THE DOUBLE DISAPPOINTMENT:
OR, THE
FORTUNE Hunters.
A
COMEDY
IN TWO ACTS
Written by a GENTLEMAN.
Parturiunt Montes, nascetur ridiculus Mus.
Printed in the Year 1755
PROLOGUE
THIS Author sure must be a low Dog
to pick out Me to speak his Prolog'
an Irishman! the silly Elf
had better come and prate himself
But since the foolish Rapparee
will Verse impose on such as Me
I'll tell some Things that late befell
and let the Poet go to Hell
I've been involv'd in peaceful Wars
mongst Regiments of marching Tars;
Sea Fights on Land we've all been losing,
(These Rhymes are of my own exposing)
and to the shame of our brave Fleet
we Victories have got complete
tho' we have stupidly been beat:
But by my shoul our fine Commanders
were Geeses Husbands, two great Ganders!
Our Ship was man'd hy Women all
from the large Boys down to the small:
Then pray observe the pretty Fun
We'd ne'er a Pistol but one Gun:
and one old Halbert for a Sword
with a Steel Cutlass made of board
Those are the necessary Arms
that fill'd the Spaniards with alarms
One Frenchman I saw lying dead,
to end him I shot off his Head;
and yet, dear Sirs, that very day
I saw the Rascal run away.
Pray don't of what I say now prattle—
I murder'd Six Men in fair Battle!
If I can be a Commadore
I'll shew that Three and Two make four:
I'll make a Captain of my Mother,
She shall Command as well's another;
for true as our good Ship's a swimming
We'd sev'ral Officers old Women
I never to my Hammock creep
but I am wak'd before I sleep
but hold! while I thus prate away
They can't go forward with the Play!
good Night, sweet Honies, fen I next appear
you'll see an honest Fortune-Hunter here.
Dramatis Personae
GRIPE
Mr, Farrel
LOVEMORE
Mr Dodd
PHAELIM O BLUNDER
Mr Whitley
Marquis de FANPARON
Mr Yonge
JEREMY
Mr Stanford
CONSTABLE
Mr Bryan
SERVANT
Mr Pero
ISABEL
Mrs Stanford
SCENE LONDON.
THE
DOUBLE DISAPPOINTMENT.
ACT I.
SCENE I.
Enter GRIPE and ISABEL.
W AS there ever so Perverse a Baggage.
Was there ever so unreasonable a Guardian.
What Cause have I given you to be so undutiful, have I exerted the Power your deceased parents invested me with does not choice of Lovers visit you but your mind is so set on that young rake-hell LOVEMORE that nothing but my Steadiness cou'd keep you from the Ruin you so justly deserve.
Yes indeed uncle you do admit variety of Lovers to visit me and both alike are hateful, the Frenchman is all feather the Irishman all lead, and of the two coxcombs I've my choice, but I tell you once for all I've set my affections on LOVEMORE, he and only he you nor your great barr'd gates shall not keep me from, so now I've told you my
, trouble me no farther.
AIR I. what beauteous s
s &
Your Idle threats on one like me
Are all in vain employ'd
Thus still remains the constant tree
By tempests undestroy'd
Love never shall be once remov'd
But with a constant heart
To see the man I ever Lov'd
When pierc'd by Cupid's Dart
2
Cou'd Argus from his watchful Tower
Long keep the trusted fair
Or say did Da
's shady Bower
Elude a Lover's care
Force a while with Iron sway
May s
ver nymph and swain
Like parted waters they obey
But quickly meet again.
Enter O' BLUNDER
Parmit me, Madam, to assure you I long to die in your service that I may shew you I'd be your most faithful humble Sarvant all the days of life afterwards, that good Gentleman your uncle, has often told me you was not disagreeable to me, and if I may judge by the grace of my Person and and the beauty of my Complexion I may hope that a Tall Brave IRISHMAN may give you a heart that nobody's before but his own and not that neither upon my Shoul Madam.—
O Mr. O' BLUNDER you're so taken up with your Mistress that I may expect but little of your most sweet conversation.
Och upon my Shoul my Dear you was hid so clear in a mist that I saw you as plain as—Sir I hope you are very well—Harkee my Dear Mr. GRIPE suppose now I was married to your Niece what Relation wou'd you be to me then?—O, yes you'd be my Father in Law—but come my Dear Miss ISABEL because you look so Colly-Molly, I'll sing you an Irish Song
AIR II. Ballinamony &
Where ever I'm going and all the day long
At home o
abroad or alone in a throng
I find that my Passion's so liveby and strong
That your name when I'm silent still runs in my Song
Ballinamony
ra &c
2
Since the first time I saw you, I take no repose
But sleep all the day to forget half my woes
So hot is the flame in my Stomach that glows
By Sr. PATRICK I fear it will burn thro' my cloaths
3
Och now I'm afraid I will die in my grave
Unless you comply and poor PHELIM will save
And grant the Petition your Lover does crave
Whenever was free till you made him your Slave
4
On that happy day when I make you my Bride
l
ng sword
I'll str
ut and I'll stride
In
with
to ride▪
A
you I walk to the Church by your side &c
Odious Blockhead!
(ASIDE.)
I'm sure Sir a Gentleman of your address must always be very desirable among the Ladies.
So all the Ladies did say of Little PHAELIM O' BLUNDER, and if I was in their company they wou'd laugh at me so that I cou'd plainly discover their affections. But let an Irishman alone to get sweet heart.
But pray Mr. O' BLUNDER in all your travels was you never mistaken in your Opinion?
Never my Dear for when I took my Post chaise Horses and came by long sea from PARIS, there did two Ladies die with grief a twelvemonth before I did take my leave of them and two more Six months after that, which I never hear'd of in my Life, and last Sunday will be a month since I did come to England to make love upon you, for you are the Phaenix of the age and I never saw any body so pretty as you, except one JUGGY CAVENA and one SHEELINAH GUIR
ACH in Ireland and by my Shoul they was as Carroty as a black Dog.
Enter a SERVANT.
Sir there's a French Marquis below—
O Pray desire the Gentleman to walk up.
EXIT SERVANT
Enter MARQUIS.
Ma Charmante Madamoiselle, permit me Madam at de invitation of Monsieur Votree Uncle to offer once more in my Person all that France has noble and Polite—my Grand Father that is de Marquis de la BOMARDE, has taken more Towns (if Possible) than you have hearts, and my Father Monsieur L' count de L' CINQUECALARIE was emplo'yd in the cabinet council of de Grand Monarch and me Madam, Monsieur CINQUECALARIE Marquis de FANFARON have left my country, to shew that to command a Prince is less than to obey the smiles of a Mistress.
Sir without dispute a Gentleman of your Family, education and polite behaviour, wou'd make any Lady extreamly happy▪
Madam! Beauty so attracts, that the lustre of a Crown is less engaging than one little sight of your Bon-grace!—oh! Monsieur GRIPE avoustres humble Servieur Monsieur how you do.—pray
Fine Gentleman is that alon with you there?
That's PHAELIM O' BLUNDER Esq: of Ireland a Gentleman of great fortune and is lately come from Paris.
Lately come from Paris, me will go and have some conversation with him—Monsieur a voutres humble Servitieur, France Parie est En beau Paoui France is the finest Country, as I never saw in my life.
Sir I cou'd nver learn how to twist my tongue round your discourse in all my life, but Sir I understand you as well as if you said nothing at all to me.
what Monsieur, not speak de french! it is very great pity upon my vord, for almost every body speaks french now.—Monsieur when I take my leave at Paris, Madam Le Duchess de Quinvil that is my Grandmother, did say to me ah Marquis de FANFARON you go to England prenez corde vou take care of your heart for de English Ladies be very great Beauties and alloways lay their snares for our men of Quality—me say never fear for that.—my Sister La Marque Le Chavelseys Likewise say to me ah my Dear Brother if yon will marry is there not Madamoiselle de LAMARMITE for you.
Harkee my dear wou'd she have you marry a Mermaid?
No, no, Monsieur, Madamoiselle MARMITE is the Lady's Name or is there not Madamoiselle Pet ONGUELEAR she's in Love with you but my fortune has thrown me to England to see a much fairer Lady. oh speak my fate madam I've been dans les armies du rusi in many battles, but I never was in such danger before.
If this frenchman be as great a rogue as I, upon my soul it will be very comical.
(Sings)
AIR. III.
Petit Cupid now has caught me
And me feel the cruel smart
In chains the rogue to you has brought me
Take
wounded heart with a Merliton &c.
2
Aford dumoi some compassion
Nor let me too long complain
When a Frenchman tells his Passion
Can he ever Plead in vain with a Merliton &c
When shall I be the happy man to conduct you to my Grand Chiteau in Daupheine. she's Verry pretty upon my vord.
Mr. O' BLUNDER it is in vain for me to hide the esteem I've for you so if you will meet to night at the bottom of the Garden I'll have a Parson ready to fix us together in happiness.
I know that my dear; but I tell you what as it will be very dark, my dear I'll tie sixpenny worth of Black ribband in my button hole, so that you may know me by the tone of my voice and the grace of my Person.
Do so for I must be gone for fear of Suspion
Exit
Lookee MARQUIS upon condition that you give me a thousand Guineas out of my nieces ten Thousand I'll manage the affair so that she shall be yours in eight and forty hours so till you consider of it I'm your humble Servant.
Exit.
A thousand guineas is a great deal of Lorshong but begar I'll be revenged by denying all my engagements, and follow the Pollticks of France.
Hem! Sir you make me very uneasy to see you here, so I Desire you not to repeat your visit on Pain of my displeasure.
Sir I never was bred nor born a Physician in my Life but I'll tell you how you'll cure your self that is I woud not have you come here your self, and then you wont see me here, for if you was blind of both your eyes you shou'd see I'd come and visit that Getlewoman.
Sir you are a Gentleman I suppose.
Why my dear you may know that by the softness of my Thumb feel it.
your thumb Sir! me no understand your thumb but if you are a Gentleman meet me an hour hence in the fields, for an officer of the arms duroui cannot bear a rival either in Love, or in Glory. begar I'll cut your throat.
you french son of a whore have at you.
(Both Draw) GRIPE, Enters and interposes.
For Heavens sake Gentlemen be quiet.
O Let him alone my Dear, I'll not meet him except he comes behind me to my Throat
Begar Sir if you do meet me, I will make one, two, three twenty trust in your Body. Monsieur Gripe good bye to you.
Ext
Upon my Soul I believe this old GRIPE is an old raparee and when I'm married to his neice I'll forswear the Bonds and not give him a groat which is nothing, nor that neither, which is less and I'll make him pay me back all the money I never pa
d him (to GRIPE) Well my dear Father in Law the Blessing of St. PATRICK be about your House and upon all the pretty Little Children that I'll
eget upon that pretty gentlewoman your niece.
Exit
So let things go how they will, I'm sure of a thousand guineas.
Exit
END OF THE FIRST ACT.
ACT II.
SCENE the STREET.
Enter LOVEMORE and JEREMY.
(Sings)
AIR. IV.
As pleasing as shade to the way faring swain,
Where the ard
ur of Phoebus had scorch'd the sweet plain
As groves to the Lynit or Thyme to the bee
So wellcome my fair one so wellcome to me
2
When Love's once united, no Tyrant shall part
Nor can time efface what is grav'd on my heart,
Remembrance still knows when all raptures are past
For friendship's a flame that burns bright at the last
3
It cheers our sad hours it heightens our joy:
This nor whim can abate, nor can fashion destroy
While beauty alone on too fickle a wing
Like the fairest of blossoms oft dies in her spring.
JEREMY
Sir.
Be double diligent to night, my ISABEL writes me word she has appointed her two boobies to meet her in the orchard, do you go and take such instructions as she will give you.
yes Sir—but I saw the Irishman last week, and tho' it's five years since I've seen him before, I remember him perfectly well; when he was helper in Sir JOHN FRIENDLY's Stables, he was turn'd out of the Family for stealing a Silver spoon.
Ha, ha, ha, dear JEREMY mind your instructions for my affairs are brought to a crisis, and on your fidelity depends my everlasting felicity.
You may give yourself no farther trouble Sir—so fortune be my guide.
EXEUNT
Enter O BLUNDER
Well said Little Phaelim, upon my soul you have done for your self—why then it was a happy day for you when Sir IOHN FRIENDLY turn'd you off for stealing a silver spoon—which you did not steal neither but put in your Pocket by way of mistake, why then upon my soul I believe if I was to be hang'd I should live to be a Great man after, but this I know as well as if nobody did tell me that Miss ISABEL has ten thousand Pounds, and when I'm married to her I'll go by my self, that is along with her into Ireland and there we'll live as loving as two cock sparrows on a thatch'd Cabbin, then PHAELIM O BLUNDER will be an Esquire in good earnst and I'll go up to Dublin in the Parlament winter, and I'll leave my wife behind me to take care of me in my absence—why then upon my soul I think a Single life is very disagreeable till a man's married.
(Sing:)
I'm walking all the night
Like a Ghost that had lost his sight
Enter MARQUIS
What do you make all dis noise here for? villain! coquain.
I did not make no noise.
Iss you did for when me turn the corner of de Park me hear you.
you lye perhaps.
Me no understand your perhaps.
Why then you lye without any haps at all.
Oh, Monsieur you give me the lye.
Yes my Dear and put it in your Pocket.
Did you know my farther my Grandfather were all Generals in the arms du roi? and yet you come court my mistress villain—What be your family
Sir did you know my Grandfather? and that he had a longer name than yours?
What was his name eh?
His name was SHAMUS JAMES M' CARTY M' KILLNEGAD M' KILLNEGOOD M' KILLNEDUFF M' SHANE M' RAGAN M' FAGAN Ugus, M 'THONAMON JOUL you french son of a whore, and he was a greater traveller than yours.
A Traveleer!
yes Sir, he was twice to the, west Indies, before he was twenty years of age but upon my shoul he was transported there
[ASIDE]
and what is more than that I never had no Grandfather at all, because my mother had me before she was married.
(ASIDE)
I cannot bear—alons Monsieur draw your sword, begar I'll cut your throat.
O my dear I'll be with you in a crack
(DRAWS)
now you french son of a whore, I'll be in your Gizzard
Hold, hold Monsieur, BLUNDER let me speak to you.
O you scoundrel speak after I kill you I'll not hear a word out of your mouth till you're
.
I did not tink he wou'd Fight, par
lie
!
Aside.
Monsieur BLUNDER tis all a joke put up your sword I'd not quarrel with my very good friend, I do assure you I esteem you en cavalier accompli, What de devil you no understand a joke?
O my Dear I know you never lov'd the s
ell of cold Iron, but since it is so, I'll put up, for I'm as peaceable in all my Quarrels as no Body at all, but remember the family of the O BLUNDERS will never
e us'd ill in public company except it be behind their backs.
Come come, let us be friends.
Ay my dear and to shew I mean you no harm give us you fist, but I'll tell you what; if you come near Miss ISABEL, that is within a great distance of her, nation to my soul but I'll beat you longer than I can stand over you, I'll Skiver you like a Rabbit you French Hottentot son of a whore.
EXIT Singing.
the Devil take that dam Irishman he has frighten me out of my wits: but this is the time I did promise to meet my dear Chormante Miss ISABEL at the bottom of the Garden.
EXIT.
Enter ISABEL
Well sure my heart hasn't gone so pit a Pat a long while what a Severe thing it is for a young creature as I am, to be under the government of an old cocovetous Uncle, he'd for the sake of a thousand guineas surrender me into the arms of either of these wretches whom I abhor: but this is the time I promised to meet them, so I trust to fortune for a fair riddance.
[Enter JEREMY]
O you are the one I wanted I've appointed O BLUNDER and Marquis to meet me here at this hour, so as it is very dark you may counterfiet my voice as near as you can to deceive 'm, while I as swift as CUPID's wings fly to the arms of Mr. LOVEMORE, so now good JEREMY be watchful and success attend you.
Exit.
So now to my place, I hear some body, so must retire.
Exit.
Enter O BLUNDER
Upon my soul 'tis so dark that I can't see the Moon so I'll take out my spy glass to see whether it's up or no, faith when, I get this fortune I'll study Philosophy, and know the reason the the Moon shines one night and won't come out of another, I wish I had a candle and lanthorn to look for it.
Enter JEREMY
Who's there? Mr, O BLUNDER!
faith is it my dear, and your eyes look so bright that I believe you stick candles in them.
I beg you wont speak loud for fear of my uncle hearing you, for then we shou'd both be
in'd so to avoid accidents, let me lead you into
Green-house, till I can fetch a Parson; for I long to be yours.
faith I knew that, but my little wise,
you a Song that I writ extrumpery Yes
.
(Sings)
AIR V.
One Saturday Morning about twelve a Clock
I parted from Ring's End and left the black Rock,
n Rejoicing at two the next Night upon shore
I cry'd, my dear Life, 'till my Heart it was sore.
2
I will be from Home almost more than a Year,
Next Lady Day past and came very fast here;
If I'd stay'd there 'till now, by my Shoul they drink so
I wou'd have been dead a full fortnight ago.
3
My Successors, Honey, all going before
were worth ten Hundred pounds in good Copper, and more,
and my Father, for whom I cry Och, och och Hone!
lies buried beneath a brave wooden Tomb Stone.
4
I wish I was blind before I did see
a Woman well bodied in Face such as thee,
for you'll kill me with Kindness, and if you do so
I'll come and torment you wherever I go
5
Shou'd you prove false hearted and not be Untrue
O how will I cry Sul, lul, luh! Hub hub boo.
Yet shou'd I die soon, Och! I'll take care and see
that You the chief Mourner at my Fun'ral will be.
6
to CORK will I carry yeu fen you're my Bride
and in your own Cock boat woth Splendour you'll ride
You've Beef there for Nothing, and, I'll tell you what,
Good Mutton and Veal, dear Joy, cheaper than that
Och! Let me kiss your Little white fist, and be sure my dear Joy you will be after coming before me.
it lead off by Jeremy who Returns
So, I've got rid of one Let the other come as soon as he Pleases—Egad I hear him.
Enter MARQUIS
De devil take that damn'd rowling Stone it did break my leg.
Whose there?
Ah! ma charmante where are you.
Here Sir; but make no noise for fear of my uncle: the Irishman was here so I was oblig'd to shew outward complisance to him on purpose to get rid of him; for it is an easy matter to distinguish between a Gentleman of your figure, and an Irish Bogtrotter.
Oui cermant, yes certainly, an air of a man of Distinction carries such a Pass with it, that there is no resisting of it, so I long to carry you to my Grand chateu, and make you the first Lady in Dauphane.
I know you do Sir, but Pray let me convey you into the Green—house till I can run and fetch Parson.
I will; but be sure you no stay long—there be no fishpond in my way.
No, no, Sir.
Exeunt.
Scene Discovers the MARQUIS leaning against a Tree, and O BLUNDER asleep on the ground.
Enter GRIPE, with a Candle
Sure there's something more than common going forward, for I cou'd not sleep for an odd noise I heard this way, I'm afraid my niece is about Playing me a slippery trick.
I wish my Dear Miss ISABEL woud come, I am quite fateague with Impatience ah! here she is no tis Monsieur GRIPE, parbleau.
Well I cannot think but my niece has deceiv'd me.
Begar Sir I fear she has deceiv'd me too for she say Monsieur Le Marquis, meet me to night at the Bottom of the Garden in the green house and I will marry you for I hate the Irishman and when I did come you see there is Monsieur Le FLUNDER Like wise, so if she has made a fool of me she shall see a gentleman of my Rank and Quality will seek opportunity of Revenge.
be appear'd good Sir 'till I enquire into the affair. Mr. O Blunder, Mr. O Blunder.
wakes him.
Och my dear if I had not been asleep you might have waken'd me as often as you wou'd
Pray Sir upon what account did you come here?
why my dear my coming here is a secret but I'll communicate it to the loving company—you must know that Miss ISABEL (being struck with my voice and Person) did give me an assignation to meet her in the dark that no-body might hear us, so after I did meet her she did not come; so my dear I was recreating my self with a nap to pass away the time—Arrah my dears I wish you'd both go about your business for she won't come if there be any body here besides my self.
Sir she tell me, she love me, and nobody else, mafoi
Sir she loves me better than you.
How you know that?
Because I dream of her every night.
What signifies that, I dream of the Devil sometimes.
Enter JEREMY.
Mr. LOVEMORE is come to wait on you.
Shew him up
Exit JEREMY.
Enter LOVEMORE and ISABEL
Your servant Sir.
O, ho, so madam, you have made your choice I see and got a husband.
Yes Sir I'm the happy man.
What you be the husband parableau.
Oh, death! ruin! destruction! I'm finely bilkt.
your niece has shew'd hereself a girl of Spirit and she has got her writings out of your desk and I have them in my Possession and have Discover'd all your roguery.
O Lord, he has to be sure discover'd all the agreements between Hellfire the Lawyer and I
Aside
O you inconsiderate Jade I'm glad your Poor Parents did not live to see this day but since I can do nothing else I'll have you hang'd for robbery.
Exit
I wish you were all hang 'd together, seperately in one rope.
Pray Sir have not I seen your face before?
Like enough my de
r but I remember I never saw yours in all my Life before.
Pray was not you a helper in Sir Iohn FRIENDLY's stables and was not you turn'd out for this very?
A Thief! One must take care of my Pocket
Upon my soul he remembers me too well I wish the Devil woud burn his memory
ASIDE
Sir if I did use to rub down horses it was by way of recreation and because an I rishman hates to be Idle.
O Sir consider he's a Stranger, you'll make him blush.
O never fear my dear by my Soul I never blush'd in my life nor spoke truth neither, and when I did no one woud believe me.
I've stay here a great while, and say nothing, at all, because I woud no interupt the a affairs La familie but what is the reason you chuse a Gentleman of my rank and Quality to impose on.
Because Sir your Vanity mixt with an equal Share of stupidity must always render you a Proper object to be impos'd upon.
Enter JEREMY
Sir here's a Servant of my Lord Eitherside's come after a French Valet de Chambre who robb'd his master of above five hundred Pounds and by the discription this must be he.
I wonder such feigner as this BLUNDER shoud appear in the Beaumonde, when any Body may tell a Gentleman by his Politeness and Bone-Grace:
Tell him to come up.
Exit JEREMY
Enter CONSTABLE and SERVANT
I beg pardon of the company for this, but Mr constable I charge with that fellow; Sir, that was my Master's valet, who not being content with a Great many marks of his friendship has robb'b him of above five hundred Pounds besides effects to a Considerable Value.
Hurra! upon my Soul I'll make game of the french man—Monsieur what Long name is that your Grandfather had just now? come, give me your fist till I wish you Joy, because you'll be hang'd by your Self, and I shall live all the days of my Life after you.
Madam—Gentleman, I beg of you to make some intercession for me that I may not be hang'd in a Strange country and in the flower of my age.
If procuring you a stronger halter than ordinary will be of any service to you, you may command my Interest.
O me be ver much oblig'd to you upon my vord. what the Devil business had I to be a Gentleman ambition has been my ruin! here, Monsieur le Constable, carry me to the Devil if you please.
Exit with the Constable.
upon my shoul, Miss ISABEL, you have used me ill, for if you had a mind to decieve me, why did not you tell me so at first: besides, my dear I bought a yard of sixpenny ribband for a groat which I hope you'll repay me back again that I may be no Loser by my Loss.
Look'ee Sir, since we dont use you as you deserve I desire you'll quit the House this instant, and appear in another kind of garb, for if ever I see you, or hear of you assuming any thing like a gentleman, I'll send you to a proper Place—a pretty fellow to pretend to a fortune.
by Saint Patrick I beg both your Pardons, and if I did endeavour to get a fortune 'twas only because I'd get an honest Livelihood, so as fortune was always a foe to poor PHAELIM O'BLUNDER I'll pull off my long sword and wig and fine cloaths, for I believe they dont become me so, wishing you both as happy as nobody at all, I wish you may live to see your children and your great Grand children crying at your own funerals.
Exit
Ha! ha! ha!
(Singe)
AIR VI.
Thus blest with the maiden I love
Contentment shall guild the new day
While Hymen the time shall improve
And scatter with myrtle the way
2
With a garland of ne'er dying flowers
O Peace from thy dwelling repair
Soft joys shall direct our fond hours
And smile on so happy a pair.
FINIS