"I doe marvelle, now the honied moone hath done to shine, if the same starre of lowlie modestie will swaie
Alberta
's course, as it was wont! That she did be-catch herself this golden plumed sparke, by the arte magique of counterfeit resemblinges, no one can in veritie denie;—so shall it soon be seene, whether she hath the witte to holde him now in undisguise, or, in her self-defence, must enacte it with this same fancie bird, to the very end o' the chapter!"
PAGE 38.—
Not
GENUINE.
CCLIV.—Mr. FR—NC—S.
—"If a manne's
politie,
which hath stoode the burning shame of various climes, is to be trammelled up by the vulgar ligatures of your jurisprudence common, at home,—then are our liberties fittinge for little more than bandes to tie up dried provender for
state
cattle!—Sir, I had fairlie entrapped me some scores of
Glocestershire
wights, and intended to have fed the hungrie knaves with the
pareings
of their single cheese; but that fierle mountaineer o' the lawe, with a Welsh leeke in his bonnette, enloosed these pressers of curdes and whey, and then threw slander o'er my faire fame, as thick as their own
Tewkesburie mustarde!
"
PAGE 44.—
Not
GENUINE.
CCLV.—Hon. Miss BL—GH.
—"I doe begin to thinke me, sister
Blanche,
"That womane's charmes, which Fortune hathe not graced,
"Like the lighte meteors of a summer's skie,
"Attracte the momentarie gaze of menne,
"Scarcelie awhile their short-lived colours last!—
"For meagre vanitie but thus skinne-deepe,
"Let us no longer trifle with our glasse,
"But turne it to the features of the minde,
"And see if any hidden beautie there
"Hathe claime to be reflected?"—
PAGE 114.—GENUINE.
FORTY-THIRD DAY's TRIAL.
CCLVI.—SIR LIONEL D—L.
—"His
Highnesse,
in his marvellous condescension, did entreat himselfe to dine with me, but on stipulation positive, that nothing
feminine
should grace our boarde:—assenting thereunto, I have unwiselie embroiled myself with certain of mine own householde; for my Ladie Wyfe, who delighteth in true courtesie, dothe so lamente this losse of the smile
princelie,
that she hathe forbidden me to feede a
royalle fowle
thus privilie again, on peril of being hen-pecked for the remnant of my daies!"
PAGE 13.—
Not
GENUINE.
CCLVII.—MISS ANG—SH.
—"I praie you, tell me the use of your dignified alliances, if we are not allowed to make our dailie boaste of them? Since it hath pleased that capricious jade, Fortune, to trundle a
ducalle crownette
over our lowlie thresholde, I have rantipolled it fashionablie with the best of them! and my tongue, which had ever a musical propensitie to repetitions, hathe caught the dulcet air of nobilitie so trulie, that it can chaunte you no other praises now but of her
Grace,
my dear be
-Duchessed
sister!"
PAGE 77.—GENUINE.
CCLVIII.—SIR CHARLES F— R—DCL—FE.
—"A plague on that commoditie of good-humour, which, coming in simple contacte with a goode digestion, hathe swolen up
Barbolto
to the full size of carnal enormitie!—Why, the waistband of his lower garment hath dilated so hugelie, that tailors cannot encompasse him with thrice stitched parchments! and so faste doth he picke up stones averdupoize, that hack-horses do shye at him more than a sacke of ground midlings!—Marry, and he thus goes on, but all God's carrying creatures, male and female, will dread the mightie pressure of his bestrideing!"
PAGE 100.—GENUINE.
CCLIX.—COUNTESS OF SH—FTSB—Y.
"If, in our teenes, a sillie, wayward harte
"Hathe prematurelie pledged its maiden vowe,
"Frailtie, the chartered shielde of our weak sexe,
"Must pennance it away!—Who can disclaime
"Due hommage by a noble suitor sworne,
"When with soft titled kisses seal'd? And yet,
"The vaine illusive dreame no sooner o'er,
"And Fortune paced her guileful footesteppes back,
"Than all her wedded votaries appeare
"Of Hope's faire fancie-woven vests unrobed,
"Like spiders foil'd in their dismantled
Webbe!
"
PAGE 1.—
Not
GENUINE.
FORTY-FOURTH DAY's TRIAL.
CCLX.—SIR J. ANSTR—R.
—"Had I not been a judge of capilliarie jurisprudence, they had compelled me on board shippe, without my wigge judicial, or even the state dower of my now Ladie wyfe right legallie guaranteed!—I doe marvelle, how our
Magi
o' the Easte are to be personified, unless in full
pontificalibus!
—
'Marry, Sirs,'
quothe I,
'but my fage temples shall be well secured from mortal inquisition, and the purlieu of my bodie incorporeal, amplified by circumvallations of ermined tabbie, or I depart not from his Liege's presence!'
—Thus have they at length equipped me—and now may they reasonablie looke for knottie pointes of serviceable hardihoode, of which the
Medes,
and
Persians
never dreamt of yore!"
PAGE 77.—GENUINE.
CCLXI.—MRS. BR—DY—L.
—"Thus mine harte's dear prodigalle
"From Syren harlottrie I have restored
"To recognition true of my poore charmes,
"Which he, like truant boy, did abdicate!
"Our gordian knotte now nuptiallie re-twined,
"Oh marvelle not, my girles, if it should chaunce
"Within the circling course of nine bright moones,
"Your lovelie sisterhoode may owe increase
"To Nature's new atchieveings!"
PAGE 20.—GENUINE.
CCLXII.—ADMIRAL LORD H—D.
—"Mark that rough
Seaman
passing by, whose yeares shed lustre on a gallant browe!—To scourge the enemie around the globe, was not enough for him, until, by conflagration of their fleetes, he did illume the faire, and smiling face of
Victorie!
—Say,
Mervolt,
do not honours thus so noblie earned, right well be-grace him?"
PAGE 18.—GENUINE.
CCLXIII.—MARCHIONESS OF B—K—G—M.
—"Oh she dothe holde
"Your minceing dames of qualitie so cheape,
"As scarce to deeme the best her quatre cousins!
"How oft, by matron modestie impelled,
"Laies she with winning grace, her crownette by,
"To add an humbler virtue to that store
"Which dothe her modest
Temple
best adorn!"
PAGE 99.—GENUINE.
FORTY-FIFTH DAY's TRIAL.
CCLXIV.—ADMIRAL LORD D—NC—N.
"If that be not a man of stature high
"In deedes of valour, as in mien—no more
"I'll trust this intellectual eye of mine
"To pick me out a hardie-moulded
Britton!
—
"Upon
Batavia
's danke, and sullen coaste,
"I sawe his weather-beaten pennants flie,
"Taunting their sluggish barques to battel!
"At length in ruethful moment gave they saile,
"And at their verie thresholde met their fate!—
"The dreadful worke of nations thus performed,
"Soon did the furie of his front subside;
"And when their Chieftain's banner graced his feete,
"A sigh of sympathie came sweetlie forthe,
"Presage of something nobler still, when all
"The bitterness of wrathe was done away!"
PAGE 100.—GENUINE.
CCLXV.—COUNTESS DOWAGER OF M—NSF—D.
"Pooh—pooh!
Tubert,
—she'll have her full swing, unless the rope of dalliance breake—or nought knowe I of woman's gambolles!—Marrie, man, why you can no more keep a
Flandriken
dame of qualitie from a second snap carnalle, than a pedlar's pad from another quarterne and penn'worth, when in manger sette before him!
tie
them up as tightlie as you please, and both shall slippe their halter, for the liquorish provender their appetite delightes in!"
PAGE 33.—
Not
GENUINE.
CCLXVI.—SIR CH. B—NB—Y.
—"Oh! he's the sportinge Sir, who, in the hey-daie of his youthfulle bloode, did race it o'er Tartarian plains with flyinge
Arrabs,
and left their whiskers distances behinde!—Nexte run he riotte through all the looser petticoates of
Salamanca.
—But now, forsoothe, he quests it soberlie on foote, to cull out dainties for his bedde and boarde! and, for the matter of that, they are not thrown away on him, who hath a dispensing hand, well fashioned to subdue the pressing wantes of others!"
PAGE 20.—GENUINE.
CCLXVII.—DUCHESS OF L—DS.
"If
Nature,
with a scantie-dealing hande,
"Hathe deckt few witcheries my features rounde,
"At least I owe her for that
Syrenne
voice
"With which she did possesse me:—'tis on this
"That
Arte
dothe plaie her modulating powers,
"And woman, by its magique mynstrelsie,
"Allure man's ear, and bend its raptur'd sense
"In sweete accordance to her will.
"Thus can she turn the mirror of the State,
"And by reflected greatness be ennobled!"
PAGE 3.—GENUINE.
SIXTY-SIXTH DAY's TRIAL.
CCLXVIII.—ALDERMAN AND—RS—N, LORD M—Y—R.
—"Stand you by, my brother
Cittes,
and, as in dutie bounde, give to this
golden chaine
of mine it's reverend precedence!—Know you not that I'm a
Man of State,
on this faire side the
Templar's barre,
since I did escort
our Sov'rain
safelie to, and fro! In soothe, his
Liege
hath hinted to me, through a whisper o' the
Courte,
that it is his royal wille, I shall in future bear a
bloodie palm,
to keep my
nasal
dignitie in countenance!—Marry, Sirs, thus shall I be empowered, by virtue of mine own bodie corporate, to give issue from these loines, which may, in better times, looke even
Courtiers
in the face without abashment!"
PAGE 22.—GENUINE.
CCLXIX.—HON. MISS D—NC—N.
—"Beshrewe me, Coz! but I am ignorant, for which of my tall properties I have so hugelie grown in man's esteeme!—I am most wonderfullie bevisitted of late by gaie gallants, who tender me their harte's best suite and service; yet talk they little more to me, than of my father's deedes in armes; so that I do feare me, after all, I owe these sudden conquests more to his mightie valoure, than to my own poor feminine atchievings!"
PAGE 12.—
Not
GENUINE.
CCLXX.—SIR H— H—GHT—N.
—"Oh, he is a most steady Sir! one with most fixed principles who will sitte you for whole moones in the playing roome at the
Bathe,
like a piece of its own furniture immoveable!—Though chosen to the Senate, he obtrudes amongst them neither his opinions, nor his person: nay, he is a man of so few words, that he never said
Aye
in his whole life, till they did lead him t'other day blindfolded to the
altarre!
"
PAGE 36.—
Not
GENUINE.
CCLXXI.—HON. MISS K—NG.
"How sweete you flow'rette peered to meet the sunne,
"Ere it was baselie pluckt by that fell hande
"Which to its tender beauties owed protection?—
"But blighted now! behold it choak'd with
weedes,
"Appurtenances sad of rooted woe!—
"These courts she not as types of murder'd fame,
"For it doth seeme to be in frantick griefe,
"Because the just, avenging hand of Heaven
"Hath reached her merciless despoiler!"—
PAGE 14.—GENUINE.
SIXTY-SEVENTH DAY's TRIAL.
CCLXXII.—LORD H—WKES—RY.
—"I met me on the Kinge's highwaye, a
Tom Thumbe
of a Lordeling, who did boaste of mightier deedes than those of
Jack the slaughterer of Giantes!
He told me he had vaulted the daie before with the man of
Rhodes,
and beaten him by a furlong at a single jumpe! He had just stepped into his nine-leagued bootes, and swore by the maidenheade of his nobilitie, that he would be at the capital of the
Gauls
and back again, before he broke his faste!"
PAGE 37.—GENUINE.
CCLXXIII.—LADY ANN N—TH.
"After a lapse of twentie virginne yeares,
"He hath my maiden matronhoode agen
"Assailed with vowes of never-altered love!
"Though all this live-long while he did endure
"The fretful yoke of a connubial life,
"Abatement of his passion find I none;
"So to this fierrie sparke my hande I yielde,
"And plight obeisance to his lordlie will."
PAGE 12.—
Not
GENUINE.
CCLXXIV.—MR. BRYAN ED—DS.
—"If a man having been blessed with Godfathers and Godmothers, be despoiled of his
Christian
name by those who rule us, what chaunce have we, my neighbours, in such times, to maintain the remnant of our
birthrightes?
Why, Sirs, they have employed their serving knaves o' th' press, to y'clep me by a
beastlie
name, denoting that I would daunce, and play you sillie antickes, under the cudgel of my leader! Nay, the very
Oracle
of our Assembly, forgetful of his
nomenclatura,
called me forth but t'other daie as Mr.
Bruin,
and thus did he provoke a most unseemlie roar of merriment at my expenditure!"
PAGE 22.—GENUINE.
CCLXXV.—MARCHIONESS OF H—RTF—D.
"'Tis not in sculptur'd stature, coldlie chaste,
"That ARESTINA towers above her sexe:
"The worlde dothe give her fame for shapeful form
"Well moulded for pre-eminence; but marke
"How in the plastique movement of each limbe,
"On everie charm-combining feature round,
"The animating soul of virtue breathes
"A grace that's intellectual!"
PAGE 38.—GENUINE.
SIXTY-EIGHTH DAY's TRIAL.
CCLXXVI.—LORD VISCOUNT H—REF—D.
"Adown in
Brecon
's rude, but fertile vale,
"One morn a noblie-gifted Sir I spied,
"Teaching obeisance to the stubborn soile!
"A yoke of milke-white oxen did fore-pace
"His steppes, awhile the pollish-breasted ploughe
"Traced furrowed lines beneath his skillful hand.
"Strait asked I of this man, who, in these daies,
"Dared give primaeval dignitie to scenes
"Of rustique caste?—They told me he was one
"Of
Brittain
's Peers!—Then mark me well, quoth I,
"The earthe, ennobled thus, soon to its Lorde,
"In plenteous stores, right gratefullie shall give
"Its honourable produce back!"
PAGE 44.—GENUINE.
CCLXXVII.—LADY ALMERIA C—RP—R.
—"They tell me I have not done amiss in bartering a littel of my woman's beautie, for a better portion of worldlie wisdome.—I would not have been hand-maiden to any housholde thus long, without knowing my
why?
and my
wherefore?
—However, in pure friendshippe to her
Highnesse,
I will continue cheerfullie to undertake those familie-affayres, for which her own infirmities do unfitte her, and leave it to the
Duke
to reckon on my deserts accordinglie!"
PAGE 18.—
Not
GENUINE.
CCLXXVIII.—MR. M—CN—M—A, [of Streatham.]
—"The wagges o' the Courte would insinuate against me, that mine is the House of Calle for politique confederation: moreover, that I do retaile oute state projects at the tippling sign of the
Irishe Piper!
Truth it is, that I put good cheere before my guests; but if there be any treason among 'em, it must be found in their owne wittes, and not in
M'Nab
's old wine!—That some of their midnight deedes have savoured of
darknesse,
I cannot well denie; but that, indeed, was onlie after quaffing so incontinentlie, that they could not see!"
PAGE 7.—GENUINE.
CCLXXIX.—LADY ST. AS—PH.
"That is the second flowerette which her Lorde
"Connubiallie hath culled out.—The first,
"Though sweete in budde, did wither on his breast,
"Ere it had reached its bloome!—But now, in soothe,
"Hath he selected, from a Northern clime,
"With fairer hope that time will here mature
"His harte's amended choice!"—
PAGE 34.—GENUINE.
SIXTY-NINTH DAY's TRIAL.
CCLXXX.—LORD C—WD—R.
"I do appeale me to your Council's boarde,
"And aske redress of honour-wounding wronges.
"You did not make me
Cawdor
's titled Lorde,
"To see me truckle to a
Cambrian
Thane.
"Remember,
Sire,
in daies of peril past,
"I met upon our beach th'insulting
Gauls,
"And for the oares they quitted, gave them chaines!
"For this, and such like services of state,
"I do expect supremacie of power,
"Within this scantie limit of our Isle;
"Or that the miserable moietie I hold
"Be taken back, in noveltie to grace
"Some lowlie Chiefe, on whose quiescent minde
"Divided rule may sit at ease!"—
PAGE 77.—
Not
GENUINE.
CCLXXXI.—LADY — T—YL—R.
"When I was sick at harte, I found, like Deathe,
"That
Love
did all distinctions levell!—Oh! then
"My equalizing soule, true to its source,
"Sigh'd not for ostentatious aid—but bade
"That her own
Doctor
Nature should call in.
"He coldlie did approach my restlesse couch,
"But found my feverous pulse beat quick and high;
"Still he insensiblie my case mistooke,
"Although my crimsoned visage spoke it clear,
"Until perforce I told him where it lay,
"And how to medicine its onlie cure!"
PAGE 48.—GENUINE.
CCLXXXII—DR. L—WR—CE.
—"I did betake me, t' other morn, to Father
L—wr—ce,
a Soothe-sayer, and grave Oracle o' the
Arches,
one who dothe retaile you civille lawe, and politiques most villainoussie compounded!—I found him in learned tribulation, having just escaped the COMMONS not
Doctorial,
where, being far from home, he did make it a dubitable question with his own pericranium, whether he had risen by his heade, or on his feete?—The wagges had laughed incontinentlie at his confusion, and told his Reverence to his bearde, that he had been assessing his five senses quintuplie, without levying from thence one graine of common understanding!"
PAGE 104.—GENUINE.
CCLXXXIII.—MRS. SCR—PE.
—"In soothe, good
Nurse,
'tis hard
"That I, who sought a
Husbande
's fonder armes,
"Soon as I quitted your's, am now of both
"Bereft!—The gapeing eyes of other men
"Still speak me somewhat more than passing faire,
"Which my own mirror proudlie doth reflect:
"And yet my wedded harte, just in its
teenes,
"Is now divorced, and its first plighted love
"Cast in its infancie away!"
PAGE 45.—
Not
GENUINE.
SEVENTIETH DAY's TRIAL.
CCLXXXIV.—BISHOP OF D—M.
"You aske me, Ladie, how my frame could feel
"The shock of magique wantonness so far?
"Your interrogatorie thus I solve—
"In my minde's scopefull eye I viewed the
daunce,
"Where, on the optique nerve of mortal sense
"It spread lewd gesticulations wide!
"In blaunched lawne though man be purelie robed,
"Yet hathe the boundless will of Heaven ordained
"It should begirt rebellious fleshe and bloode!
"How then, I praie you, Madam, so endued,
"These maddening fantasies can
Nature
bear
"To flash across her poore, distempered braine,
"And keepe frail manhoode in subjection?"
PAGE 18.—
Not
GENUINE.
CCLXXXV.—COUNTESS OF C—RK.
—"No—no, my Lorde!
"My woman's wille must be your sov'rain lawe,
"Though at the altar's base my tongue did plight
"Obedience, 'twas but a weake, fleeting vow,
"Which after-thought was bound to remedie.
"Here then, imperiouslie, I do demand
"(In sure avoidance of domestique strife),
"Through all this life's concerns pertaining you,
"Due vassalage!—holding in fiefe of me
"Your crownette,—and your sworde!"
PAGE 77.—GENUINE.
CCLXXXVI.—EARL OF C—RD—N.
—"If my Ladie
Wyfe
be not overgone these eighteen moones with son and heire of mine owne begetting, then know I nought of the net proceeds of noble manhoode!—Why, Sir, but t'other night, in my repose—(but mark, 'tis
entre nous
),—the littel sightless rogue did fairlie kick his much delighted sire, in place I dare not nominate:—taking the hint, no sooner came the morn, than I did hie me forth, and, with his cradle, bought me up rich swaddling cloathes in plentie, to await the time of his forthcoming!"
PAGE 80.—GENUINE.
CCLXXXVII.—LADY C—H—R.
—"I was beguiled
"To cut those flowing tresses from my necke,
"Which men so much admired; and now they say,
"That I have banished from their wanton home
"The littel
Loves,
which used to ambush there!
"Surelie I am not thus of beautie shorne,
"(As man of yore was of his mortal strength!)
"Doomed to recline my faire dejected head,
"Like flowrette faire most prematurelie
cropt!
"
PAGE 37.—GENUINE.
SEVENTY-FIRST DAY's TRIAL.
CCLXXXVIII.—VICE-ADMIRAL C—LP—YS.
—"Give me a
Tarre,
who serves his countrie trulie, and without much imparlance; so that, when an enemie doth holde disputation with him, he answereth in repartee, and cuts off his chaine of argument by a quick exchange of chaine-shotte!—I knew a salt-water Chief of this stampe, who silenced the
mutinie
of his shippe by the same splice of eloquence, and for which his Sov'rain, in admiration of the deede, did command him to display the
Red Flag
at his own gallant main!"
PAGE 13.—GENUINE.
CCLXXXIX.—COUNTESS OF H—RC—T.
—"I pray thee,
Spaldo,
give not thy tongue propensitie to
courtlie
slander.—That Ladie is the prime-moveable feminine about the
Queene
's person, which may account for its haveing been handled, in time of yore, rather
freelie.
—It argueth marvellous greatness for one noblie bred, to be able in her spleene, to descant boldlie on Royal weaknesses; and when the fit of obsequience doth return, to bend, and licke the very duste beneath her Highnesse's sandals!—Marry, knave, to be in perfect tune with the times, one must have an alarum, that will ring you all the changes o' the State, from the treble key of sycophancie, down to the lower basse of
courtlie
discontent!—"
PAGE 88.—
Not
GENUINE.
CCXC.—SIR FRANCIS B—D—TT.
—"Should this whimsical
Knight
have sworne to urge perpetual strife with nature, he will keepe his worde!—Why, Sir, he can combatte with all the spiteful elements, one after t'other, in their bitterest wrath, and laugh at his own discomfiture: nay, he will now lick redde fierrie barrs of iron, till his tongue growe hissing hotte, and then mount upon tavern benches, and make you flameing declamations! Heaven, in its waste of bountie, did bestowe upon his heade a liberal covering of haire, but he hath displaced it even to the nodde of his necke, that none of it might stand i' the way of his political exaltation!"
PAGE 4.—GENUINE.
CCXCI.—COUNTESS OF B—KL—Y.
—"Is it not passing strange,
"That from the teeming braine of one demure,
"A progenie so great should issue forth
"To claim pre-eminence?—How 'twas contrived
"In l
stful privitie to gender thus,
"And procreate,—mankind do marvel much!
"But mark forsooth—the blush of shame gone out
"In the faire face of an astonished worlde,
"Her little dark
ings she doth now array,
"Rich in the trappings of their father's house,
"To try how such usurpings will befitte
"The dormant pri
e of
Tudor
's outcast race!"
PAGE 36.—GENUINE.
SEVENTY-SECOND DAY's TRIAL.
CCXCII.—BISHOP OF W—CH—R.
—"Nay, nay, goode brother
Abbotte
—by the masse; but we are all of the
Church Militant,
—and therefore bound by the
cannon,
to fighte, as well as praie! I am not for letting our common clothe go forth to wage our battles of defence, and not budge a single inch ourselves, although we piouslie commend the
Lord of Hosies
to war upon their side:—Do ye all as best belikes your reverend phantasies—but, for mine own part, I'll not be knocked o' the head, like a lewd goate kneelinglie—that's poz!!"
PAGE 33.—
Not
GENUINE.
CCXCIII.—LADY E. E. FITZG—LD.
"Come,
Geraldine,
'tis meet we hie to
Courte,
"And there our virgin fealtie displaye.
"What 'though a shoote hath wildlie took its course,
"And from the stem it has disgraced, been torn;—
"A pair of hartes they shall in us behold
"Chaste in their
loyaltie,
as in their
love!
"
PAGE 6.—GENUINE.
CCXCIV.—LORD M—NTO.
"About
apostacie
go tell the windes!—
"To the State's vantage, rightlie held supreme,
"All earthlie
peccadilloes
must give way.—
"Have I not crowne, and glittering sceptre gained,
"To chafe those temples which, in soothe I found
"Most heavilie en-diadem'd before?
"While on mine own obedient heade I placed
"Nought but a feathered cappe, with prettie belles,
"On which man's
vanitie
may one day ring
"Its own dumb peale of courtlie triumph!"
PAGE 7.—GENUINE.
CCXCV.—LADY CON—GH—M.
"A monied scrivener was her thriftie sire,
"Whose dame did lustilie repaie him back
"Full compounde interest of wedded love!
"Hence doth
Alberta
all her sexe o'ertoppe
"In statured height, as well as peerlesse charmes,
"Boasting no source from that puissante bloode,
"Which, with a scurvied arrogancie taintes
"Some of the proudest skinnes within our isle!"
PAGE 66.—GENUINE.
SEVENTY-THIRD DAY's TRIAL.
CCXCVI.—Rev. DR. [
Anti-Sejanus
] SC—T.
—"If your holie Soothsayers, are with their grey haires, to be revisitted by the politique sinnes of their youthe, then will annointed men be placed in purgatorie everlasting!—But t'other Sabbathe, when I was propounding passive obedience to the goode housewives of that piscatorie towne called
Scarborough,
came there a Capittaine of a militarie cohort, who did drawe from me my faire congregation by the sound of trumpette, blown at the very doore of the tabernacle!—I did appeale me to my countrie's lawes for this offence against the statutes divine; when the Jurors for our Sov'rain Lorde the King, in lack of reverence for the Churche, awarded me but a cracked teaster for so abominable a waste of reputation
cleriqual!
"
PAGE 77.—
Not
GENUINE.
CCXCVII.—LADY L—GHB—GH.
—"Remember, Sirs,
"'Tis not a wordie warfare you've to wage,
"Nor, by the varying flippancie of tongue
"To victorie must you aspire!—Behold,
"And on the spottlesse bannerette record
"Deedes worthie of faire
Science,
and her sonnes!
"It hathe been hallowed at the altar's base,
"And from my feeble handes, in pur
st faithe,
"Now doth it emulouslie passe to your's,
"That all which woman's loyaltie can hope
"By manlie fortitude may be atchiev'd!
PAGE 78.—GENUINE.
CCXCVIII.—LADY EDWARD FITZG—LD.
"Why must my wayward destinie be writ
"In hideous scrolls by goutes of kindred bloode!—
"Scarce had I worn the ensanguined horrors out
"Of a reputed Sire's too rutheful fate,
"Than the last threade of life was torn in twain,
"By fond affection given as a staye,
"On which one hope might perilouslie hang!"
PAGE 88.—GENUINE.
CCXCIX.—MR. HENRY AD—NGT—N.
—"Since I am reputed
Wit-cracker
to the
Prime
Ruler o' the realm, he must right honourablie let me pouch a little o' the State-kernel, else shall I make the beardes of his Courtiers wagge, to the miserable tune of mine own improvidence!"
PAGE 33.—GENUINE.
END OF VOL. III.