A FURTHER ACCOUNT Of the most Deplorable Condition OF Mr.
EDMUND CURLL,
BOOKSELLER.
Price Three Pence.
A FURTHER ACCOUNT Of the most Deplorable Condition OF Mr.
EDMUND CURLL,
BOOKSELLER. Since his being POISON'D on the 28th of
March.
To be publish'd Weekly.
LONDON
Printed, and Sold by all the Publishers, Mercuries, and Hawkers, within the Bills of Mortality. 1716.
A FURTHER ACCOUNT Of the most Deplorable Condition Of Mr.
EDMUND CURLL,
Bookseller.
THE Publick is already acquainted with the Manner of Mr.
Curll
's Impoisonment, by a faithful, tho' unpolite, Historian of
Grubstreet.
I am but the Continuer of his History; yet I hope a due Distinction will be made, between an undignify'd Scribler of a Sheet and half, and the Author of a Three-Penny stitcht Book, like my self.
Wit
(saith Sir
Richard Blackmore
)
proceeds from a Concurrence of regular and exalted Ferments, and an Affluence of Animal Spirits rectify'd and refin'd to a degree of Purity.
On the contrary, when the igneous Particle rise with the vital Liquor, they produce an Abstraction of the rational Part of the Soul, which we commonly call
Madness.
The Verity of this Hypothesis, is justify'd by the Symptoms with which the unfortunate Mr.
Edmund Curll,
Bookseller, hath been afflicted ever since his swallowing the Poison at the
Swan
Tavern in
Fleetstreet.
For tho' the
Neck
of his
Retort,
which carries up the Animal Spirits to the Head, is of an extraordinary Length, yet the said Animal Spirits rise muddy, being contaminated with the inflammable Particles of this uncommon Poison.
The Symptoms of his Departure from his usual Temper of Mind, were at first only
speaking civilly to his Customers,
taking a Fancy to
say his Prayers, singeing a Pig with a new purchas'd Libel,
and
refusing Two and Nine Pence for Sir
R
B
's Essays.
As the poor Man's Frenzy increas'd, he began to
void his Excrements in his Bed, read
Rochester
's bawdy Poems to his Wife,
gave
Oldmixon
a
slap
on the
Chops,
and wou'd have kiss'd Mr.
Pemberton
's A
by Violence.
But at last he came to such a pass, that he wou'd
dine upon nothing but Copper Plates,
took a
Clyster for a whipt Syllabub,
and eat a
Suppository
for a
Raddish
with
Bread
and
Butter.
We leave it to every tender Wife to imagine how sorely all this afflicted poor Mrs.
Curll:
At first she privately put a
Bill
into several
Churches,
desiring the Prayers of the Congregation for a
wretched Stationer
distemper'd in Mind. But when she was sadly convinc'd that his Misfortune was publick to all the World, writ the following Letter to her good Neighbour Mr.
Lintott.
A true Copy of Mrs.
Curll
's Letter to Mr.
Lintott.
Worthy Mr.
Lintott,
YOU, and all the Neighbours know too well, the Frenzy with which my poor Man is visited. I never perceiv'd he was out of himself, till that melancholy Day that he thought he was poison'd in a Glass of Sack; upon this, he took a strange Fancy to run a Vomiting all over the House, and in the new wash'd Dining Room. Alas! this is the greatest Adversity that ever befel my poor Man since he lost
one Testicle
at School by the bite of a black Boar. Good Lord! if he should die, where should I dispose of the Stock? unless Mr.
Pemberton
or you would help a distressed Widow; for God knows he never publish'd any Books that lasted above a Week, so that if we wanted
daily Books,
we wanted
daily Bread.
I can write no more, for I hear the Rap of Mr.
Curll
's
Ivory headed Cane
upon the Counter.—Pray recommend me to your
Pastry Cook,
who furnishes you yearly with Tarts in exchange for your Papers, for Mr.
Curll
has disoblig'd ours since his Fits came upon him;—before that, we generally liv'd upon bak'd Meats.—He is coming in, and I have but just time to put his Son out of the way for fear of Mischief: So wishing you a merry Easter, I remain your
most humble Servant, C. Curll.
P. S.
As to the Report of my poor Husband's stealing a
Calf,
it is really groundless, for he always binds in
Sheep.
But return we to Mr.
Curll,
who all
Wednesday
continued outragiously Mad. On
Thursday
he had a
lucid Interval,
that enabled him to send a general Summons to all
his Authors.
There was but one Porter who cou'd perform this Office, to whom he gave the following Bill of Directions where to find 'em. This Bill, together with Mrs.
Curll
's Original Letter, lye at Mr.
Lintott
's Shop to be perus'd by the Curious.
Instructions to a Porter how to find Mr.
Curll
's Authors.
AT a Tallow-chandlers in
Petty France,
half way under the blind Arch: Ask for the
Historian.
At the Bedsted and Bolster, a Musick House in
Morefields,
two Translators in a Bed together.
At the
Hercules
and
Still
in
Vinegar-yard,
a School-Master with Carbuncles on his Nose.
At a Blacksmiths Shop in the
Friars,
a Pindarick Writer in red Stockings.
In the Calendar Mill Room at
Exeter
Change, a Composer of Meditations.
At the Three
Tobacco Pipes
in
Dog
and
Bitch
Yard, one that has been a Parson, he wears a blue Camblet Coat trim'd with black: my best Writer against
reveal'd Religion.
At Mr.
Summers
a Thief-catchers, in
Lewkners
Lane, the Man that wrote against the Impiety of Mr.
Rowe
's Plays.
At the Farthing Pye House in
Tooting
Fields, the young Man who is writing my new
Pastorals.
At the Laundresses, at the Hole in the Wall in
Cursitors
Alley, up three Pair of Stairs, the Author of my
Church History
—if his Flux be over—you may also speak to the Gentleman who lyes by him in the Flock Bed, my
Index-maker.
The
Cook's Wife
in
Buckingham
Court; bid her bring along with her the
Similes
that were lent her for her next new Play.
Call at
Budge Row
for the Gentleman you use to go to in the Cockloft; I have taken away the Ladder, but his Landlady has it in keeping.
I don't much care if you ask at the
Mint
for the old Beetlebrow'd Critick, and the purblind Poet at the Alley over against St.
Andrews Holbourn.
But this as you have time.
All these Gentlemen appear'd at the Hour appointed, in Mr.
Curll
's Dining Room, two excepted; one of whom was the Gentleman in the Cock-loft, his Landlady being out of the way, and the
Gradus ad Parnassum
taken down; the other happened to be too closely watch'd by the Bailiffs.
They no sooner enter'd the Room, but all of them show'd in their Behaviour some Suspicion of each other; some turning away their Heads with an Air of Contempt; others squinting with a Leer that show'd at once Fear and Indignation, each with a haggard abstracted Mien, the lively Picture of
Scorn, Solitude,
and
short Commons.
So when a Keeper feeds his hungry Charge, of Vultures, Panthers, and of
Lybian
Leopards, each eyes his Fellow with a fiery Glare: High hung, the bloody Liver tempts their Maw. Or as a Housewife stands before her Pales, surrounded by her Geese; they fight, they hiss, they gaggle, beat their Wings, and Down is scatter'd as the Winter's Snow, for a poor Grain of Oat, or Tare, or Barley. Such Looks shot thro' the Room transverse, oblique, direct; such was the stir and din, till
Curll
thus spoke, (but without rising from his Close-stool.)
'
Whores
and
Authors
must be paid beforehand to put them in good Humour; therefore here is half a Crown a piece for you to drink your own Healths, and Confusion to Mr.
Addison,
and all other successful Writers.'
'Ah Gentlemen! What have I not done, what have I not suffer'd, rather than the World should be depriv'd of your Lucubrations? I have taken involuntary Purges, I have been vomited, three Times have I been can'd, once was I hunted, twice was my Head broke by a Grenadier, twice was I toss'd in a Blanket; I have had Boxes on the Ear, Slaps on the Chops; I have been frighted, pump'd, kick'd, slander'd and beshitten.—I hope, Gentlemen, you are all convinc'd that this Author of Mr.
Lintott
's could mean nothing else but starving you by poisoning me. It remains for us to consult the best and speediest Methods of Revenge.'
He had scarce done speaking, but the
Historian
propos'd a History of his Life. The
Exeter
Exchange Gentleman was for penning Articles of his Faith. Some pretty smart
Pindarick,
(says the Red-Stocking Gentleman,) would effectually do his Business. But the
Index-maker
said their was nothing like an
Index
to his
Homer.
After several Debates they came to the following Resolutions.
Resolv'd,
That every Member of this Society, according to his several Abilities, shall contribute some way or other to the Defamation of Mr.
Pope.
Resolv'd,
That towards the Libelling of the said Mr.
Pope,
there be a Summ employ'd not exceeding Six Pounds Sixteen Shillings and Nine Pence (not including Advertisements.)
Resolv'd,
That Mr.
D
make an Affidevit before Mr.
Justice Tully,
that in Mr.
Pope
's
Homer,
there are several Passages contrary to the establish'd Rules of OUR Sublime.
Resolved,
That he has on Purpose in several Passages perverted the true ancient
Heathen
Sense of
Homer,
for the more effectual Propagation of the
Popish
Religion.
Resolv'd,
That the Printing of
Homer
's Battles at this Juncture, has been the Occasion of all the Disturbances of this Kingdom.
Ordered,
That Mr.
Barnivelt
be invited to be a Member of this Society, in order to make further Discoveries.
Resolv
'd, That a number of effective
Errata
's be raised out of Mr.
Pope
's
Homer
(not exceeding 1746.) and that every Gentleman, who shall send in one Error, for his Encouragement shall have the whole Works of this Society
Gratis.
Resolv'd,
That a Summ not exceeding Ten Shillings and Six-pence be distributed among the Members of this Society for
Coffee
and
Tobacco,
in order to enable them the more effectually to defame him in
Coffee-Houses.
Resolv'd,
That towards the further lessening the Character of the said Mr.
Pope,
some Persons be deputed to abuse him at Ladies
Tea Tables,
and that in Consideration our Authors are not
well dress'd
enough, Mr.
C
y
be deputed for that Service.
Resolv'd,
That a
Ballad
be made against Mr.
Pope,
and that Mr.
Oldmixon,
Mr.
Gildon
and Mrs.
Centlivre
do prepare and bring in the same.
Resolv'd,
That above all, some effectual Ways and Means be found to encrease the Joint Stock of the Reputation of this Society, which at present is exceedingly low, and to give their Works the greater Currency; whether by raising the Denomination of the said Works by counterfeit Title Pages, or mixing a greater Quantity of the fine Metal of other Authors, with the Alloy of this Society.
Resolv'd,
That no Member of this Society for the future mix
Stout
in his
Ale
in a Morning, and that Mr.
B.
remove from the
Hercules
and
Still.
Resolv'd,
That all our Members, (except the
Cook's
Wife) be provided with a sufficient Quantity of the
vivifying Drops,
Or
Byfield's Sal Volatile.
Resolv'd,
That Sir
R. B.
be appointed to endue this Society with a large Quantity of
regular and exalted Ferments,
in order to
enliven
their
cold Sentiments
(being his true Receipt to make Wits)
These Resolutions being taken, the Assembly was ready to break up, but they took so near a-part in Mr.
Curll
's Afflictions, that none of them could leave him without giving some Advice to re-instate him in his Health.
Mr.
Gildon
was of Opinion, That in order to drive a
Pope
out of his
Belly,
he should get the Mummy of some deceas'd Moderator of the General Assembly in
Scotland,
to be taken inwardly as an effectual Antidote against Antichrist; but Mr.
Oldmixon
did conceive, that the
Liver
of the Person who administred the Poison, boil'd in Broth, would be a more certain Cure.
While the Company were expecting the Thanks of Mr.
Curll,
for these Demonstrations of their Zeal, a whole Pile of
Essays
on a sudden fell on his Head; the Shock of which in an Instant brought back his Dilirium. He immediately rose up, over-turn'd the Close-stool, and beshit the
Essays
(which may probably occasion a
second Edition
) then without putting up his Breeches, in a most furious Tone, he thus broke out to his Books, which his distemper'd Imagination represented to him as alive, coming down from their Shelves, fluttering their Leaves, and flapping their Covers at him.
Now
G
d damn
all
Folio's, Quarto's, Octavo's
and
Duodecimo's!
ungrateful Varlets that you are, who have so long taken up my House without paying for your Lodging?—Are you not the beggarly Brood of fumbling
Journey-men;
born in
Garrets,
among
Lice
and
Cobwebs,
nurs'd upon
Grey Peas, Bullocks Liver,
and
Porter's Ale?
—Was not the first Light you saw, the
Farthing
Candle I paid for? Did you not come before your Time into
dirty Sheets
of brown Paper?—And have not I cloath'd you in double
Royal,
lodg'd you handsomely on
decent Shelves,
lac'd your
Backs
with
Gold,
equipt you with splendid
Titles,
and sent you into the World with the Names of
Persons of Quality?
Must I be
always
plagu'd with you?—Why flutter ye your Leaves, and flap your Covers at me? Damn ye all, ye
Wolves
in
Sheeps Cloathing; Rags ye were, and to Rags ye shall return.
Why hold you forth your
Texts
to me, ye paltry
Sermons?
Why cry ye—at every Word to me, ye
bawdy Poems?
—To my Shop at
Tunbridge
ye shall go, by G
and thence be drawn like the rest of your Predecessors, bit by bit, to the
Passage-House:
For in this present Emotion of my Bowels, how do I compassionate those who have great need, and nothing to wipe their Breech with?
Having said this, and at the same Time recollecting that his own was yet unwiped, he abated of his Fury, and with great Gravity, apply'd to that Function the unfinish'd Sheets of the Conduct of the E
of
N
m.
FINIS.