A POSTSCRIPT TO
JOHN BULL,
Containing the HISTORY of the Crown-Inn, With the DEATH of the WIDOW, And what happened thereon.
The Sixth Edition.
LONDON,
Printed for J. MOOR, and Sold by the Booksellers of
London
and
Westminster.
Price 3
d.
THE HISTORY,
&c.
Y OU desire me to give you some Account of the Death of the
Widow
at the
CROWN-INN
in the
Metropolis
of this Country; and how Affairs have gone since you left the Place.
The
Widow,
you know, was a good sort of a Woman; she was Pious and Charitable, and did a great deal of Good among her poor Neighbours: Went constantly to the Parish-Church on
Sundays,
and in general had the Character of a conscientious motherly Woman.
Her Husband, whilst he lived, was one of the honestest Men breathing: 'Tis true he would take his Glass in Company, as all his Countrymen will do: But he was a downright honest Fellow, and lov'd the Town; and we shall never forget how tightly he stood by
when Sir
Jacob,
our High Sheriff, would have infring'd on our
Right of Commoning.
Poor Man! he kept her from ill Advice whilst he lived, and the whole Country was heartily sorry for his Death, having not left an honester Man behind him in the
Parish.
But what need I tell you things which you are as well acquainted with as my self, only to refresh your Memory in some
Passages
previous to your Request? You desire to know the Disposition of the Estate, and how the
Three Farms
stand affected at this Day.
You remember at her first coming to the House, she found the Debts of an old
Law-Suit
to be paid, which had lasted long, and a new one just ready to begin, which no body could guess the Event of. Money there was little or none in the House; and only a few
Exchequer
Notes, which no body but the Exciseman would take for Ready Money.
Her
Tenants
and
Customers
were very unwilling to see her ruined; and as she had treated them very handsomly at her
Housewarming,
they swore they would stand by her against all Opposers. By Opposers you know who they meant: For it was by this time certainly known, that old
Savage,
the Extortioner, had set up a
Competitor
against her,
Pretending
he was a real
Branch
of the antient Family of the
Shute
's, formerly Lords of the
MANOR,
and brought a Writ of Ejectment in his Name, and fee'd Council against the Widow. This
Savage
is one who has always made it his business to entertain Renegadoes and Impostors; and by forged Deeds and Wills to take Possession of Estates, and then maintain them by trouble some Law Suits; till at last he has shared a handsome Composition for himself. You cannot chuse too but know, that both by
Will
and
Deed
of
Gift,
the House it self as well as the
Three Farms
had been settled on her near
Kinsman
Mr. WRIGHT, (a Man whom all the honest
Tenants
wished to succeed her) as well in her Life, as in the time of her
Predecessor.
To be short (as you must needs know) a hazardous
Suit
commenced; and because it should not lye too hard upon the Widow, many of her Friends became Parties to it. Honest
John Trusty,
by general Consent was made chief Agent in the
Cause,
who the first
Term
put the
Widow
's Affairs in a good Posture; and for several
Terms
following was continually gaining one Advantage or other over her Adversaries; so that they began now to sue for
Composition,
and a Meeting was appointed on both sides, but refusing to allow sufficient Costs and Damages, the
Law
went on.
In this promising State stood Affairs, when that furious
Pulpiteer,
the
Curate
of
High-Ham,
came to preach at
Hockley,
where having pack'd up a Sermon for the purpose, he infus'd Sedition among the
Widow
's
Tenants
and
Customers,
insinuating that she began to sell in
short Measure,
Brew'd with
Home-made Malt,
and let her
Lawyers, Book-keepers, Ostlers, Chamberlain, Tapster, &c.
run away with what should pay the
Excise.
He inveighed vehemently against the
Parson of the Parish,
and other
Heads
of tke Town, for not repairing the CHURCH, one part of which he said was
damaged
and ready to
fall;
whilst the
Conventicle
was upheld by some about her, and a Parcel of
GYPSIES
kept privately in the
Barn
to eat her out of House and Home.
The Fellow had a good Talent at Railing, and could run on with as much Impudence as a Mountebank exhibits his Pacquet: In short the Poison worked so subtly, that the whole Country was put in a Ferment. The Curate was taken up, and brought before the
Bench of Justices;
where tho' he was reprimanded, and ordered to find Sureties for his
Good Behaviour
for 3 Years, yet it did not quiet the People, who cry'd out,
The Church, the Church!
and ran up and down in Tumults, as tho' it had been falling on their Heads; whilst to strengthen the matter, the
Curate
took a
Journey
round the Country, possessing the People that the
House
was haunted, and bid them take care how they came near it any more, directing them to the
Pope
's
Head
and
Dagger,
near the
Cross.
At this time one
Robin Sly-boots,
a
Welch Button-maker,
a notorious cunning Fellow, and fam'd for a
Conjurer,
who had formerly belonged to the Family, but was turned out, for making too bold with the
Widow
's Secrets. This Fellow took his Opportunity to corrupt one of the
Widow
's Maids, by pretending to tell her her Fortune, which such gigling Wenches are generally fond of; so that taking her one Day, as she was sweeping the Rooms, and making the Beds, he began in this manner.
"
Nab,
says he, I have often taken notice that thou art a Pains-taking, industrious Girl, and hast lived a great while in thy Service without coming to any Advancement. 'Tis true, you sweep the Rooms, make the Beds, and get a little sorry Vails of the
Guests,
but 'tis Mrs.
Sarah
runs away with all the Profit, and keeps her whole Family at your Mistresses charge. But tho' she now flouts the
Widow,
and flies and bounces like bottled Ale, thou shalt one day, if thou tak'st my Advice, come to be as high as she: Remember it,
Nab,
I say, thou shalt come to be a Lady."
"Bless me, says
Nab,
(with a simpering Countenance, knowing he had long had the Reputation of a Conjurer) is it possible that I should come to such Preferment as you say? That you may believe me, says
Robin,
go presently, and look on the Bed in the
Green Room,
there lies a
Calicoe Gown
and
Peticoat,
lin'd thro' with the same; ask your Mistress for it, and she will give it you. As you find this true, believe me in the rest."
Nab,
no longer able to contain her self flung down her Besom, and ran to the place, where finding it as he had said, she returned overjoyed.
"But, Mr:
Slyboots,
says
Nab,
how is this thing to be effected? I'll tell you, says
Robin,
—At Midnight, when all things are quiet, you shall plant me in some Corner; and for the greater Solemnity I will have my
Conjurers Gown
on. You must on your part infuse strange things into her Head, and tell her as many
Tales
as you can of the Servants. Then bring in some talk of the
Curate;
tell her what a good Man he is, and that he had always a great Respect for her; insinuate that the Design of bringing him before the
Bench of Justices
was to disgrace the
Church;
and that those who were his Friends, she may assure her self are hers; and whilst she is musing on these things, for I know it will work on her Religious Spirit, I will appear, and then leave the rest to me."
Nab,
in the mean time, had got the
Gown
and
Peticoat
which
Robin
spoke of, and was pretty sure the rest of his
Predictions
would follow. In fine, the
Widow
was so possessed and deluded by
Nab
's whining, and this
Conjuring
Rascal's Cant, that, tho' otherwise a Woman of Sense, she grew perfectly enflam'd, so that without examining farther into the matter, giving Ear to
Nab
's Tales, she presently began to Reform her Family; and a great many of the honestest
Tenants
had warning given them against the next Quarter-day. However the
Law-Suit
continuing, they did not yet think fit to turn out honest
John
the
Agent,
because the taking the
Papers
out of his Hands might be dangerous to the
CAUSE.
Among the rest, to make room for
Robin, Ralph
the
Cash-keeper
was dismissed, a downright honest Fellow, and had held his Place long with great Integrity, tho' many of her best
Customers
told her they would leave the House, and stand by her no longer, if she took these Courses. But all did not avail; every thing went as
Robin
advised; in fine, she turn'd away all her old honest Servants, dissolved the
Club
that was kept at her House, and none were held in favour, but such as had appeared to be Friends to the
Curate,
or were
Robin
's Creatures.
Robin
was first made
Book-keeper
and
Under-Cash-keeper,
and after
Head-Cash-keeper,
which was what he all along aimed at. He grew angry now at being called plain
Robin,
and nothing would go down but Mr.
Slyboots
at every word. He changed his Sign, which was before the
Three Button-moles,
and hung up in the room of it the
Star
and
Garter
finely painted, and had Vanity and Impudence enough to take the two
Angels
for
Supporters
to his
Sign-Post.
All that he said or did, if it may bear an old Pun, was
Bob as a Robin;
he brought in all his Friends, Fellows as poor as
Howlets,
to rule the Roast, and fill their hungry Bellies at the Widow's Table; such an avaritious Crew as were hardly worth hanging; a Medley of
Welch Crate-Carriers, Pedlars,
Retalers of
Hob-nails, Brickdust,
&c. and among the rest advanced
Harry Aucumy,
the Brazier, an audacious, lewd young Fellow, to be one of the
Clerks of the Brew-house.
This was a docible young Dog for
Robin
's Purpose, and by a pert way of speaking in the
Club,
dexterously advanc'd the Reputation of
Robin
's Proceedings. In short, all went swimmingly in the
INN
for a Year or two, and the Rogues with thriving Faces, caressed one another in their Iniquity.
But they found the
Law-Suit
began to hang heavy on their Hands; they had not the same Credit that the former Servants had to borrow Money, and they had none of their own to lend: The
Rino
was wanted to pay Fees, and the
Tenants
were very backward to advance more; so that finding they were like to bring an old House upon their Heads if they went on, they were resolved at any rate to come to an Accommodation; and
Harry Aucumy
was sent privately to old
Savage
's House to treat about it, tho' they had still told the
Tenants
it should be push'd on
vigorously
next
Term,
and constantly got Money out of them for that purpose.
Thinking their Business was now done, they put honest
John Trusty
out of the Agency, and like a Parcel of ungrateful Curs, set their Black Guard to pelt him; but the honest People of the Town could not forbear expressing their Love in respect to his upright and judicious Dealing, by welcoming him Home with loud Acclamations, which fretted the Rogues to the Plucks to see him so caressed, by whose good
Management
the
Cause
had been brought to that Issue, that
Judgment
was order'd to be enter'd up, and
Execution
would certainly have follow'd the very next
Term.
It will be tedious to relate all the intricate Passages of the Law, and how the Widow's Friends resolv'd to carry the Cause on without her, but that
Robin
had ordered the new
Agent Jacob Rush
to stifle many of the chief Witnesses, by which the Adversary's Attorney found means to stop Judgment.
To amuse the
Tenants,
who they knew would be alarm'd at this Proceeding, it was given out, that the
Widow
's
Friends
had not paid their share of the
Law-Charges,
but that all the
Burden
had lain upon her, which had run her grievously in Debt, and that she was in a manner forc'd to a Composition, and had Offers now of a very good one, much to the Advantage of her self and her
Friends.
This took with the silly People, and in spight of all the Intreaties of her honest
Tenants,
an Agreement soon followed, which however had taken up more Time and Money to effect, than would have decided it at
Common-Law.
'Tis true we burnt our Faggot-stacks, set the Bells a ringing, and illumined our Windows, but we soon experienc'd, that Humiliation would have become us better. The House lost its Trade, and no body in Town almost had any thing to do. People began to see into this, when it was too late, and no Remedy could be found to help them. Our
old Friends
exclaimed against us, as a treacherous and base sort of People, and shun'd the Town, and our new ones apparently slighted us, tho' we had done them such signal Service: Nor could we so much as obtain to have the
Quarter-Sessions
kept here, tho' our Credit before used to draw every Body to us.
They began to cavil now at the
Widow
's Will in favour of Mr. WRIGHT, and tho' they durst not openly declare themselves, yet 'tis known they were endeavouring to inveigle the People into an Opinion of young
Shute
's Title, and dispers'd
Papers
to prove it; nor did they use Mr. WRIGHT as tho' they ever expected he would come to the Estate. All we could do was to wish them hang'd before they should bring it to pass; for you must know we hate the young Fellow heartily: His Father, Sir
Jacob
(if he was honestly begot) used us horribly, quarter'd Soldiers upon us, threaten'd our
Charter,
and play'd the Devil for God's sake thro' the whole Country till we were fain to send him packing; and 'tis very well known the young Rogue will never forgive us for't.
The
Widow
being to send one to old
Savage
's to adjust Accounts on the Accommodation, who should these
Achitophels
advise her to but
Jacob Booty,
a notorious Friend to the Family of the
Shute
's. This put us in such a Fright that we were ready to offer a Leg or Arm, out of every Family for Indemnity: For we supposed he could have no other
Business
but to strike up a Bargain at old
Savage
's; but as it happened we had the good Fortune to see him die in a Ditch before he set out, and save the H—n a labour, whose Occupation, 'tis said, he had merited a few Years before by endeavouring to give the
Young Gentleman
Possession of the
North
Farm, with design to burn and plunder it, if he could not hold it by Law.
In short, every Day produced fresh Instances of our Misfortunes, and of the Villanies of those who had betray'd us: Old
Savage,
who before we had reduced to be as poor as a
Church Mouse,
so that he lay even at our Mercy, began to bully us again, reserving many of the Conditions of the Agreement unexecuted. He demolished a
Turn-pike
upon the
River,
which had been a great Annoyance to our
Trade,
but fallaciously erected another a little nearer home, and eluded the chief Article of the
Accommodation;
he promised to dismiss young
Shute
out of his Family, and with a mental Reservation only sent him to board with one of his Tenants at next Door. Moreover he engaged to use his Interest with young
Savage
his Grandson in behalf of some
Poor People
that lay at his Mercy on account of serving the
Widow,
who appear'd under a great concern for them, instead of which like an accomplish'd
Hypocrite,
he sent his
Mirmidons
and
Bayliffs
to haul them to
Execution.
Every thing was acted with the same Candour, and seem'd to be pulling on our Ruin, whilst our
Agents
at home, out of the poorness of Spirit, durst not wag a Tongue, or a Finger against him, they lay so open and so exposed by the Rogueries he was privy to. Ah poor
Country!
What could relieve thee but a Miracle? Or what animate thy Hopes, but the Interposition of
Providence,
that dear, that eternal Providence, which had rescu'd thee in the like Cases of imminent Danger? Would you believe it, Sir, that these
Desperados
having no other way to shelter themselves, were just entering into a Conspiracy to undermine Mr. WRIGHT's Interest, and carry the Trade to the
Pope
's-
Head.
It could not be expected that Men associated in Mischief should long agree among themselves, which Maxim 'tis very probable produced the old Proverb;
When
R—s
and
W—s
fall out honest Men come by their Goods.
You may apply it as you please; the use I shall make of it is only to tell you that the House began to be divided against itself, and so could not stand long;
Robin
had now brought up a Bird to pick out his Eyes; his
Pupil Harry
had got the Start of him, and jockeyed him out of the
Widow
's Favour.
Harry
took up a Resolution to spur at all,
aut Caesar aut nullus;
but
Robin,
who had always a great Veneration for his Neck, was willing to jog on soberly;
Harry,
out of the Vivacity of his Temper, told him, he was a Fellow of no Spirit, and that his Cowardice quite baulk'd the Cause: Yes, says
Robin,
(very dryly) but it may be a means of saving your Neck, if you take Example by it, and act with a little more Deliberation and Gravity. This in the end came to an open Rupture, so that one Day above the rest they fell to it Pel mel before the
Widow. Robin
among other things charged him with Ingratitude, and told him,
"He took him up an idle, loose, young Fellow, stragling about the Town, when he had hardly nine Pence in his Pocket to go to a Whore withal; that he brought him acquainted at the Widow's, and put him into Business he might live handsomely upon, if he had the Grace to follow it; but that it was plain he was as loose as ever, and his Management would be the Ruin of his Mistress, if he went on as he begun."
Harry
justly fired at this Language, call'd him
muddy-headed Fellow,
and said,
"If it had not been for him, his
Mistress
might have made a more advantageous
Composition.
"
Robin,
in return to that, upbraided him with his hairbrain'd Negotiations, and that he suffer'd himself to be made drunk, and over-reach'd at old
Savage
's, where, says he, unless your
Interview
with young
Shute
(for which I hope to see you hang'd,) a few fine Congees, and two or three lewd
Intrigues,
the rest was owing to your Companion
Matt.
the
Tavern Boy,
who was fain to carry Brains for his Master.
Harry
could hardly contain himself, but with a very cloudy Brow told him, he had neither Brains nor any other Merit to raise him above the Character of a
Trickster:
We know now, says he, why none but
Cousin Tom
could be trusted at Mr. WRIGHT's; but thou wast ever a trimming, equivocal Rascal, and woo't so continue.
Sim
the
Scrivener
put in a word on the same side, whom
Robin
took up very smartly. As for your part, says
Robin,
did I not raise you from a
Petifogger
to be
what you are, took you from writing hackney up and down, lent you Money to pay your Debts, and help'd you to live like a Man, and you to conspire against me too: But by
Jove, rapping his Knuckles upon the Table,
I'll make you all as poor and beggarly as I found you!
Thou wert always a Trickster, reply'd
Sim. I hated you before, but now I despise you. Nab.
too open'd her Quail pipe at
Robin,
but what she said is not recorded.
The
Widow
heard all this with a Mixture of Grief and Surprize; but above all she wondered to hear them talk of a better
Composition,
when she had all along been told,
it was a very good one;
she plainly perceived now she had been trick'd, especially by
Robin,
who she declar'd,
had not told her one word of truth from the beginning;
so that
Harry
for the present seem'd to carry his
Point. Robin
was order'd to deliver up his Books, which were soon after given to the
Chamberlain,
one of the honestest Servants in the Family, which partly shew'd the Widow's good Disposition; for as he was known to be very well affected to Mr. WRIGHT's Title, it shewed her own Inclination thereto, by pitching on a Person so very acceptable. This rejoic'd People strangely, and the more, because there had passed a current Rumour for some time, that they had been tampering with her to transfer the Estate to young
Shute,
after her Decease, contrary to Law. How true it is, God knows; but it seems they were disappointed. And I can assure you she told some of her Friends, that she had often repented the dismissing her old Servants, who had served her faithfully, and given Content to her Customers; and if it pleased God to grant her Life and Health, she would make a very great
Alteration
in Affairs.
But in short, what thro' the Grief and Fright she had conceiv'd at their unmannerly Behaviour before her, and the Anguish of a former Distemper, it threw the Pain into her Head with such Violence, that it soon put an end to her Life, for which the whole Town shew'd a general Concern, and lamented her as a pious, good, and charitable Woman, whom it may be truly said,
they brought with Sorrow to the Grave.
Immediately after she expir'd, the
Trustees
took Possession of the
Premises
in Mr. WRIGHT's Name. I cannot describe the infinite Joy on this Occasion, and that wonderful Satisfaction that appear'd in People's Countenances: All was acted with that Calmness and Unanimity, that Cheerfulness and Alacrity, as seemed plainly to prognosticate our future Good: No one was wanting to do his part; nay, even the
Parson of the Parish,
tho' crazy with Age and Infirmities, yet appear'd abroad that Day to countenance Mr. WRIGHT's Title, being one of the
Feofees
in
Trust
for him.
Poor
Harry Aucumy,
indeed, appear'd under a very deep Pressure of Mind; not so much for the Loss of the
Widow,
as the sole Power and Grandeur he conceiv'd himself fallen from, and the Inconveniences his past Conduct might bring him into; for he knew in his Conscience he should find it a difficult Matter to acquit himself honestly to Mr. WRIGHT. This occasion'd a visible Alteration in his Countenance, and poor
Harry
looked as queer and dejected as one of the Vulgar. He put himself in close
Mourning,
and exploded all Lewdness for nine Days, which you know is the ultimate Date of all Wonders, especially with
Harry. John Squeamish,
the Head-Tapster, a queer insignificant Fellow of
Bob
's preferring;
Sam. Peticoat,
the Warehouse keeper;
Will. Wildfire, Harry
's Intimate;
Dick,
the Powder-Monkey, and
Nab,
his Sister, with some others, seem to lament with the same Humiliation and Concern the great Vicissitude of Fortune.
We expect our new
Landlord
with the utmost Impatience; and then you shall have a farther Account of what happens; assuring you, that this leaves us under the most promising Aspect of having our Affairs retriev'd again from the languishing Condition the last three Years had thrown them into; and perhaps you never saw a more visible Spirit of Joy than appears at present.
Yours, &c.
P.S.
As I divined, poor
Harry
is dismiss'd from his
Clerkship,
by order of Mr. WRIGHT, and a Padlock clapp'd on the
Counting-house:
Just now I learn from a Friend, that his Accounts are very confused, and occasion divers Speculations. We are like to have a great Sessions on't next time.
Bob
laughs in his Sleeve.
Adieu.