SOBER ADVICE FROM HORACE, TO THE Young GENTLEMEN about Town.
As deliver'd in his SECOND SERMON.
Imitated in the Manner of Mr.
POPE.
Together with the ORIGINAL TEXT, as
by the Revd. R. BENTLEY, Doctor of Divinity. And some Remarks on the VERSION.
LONDON:
Printed for
T. Boreman,
at the Cock on
Ludgate-Hill;
and sold by the Booksellers of
London
and
Westminster.
[Price One Shilling.]
TO
ALEXANDER POPE,
Esq
SIR,
I Have so great a Trust in your Indulgence toward me, as to believe you cannot but Patronize this Imitation, so much in your own Manner, and whose Birth I may truly say is owing to you. In that Confidence, I would not suppress the Criticisms made upon it by the
Reverend Doctor,
the rather, since he has promised to
mend the Faults
in the next Edition, with the same Goodness he has practised to
Milton.
I hope you will believe that while I express my Regard for you, it is only out of Modesty I conceal my Name; since, tho' perhaps, I may not profess myself your Admirer so much as some others, I cannot but be, with as much inward Respect, Good-will, and Zeal as any Man,
Dear Sir,
Your most Affectionate AND Faithful Servant.
Q. HORATII FLACCI
SERMO II. L. I.
TEXTUM
Recensuit
V. R. RICARDUS BENTLEIUS, S.T.P.
[NOTAE BENTLEIANAE.]
Imitated.
Why Imitated? Why not translated?
Odi Imitatores!
A Metaphrast had not turned
Tigellius,
and
Fusidius, Malchinus
and
Gargonius
(for I say
Malchinus,
not
Malthinus,
and
Gargonius,
not
Gorgonius
) into so many LADIES.
Benignus, hic, hunc,
&c. all of the Masculine Gender: Every School-boy knows more than our Imitator.
A Mbubajarum collegia, pharmacopolae,
Mendici, mimae, balatrones; hoc genus omne
Maestum ac sollicitum est cantoris morte Tigelli:
Quippe
Benignus
erat—
—Contra hic, ne prodigus esse
Dicatur, metuens, inopi dare nolit amico,
Frigus quo duramque famem depellere possit.
Hunc si perconteris, avi cur atque parentis
Praeclaram ingrata seringat malus ingluvie rem,
Omnia conductis coemens obsonia nummis:
"Sordidus, atque animi quod parvi nolit haberi,"
Respondet. laudatur ab his, culpatur ab illis.
Fufidius vappae famam timet ac nebulonis,
Dives agris, dives positis in fenore nummis.
Quinas hic capiti mercedes exsecat; atque
Quanto perditior quisque est, tanto acrius urguet.
Nomina sectatur, modo sumta veste virili
Sub patribus duris, tironum. Maxime, quis non,
Juppiter, exclamat, simul atque audivit? "At in se
"Pro quaestu sumtum facit hic". Vix credere possis
Quam sibi non sit amicus: ita ut
Pater
ille, Terenti
Fabula quem miserum
gnato
vixisse
fugato
Inducit, non se pejus cruciaverit atque hic.
Si quis nunc quaerat, Quo res haec pertinet? Illuc:
Dum vitant stulti vitia, in contraria currunt.
Malchinus tunicis demissis ambulat: est qui
Inguen
ad
obscaenum
subductis usque facetus:
Pastillos Rufillus olet, Gargonius hircum.
Nil medium est. sunt qui nolint tetigisse, nisi illas,
Quarum subsuta talos tegat instita veste:
Contra alius nullam, nisi olente in
fornice
stantem.
Quidam
notus homo
cum exiret fornice; "Macte
"Virtute esto, inquit sententia dia Catonis,
"Nam simul ac venas inflavit tetra libido,
"Huc juvenes aequum est descendere, non alienas
"Permolere uxores.—
—Nolim laudarier, inquit,
Sic me, mirator
CUNNI CUPIENNIUS ALBI
CUNNI CUPIENNIUS ALBI,
Hoary Shrine.
Here the Imitator grievously errs,
Cunnus albus
by no means signifying a
white
or
grey Thing,
but a Thing under a
white
or
grey Garment,
which thing may be either black, brown, red, or parti-coloured. BENT.
Audire est operae pretium, procedere recte
Qui moechos non voltis, ut omni parte laborent;
Utque illis multo corrupta dolore voluptas,
Atque haec rara, cadat dura inter saepe pericla.
Hic se praecipitem tecto dedit: ille flagellis
Ad mortem caesus: fugiens hic decidet acrem
Praedonum in turbam: dedit hic pro corpore nummos:
Hunc perminxerunt calones; quin etiam illud
Accidit, ut
—TESTIS CAUDAMQUE SALACEM
Demeterent serro
(for so I say, and not
Demeteret
ferrum)
Bleeds in Person.
Silly! was he let Blood by a Surgeon? how short is this of the Amputation of the
Testes
and
Cauda salax?
What Ignorance also of Ancient Learning appears in his shallow Translation of
Perminxerunt,
totally missing the Mark, and not entring into the deep Meaning of the Author.
cuidam
TESTIS, CAUDAMQUE SALACEM
Demeterent ferro. jure omnes. Galba negabat.
Tutior at quanto merx est in classe secunda!
Libertinarum dico: Sallustius in qua
Non minus insanit, quam qui moechatur. at hic si,
Qua res, qua ratio suaderet, quaque modeste
Munifico esse licet, vellet bonus atque benignus
Esse; daret quantum satis esset, nec sibi damno
Dedecorique foret. verum hoc se amplectitur uno,
Hoc amat & laudat: Matronam nullam ego tango.
Ut quondam Marsaeus amator Originis, ille
Qui patrium mimae donat fundumque laremque,
Nilfuerit mi, inquit, cum uxoribus umquam alienis.
Verum est cum mimis, est cum meretricibus: unde
Fama malum gravius, quam res, trahit. an tibi abunde
Personam satis est, non illud, quicquid ubique
Officit, evitare? bonam deperdere famam,
Rem patris oblimare, malum est ubicumque. quid inter
Est in matrona, ancilla, peccesne togata?
Villius in Fausta Sullae gener, hoc miser uno
Nomine deceptus, poenas dedit usque, superque
Quam satis est; pugnis caesus, ferroque petitus,
Exclusus fore, cum Longarenus foret intus.
Huic si, mutonis verbis, mala tanta videnti
Diceret haec animus: Quid vis tibi? numquid ego a te
Magno prognatum deposco consule
Magno prognatum deposco consule
Cunnum.
A Thing descended from the Conqueror.
A Thing descended—why
Thing?
the Poet has it
Cunnum;
which, therefore, boldly place here. BENT.
CUNNUM,
Velatumque stola, mea cum conferbuit ira?
Quid responderet? Magno patre nata puella est.
At quanto meliora monet, pugnantiaque istis
Dives opis natura suae! ut si modo recte
Dispensare velis, ac non fugienda petendis
Inmiscere.
—Tuo vitio, rerumne labores,
Nil referre putas? quare, ne poeniteat te,
Desine matronas sectarier: unde laboris
Plus haurire mali est, quam ex re decerpere fructus.
Nec magis huic, inter niveos viridisque lapillos
Sit licet, o Cerinthe, tuo tenerum est femur, aut crus
Rectius: atque etiam melius persaepe togatae est.
Adde huc, quod mercem sine fucis gestat; aperte
Quod venale habet, ostendit; neque si quid honesti est
Jactat habetque palam, quaerit quo turpia celet.
Regibus hic mos est, ubi equos mercantur; opertos
Inspiciunt: ne si facies, ut saepe, decora
Molli fulta pede est; emtorem ducat hiantem,
Quod pulchrae clunes, breve quod caput, ardua cervix.
Hoc illi recte. Tu corporis optima Lyncei
Contemplare occulis; Hypsaea caecior, illa
Quae mala sunt, spectas. O crus, o brachia! verum
Depugis, nasuta, brevi latere, ac pede longo est.
Matronae, praeter faciem, nil cernere possis;
Caetera, ni Catia est, demissia veste tegentis.
Si interdicta petes, vallo circumdata, (nam te
Hoc facit insanum) multae tibi tum officient res;
Custodes, lectica, ciniflones, parasitae;
Ad talos stola demissa, & circumdata palla:
Plurima, quae invideant pure adparere tibi rem.
Altera nil obstat: Cois tibi pene videre est
Ut nudam; ne crure malo, ne sit pede turpi:
Metiri possis oculo latus. an tibi mavis
Insidias fieri, pretiumque avellier, ante
Quam mercem ostendi?
—LEPOREM venator ut alta
In nive sectetur, positum sic tangere nolit:
Cantat, & adponit, MEUS est amor huic similis: nam
Transvolar in medio posita, & fugientia captat.
Hiscine versiculis speras tibi posse dolores,
Atque aestus, curasque gravis e pectore tolli?
Nonne, cupidinibus statuat natura modum quem,
Quid latura, sibi quid sit dolitura negatum,
Quacrere plus prodest; & inane abscindere soldo?
Num, tibi cum faucis urit sitis, aurea quaeris
Pocula? num esuriens fastidis omnia praeter
PAVONEM, Pea-Chicks]
Not ill-render'd, meaning a
young
or
soft Piece,
Angli
e
a Tid-bit:
such as that Delicate Youth
Cerinthus,
whose Flesh, our
Horace
expressly says, was as
tender as a Lady's,
and our Imitator turn'd
Such Nicety, as Lady or Lord F
not amiss truly; it agrees with My own Reading of
tuo femore,
instead of
tuum femur,
and savours of the true Taste of Antiquity. BENT.
Pavonem, rhombumque? tument tibi cum inguina, num, si
Ancilla aut verna est praesto puer, impetus in quem
Continuo fiat, malis tentigine rumpi?
Non ego: namque
parabilem amo venerem, facilemque.
ILLAM, Post paullo, Sed pluris, Si exierit vir,
Gallis: Hanc, Philodemus ait sibi, quae neque magno
Stet pretio; nec cunctetur, cum est jussa venire.
Candida rectaque sit; munda hactenus, ut neque longa,
Nec magis alba velit, quam det natura, videri.
Haec, ubi supposuit dextro corpus mihi laevum,
Ilia & Egeria est: do nomen quodlibet illi.
Nec vereor, ne,
dum futuo,
vir rure recurrat;
Janua frangatur; latret canis; undique magno
Pulsa domus strepitu resonet: ne pallida lecto
Desiliat mulier; miseram se conscia clamet;
Cruribus haec metuat, doti haec deprensa, egomet mi.
Discincta tunica fugienda est, ac pede nudo;
Ne nummi pereant, aut puga, aut denique fama.
Deprendi miserum est: Fabio vel judice vincam.
SOBER ADVICE From
HORACE.
Imitated from his SECOND SERMON.
T HE Tribe of Templars, Play'rs, Apothecaries,
Pimps, Poets, Wits, Lord
Fanny
's, Lady
Mary
's,
And all the Court in Tears, and half the Town,
Lament dear charming
O
f
ld,
dead and gone!
Engaging
O
f
ld!
who, with Grace and Ease,
Could joyn the Arts, to ruin, and to please.
Not so, who of Ten Thousand gull'd her Knight,
Then ask'd Ten Thousand for a second Night:
The Gallant too, to whom she pay'd it down;
Liv'd to refuse that Mistress half a Crown.
Con. Ph-l-ps
cries, "A sneaking Dog I hate."
That's all three Lovers have for their Estate!
"Treat on, treat on," is her eternal Note,
And Lands and Tenements go down her Throat.
Some damn the Jade, and some the Cullies blame,
But not Sir
H
t,
for he does the same.
With all a Woman's Virtues but the P
x,
Fufidia
thrives in Money, Land, and Stocks:
For Int'rest, ten
per Cent.
her constant Rate is;
Her Body? hopeful Heirs may have it
gratis.
She turns her very Sister to a Job,
And, in the Happy Minute, picks your Fob:
Yet starves herself, so little her own Friend,
And thirsts and hungers only at one End:
A Self-Tormentor, worse than (in the
See
My
Terence, Heautontimorumenos:
There is nothing in Dr.
Hare's.
BENT.
Play)
The Wretch, whose Av'rice drove his
Son
away.
But why all this? Beloved, 'tis my Theme:
"Women and Fools are always in Extreme.
Rufa
's at either end a Common-Shoar,
Sweet
Moll
and
Jack
are Civet-Cat and Boar:
Nothing in Nature is so lewd as
Peg,
Yet, for the World, she would not shew her Leg!
While bashful
Jenny,
ev'n at Morning-Prayer,
A Verse taken from Mr.
Pope.
Spreads her Fore-Buttocks to the Navel bare.
But diff'rent Taste in diff'rent Men prevails,
And one is fired by Heads, and one by Tails;
Some feel no Flames but at the
Court
or
Ball,
And others hunt white Aprons in the
Mall.
My Lord of
Lo
n,
chancing to remark
A
noted Dean
much busy'd in the Park,
"Proceed (he cry'd) proceed, my Reverend Brother,
"'Tis
Fornicatio simplex,
and no other:
"Better than lust for Boys, with
Pope
and
Turk,
"Or others Spouses, like
Others read
Lord-Mayor.
my Lord of
May no such Praise (cries
J
s
) e'er be mine!
J
s,
who bows at
Hi
sb
w
's
hoary Shrine.
All you, who think the
City
ne'er can thrive,
Till ev'ry Cuckold-maker's flea'd alive;
Attend, while I their Miseries explain,
And pity Men of Pleasure still in Pain!
Survey the Pangs they bear, the Risques they run,
Where the most lucky are but last undone.
See wretched
Monsieur
flies to save his Throat,
And quits his Mistress, Money, Ring, and Note!
K
of his Footman's borrow'd Livery stript,
By worthier Footmen pist upon and whipt!
Plunder'd by Thieves, or Lawyers which is worse,
One bleeds in Person, and one bleeds in Purse;
This meets a Blanket, and that meets a Cudgel—
And all applaud the Justice—All, but
A Gentleman as celebrated for his Gallantries as his Politicks; an Entertaining History of which may be published, without the least Scandal on the Ladies. E. CURL.
B
l.
How much more safe, dear Countrymen! his State,
Who trades in Frigates of the second Rate?
And yet some Care of
S
st
should be had,
Nothing so mean for which he can't run mad;
His Wit confirms him but a Slave the more,
And makes a Princess whom he found a Whore.
The Youth might save much Trouble and Expence,
Were he a Dupe of only common Sense.
But here's his point; A Wench (he cries) for me!
"I never touch a Dame of Quality.
To
P
l
r
's Bed no Actress comes amiss,
He courts the whole
Personae Dramatis:
He too can say, "With Wives I never sin."
But Singing-Girls and Mimicks draw him in.
Sure, worthy Sir, the Diff'rence is not great,
With
whom
you lose your Credit and Estate?
This, or that Person, what avails to shun?
What's wrong is wrong, wherever it be done:
The Ease, Support, and Lustre of your Life,
Destroy'd alike with Strumpet, Maid, or Wife.
What push'd poor
E
s
on th' Imperial Whore?
'Twas but to be where CHARLES had been before.
The fatal Steel unjustly was apply'd,
When not his Lust offended, but his Pride:
Too hard a Penance for defeated Sin,
Himself shut out, and
Jacob Hall
let in.
Suppose that honest Part that rules us all,
Should rise, and say—"Sir
Robert!
or Sir
Paul!
"Did I demand, in my most vig'rous hour,
"A Thing descended from the Conqueror?
"Or when my pulse beat highest, ask for any
"Such Nicety, as Lady or Lord
Fanny?
—
What would you answer? Could you have the Face,
When the poor Suff'rer humbly mourn'd his Case,
To cry, "You weep the Favours of her
Spoken not of one particular Dutchess, but of divers Dutchesses.
GRACE?
Hath not indulgent Nature spread a Feast,
The original Manuscript has it,
—Spread a Feast
Of—enough for Man, enough for Beast:
but we prefer the present, as the purer Diction.
And giv'n enough for Man, enough for Beast?
But Man corrupt, perverse in all his ways,
In search of Vanities from Nature strays:
Yea, tho' the Blessing's more than he can use,
Shuns the permitted, the forbid pursues!
Weigh well the Cause from whence these Evils spring,
'Tis in thyself, and not in God's good Thing:
Then, lest Repentance punish such a Life,
Never, ah, never! kiss thy Neighbour's Wife.
First,
Silks and Diamonds veil no finer Shape,
Or plumper Thigh, than lurk in humble Crape:
And
secondly,
how innocent a
Belle
Is she who shows what Ware she has to sell;
Not Lady-like, displays a milk-white Breast,
And hides in sacred Sluttishness the rest.
Our ancient Kings (and sure those Kings were wise,
Who judg'd themselves, and saw with their own Eyes)
A War-horse never for the Service chose,
But ey'd him round, and stript off all the Cloaths;
For well they knew, proud Trappings serve to hide
A heavy Chest, thick Neck, or heaving Side.
But Fools are ready Chaps, agog to buy,
Let but a comely Fore-hand strike the Eye:
No Eagle sharper, every Charm to find,
To all defects,
Ty
y
not so blind:
Goose-rump'd, Hawk-nos'd, Swan-footed, is my Dear?
They'l praise her
Elbow, Heel,
or
Tip o'th' Ear.
A Lady's Face is all you see undress'd;
(For none but Lady M
show'd the Rest)
But if to Charms more latent you pretend,
What Lines encompass, and what Works defend!
Dangers on Dangers! obstacles by dozens!
Spies, Guardians, Guests, old Women, Aunts, and Cozens!
Could you directly to her Person go,
Stays will obstruct above, and Hoops below,
And if the Dame says yes, the Dress says no.
Not thus at
N
dh
m
's; your judicious Eye
May measure there the Breast, the Hip, the Thigh!
And will you run to Perils, Sword, and Law,
All for a Thing you ne're so much as
saw?
"The Hare once seiz'd, the Hunter heeds no more
"The little Scut he so pursu'd before,
"Love follows flying Game (as
Sucklyn
sings)
"And 'tis for that the wanton Boy has Wings."
Why let him Sing—but when you're in the Wrong,
Think you to cure the Mischief with a Song?
Has Nature set no bounds to wild Desire?
No Sense to guide, no Reason to enquire,
What solid Happiness, what empty Pride?
And what is best indulg'd, or best deny'd?
If neither Gems adorn, nor Silver tip
The flowing Bowl, will you not wet your Lip?
When sharp with Hunger, scorn you to be fed,
Except on
Pea-Chicks,
at the
Bedford-head?
Or, when a tight, neat Girl, will serve the Turn,
In errant Pride continue stiff, and burn?
I'm a plain Man, whose Maxim is profest,
"The Thing at hand is of all Things the
best.
But Her who will, and then will not comply,
Whose Word is
If, Perhaps,
and
By-and-by,
Z
ds! let some Eunuch or Platonic take—
So
B
t
cries, Philosopher and Rake!
Who asks no more (right reasonable Peer)
Than not to wait too long, nor pay too dear.
Give me a willing Nymph! 'tis all I care,
Extremely clean, and tolerably fair,
Her Shape her own, whatever Shape she have,
And just that White and Red which Nature gave.
Her I transported touch, transported view,
And call her
Angel! Goddess! M
ue!
No furious Husband thunders at the Door;
No barking Dog, no Houshold in a Roar;
From gleaming Swords no shrieking Women run;
No wretched Wife cries out,
Undone! Undone!
Seiz'd in the Fact, and in her Cuckold's Pow'r,
She kneels, she weeps, and worse! resigns her Dow'r.
Me, naked me, to Posts, to Pumps they draw,
To Shame eternal, or eternal Law.
Oh Love! be deep Tranquility my Luck!
Here the Imitator errs. The
Latin
has it
dum futuo,
a most necessary Circumstance! which ought to be
restored;
and may, by the change of a
single Word,
be the
same
with that of the Author, and one which wou'd marvelousty agree with the Ladies in the second Line. BENT.
No Mistress
H
ysh
m
near, no Lady
B
ck!
For, to be taken, is the Dev'll in Hell;
This Truth, let
L
l, J
ys, O
w
tell.
FINIS.