A COLLECTION Of the Moral and Instructive SENTIMENTS, MAXIMS, CAUTIONS, and REFLEXIONS, Contained in the Histories of PAMELA, CLARISSA, and Sir CHARLES GRANDISON.
Digested under Proper HEADS, With References to the Volume, and Page, both in Octavo and Twelves, in the respective Histories.
To which are subjoined,
Two LETTERS from the Editor of those Works: The one, in ANSWER to a Lady who was solicitous for an additional Volume to the History of Sir CHARLES GRANDISON.
The other, in REPLY to a Gentleman, who had objected to Sir CHARLES'S offer'd Compromise in the Article of Religion, had he married a Roman Catholic Lady.
LONDON:
Printed for S. Richardson; And Sold by C. HITCH and L. HAWES, in
Pater-noster Row;
J. and J. RIVINGTON, in
St. Paul's Church-Yard;
ANDREW MILLAR, in the
Strand;
R. and J. DODSLEY, in
Pall-Mall;
And J. LEAKE, at
Bath.
M.DCC.LV.
PREFACE.
By a FRIEND.
P LUTARCH,
that justly admired philosopher, who has greatly obliged the world by his writings, and, amongst these, by the many curious
Apophthegms
he has given us of the wise and good men of antiquity, tells us,
"That Socrates, meeting one day with Menon, whom he considered as a man well exercised in all the varieties of conversation, as well as a great proficient in speculative wisdom, ask'd him, WHAT IS VIRTUE? And that Menon answer'd, There were proper virtues for Youth and Old-age, for Man and Woman, for Magistrate and Private person, for Master and Servant. An answer, which (the writer says) excited the admiration and applause of Socrates."
But, what would this wise heathen have said, and how much greater would have been his transport, had his friend Menon, by way of answer, presented him with writings, in which he had entered minutely into
the nature of the Virtues
proper for such different
Ages, Sexes,
and
Stations;
had he described these social excellencies, so
affectingly,
as to command attention, so
accurately,
as to prevent mistake, and so
invitingly,
as to engage imitation!
But a delineation of moral Virtue, like this, was beyond the powers of human
Reason,
and the utmost efforts of antient
Philosophy.
And it is to REVELATION (that
greater light
to rule the moral world) that we owe the more perfect knowledge, not only of
Religion,
in matters relative to GOD, but of
Virtue
also, in matters relative to
ourselves, and one another.
No wonder, therefore, that what Menon only mentioned in the general, and what even Socrates could not have described justly in the particulars, should have been executed in these latter times, with greater clearness and precision.
And yet, whatever improvements have been made by Christians in the system of Moral Duty; how powerfully soever men are now exhorted to act like
reasonable
and
religious
beings; how strongly soever those exhortations are enforced by the surer and more animating sanctions of the Gospel; yet—is it not too visible, that immorality and irreligion still obtain in the lives of
many,
and, perhaps, (dreadful thought!) of the
majority?
And shall not every man, who is convinced of the real importance of virtuous principles and practices, and of the very frequent apostasy from them, stand forth, and prevent, as far as in him lies, this alarming degeneracy from growing more prevalent?
Many (it is acknowledged, with pleasure and with gratitude) have been the laudable attempts of writers, in our own country, to obtain this end; and these both from the
clergy
and
laity.
And a valuable accession has been made, within the last fourteen years, by an author modestly
anonymous,
in his Three Works called, PAMELA, CLARISSA, and Sir CHARLES GRANDISON! Works, which amiably illustrate, and strongly enforce, the proper Virtues of
Man and Woman, Parent and Child, Old-age and Youth, Master and Servant!
Each of them commuicated in
a regular collection of Familiar Letters,
"written to the moment, while the heart is agitated by hopes and fears, on events undecided."
A method which must engage more strongly, and prove far more interesting to, the reader, than a cold, unanimating narrative of events long since determined.
With such a knowledge of life and manners, as is displayed in those Works; with a capacity to entertain with wit, and enliven with humour, as well as to correct with delicacy, and exhort with dignity; we cannot but greatly respect the man, who, in an age
like this,
has attempted to steal upon the world
reformation,
under the notion of
amusement;
who has found the expedient of engaging the
private attention
of those, who put themselves out of the reach of
public exhortation;
pursuing to their
closets
those who fly from the
pulpit;
and there, under the gay air, and captivating semblance of a
Novel,
tempting them to the perusal of many a persuasive
Sermon.
In order to render these Letters more completely useful, in this volume are collected their various important
Maxims,
digested under their general heads; with
references
from each Maxim to its proper volume and page. A work this, that has not been more productive of trouble, than (I presume) it will be of entertainment and advantage.
Sententious Maxims
and
Moral Aphorisms,
collecting into a point, and concisely, but strongly, expressing
elevated thoughts, beautiful sentiments,
or
instructive lessons,
have always been well received by the public. They have been considered as the first strokes of a picture, in which are seen the justness and beauty of the painter's design, though it has not the colouring.
The
maxims of state,
for instance, drawn up by Lord HALIFAX, have been greatly esteemed; as being the result of long experience, and sound policy. And the
maxims
of ROCHEFOUCAULT have met with a reception perhaps too favourable; as their tendency seems to be, to
disgrace human nature,
and
destroy all the virtues.
And indeed the translator of them says,
"I must confess, I have not read any thing in this age, that has given me a greater
contempt
for man."
The very reverse of this, is the plan on which the following Maxims are grounded; namely, on
the real
dignity
of human nature,
in order to animate man to act up to his genuine greatness.
"It exhibits man, as he really is; a compound, probationary being: fallen indeed from the primitive
perfection
of his nature, yet still great and amiable in the
sincerity
of his virtues: frequently rebelling against the sacred laws of reason and revelation, and then always an enemy to his own happiness, and the peace of society: But sometimes so worthily improving the graces and the gifts of heaven, as to secure the blessing of others, and the applause of his own mind; and advancing, within his proper sphere of action, the salvation of himself and his fellow-creatures, by a life exemplary in all the duties of a Man and of a Christian!"
Such is the great plan, such the benevolent scheme, of those three collections of
Familiar Letters;
which have been already translated into several foreign languages, and received in our own country with uncommon favour. But as the
narrative
part of those Letters was only meant as a vehicle for the
instructive,
no wonder that many readers, who are desirous of fixing in their minds those maxims which deserve notice distinct from the story that first introduced them, should have often wished and pressed to see them separate from that chain of engaging incidents that will sometimes steal the most fixed attention from its pursuit of serious truth.
For the use therefore of all such as are desirous of
repeatedly inculcating
on their own minds, and the minds of others, the important
Maxims,
which those three works contain; and who would
refer
themselves occasionally to the volumes for the illustration of these maxims; this
General Index
both of
Maxims
and of
References
is now offered to the public in one pocket volume.
I shall only remark farther, that the
Histories
may be considered as the LIVES of so many eminent persons, and this collection of
Maxims,
as the MORALS. And I presume, to add, with all due deference to the sentiments of others;—that
These Lives and Morals
will perhaps last as long, probably be as much admired, and certainly prove much more extensively beneficial (as they describe persons exemplary in
private
and
common
life), than the
Lives and Morals
of the HEROES of the truly illustrious philosopher mentioned in the beginning of this Preface.
A COLLECTION OF THE Moral
and
Instructive SENTIMENTS Contained in the History of
PAMELA.
The Numerals, i, ii, iii, iv. denote the Volumes; the first Figures refer to the Octavo Edition; those inclosed thus [ ] to the 3d and subsequent Editions of the Twelves.
A
Address
to the Rich.
H OW great will be the condemnation of the Rich, at the great Day of Account, when they shall be asked, What uses they made of the opportunities put into their hand to do good to their indigent fellow creatures; and are able only to say—
"We have lived but to ourselves: We heaped up treasures for those who came after us, tho' we knew not but
they
would make a still worse use of them, than we ourselves have done,"
ii. 207, 208. [201, 202].
Little knows the narrow-minded man the pleasures that fill the heart of a beneficent person, on reflecting on the good he has been enabled to do to worthy objects, ii. 207. [201]. [
See
Beneficence.
The
Rich.
Advantages
of Men over Women, owing to Women themselves.
THE love of praise, and to be flattered and admired, which predominates in the sex, from sixteen to sixty, gives the men great advantages over them, iv. 465. [407].
The readiness with which women are apt to forgive the men who have deceived other women;
And that inconsiderate notion of too many of them,
that a reformed rake makes the best husband,
are great encouragements to vile men to continue their profligacy, iv. 466, & seq. [407, & seq].
Virtue and Sobriety are surely as beautiful parts of a man's character as of a woman's. The most abandon'd of men think these Graces indispensable in the women they hope to marry—Shall women of prudence dispense with them in the men they choose for partners for life? iv. 467. [408].
The foolish vanity which some women have in the hopes of reforming a wild young fellow, which others of their sex have in vain tried to do, has often cost them the happiness of their lives; and given, at the same time, great encouragement to men to continue in their guilt; and to add, to their other vices, that of hypocrisy, if they think the object a prize worth feigning for, iv. 467, 468. [409].
The cruelty of women to an unhappy creature, who has been betrayed by the perfidy of her Lover; while they scruple not to admit among them the vile seducer, is another great encouragement to base and artful men, iv. 468. [409].
[
See
Advice
to Young Women.
Female
Dignity.
Love.
Adversity.
PERSONS may the rather hope to be extricated from difficulties and distresses, if they have not involved themselves in them by their vanity and presumption, i. 266. [212].
In some apprehended evils, the very event we dread, often brings relief, i. 288. [229].
What we look upon as our greatest unhappiness in a difficulty we are involved in, may possibly be the evil hastening to its crisis, and happy days may ensue, i. 288. [230].
How knows a person, struggling with Calamity, what ends the Almighty has to bring about, by the trials he is exercised with? Was not
Joseph
's exaltation owing to his unjust imprisonment? i. 288. [230].
Distresses, however heavy at the time, appear light, and even joyous, to the reflecting mind, when worthily overcome, ii. 57. [79].
In a deep distress, we are apt to engage every body in it; and to wonder that things animate and inanimate wear the same face they did while our hearts were free and easy, iv. 170. [154]. [
See
Beneficence. Resignation.
Advice
to young married Women.
YOUNG married Women who grow negligent in their dress, shew a slight to the husband, that they shewed not to the lover; and as good as declare, that they are indifferent about preserving the heart, which perhaps they took no small pains to engage, ii. 215. [207].
See
Dress. High
Life.
Husband
and Wife.
Marriage. Wife.
Advice
to Young Women.
A YOUNG Woman, of whatever degree, who keeps men at a modest distance, will be sure to be the more valued for it, even by those who had formed designs upon her honour, i. 9. [8].
A truly worthy and modest Young Woman will value herself more on being descended from honest parents, though poor, than if she were high-born, and her parents unworthy, i. 11. [9].
The Young Woman who, at the request of her pretended lover, keeps secret the indecencies offered to her by him, encourages him to repeat them, i. 26, 27. [22].
The anger of a superior to a Young Woman, who has had the virtue to repulse him, is to be considered by her as her glory, i. 28. [23].
She that is more ashamed of dishonesty than of poverty, will not be easily overcome, i. 29. 44, 45. [24. 54].
A Young Woman whose virtue has been once attempted, yet throws herself into the same person's company, or continues where he is, when she can avoid it, ought to charge herself with the consequences, if she receives new indignities, i. 50. 93. [41. 72, 73.] iii. 254. [201].
Those things disgrace not men, in the eye of the world, which ruin Women, i. 54. [44].
The man who is capable of rudeness to a Woman, to whom he professes honourable love, ought to be rejected as an husband, by a Woman of virtue and spirit, for his sake, as well as for the sake of her own honour, i. 64. [52, 53].
How much better is it by good fame and integrity, to get every one's good word but one, than by pleasing that one, to incur the censure of every-body else! i. 70. [57].
A man professing honour to a Woman, has it generally in his power to convince her of his sincerity by more than words, i. 228. [181.]
Wicked men will stoop to the most degrading meanness to obtain a favourite end, i. 338. [270].
If a Woman knows a man to be a libertine, yet will, without scruple, give him her company, he will think half the ceremony between them is over; and will probably only want an opportunity to make her repent of her confidence in him, iii. 230. [182].
When a man wishes a Young Woman of inferior circumstances to confide in his
Honour,
he ought to be explicite, and not leave it to her to explain, in her own perhaps
too
hopeful way, what he means by the word. In short, the word
Marriage
is as soon spoken as the word
Honour,
iii. 437. [345].
Men frequently take little liberties with Women; and as those are received, are encouraged or discouraged from greater; so that it is in a Woman's power, effectually to over-awe an audacious presumer; and obtain even such a one's good opinion and esteem, iii. 469 to 473. [371 to 375].
A Young Woman will be in less danger when she rather fears an enemy in the acquaintance she favours of the other sex, than hopes a friend; especially as so much depends upon the issue either of her doubt, or of her confidence, iv. 446. [390].
A prudent Woman will not want to be reminded, with regard to her conduct to fops, coxcombs, and pretty fellows, that she is not always secure in their company, by her superior good sense; since good Generals trusting to their strength and skill, have been often defeated by a weak enemy, iv. 447. [391].
The wife of a self-admirer must expect a very cold and negligent husband, iv. 448. [392].
The Young Woman who will admit into her company any man who shall be of opinion, and know it to be
hers,
that it is his province to ask, hers to deny, will expose her reputation, if not her virtue, to great risques, iv. 449. [393].
Presuming men are always ready to construe every little civility in their own favour,
ibid.
Men have generally more hardness of heart than Women; whence the latter, when they meet not with men of honour, engage upon very unequal terms, iv. 454. [397].
It is so customary with Men to make promises and vows, and to set light by them when made, that a Woman ought not to regard any thing they either say or vow, that carries not demonstration with it,
ibid.
The difference in the education of men and Women, must give the former great advantages over the latter, even where genius's are equal,
ibid.
A man who is worthy of the Woman he pretends to love, needs not, generally speaking, take indirect means to obtain her in marriage, iv. 455. [398].
Hope, in material cases, should never be unaccompanied by fear, iv. 458. [400].
When a Young Woman begins to find in her own heart an inclination to a man, pretending love to her; then, if he be not a man of undoubted honour, is her danger doubled, as ought to be her vigilance; since she has
herself
to guard against, as well as him; iv. 458. [401].
A prudent Woman will not trust to her lover's mercy or honour, but to her own discretion; and the rather, as, if he mean well, he himself will value her the more for it; if not well, she will detect him the sooner,
ibid.
The doubt which a Woman has of her lover's honour is needful, not only to preserve her own, but his. If she wrongs him, she can make him amends by instances of greater confidence, when she pleases: But if yesterday she granted him little favours, he will not allow her this day to recede; till at last, perhaps, she puts herself out of her own power into his, in order to manifest the insisted-on generosity of her affection for him, iv. 460. [402.]
There have been cases, where a man himself, pursuing the dictates of his encroaching passion, and finding a Woman conceding, has taken advantages, which probably at first he did not presume to think of,
ibid.
See
Advantages
of Men over Women
▪ Cautions
to young female Servants.
Credulity. Female
Dignity.
Flattery. Heroic
Poverty.
Histories
and Characters.
Libertines. Love. Low
Life
▪ Masters
Behaviour to female Servants.
Parents
and Children.
Promises. Romances. Temptations. Virtue.
Anger.
IT is giving a base man too much consequence in the common concerns of life, to be violently angry with him, iii. 373. [294]. [
See
Passion.
B.
Bashfulness. Sheepishness.
BASHFUL people frequently confound themselves by endeavouring to avoid confusion, i. 77. [59.].
Bashfulness, even to a fault, is always to be preferred to an undistinguishing and hardy confidence, iv. 383. [335].
Sheepishness is a damp upon merit, iv. 383. [335]. Yet it may be looked upon as an outward fence or inclosure to virtue, which may keep off the lighter attacks of immorality, iv. 384. [335].
It may be expected that a sheepish youth is docile, humane, good-humoured, diffident; while a mind that never doubts itself is likely to be conceited, impetuous, over-bearing, incorrigible, iv. 384. [335].
See
Merit. Modesty.
Beauty.
VIRTUE only is the true Beauty, i. 18. [15].
Beauty, without goodness, is but a skin-deep perfection, iv. 416. [363, 364].
Beneficence.
THE power of doing good to worthy objects, is the only enviable circumstance in the lives of people of fortune, i. 14. [11]. ii. 130. [120].
The beneficent heart gives benignity to the countenance, i. 14. [11, 12.]
Where the power of doing a beneficent action is wanting, there is nearly as much merit in the will to do it, as in the fact, ii. 163. [160].
The fortune of a person who has the blessing of a beneficent heart, is the more valuable to him, as it enables him to reward merit, where-ever he finds it, ii. 163. [160].
The pleasure of doing good to our not unworthy fellow-creatures, who stand in need of our relief, is of itself a sufficient reward for our Beneficence, were there to be no after-remuneration, ii. 207. [201]. iv. 369. [322].
What joy is it in the power of the wealthy to give themselves, when-ever they please, by comforting those who struggle with undeserved distress! iii. 15. [12].
A beneficent heart may be called the gift of God, iii. 61. [48.]
Nothing in human nature is so God-like, as the disposition to do good to our fellow-creatures, iii. 62. [49.]
A generous mind, when it grants a favour, will do it with a grace, ii. 18. [47.]
See
Address
to the Rich.
Charity.
The
Rich.
C.
Calumny. Censure. Censoriousness.
A GOOD person will rather choose to be censured for doing his duty, than for a defect in it, iii. 300. [237.]
Were evil actions to pass uncensured, good ones would lose their reward; and vice, by being put on a foot with virtue in this life, would meet with general countenance, iii. 342. [270.]
No one is exempt from Calumny. Words said, the occasion of saying them not known, however justly reported, may bear a very different construction from what they would have done, had the occasion been told, iv. 211. [182].
Cautions
to young Female Servants.
THE least freedoms of a master to his handsome Female Servant, and even his smiles, when he is alone with her, are to be apprehended by her, as meaning too much for her honesty, i. 6. 42. [5. 35].
She is then to be most apprehensive for her virtue, when she finds her heart elated with joy and gratitude for the distinction he pays her, i. 6. [5].
No riches, no favour of the great, can compensate for the loss of virtue, i. 6. [6].
The young woman who sacrifices her virtue to the distinction paid her by her master, may well be said to be too grateful, i. 6. [6].
A handsome Female Servant should not wish to live in the house of a single man, since she will be likely by it to suffer in her reputation in the world's eye; may be more subject to temptation: and if he marry, will not, most probably, be continued in her place by his wife, i. 10. [8].
Distance, regulated by civility, and a freedom from pride, will make a young woman in service respected by her equals, and valued by her superiors, i. 12. [10].
Great favour shewn to a handsome young woman of low fortune, by a man of high, is to be suspected, i. 17. [14].
Happy ought to be the Servant in her own reflexion, who is dismissed for refusing compliance with the wicked will of her master, i. 79. [61].
Innocence is the sweetest companion a young creature can have,
ibid.
See
Advice
to young Women.
Credulity. Heroic
Poverty.
Love. Low
Life.
Masters
Behaviour to Female Servants.
Promises. Temptations. Virtue.
Charity. Alms-giving.
WHEN we reflect, that we serve a MASTER, who exacts from us no hard terms, but only requires of us to do justice, and shew mercy to one another, it must be a great inducement to acts of Charity and Benevolence, iii. 421. [333].
But were there
not
that inducement, the pleasure that attends such acts, is of itself a high reward to a beneficent and generous mind, 422. [333].
[
See Pamela's methods of Charity to the Poor and Sick around her in the
COUNTRY, iii. 421.
& seq.
[332,
& seq.
]
There are hardly any cases which require more judgment in distinguishing between objects worthy and unworthy, and what is, and is not, Charity, than those we call charitable cases, iii. 433. [342.]
Such as make a trade of begging, and are as tenacious of their stand, as others of their freehold, are not those who deserve relief:
As do the industrious poor who are reduced by sickness, casualty, or misfortune; or even by mistake, not wilful or persisted in: who sigh in secret, and cannot make known what they suffer, iii. 434. [342, 343.]
The tender treatment of a sick servant is a great encouragement to all the rest; as they will see by it, how
they
will be taken care of, should they happen to be ill, iv. 59. [48].
For a particular account of Pamela's Charities in
TOWN, see iv. 59.
& seq.
[49,
& seq.
]
The worthy indigent, become so by unavoidable accidents and casualties, are to be distinguished in our acts of Charity, from those who have brought upon themselves want and distress, by their extravagance or wilful folly, iv. 405. [354].
See Pamela's method in her acts of Charity, and in her religious duties at home, in order to avoid giving offence to her husband's gay spirit,
iv. 405. & seq. [334, & seq].
See
Address
to the Rich.
Adversity. Beneficence. Consolation
to the Poor. The
Poor
not to be despised by the Rich. The
Rich. Sickness.
CHASTITY.
See
Virtue.
Chearfulness.
THAT seriousness in giving advice, will be most likely to be efficacious on a gay mind, that is mingled with Chearfulness, and throws not a cloud over innocent enjoyments, ii. 151. [156]. [
See
Parents
and Children.
Children
in their early Infancy.
SLEEP is an admirable nourisher both to the once young, and the twice young, iv. 329. [285].
It is a most inconsiderate, foolish, and pernicious custom in nurses, to awaken the Child from its nourishing sleep, for fear it should suffer from hunger,
ibid.
Nurses, by cramming and stuffing the little bowels of Infants till they are ready to burst, occasion indigestions, which turn to bad humours,
ibid.
Infants can have no corrupt taste to gratify. All in them is pure, as out of the hand of nature: the food therefore that is given them should be plain; all that is not so, must vitiate and offend:
How bad then is the custom which nurses have, to mix wine or spirituous liquors, however small in quantity, in their liquid food, on pretence of breaking the wind generated in their bowels! iv. 328. [286.]
Children should not be used to physic. That given them by way of precaution, as it is called, introduces the necessity of physic. Would a parent beget a disorder where there is none? or, by frequent use, render the salutary force of medicine ineffectual when it was wanted?
ibid.
See Pamela's description of an Infant pinned down,
and swathed round with a roller, ten or a dozen times; blanket upon blanket wrapt round it: Its head oppressed with covering upon covering: its arms pinioned close to its body: its legs hundled up as if to prevent those kindly stretchings which ought to be promoted as so many efforts for growth and enlargement; lying a miserable little captive on the nurse's lap: its head pinned by stays to the shoulders; goggling and staring with its eyes, the only organs it has at liberty, as if supplicating for freedom to its fettered limbs,
iv. 328. [287].
Children in arms will, by their fondness or dislike of their attendants, let a parent know the treatment they meet with behind their backs, iv. 376. [328.]
Children
how to be treated in their Infantile State, with a View to the Cultivation of their Minds.
CHILDREN'S minds are sooner capable of cultivation, than is generally imagined, iv. 325. [284.]
May not the Child which can tell its wants, and make known its inclinations, be easily made sensible of what is expected from it, if proper methods be taken with it? iv. 326. [284].
For, sometimes signs and tokens, and even looks, uniformly practised, will do as well as words; as we see in such of the young of the Brute Creation as we are disposed to domesticate, and to teach to practise those little tricks of which the docility of their nature makes them capable,
ibid.
There is such a natural connexion and progression between the infantile and more adult state of Childrens minds, that those who would know how to account for their inclinations, should not be wholly inattentive to them in the former state,
ibid.
Every creature has its natural or instinctive pointings, as they may be called, teaching it to choose its good, and to avoid what is hartful to it. In Infants, the desire they have to be carried abroad, into the free air, is one of those, iv. 327. [285].
The wisest ought not to be above attending to the first rules for the management of Infants. If the Child has not good health (and are not early rules the foundation of that blessing?) its animal functions will play but poorly thro' weak and crazy organs, iv. 330. [287].
At two or three years old, or before, the Buds of Childrens minds will begin to open, a watchful Parent will then be employed, like a skilful gardener, in defending the flower from blights, and assisting it thro' its several stages to perfection,
ibid.
An unreasonable appetite is to be checked at its first appearance, iv. 331. [289].
But if small and innocent indulgences will lead the Child to an observance of its duty, it may be complied with in such,
ibid.
Great vigilance should be exercised over the tempers of Children, when their notices of things and persons grow strong and significant, iv. 412. [360].
Childrens future tempers, as to benevolence, may be guessed at by their willingness to part with any thing they are fond of, iv. 413. [360].
Children should not be allowed to enter too early into discourse with grown people; nor to give their opinions on subjects, unless called upon to do so;
Since knowledge is obtained rather by hearing than speaking, iv. 417. [364].
Yet they ought to be encouraged to ask questions for their information,
ibid.
Pamela observes to her Billy,
that nature has given two ears to one tongue, as if it meant, that we should hear twice as much as we speak,
ibid.
See
Education. Maternal
Duties.
Parents
and Children.
Children
and Servants.
Too great a distance kept up between Children and Servants, may fill the former with an arrogance that is not warranted by any condition or rank to their fellowcreatures; and, if care be taken, by good examples of superiors, to make good Servants, such will not deserve to be treated contemptuously, iv. 359. [313].
The principles of universal benevolence and kindness, especially to inferiors, should be early inculcated in the minds of Children of birth and condition, iv. 361. [315].
No part of their superiority will be hereby lost, says Mr
Locke;
but the distinction increased, and their authority strengthened, when love in inferiors is joined with outward respect, and an esteem of the person has a share in their submission, iv. 360. [314].
Domestics, adds Mr.
Locke,
will pay a more ready and chearful service, when they find themselves not spurned because fortune has laid them below the level of others, at their master's feet,
ibid.
There is a pride, a self-love, in human minds, that will seldom be kept so low, as to make men and women humbler than they ought to be, iv. 361. [315].
That superiority will be best maintained, which is accompanied by humanity and kindness, and is grounded on the perfections of the mind, rather than on the accidental advantages of birth and fortune, iv. 363. [316.]
See
Education. Parents
and Children.
Servants.
Clergy.
To be a Clergyman, and all that is compassionate and virtuous, ought to be the same thing, iii. 190. [151].
The failings of some of the Clergy ought not to make impressions upon any one, to the disadvantage of the function in general, iii. 193. [153.]
This indiscriminate censoriousness,
says Pamela,
is a very common fault, and frequently indicates an uncharitable, and perhaps profligate heart, seeking to level characters, in order to cover enormities they will not be instructed to amend, iii. 194. [154].
The presence of a Clergyman known to be good, will be always an awe upon free and forward spirits, iii. 268. [212.]
A truly good Clergyman will be cautious of doing any thing that will require a dispensation, and which would be unlawful without it, iii. 328. [258].
The treatment which the Clergy give to one another, makes it the less to be wondered it, that the laity use them with disrespect, iii. 328. [259].
Where a small stipend out of a good benefice is paid to the man who does all the duty, it may be said, that the principals help the invidious to a method of estimating the value of performing the sacred Service, iii. 328. [259].
He who takes two livings, when one of them would afford him a handsome maintenance, as good as declares, that he is resolved to make the most of their profits, iii. 329. [260].
One of the causes of the contempt of the Clergy is the insufficient provision made for those of the inferior order, iii. 331. [261].
See the Conversation between Mr. B. Pamela, and their Friends, on Impropriations, Pluralities,
&c. iii. 327,
& seq.
[258,
& seq.
]
Bad as the world is, a
prudent
Clergyman will always meet with respect, iii. 336. [265].
A good Clergyman will be unwilling to leave his flock, tho' for a richer benefice, if he find his ministry among them attended with good effects,
ibid.
Many people can receive benefit from one man's preaching, who cannot by that of another, tho' the abilities of both may be equal, iii. 336. [265].
There is a great deal in a delivery, as it is called, in a way, a manner, a deportment, to engage people's attention and liking,
ibid.
Where the flock loves the shepherd, his work is easy, and more than half done; where it does not, let him have the tongue of an angel, and live the life of a saint, he will be heard with indifference, and oftentimes, as his subject may be, with disgust, iii. 336, 337. [265, 266].
A
prudent
regard to worldly interest misbecomes not the character of a good Clergyman, iii. 337. [266].
Pity that all worthy Clergymen were not set above want; and that not only for their own sakes, but for that of their hearers; since independency gives a man respect, besides the power of doing good, which will inhance that respect, and, of consequence, give greater efficacy to his doctrines,
ibid.
Temptations should not be laid in the way even of good men, lest they should be overcome by them; and thereby weaken influences which, from such, are of high consequence to the public weal, iii. 338. [267].
It is of public concern that we reverence the function in general, notwithstanding the failure of individuals in it, iii. 341. [269].
God's providence is a better reliance than the richest benefice, iii. 346. [273].
The manifestation and reward of merit do not always go together, iii. 347. [273].
See the Hardships which the inferior Clergy lie under, more than any other body of men, as set forth by Mr. B.
iii. 350,
& seq.
[276,
& seq
].
Worthy young men, who have but just quitted college, and have made the improvement of their minds their chief study in it, know little of the world; and, depending on the goodness of their own hearts, are more liable to be imposed upon, than men of half their understanding, iv. 287. [249].
See
Patrons. Religion. Tythes.
Clergyman
's Wife.
IT is necessary, in order to preserve the respect due to a good Clergyman, that his Wife should be nearly, if not quite, as unexceptionable in her manners, as himself, iv. 274. [238].
How shall a good Clergyman be able to pursue his studies with comfort to himself, or with edification to his flock, if he be made uneasy at home?
ibid.
And how can it be expected that his female parishioners will regard his public preaching, if he has no influence over the private conduct of his Wife? iv. 275. [238].
The Wife of a country Clergyman ought to know something of oeconomy and houshold management, iv. 275. [239].
She should not delight in dress, so as to be thought to vie with the wives and daughters of the principal families in her neighbourhood,
ibid.
Whoever thinks of being a Clergyman's Wife,
(says Pamela to her Polly Barlowe, confirming the above rules,)
should resolve to be as good as himself;
Should determine to set an example to her female neighbours; and shew how much weight her husband's doctrines have with her;
Should be humble, circumspect, gentle in her temper and manners; frugal;
Should resolve to sweeten his labours; and to be obliging to the poor as well as rich;
Should be careful that her husband get no discredit by her means, which would weaken his influence upon his auditors; iv. 274 to 280. [238 to 243].
COMEDY.
See
Public
Entertainments.
Competency.
THE man who being not born to an estate is not satisfied with a Competency, will hardly know any limit to his desires, iii. 348. [275]. [
See
Heroic
Poverty. The
Rich.
Conscience. Consciousness.
ALL outward finery is nothing, weighed against a good Conscience, i. 17. [14].
The great man who will permit his Conscience to be his preacher, will stand in less need of a chaplain, i. 105. [83].
There are cases in which the Consciousness of secret guilt will restrain a pleasure, that in a happier situation it would have been equally delightful and laudable to manifest, iii. 508. [403].
What a poor figure does the proudest man make under the sense of a concealed guilt, in company of the innocent, who happens to know it, iii. 511. [405].
How would the innocent person, who fears an unjust judge, tremble, were she
not
innocent, and to appear before a just one! i. 40. [33].
See
Consolation
to the Poor.
Heroic
Poverty.
Resignation. Shame.
Conjugal
Piety.
A GOOD wife, who is intent upon doing her duty to God and her husband, cannot but hope for a more elevated companionship than this transitory state can yield to her and the man of choice, iii. 190. [150].
What a dreadful case is hers, who being as exemplary in the performance of her general duties, as human frailty will allow, looks upon the sole object of her earthly love, the father of her children, as an unhappy soul, destined, without a miracle, to a seperate and miserable existence for ever, iii. 190. [150, 151].
But what transports, at times, must she know, who shall be blessed with the hope of being an humble instrument to reclaim a partner so dear to her;
And, that heart in heart, hand in hand, they shall one day issue forth from this incumbered state into a blessed eternity, benefited in life by each other's example? iii. 190. [151].
What exalted happiness must that man and wife know, who, one spirit as well as one flesh, join in the same prayers and thanksgivings, both in their public and private duties, iv. 407. [355].
See
Husband
and Wife.
Libertines. Love.
Consolation.
IN all the inevitable changes and chances of this mortal life, the worthy mind will comfort itself, that Providence best knows what is good for it, ii. 57. [79].
The very evils most dreaded by a worthy mind, are often turned by an all-wise Providence, to its honour and happiness, ii. 57. [79].
See
Adversity. Resignation.
Consolation
to the Poor.
IN the midst of poverty and misfortune, God's goodness is the honest man's surest reliance, i. 6. [6].
The next world, not this, is the rewarding place for the virtue and honesty of the suffering Poor, i. 7. [6].
Let none even think children a burden, where it may happen that the merits of some one of them may be the means of raising all the rest, and a benefit and credit to honest parents, i. 263. [210].
While the virtuous Poor can be blessed with contented minds all day, and sound sleep at night; and the hours of night bear so near a proportion in number to those of the day, may not such, even at the worst, be said to pass, at least half their lives with more comfort than the voluptuous and distemper'd great? iii. 143. [113, 114.]
Honest Poverty is not such a deplorable thing as some imagine, iii. 143. [114].
Poor people, who live low, very seldom, when taken ill, want any thing but reviving cordials; and, afterwards, wholsome kitchen physic; and then the wheels of nature being unclogged (new-oiled, as it were) will go round again with ease and pleasantness, by aid of that exercise which their labour gives them, iii. 428. [338].
While the rich and voluptuous are obliged to undergo great fatigues to keep theirs in order, iii. 429, [338].
Great inconveniencies attend people in
genteel
life, which those in
lower
know nothing of. Were the conveniencies and inconveniencies of the one and the other to be weighed, perhaps the difference, as to true happiness, would not be so great as the latter imagine, if it did not turn in their favour, iii. 461. [365].
See
Adversity. Charity. Heroic
Poverty.
Low
Life.
Prosperity. Resignation.
CONTENT.
See
Consolation
to the Poor.
Heroic
Poverty.
Low
Life.
Courtship.
THE plain
English
of the politest address of a gentleman to a lady, is, I am now, dear madam, the humblest of your servants: Be so good as to allow me to be your Lord and Master, iii. 195. [154].
The man who is fond of his own person, is not, for that reason, likely to be the more fond of that of his wife, iii. 197. [157].
The more condescending a woman in Courtship is to her lover, the less intitled will he generally think her to his complaisance, iii. 412. [325].
Compliments in Courtship are poured out upon a woman, like a hasty shower, which seldom lasts, iii. 413. [326].
Men of a rank superior to the women they profess to love, do not always mean marriage, when they
promise
it: But if they do mean it, they will never leave a doubt of their honourable intentions, iii. 439. [347].
My husband,
says Miss Darnford, giving her reasons for refusing the address of a weak man,
must be a man of sense, and give me room to think he has a judgment superior to my own, iv. 283. [246].
He will otherwise do wrong-headed things: I shall be forced to oppose him in them: He will be tenacious and obstinate; be taught to talk of prerogative, and call himself a man; yet not know how to behave as one; and I shall despise him of course; and so be deemed a bad wife, when, I hope, I have qualities that would make me a tolerable good one, had I a man of sense for my husband,
ibid.
See
Advice
to Young Women.
Libertines. Love.
Platonic
Love. Marriage.
Credulity.
WHERE Credulity may endanger virtue, a young woman cannot be too vigilant against presents made to her, or favours conferred upon her, with an unsparing hand, i. 16. [14.]
Things we wish to be true, are apt to gain too ready Credit with us, ii. 15. [45].
The most innocent heart is generally the most credulous, iii. 275. [217]. iv. 455. [398].
As Credulity is too apt to be the fault of a good-humour'd person, such a one cannot be too much guarded against the advantages, which every one is ready to take of him or her, iv. 453. [396].
See
Advice
to Young Women.
Love.
Custom.
THERE is a right and a wrong in every thing; and let what will be the Custom, a good man will not do all he may do without incurring a penalty, iii. 345. [272].
It was once thought unseemly to employ men-attendants in womanly offices, iv. 276. [240].
Pamela thus expresses herself on this subject;
A teakettle in a man's hand, which would be fitter to hold a plough, wield a flail, or handle a scythe, has to me a strange look,
ibid.
This is like my low breeding, some perhaps would say; but I cannot call those things polite, that I think unseemly,
ibid.
[
See
Fashions. Public
Entertainments.
D.
Death.
THE person who is worthiest to live, is fittest to die, iii. 484. [384].
There is such a natural repugnance between life and Death, that nature will shrink when it comes to the trial, let us have ever so much fortitude when we view Death at a distance, iv. 114. [97].
When the poor soul stands shivering, as it were, on the brink of eternity, and from a consciousness of a passed mis-spent life, has nothing strong but its fears and doubts, how consolatory must be the advice of a good person, encouraging a reliance upon the mercies of an all-merciful God! iv. 271. [235].
A prudent mind, that considers the uncertainty of the time of its departure hence, and the certainty of the event, will be always preparing, till prepared, iv. 41. [34].
And what can be a better preparative than charity to our fellow-creatures, in the eye of that Majesty, which wants nothing of us but a thankful heart, and that we do just and merciful things to one another?
ibid.
See
Charity. Prosperity. Sickness.
DIFFIDENCE.
See
Bashfulness. Merit. Modesty.
Double Entendre.
WICKED words are the prelude to wicked deeds; the opportunity only seems to be wanting, i. 52. [42].
See
Libertines. Old Rakes.
Dress.
DRESS suited to degree, or station, gives a high instance of prudence, i. 60. [49].
While the man of
Body
takes the greatest care to set out and adorn the part for which he thinks himself most valuable, the man of
Mind
will bestow the most pains in improving that mind;
Perhaps to the neglect of outward appearance; which is a fault on the other side, iv. 448. [391].
See
Advice
to young married Women.
Custom. Fashion.
Duty
to Superiors.
THOSE commands of Superiors which are contrary to our first Duties, are not to be obeyed, i. 36. [30].
The best security an honest servant can give for the performance of her Duty to her principals in absence, is, not to be remiss in her Duties to the Almighty, from whose eye nothing can be hid, iii. 101. [80].
The servant who makes not Religion the basis of his Duty to his master, will be apt to be misguided by convenience or self-interest, if temptations offer,
ibid.
See
Children
and Servants.
Example. Servants.
EDUCATION.
A FINE or genteel Education is generally of more disservice than benefit to a young woman of no fortune, i. 125. [99].
People in a high condition generally so educate their children, as not to suffer them to bear the least contradiction to their violent wills; which indulgence, as they grow up, multiplies not only their own disquiets, but those of every one else, who have, concerns with them, i. 406. [ii. 32].
Tutors should treat their pupils, with regard to such of their faulty habits as cannot easily be eradicated, as prudent physicians do their patients in chronical cases; rather with gentle palliatives than harsh extirpatives; which, by means of the resistance given to them by the habit, may create such ferments as may utterly defeat their intention, iv. 305. [265].
A generous mind will choose to win youth to do its duty, by mildness and good usage, rather than by severity, iv. 332. [289].
It must be painful to such a one to be always inculcating on his children or pupils, the doctrine of self-denial, in cases of an indifferent nature, by methods quite grievous to his own,
ibid.
Encouragements given to children, should, however, be innocent ones; and not such as should lead to luxury, either of food or apparel,
ibid.
The Almighty, by rewards and punishments, makes it our interest, as well as our duty, to obey him; and can we propose to ourselves, for the government of our children, a better example?
ibid.
We must not expect from children, at an early age, that they should distinguish beyond facts, iv. 333. [290].
Grown
people have an eye to the reward for service performed; nor will deserve to be thought less good or virtuous, that they do a painful duty, and even that they submit to be servants, for the reward's sake,
ibid.
Self-denial is indeed an excellent doctrine to be inculcated into children's minds; and it must be done early too; but we must not be too severe in enforcing it; for a duty too rigidly insisted on, will make it odious, iv. 334. [290].
A child should not be either compelled or induced by rewards, to endeavour to master a study or byass (that is not an indispensable requisite to his future life or morals) to which it shews a natural or riveted aversion, iv. 335. [292].
If the Education and Studies of children were suited to their inclinations and capacities, many would be made useful members of society, that otherwise would make no figure in it, iv. 336. [292].
If, as the child grows up, its mind can be raised from the love of the reward, to the love of its duty for the duty's sake, it should by all means be done, iv. 336. [293].
The child which can be brought to prefer its duty to its appetites, (
as Mr. Locke proposes it should
) wants but little of the self-denial of the wisest philosopher,
ibid.
If the child refuses obedience, the parent must insist upon it: The necessity of using severity may be the issue: A wise parent will therefore make as few things as possible necessary parts of its duty, except they are likely to affect its future morals, iv. 337. [293].
Children, from their beginning to talk,
Mr. Locke says,
should have about them some sober, discreet person, whose care it should be, to keep them from the infection of bad company, iv. 338, 339. [295].
An acquaintance with the muses, in the Education of youth, contributes not a little to soften the manners. It gives a delicate turn to the imagination, and a kind of polish to the mind in severer studies, iv. 353. [308].
However, it is not to wished, that a youth should have such strong inclinations that way, as to make that delightful amusement his predominant passion; since we see very few poets whose warm imaginations do not run away with their judgments, iv. 354. [308].
And yet, in order to learn the dead languages in their purity, it will be necessary to study the antient poets; which cannot fail of giving youth a relish for poetry in general,
ibid.
Latin and Language,
in Mr. Locke's judgment,
is the least part of Education, iv. 386. [337].
See his method by which a mother may teach her son Latin, without her understanding it herself; and Pamela's reasonings upon it,
iv. 385,
& seq.
[337,
& seq.
See also his method of instructing a child at once in Latin and French, Arithmetic, Geography, Chronology, History, and Geometry, with an instance in point, as quoted by Pamela,
iv. 388, [340].
Languages and Sciences, and all other accomplishments of Education, will be to no purpose, Mr. Locke observes, but to make the worse and more dangerous man, if the tutor makes it not his chief care to form the mind of his scholar, so as to keep out evil and vicious habits, iv. 386. [338].
On a
Home
and
School
EDUCATION.
MR. Locke, for several weighty reasons, prefers a
Home
to a
School
Education; but makes it next to impossible to procure such a tutor, as he thinks necessary to direct it, iv. 338. [294]. [
See
TUTOR.
It is impossible, he says, that in a
School
Education, a master can have a great number of boys under his eye
any longer than they are in School together, iv. 342. [338].
Hence Pamela takes occasion humbly to propose it as a matter for her Mr. B's consideration and determination, Whether there cannot be found out,
A middle way of
EDUCATION
between both.
CANNOT,
asks she,
some master be engaged, who shall be so well rewarded for his care of a few, as shall make it worth his while to be contented with those few? Suppose five, six, seven, or eight, at most, whose morals and good breeding he may attend to, as well as to their learning? iv. 343.
& seq.
[299,
& seq
].
The further this master lives from the friends of the young gentleman, perhaps the better it will be,
ibid.
He should be a man of mild temper; but strict in his discipline;
One who makes it a rule not to give correction for small faults; or till every other method has been tried;
Who carries such a just dignity in his manner, without the appearance of tyranny, that his looks may be of greater force than the chidings of some; and his chidings than the stripes of others;
And who will rather endeavour to shame, than terrify a youth out of his faults:
She supposes, that this gentleman should allot a particular portion of time for the prosecuting of the more
learned
studies;
And before the youth was tired with them, she supposes another portion should be allotted for writing and arithmetic;
And then, for a relief to his mind, that the dancingmaster should take his part;
Innocent recreations to fill up the rest, at his own choice; in which, diverted by such a rotation of employments (all rendered delightful by their successive variety), he would hardly wish to pass much time;
Since the dancing itself will answer both parts; that of good breeding, and that of exercise;
And thus different Studies may at once be mastered.
Moreover, the emulation which will be raised where there are several young gentlemen, will greatly lessen the trouble of the tutor, and advance the learning of the pupils:
An emulation which cannot be obtained in a home education, where there is but a single youth to be taken care of;
Such a master, not having a great number of servants, will be better able to answer for their conduct and behaviour;
The young gentlemen will have young gentlemen for their companions; all under the influence of the same precepts and example;
And as little honours and distinctions must needs be very attractive to the minds of youth, suppose, as a reward for some excellence, the excelling youth should be set to read at a little desk raised a step or two, to his master and schoolfellows, sometimes a little portion from the best translations of the Greek or Roman histories, at other times from the English histories;
The master explaining difficult passages and customs, as the youth proceeded;
Might not this, in a very engaging manner, initiate them into the knowlege of the history of past times, and of their own country; and lead them, in the master's absence, to pass some of their vacant hours in the like laudable manner?
Why may not like triumphs on excelling be as incentive to engage children to conquer difficult tasks, as the Roman triumphs, their civic and mural crowns, were to the heroes of old; since men, as the poet observes, are but children of a larger growth? iv. 346. [301].
But if a
Home Education
is chosen, to which Pamela, as well as Mr. Locke inclines, she thus expatiates upon the qualities of a tutor;
iv. 349. [304].
He ought to be a man of free and generous principles; yet not tainted with sceptical or heterodox notions,
Who has travelled, and preserved his moral character unimpeached;
Whose behaviour and carriage is easy, unaffected, genteel;
Who is not, on one hand, dogmatical, positive, or overbearing; on the other, yielding, suppliant, fawning;
Who will study the child's natural bent, in order to direct his genius to the attainment which he is most likely to master:
In order to preserve the respect due to his own character with every one, he must not be a tale-bearer, a whisperer, a busy-body in the family;
Must, on the contrary, have a benevolent turn of mind: Be ready, without officiousness, to compose differences;
Who will avoid the foppishness in dress, by which the petit-maitres and French ushers at boarding-schools often distinguish themselves; since peculiarities of habit, and uncharacteristic appearance, generally denote a wrong head, iv. 350. [304, & seq].
As in a
home education
it will be very difficult to keep children, as Mr. Locke requires, from the conversation of servants;
It will be a securer as well as more laudable method, for parents to insist upon the regular behaviour of the whole family, than to expect that the child and its tutor shall be the only good ones in it, iv. 355. [310].
Nor is this so difficult to be effected, as some may imagine. If, on the hiring of a new servant, sobriety of manners, and a virtuous conversation be insisted upon, as indispensible conditions of their continuing in their service; and if the principals take care to support their injunctions by their own example, it would be seen, that if their service did not find them good, it would make them so, iv. 356. [310].
And why should not this be thought a practicable scheme, when it is considered, that servants, when taken, are generally at years of discretion; and have the strong tie of interest, superadded to the duty we require of them, to influence them; and which they must needs know (let them have contracted habits ever so evil) are as right for them to discharge, as for us to exact from them? iv. 356, 357. [311].
A bad person wholly convinced, is half reformed, iv. 359. [313].
The Home Education is only to be preferred to that of the private school, or university, in cases where the parents set a good example in their families, and take care of the morals of their servants, iv. 364. [318].
The emulation so useful in a School Education to lead children on in their studies, and duties, would be obtained in an home one, if the child of some honest neighbour, of middling or low circumstances, of like years, and of an ingenuous and modest disposition, were taken into the family, and put under the care of the same tutor, and on a foot as to encouragement, as each excelled, iv. 367. [321].
See the advantages of such an adoption, as it may be called, to the child of a man of affluence, and the generosity and propriety of such an institution, as set forth,
iv. 368, 369. [321, 322.]
The noble doctrine of independence should be early instilled into the mind of a youth; and how unworthy of a manly spirit a slavish dependence is, iv. 369. [322].
As a child is indulged or checked in its early follies, a ground is generally laid for the happiness or misery of the future man, iv. 370. [323].
The restive tricks which horses, dogs, and other animals have learned when young, are hardly ever to be mended when knit; and yet, says Mr. Locke, none of these creatures are half so wilful and proud, and half so desirous to be masters of themselves, as men,
ibid.
Shame is a fitter, and, generally, a more effectual punishment for a child, than beating, iv. 371. [324].
See Pamela's opinion of the proper manner of inflicting punishments on a perverse child,
iv. 371,
& seq.
[324,
& seq
].
And of the person proper to inflict it,
iv. 373,
& seq.
[326,
& seq.
]
When the child has committed some fault, for which his parents hold him in disgrace, he should be in disgrace with all the rest of the family, till, thro' shame, he is convinced of his error, iv. 378. [330].
The plays and sports of children are as salutary to them, as labour and work are to grown persons, iv. 381. [333].
See Pamela's opinion of the playthings and diversions of children,
iv. 381,
& seq.
[333, 334].
See
Children
in their Infantile State.
Children
and Servants.
Maternal
Duty.
Parents
and Children.
Travelling. Tutor.
Female EDUCATION.
IN the Education of a young lady of strong passions, it will be best to endeavour, till she can be taught to love virtue for its own sake, to conduct her spirit to proper ends, rather than totally to subdue it, iv. 303. [263].
There may be a decent pride in humility, iv. 303. [264].
A young lady may behave with so much true dignity, as shall command respect by the turn of her eye, sooner than by assuming speech,
ibid.
A young lady should be told, that it is no honour to be better born than servants, if she be not better behaved too,
ibid.
And that humility is a grace that shines in a high condition; but cannot, equally in a low one; because a person in the latter is already, perhaps, too much humbled,
ibid.
Women in their education,
Pamela says,
are generally forced to struggle for knowlege like the poor feeble infant who is pinioned, legs, arms, and head, on the nurse's lap, iv. 347. [302].
If its little arms happen, by great chance, to gain freedom, and expand, they are instantly seized, and fastened down to passive behaviour by the tyrannic nurse,
ibid.
So when a poor girl, in spite of her narrow education, breaks into notice, her genius is immediately tamed by trifling employments, and she is kept back, as if it were apprehended she would become the envy of her own sex, and raise the jealousy of the other,
ibid.
It is the interest of men, that more pains should be taken in the education of women than generally is, iv. 393. [344].
See Pamela's sentiments as further given on the education of girls,
iv. 393. [343].
Mr. B. says, that if the wits of men were equal to those of women, much time and pains might be spared in the Education of the former, i. 387. [ii. 17].
Nature,
says he,
teaches women what is not attained by men, but in a long course of labour and study,
ibid.
See
Children
and Servants.
Education. Female
Dignity.
Love. Maternal
Duty.
Parents
and Children.
ENVY.
ENVY dwells with the poor, as well as with the rich, i. 60. [49].
Nothing more excites the Envy of women in general, than the seeing one of their own class set above them in dress and appearance, ii. 39. [64].
Example.
GREAT is the force of Example, whether bad or good, in superiors, ii. 232. [222]. iv. 357. [311].
A good master, from the king to the peasant, will generally make a good servant, 270. [279].
Mr. B's Example in marrying beneath his degree, not to be pleaded by any one who is not entirely independent; who is not of full age; who has not a fortune sufficient to make himself and the woman happy, iii. 186. [147, 148].
The ungraciousness of children ought not to be wondred at by those parents, who hardly ever shew them that their own actions are governed by reasonable or moral motives, iv. 365. [319].
Can the gluttonous father expect a self-denying son?
ibid.
With how ill a grace must a man who will be often disguised in liquor, preach sobriety to his children?
ibid.
And irreligious man, piety?
ibid.
Will a parent, whose hands are seldom without cards or dice in them, be observed in lessons against the pernicious vice of gaming?
ibid.
Impossible; except when the child, seeing the odiousness of his father's vices, has the grace to set them up as a kind of sea-mark, to warn him to shun those rocks on which his father has split, iv. 366. [319].
See
Duty
to Superiors.
Education. Maternal
Duty.
Parents
and Children.
Penitence.
F.
Fashion.
IN spite of Fashion, it is in every man's power to prescribe rules to himself, which will be allowed by every one, when it is known he will not depart from them, ii. 217. [209].
It is the custom of the world to give way to iniquitous practices, and then to plead the Fashion against the attempt to reform them, i. 223. [177].
See
Custom. Public
Entertainments.
Female
Dignity.
THE woman who thinks meanly of herself, is any man's purchase, iv. 246. [213].
See Pamela's opinion of the equality of genius in men and women, were the latter to have the same opportunities of improvement that the men have,
iv. 395,
& seq.
[345,
& seq.
].
The wits, as they would have themselves thought to be, who treat women with contempt, generally treat as freely, the most sacred subjects, iv. 398. [348].
To what does the contemptuous treatment of the one half, if not the better half, of the human species tend to, but to render the sex vile in the eyes of the most vile; and to make women the subjects of the attempts of profligates, iv. 399. [349].
Since, when a woman is no longer beheld with that dignity, with which the innocence of her mind, and perhaps the graces of person should sacredly, as it were, encompass her, her very excellencies become so many incentives to base wretches to endeavour to ruin her, iv. 399. [349].
The generality of men are far from being formidable to the sex, if women do justice to themselves, and to what their characters require of them, iv. 447. [391].
See
Advantages
of men over women,
&c. Advice
to Young Women.
Love. Wits. Writers.
Filial
Piety.
CALL me,
says Pamela to her parents, in her exalted condition,
your Daughter, your Pamela. I am no lady to you. I have more delight to be called your comfort, and to be thought to act worthy of the lessons you taught me, and of the examples you set me, than in any one thing in this life, my bounden duty to our common benefactor excepted, iii. 18. [15].
I am sure God has blessed me for your sakes, and has thus more than answered for us, all our prayers: We only prayed, that God would preserve
you
honest, and
me
virtuous; and see how we are crowned with blessings, that make us the admiration of all that know us, iii. 19. [15].
Flattery.
FLATTERY and pretended Admiration are the engines by which men make their first approaches to the hearts of women, iv. 235. [203].
The person ought to be despised who attempts to bespeak the favour of a faulty man by Flattery, or by seeking to extenuate his failings, iv. 400. [349].
See
Advantages
of men over women.
Advice
to Young Women.
Love.
Forgiveness.
FORGIVENESS of injuries is the mark and privilege of a superior mind, iii. 82. [65].
Thus Pamela reasons with herself, when her master required her to forgive Mrs. Jewkes;
I will forgive thee, since
thy
master and
mine
will have me do so, iii. 82. [65].
And, indeed, thou art beneath the resentment even of such a poor girl as I am,
ibid.
I will pity thee, base and abject as thou art: And she, who is the object of my pity, is surely beneath my anger,
ibid.
My eye that used to quiver and tremble at thy haughty eye, shall now, through conscious dignity, look down thy scouling guilty one into self-condemnation, iii. 83. [65].
Bear the reproach of thine own wicked heart, low, vile woman! That will be punishment enough for thee, without exposing myself to the imputation of descending so near to a level with thee, as to resent thy past baseness, when thou hast no power to hurt me.
See her reasonings on this subject pursued from
p. 83, to 91. [66,
& seq.
].
Gentleness of nature, and placableness of disposition, are graces of the fair sex, iii. 91. [72, 73].
I have no notion,
says Pamela,
of that slight distinction that is often made between
forget
and
forgive:
I
must
forgive, but never will forget, iii. 91, 92. [73].
When I would rather say,
adds she,
that I will remember such an action for my future guard; but I will try to forget it, as often as it occurs to my memory, if the remembrance of it will occasion a breach in my charity,
ibid.
Offenders, smote with true contrition, will be the less able, from a generous forgiveness, to silence the reproaches of their own hearts, iii. 98. [78].
See
Religion,
&c.
Fortitude.
IT is a great pleasure to be able to descend with ease and resignation from high to humble hopes, when such cannot be answered with innocence, i. 82. [63].
An humble and steady mind cannot meet with very shocking disappointments, let Fortune's wheel turn round as it will, i. 82. [64].
It becomes a good person in distress to make a virtue of necessity, and to try to bring real good out of the appearing evil, iv. 191. [164].
See Pamela's example in a deep calamity, for the illustration of this doctrine,
iii. 192,
& seq.
[165].
See
Adversity. Heroic
Poverty.
Sickness.
Friendship.
IN order to preserve the bands of a strict Friendship, nothing should be permitted to lie unrevealed on the minds of either friend, that should be capable of being construed into offence or disobligation, ii. 194. [191].
The most durable ties of Friendship are those which result from an union of minds formed upon religious principles, iv. 415. [363].
See
Love.
Platonic
Love.
G.
General
Instructions.
No one ought to make a mean court to the passions of a superior; nor do wrong with open eyes, iii. 81. [64].
One person will shine in one way, another in another; each to be respected should keep within his own sphere of excellence, iii. 175. [138].
Let us give praise to the good, dispraise to the bad, and every one try to amend one, iii. 342. [269].
We should never leave till to-morrow, the thing
proper
to be done, that
can
be done to day, iii. 363. [287].
A prudent woman will not preserve such letters and papers, however innocent, as she cares not her husband should see, lest any doubts, in case of his survivorship, should arise from them of her conduct, when she is
no more,
and which the papers themselves do not fully explain, iii. 475. [376].
No husband, no earthly power, can dispense with a divine obligation, iv. 11. [9].
Art should never take place of nature, but be subservient to it, iv. 50. [41].
Where there are beauty and wit on one side, and youth and strong passions on the other, it is presumptuous to rely upon our own strength, iv. 237. [205].
The first appearances of evil should be avoided,
ibid.
Easily perhaps, at first, may that breach of morals be stopt, which when neglected, the waves of passion will widen, till they bear down all before them, iv. 253. [219].
Things will unavoidably happen in this life, in the most prosperous state, to embitter our pleasures, without our seeking by our own wilful mismanagements to make ourselves unhappy, iv. 254. [221].
The sinner, whom the Almighty graciously offers to reclaim rather by mercies than by judgments, ought to take care that he brings not upon himself the judgements by slighting the mercies, iv. 264. [229].
General
Observations.
HE that is mean enough premeditatedly to do one bad thing, is not likely to stick at another, i. 20. [16].
Men who offer unworthy things to their inferiors, put it in the power of such to be greater than themselves, i. 24. [19, 20].
There is safety generally in poverty; danger too often in plenty, i. 29, 30. [24].
Indignation gives bodily strength, i. 37. [31].
Every thing is pretty that is young, i. 70. [58].
Riches and power never want advocates, i. 89. [70]. 154. [194].
How easily do people, who give way to vice, go from bad to worse! i. 108. [85].
Affected concealment excites curiosity, i. 203. [256].
We are apt to approve or disapprove of an enterprize, as the event comes out to be prosperous, or otherwise, i. 227. [285].
There are no men so bad, but there are women as bad, ii. 5. [37].
The world often judges of past actions rather by the event, than by the reason of the thing, ii. 18. [46, 47].
A little weight turns the scale, when it hangs in equal balance, ii. 42. [66].
Persons who doubt themselves, are least likely to do amiss, ii. 55. [77].
The presumptuous, the conceited, the thoughtless, seldom escape falling into great errors, ii. 56. [77].
Gentleness of temper, and meanness of spirit, are too very different qualities, ii. 148. [153].
The most thoughtful beginnings promise the most happy proceedings, ii. 177. [177].
No man wants capacity to be honest and just, iii. 30. [25].
He who will not be satisfied with a competence, will not with a redundance, iii. 32. [26].
The man who maintains a licentious theory, too probably wants only opportunity and temptation, to carry it into practice, iii. 189. [150].
The most agreeable subjects are seldom started in a large company, iii. 276. [218].
A good cause will bear a strict scrutiny, and shine the brighter for it, iii. 297. [235].
It is in every one's power to prescribe rules for his own conduct, when he lets his visiters see what they are, and that he will not be put out of his laudable way, iii. 301, [237].
People who would avoid bustle, in endeavouring to do so, sometimes make it, iii. 313. [247].
The reason why so little good, (as generally is the case) is done by public bodies of men, may be thus accounted for; An individual cares not to pull down upon himself the odium of a bad action; but when there are many to share it among them, every one is less scrupulous, iii. 334, 335. [264].
A bad mind, a covetous or oppressive nature, will be the same, whether the person be a clergyman or layman; a married man, or single, iii. 339. [207, 208].
Fasting, when one has a stomach to eat, gives one a gloomy and mortified appearance, iii. 417. [329].
He who is premeditatedly guilty of a bad action, will not, when suspected, scruple falshoods to endeavour to exculpate himself, iii. 450. [356].
One fault generally is the parent of more, iii. 473. [374].
Affectation and false politeness are often attendants on ceremony, iii. 501. [397].
We are all of us very ready to be persuaded on the side of inclination, iv. 23. [19].
A woman hardly ever takes a journey, but she forgets something, iv. 64. [53].
The world has sometimes, by its report, united two people in one cause, who otherwise, perhaps, would have been but common acquaintance, iv. 251. [218].
The greatest mischiefs often arise from the slightest beginnings, iv. 253. [219].
Indifferent pleas will have force in favour of a proposal or argument, to which we have no repugnance, iv. 316. [275].
By grasping at too much, we sometimes lose what we were in possession of, iv. 407. 409. [356].
When our hearts are engaged, we are for making every case we hear or read of, applicable to our own, iv. 445. [389].
The person who admires any particular good qualities in another, gives a kind of indirect assurance, that she has the same herself, iv. 453. [396].
Genius.
A MODEST person will endeavour to know the extent of his Genius, and not suppose himself equal to every subject, because he has succeeded in one, iv. 326. [284].
It is no small point of wisdom, to know our own talents,
ibid.
Good
Men.
GOOD Men, tho' low in the world, are fit for all companies, and are present to every laudable occasion, ii. 124. [134].
No consideration of interest, or even of friendship, will induce a truly good man to do a bad thing, iii. 339. [268].
While a bad man will not want a pretence to display his evil qualities; nor flatterers neither, if he be rich or powerful, to defend him in the worst he can do,
ibid.
Good
Wife.
IT is the part of a Good Wife to extenuate her husband's faults, and to endeavour to give the world a good opinion of him, iii. 196. [156].
It will be a great comfort to a good woman, who has married a libertine, if she can find that his licentiousness is reduced to
notions
only, iii. 197. [156].
See
Clergyman
's Wife.
Conjugal
Piety.
Husband
and Wife.
Wife.
Gratitude.
THE more humble will be a worthy person, as the more obliged, ii. 52. [75].
Great kindness shewn to a worthy inferior will make him double his diligence to deserve it, ii. 56. [78].
A grateful heart will be delighted in every opportunity given it, to be useful to its benefactors; nor will be limited by the value of the benefaction, ii. 141. [147].
Gratitude is a noble gift, which, on proper occasions, will make a person susceptible of it, speak and write, as well as act, above himself, iii. 17. [14].
When your worthy minds, my dear parents,
says Pamela to hers, (whose hearts were overflowing with Gratitude for the benefits heaped upon them by Mr. B's bounty)
are likely to be too much affected by your Gratitude, raise your thoughts upwards, and consider who it is that enables
him
to bless us;
And pray for
him
and for
me.
For HIM, that all his actions may be of apiece with this noble disposition of mind: For ME, that I may continue humble, and consider myself blessed for your sakes, and for the sakes of persons, shall I say, equally worthy? And to be a rewarder, in the hands of providence, of this its bountiful agent, iii. 17, 18. [14, 15].
A just person greatly benefitted by another, tho' that other change his mind, and even injuriously treat him, will lament that change, but bear gratefully in mind the former benefits, iv. 168. [144, 145].
Guardian.
THAT man must be the most abandoned of men, who attempts the honour of a woman entrusted to his protection, iii. 188, 189. [149].
H.
Happiness.
HAPPINESS to a gentleman, a scholar, a philosopher, seldom rests in a greater or lesser income; on the contrary, it is oftenest to be found in a competency or in a mediocrity, iii. 348. [274].
We all know by theory, that there is no permanent happiness in this life: But the weight of the precept is not felt in the same manner, as when it is confirmed to us by a heavy calamity, iv. 255. [221].
See
Competence. Heroic
Poverty.
Low
Life.
Marriage.
Heroic
Poverty.
AN honest poor man will be aprehensive for the virtue of his daughter in service, when she is set above her condition in dress or appearance, especially if she be handsome, i. 5. [4, 5].
Riches and splendor are a disgrace rather than a credit, when set against honesty and a good conscience, i. 5. [5].
A poor honest man would rather live upon bread and water, than fare sumptuously at the price of his child's virtue,
ibid.
Such a one would rather see his child covered with rags, and even follow her corpse to the church-yard, than to have her prefer worldly convenience to her virtue, i. 7. [6].
How much happier a choice is poverty with honesty, than plenty with wickedness, i. 41. [33].
Innocence, in a low fortune, even in a simple mind, has many advantages over guilt, tho' surrounded with riches, and boasting its knowlege, i. 43. [35].
Next to God's goodness,
says Pamela,
I owe every thing to your piety and good lessons, my dear, my dear poor parents! I say the word
poor
with pleasure; for your poverty is my pride, as your integrity shall be my imitation, i. 79, 80. [62].
To return from plenty to a low condition, may,
says Pamela,
be a little hard at first; but woe be to my proud heart, if, on tryal, I find it unhappy, in such a case; for I will make it bend to its condition, or break it, i. 119. [94].
Nothing is mean that is honest,
ibid.
Come to my arms,
says Pamela to her third bundle, which contained her own mean apparel,
my dear third parcel, the companion of my poverty, and the witness of my honesty; and may I never have the least rag that is contained in thee, when I forfeit a title to that innocence which I hope will ever be the pride of my life; and then I am sure, it will be the highest comfort at my death, when all the riches and pomp in the world will be more contemptible than the vilest rags that can be worn by beggars, i. 124. [98].
A worthy woman will either renounce or return those presents which were designed to be the price of her shame,
ibid.
See
Address
to the Rich.
Advice
to Young Women.
Consolation
to the Poor.
Cautions
to young Female Servants.
Love. Low
Life.
Masters
Behaviour to Female Servants.
Poor
not to be despised by the Rich.
Servants. Temptations. Virtue.
High
Life, a Picture of it, from Infancy to Maturity.
MR.
B's reasons given to his Pamela, why people of birth, and born to high fortune, are often more unhappy in marriage, than those in middle life.
We are generally educated wrong,
says he.
We are usually headstrong in our wills, and being unaccustomed to controul from our CRADLES, know not how to bear it, ii. 345. [314].
Humoured by our NURSES, thro' the fault of our parents, we practice first upon them, by an insolence that ought then to be restrained,
ibid.
Next, we are to be indulged and favoured at SCHOOL. Our learning generally succeeds with us accordingly; and we reward our masters as we did our nurses, with greater instances of our insolence than observance, ii. 346. [314].
After our wise parents have
bribed
our way thro' the customary forms, we are brought home, very little improved in our learning; and then our PARENTS take their deserved turn,
ibid.
After we have, perhaps, half broken their hearts, a WIFE is looked out for the young man. Family and fortune are the first motives; affection, if at all to be consulted, the last. And two people thus educated, thus from their infancy indulged (the woman, in her way no less humoured, and even more neglected in her education than the man) are brought together; and what can be expected, but that they should most cordially join, when married, to plague each other?
ibid.
Neither of them having ever been subject to controul, nor hardly to contradiction, the man cannot bear it from one, whose new relation to him, and vow of obedience, he thinks should oblige her to yield up her will entirely to his, ii. 347. [315].
The lady, well-read in nothing, perhaps, but romances, thinks it very ungallant, now, for the first time to be controuled, and that by the man from whom she expected nothing but tenderness,
ibid.
So great the difference between what they both expect
from,
and find
in,
each other, no wonder that misunderstandings happen; that these ripen into quarrels; that acts of unkindness pass,
ibid.
Appeals to parents and guardians often ensue. If by mediation of friends a reconciliation takes place, it hardly ever holds; for why? The fault is in the
minds
of both, and neither of them thinks so;
Whence the wound, not permitted to be probed, is but skinned over; and, at last breaks out with more violence than before;
Separate beds are often the consequence: Perhaps elopements; guilty ones sometimes: If not an unconquerable indifference; possibly, aversion,
ibid.
See
Marriages.
Unequal
Marriages. Husband
and Wife.
Wife.
Histories
and Characters of particular Ladies.
OF Miss STAPYLTON; a young lady over-run with romantic notions, and having an high opinion of those of love at first sight, iv. 437. [382].
Of Miss COPE; a young lady of too gentle and too unreserv'd a temper; bearing insults from her lover; excusing his fredoms with her person; and on his visits being prohibited, meditating an elopement to him, iv. 438,
& seq.
[383,
& seq.
]
Of Miss S.; a young lady deemed witty, censorious, and much rather inclined to excuse the
seducers
of the other sex, than the
seduced
of her own; tho' herself not free from danger from her own imprudence, iv. 441. [385].
Of Miss LUCAS; in love with a young gentleman of free principles, her superior in fortune, who declined declaring himself as to marriage, tho' he had the consent of both fathers to the match;
ibid.
See the conclusion of their several stories,
iv. 471, 472. [412, 413].
The History of COQUETILLA. Her faulty education, character, catastrophe, iv. 481. [419].
— of PRUDIANA. Her faulty education, character, catastrophe;
ibid.
— of PROFUSIANA. Her faulty education, character, catastrophe, iv. 485,
& seq.
[424,
& seq.
]
— of PRUDENTIA. Her virtuous education; fine character, happy marriage. Her excellence in all the duties of social life, 488,
& seq.
[427,
& seq.
]
Honour.
A WOMAN must not always take her notions of Honour from those of a man pretending love to her, i. 227. [180].
True politeness is but another word for Virtue and Honour, iv. 490. [429].
See
Advice
to Young Women.
Libertines. Love. Promises.
Human
Life.
WHAT a poor thing is Human Life in its best enjoyments! Subject to imaginary evils, when it has no real ones to disturb it; and that can be made as effectually unhappy by apprehensions, of even remote contingencies, as if we were struggling with the pangs of a present distress! ii. 434. [387].
This imbecillity, duly reflected upon, should convince us, that the world is not a place for the immortal mind to be confined to; and that there must be an hereafter, in which the whole soul shall be satisfied,
ibid.
See
Death. Religion,
&c.
Human
Nature.
HUMAN Nature, in its corrupted state, is the common sewer of iniquity, iii. 339. [268].
Humility.
AN humble and teachable mind is a great blessing, i. 119. [94].
Of all human graces, Humility is most to be prayed for by a person exalted from a low to an high condition, ii. 152. [156, 157].
A young woman of low birth and fortune, exalted by marriage to high rank, ought to retain her Humility, as well to do credit to her own good sense, as to the judgment of the man who raised her, ii. 338. [307].
See
Pride.
Husband
and Wife.
A WOMAN behaving with passion and disrespect to her Husband, disgraces herself as much as she does him, in the eye of the world, iii. 482. [382].
The very women, who themselves love dominion, will despise the man who bears insults from his Wife, as well as the woman who offers it,
ibid.
The Wife,
Mr. B. says,
whose passions are kept under an easy and genteel controul, is under great obligations to her Husband,
ibid.
The woman who contends not with her Husband is smaller points, will have a title to indulgence in those greater which may not be points to which she is indifferent, iii. 497. [394].
A woman's behaviour to her husband after marriage, should be as delicate as is consistent with her plighted love. A carelesness in dress, inelegance in her person particularly, ought to be as studiously avoided, as if she were still a single woman, iii. 502. [398].
Conjugal delicacy is good policy as well as high decorum, both in Husband and Wife, iv. 51. [41.]
A prudent Wife will not lessen her Husband, by revealing to her friends those errors, which she can conceal, iv. 157. [135].
Such a one will not suffer her Husband's conduct, however faulty, to be arraigned in her presence, by any of his pretended friends or companions, iv. 160. [138].
See Pamela's behaviour on such an occasion,
iv. 160. [139].
The Husband's breach of duty cannot warrant a failure in that of the Wife, iv. 166. [143].
Patience and forbearance, and not upbraidings, are the weapons by which a good Wife will endeavour to subdue a faulty Husband, iv. 166. [143]. 180. [155].
In matrimonial misunderstandings, a prudent couple will so behave, on making up, as not to leave room for future heart-burnings from the same source,
ibid.
How much better is it to be the sufferer than the offender! iv. 167. [144].
See Pamela's noble Sentiments on Mr. B's apprehended relapse into his former guilty courses,
iv. Letter xxvi. [xxvi].
The generous forgiveness of an unjustly-treated Wife, demonstrates in her a superiority of soul, which she has reason to glory in, especially while she can shew more compassion than contempt of him, iv. 167. [143].
When a man first begins to waver in his fidelity to his Wife (attracted, perhaps, by another object) then will a prudent woman double her assiduities to make his home and her company agreeable to him: By a contrary conduct, she may estrange his affections from her for ever, iv. 251. [217].
[
See
Advice
to young married Women.
High
Life.
Marriages.
Unequal
Marriages. Wife.
I.
Impartiality. Partiality.
WE should never have our own case in view, when we give our opinion of general rules, iii. 186. [147].
We are too apt to argue, in generals, with a view to justify our particular practices, rather than according to reason and justice, iii. 502. [398].
IMPROPRIATIONS.
See
Clergy.
Industry.
ONE way to make our low relations happier, as well as better, creatures, is to make our favour to them the price of their Diligence and Industry, iii. 32. [26].
See
Relations.
K.
Keeping.
A KEPT mistress is the slave of a slave, i. 224. [178].
See
Advice
to Young Women
▪ Cautions
to young female Servants.
Heroic
Poverty.
Honour. Libertines. Masters
Behaviour to female Servants.
Promises. Temptations. Virtue.
L.
Lawyer.
A LAWYER who is a good man, will be more noted for composing differences than promoting suits, iii. 23. [19].
Libertines. Rakes.
VIRTUE and vice change names and qualities with Libertine men, i. 33. [27].
Libertines who scruple not to attempt the virtue of the wives, the sisters, and daughters of others, are the most jealous of the chastity of their own, iii. 56. [45].
Some Libertines make a merit of not attempting a married woman: This shews, that their passions are, so far as they adhere to this principle, in their own power; and it encreases the crime of those, who robbing a single woman of her honour, deprive her of that protection by marriage, which even such Rakes as themselves pretend to hold inviolable, iii. 287. [226].
Clumsy Rakes borrow the wit they retale. Their wickedness only is what they may call their own, iv. 400. [350].
Libertines must not be allowed to judge of women in general. They can judge only of those they have been most acquainted with: And who are they? iii. 412. [325].
It is well that rakish single men do not interest anybody very intimately in their healths or preservation. Neither the public nor private need to be much concerned about them; since their next heirs cannot well be worse commonwealth's-men than they; and there is a chance that they may be better, iii. 462. [365].
What has not the wretch to answer for, who sports in destroying a virtuous character; and in throwing upon the town, a poor creature whose love of him, and confidence in him, were all her crime? iv. 455. [398].
And who, otherwise, might have made a worthy figure at the head of some reputable family; and an useful member of the commonwealth, propagating to numbers good example, instead of infamy, disease, and ruin, iv. 456. [398].
To say nothing of what is still worse, the occasioning too probably, the loss of a soul; since final impenitence too generally follows the first sacrifice, which the poor wretch is seduced to make of her honour,
ibid.
The notion that
a reformed Rake makes the best husband,
is a most presumptuous, dangerous, and pernicious one, iv. 456. [407].
Mr. B's example not to be pleaded in defence of it; and why, ibid.
See
Advantages
of Men over Women.
Advice
to Young Women.
Credulity. Female
Dignity.
Keeping. Masters
Behaviour to his Female Servants.
Love. Love
at first fight.
Promises. Reformation. Virtue. Wit. Writers.
Love.
IT is a blameable sign of Love, when we are ready to think well of a person against all appearances of demerit, ii. 4. [35].
Where we love, we dwell on every little incident that can make for the advantage of the object, ii. 5. [36, 37].
Love, when permitted to reign in a tender bosom, is an absolute tyrant, requiring unconditional obedience, and deeming every instance of discretion and prudence, and even too often of virtue, an act of rebellion against its usurped authority, iii. 77. [61].
How often do the blemishes of those we love, appear to us as graces! Crimes themselves will be construed, by inconsiderate minds, into human failings; and those are made a common cause of; and excused, or, at least extenuated, by each person, for his or her own sake,
ibid.
People deeply in Love generally think too highly of the beloved object, and too lowly of themselves, iii. 78. [61].
Love, or the passion mis-called Love, puts its votaries upon the meanst actions. It levels with the dust the proudest spirit, iii. 225. [178].
True Love, bears not the thought of any object, but of that it sighs for, iv. 74. [62].
Wrong methods taken with a generous spirit, in a supposed beginning Love, are often the means of bringing about the event most dreaded; and which, perhaps, but for those wrong methods, would have come to nothing, iv. 251. [218].
Persons in a beginning liking, who have not had an opportunity to declare themselves, will nevertheless find out a silent language, that shall be full as expressive as the plainest words, iv. 277. [240].
The passion which is generally dignified by the name of Love, and which puts its votaries upon a thousand extravagancies, usually owes its Being rather to ungoverned fancy, than to solid judgment, iv. 459. [401].
Were we to judge of it by the consequences that usually attend it, it ought rather to be called rashness, inconsideration, weakness, any thing, but Love,
ibid.
When once we dignify the wild misleader by that name, all the absurdities which we read of in novels and romances take place; and we are induced to follow examples, that seldom any where end happily, but in
story, ibid.
Love operates differently in the two sexes. In women it is generally a creeping thing; in man an encroacher,
ibid.
Real Love fills with awe and reverence, the heart of the man who boasts its impression, iv. 470. [411].
It is pure in word and deed. The least indelicacy even of thought, cannot mingle with it,
ibid.
If therefore a man, be his quality or fortune what it will (the higher the worse) presume to wound the ears of the woman he professes to love, with indecent words or images:
If he is continually pressing her to place a confidence in his honour:
If he be regardless of his behaviour to her, or before her:
If he request favours which a modest woman ought to refuse:
If he treat either her person or dress with boistrous or rude freedoms:
If he avoids urging marriage to her, when he has a fair opportunity of doing it; or,
Leaves it once to her, to wonder he does not so urge her:—
In any of these cases, he is to be suspected; and his visits ought not to be admitted,
ibid.
See
Advice
to Young Women.
Libertines.
Platonic
Love. Promises.
Love
at first sight.
LOVE, at first sight, supposes such a susceptibility of passion, as, however it may pass in a man, very little becomes the delicacy of the female character, iv. 462. [404].
There are many chances to one, that a liking so precipitate, ends unhappily,
ibid.
What room can there be in such a Love, for caution, for enquiry, for the display of merit and sincerity; and even for the assurance of a grateful return of Love, iv. 463. [404].
Love, at first sight, is a random shot. It is a demon
tration of weakness. In a woman, it is a giving up
he negative voice that belongs to the sex, even while she
oubts to meet with the affirmative one from him she wishes to be hers,
ibid.
Such a passion in a woman, shews that her heart has been too much in the power of her eye; and that she has permitted her fancy to be much more busy than her judgment, iv. 463. [405].
On the least favourable impressions of this kind, to a man to whose character and merit she is a stranger, a woman ought immediately to retire into herself, she ought to reflect upon what she owes to her family, to her character, and to her sex, in order to check such a random prepossession; which, as there are so many undeserving men to one who has real merit, may more probably make her the prey of a base man, than the wife of a worthy one,
ibid.
A Love of this sort may be stopt at a first liking, if a young woman broods not over the egg till she hatches it into Love, iv. 464. [405].
See
Female
Dignity.
Love.
Platonic
Love.
PLATONIC Love is an insidious pretension, that often betrays even worthy minds into ruin, iv. 253. [219].
The person pretending Platonic Love, may be compared, where the best is meant, to the fly buzzing about the blaze, till it scorches its wings, iv. 253. [220].
Or, to speak still stronger, Platonic Love is a bait of the grand deceiver, to catch the unexperienced and thoughtless,
ibid.
Old age only can safely determine the barriers of Platonic Love, iv. 254. [220].
It ought not to be pretended to, till the parties, the man at least, can number some years beyond his grand climacteric,
ibid.
Need there be a stronger proof of the danger of this pretension, than this; that it is hardly ever set on foot, but among young people?
ibid.
Friendships, begun with spiritual views, between men and women of really worthy minds, have often ended grosly,
ibid.
Low
Life.
THE man who was born to a low lot, is not always the happier, whatever be his talents, for being lifted into a higher sphere, iii. 429. [339].
To make such a one easy and happy in his station, is generally as much as ought to be done for him, or as he ought to wish for;
Native poverty is not a very grievous state, where health is not denied, and industry and diligence are not wanting;
Labour is necessary to health: Moderate labour, which brings with it subsistence to a poor man, is far from being an evil;
Content alone is the blessing; if that be wanting where there is a competence, it will probably be so in affluence;
He who has passed the meridian of life, should be rather sollicitous to improve his circumstances in the way he has been used to, than to aim at a higher and more dangerous situation;
Has he talents for a higher sphere, he will make that figure in his lower, that will exalt him among his compeers, and make him highly useful to them; but which will give him little or no consequence among his superiors; who by the advantages of education, added to talents, must be
always
his superiors;
The peer and peasant are equally links of the great chain of nature, and equally useful in it;
See these and other Reflexions of the like nature,
iii. 429
to
433. [339
to
342].
See
Consolation
to the Poor.
Heroic
Poverty.
Resignation.
M.
Magnanimity.
A NOBLE mind will seek to subdue an enemy by acts of kindness, ii. 232. [221].
It is the mark of a superior mind, when guilty of a fault, to be above extenuating it, iii. 193. [153].
A good person will think it much better to suffer himself, than to be the cause of another's unjust suffering, iii. 265. [206].
Marriage.
MARRIAGE, even where the prospects are happy, is a solemn and awful engagement; and, as it is a change of life that can never be recalled, will fill a thoughtful mind with anxiety on its approaches to it, ii. 151. [145].
If a modest young woman, on the day of her nuptials, cannot forbear thinking apprehensively on the great change of her condition, though with the man of her choice; how much to be pitied must she be, who is compelled to marry the man she cannot love, and perhaps to the losing of him she could! ii. 180. [179].
Such joys flow from virtuous and mutual love, as the narrow mind of the libertine cannot comprehend, ii. 200. [196].
A man or woman may have as good a chance for happiness in marriage, with a person of fortune, as with one who has not any, iii. 185. [147].
With a man of sense, a woman of tolerable prudence must be happy in Marriage, iii. 195. [155].
There cannot be any great happiness in the married life, except each in turn, give up their own humours, and lesser inclinations, iii. 489. [387].
Most of the misunderstandings among married people, are owing to trifles, to petty distinctions, to unguarded petulances: Who would forego the solid satisfactions of life, for the sake of triumphing in such poor contentions, could they overcome in them? iii. 497. [393].
No man, even by Marriage, can do complete justice to the woman he has robbed of her honour, iv. 302. [262].
The wife,
Pamela observes,
is absolutely her husband's. Every excellence by which she is adorned, redounds to his honour, even more than to her own; in like manner, as no dishonour disgraces a man so much, as that which he receives from a bad wife, iv. 395. [345].
See Pamela's scheme of behaviour for a learned husband, to his unlearned but docile wife, in order to promote the happiness of both, ibid.
See
Courtship. High
Life.
Husband
and Wife.
Love.
Unequal
Marriages. Maternal
Duty.
Mistress
of a family.
Pride. Servants. Wife.
Unequal
Marriages.
IT is a difficulty for a person exalted from a low degree, be she ever so prudent, to know how to be humble without meanness, and to assume dignity without arrogance, iv. 52. [43].
A young woman married greatly above herself, has no reason,
Pamela says,
to think all the world her own upon it; having to encounter with the ill-will and contempts of her husband's relations; with the envy of the rest of her sex; her husband perhaps treated contemptuously on her account; herself considered as the lowest of his family, and a disgrace to it, iv. 53. [43].
Tho'
Pamela
made so great a figure in the station to which she was exalted, it is much more likely, that the generality of low-descended women, lifted up like her, would have their heads made giddy by their exaltation, than imitate her, and shine as she did, iv. 394. [344].
The result is, that those marriages are generally the happiest, in which an equality of birth and degree are attended to.
MASQUERADES.
See
Public
Entertainments.
Master's
Behaviour to his Female Servant.
THE man who offers freedoms to his female servant, deserves not, however rich and powerful, to be called a gentleman, i. 19, 20, 21. [16, 17].
Jesting from a Master to a servant, becomes not his station, i. 43. [36].
It is not to be expected that a servant should keep her distance to her master, when he departs from his to her, i. 44. [36]. 53. [43].
If,
says Pamela to her master, on a certain occasion,
you could be so much afraid of your own servants knowing of your attempt upon a poor unworthy creature who is under your protection, surely you ought to be more afraid of God Almighty, in whose presence we all stand in every action of our lives, and to whom the greatest, as well as the least, are accountable, let them think as they please, i. 105. 196. [82. 155, 156].
When a Master throws off the mask, and in private avows a particular regard to his servant-maid, she has every thing to fear, if she stays in his service, i. 134. [106].
An honest servant, so circumstanced, will refuse to accept of such presents as shall engage her gratitude, and be above the merit of common service, i. 136. [108].
A Master of an uniformly good character, will make all around him easy and happy, iv. 359. [313].
See
Advice
to Young Women.
Cautions
to young Female Servants.
Duty
to Superiors.
Heroic
Poverty.
Libertines. Low
Life.
Promises. Servants. Temptations. Virtue.
Maternal
Duty.
THOSE mothers who can make the nursery, and first education of their children, their delight, have a pleasure to which other mothers are strangers, iv. 378. [330].
Good habits and diligence cannot be too early inculcated in the minds of children, iv. 381. [333].
What joy, what merit, must that mother have, who, in her child's education, has prepared the way to the instruction of a tutor, and given him up a mind half cultivated to his hands! iv. 390. [341].
At the same time having improved herself, not only in science, but in the knowlege of human nature, by tracing in him what all men have been from infancy to riper years; watching the dawnings of reason, and delighting in every emanation of that ray of divinity,
ibid.
What mother, who loves her children, can think she can take too much pains in cultivating their minds? iv. 417. [365].
See the description of Pamela in her nursery, surrounded by her children;
iv. 474,
& seq.
[415.
& seq
].
See
Children
in early Infancy.
Children
in their Infantile State,
&c. Children
and Servants.
Education.
Female
Education. Mistress
of a Family.
Pride. Servants. Wife.
Merit.
TO find out, to praise, to reward, extraordinary Merit, is next to having it one's self, iii. 415. [328].
The man who, on a first acquaintance, is not forward of speech, may be thought to have a merit that lies deeper than common observation can reach, iv. 10. [8].
See
Bashfulness. Modesty.
Mistress
of a Family.
A MISTRESS of a Family should never be unprepared to receive such company as her husband shall think fit to introduce to his table, ii. 215. [208].
Nor will she, if prudent, shew discomposure on being broken in upon by unexpected guests, ii. 221. [211].
She will be facetious, kind, obliging to all her guests; and if to any more than the rest, to those who have the least reason to expect distinction from her; and who are of the lowest rank at table: Thus will she cheer the doubting mind, and assure all the rest, ii 221. [213].
Nor will she, if polite, suffer herself to be disturbed at the blunders of careless servants, however disconcerting to the oeconomy of the table those blunders may be,
ibid.
A good Mistress of a Family and prudent manager, will do more with her servants by kindness and good humour, than a mistress of another character will do by anger, by passion, and continual fault-finding, iii. 295. [233].
She will make herself mistress of the
should-be,
the
why,
the
wherefore,
and the
how,
iii. 297. [234].
She will do every thing with dispatch, clearing all as she goes, and leaving nothing to come over again, that can be performed at once,
ibid.
By which means every hand will be clear to undertake a new work, as well as her own head to direct it. There will be no hurry or confusion; but every coming hour will be unincumbered with the duties of the last,
ibid.
A new married Mistress of a Family, generally on the entrance into her charge, makes as many enemies as she dismisses servants; yea, more, since the friends of those dismissed, are usually to be included in the number, iv. 58. [48].
For an account of family order and oeconomy; harmony among servants,
&c.
at Mr. B's, see
iv. 60
to
63. [50
to
52].
See
Children
and Servants.
Clergyman
's Wife.
Husband
and Wife.
Marriage. Maternal
Duty.
Pride. Servants. Wife.
Modesty.
THOSE who doubt themselves most, generally err least, ii. 152. [157].
A modest woman who does not express her displeasure, at flagrant liberties of speech taken before her, by men of profligate characters, will be thought by them an hypocrite, iii. 133. [105].
Modesty is always a sign of merit, iii. 320. [252].
Over-Modesty borders nearly on pride: And too liberal self-accusations are generally but so many traps for praise, iv. 50. [41].
See
Bashfulness. Merit. Modesty. Rectitude
of Mind.
Shame.
Moral
Man.
A MORAL Man ought not to be satisfied with himself, till he also becomes a religious man, iv. 407. [356].
See
Good
Man.
Religion.
NURSES.
See
Children
in their Infancy.
Maternal
Duty.
NURSERY TALES.
See
iv. 474.
& seq.
[415.
& seq
].
O.
Obligation.
IT is the mark of a poor condition, to receive favours; of a rich mind to confer them, ii. 52. [75].
It is one of the most uneasy situations that a truly grateful mind can be in, to labour under the weight of such Obligations to a generous benefactor, as it is sensible it can neither deserve nor return, ii. 120. [130].
See
Address
to the Rich.
Beneficence. Charity. Gratitude. Low
Life. The
Rich.
Obstinacy.
OBSTINATE people, who have adopted a particular conduct, frequently choose rather to persist in an error, than own they have been in one, iii. 218. [172].
Old
Maids.
PEOPLE who use art, to hide their age, turn a subject of reverence into one of ridicule, iv. 308. [268].
See Pamela's observations on the affectation of Miss Judy Swynford, a maiden of fifty-five, wanting to be thought younger than she was,
iv. 308
to
311. [268
to
270].
Old
Rakes.
AN old Rake and an old Beau, are contemptible creatures, ii. 227. [217].
A man in years, who allows himself in taking indecent liberties of speech before young people, especially before his own daughters, not only exposes himself to just ridicule, but them to insults, and is utterly inexcuseable, iii. 132. [105]. 165, & seq. [131, & seq.]
What more contemptible character can there be, than that of a man who carries his vices into old age, retaining a passion for his juvenile follies, even after the power of sinning has left him? iv. 167. [144].
See
Double Entendre. Libertines.
OPERA.
See
Public
Entertainments.
P.
Parents
and Children.
THE disobedient Child entitles not itself to the benefit of its Parent's prayers, i. 27. [22].
The virtue of a Child gives vigour to the mind and person of a worthy Parent, i. 47. [39].
Poor Parents are as much intitled to their children's duty, and to be consulted by them in weighty articles, as if they were rich, i. 237. [189].
Parents in doing for their Children who are in misfortune, should weigh well, whether even their own impoverishment would retrieve their Children's unhappy circumstances; and whether, in other words, it would not add ruin to ruin; and that of helpless old age to, perhaps, that of sturdy youth, iii. 8. [7].
There cannot be a greater happiness on this side the grave, than those Parents know, who, by the tried virtue of their Child, are raised from narrow to affluent circumstances, iii. 9. [8].
It is unhappy for Parents when they behold the
bodies
of their children grow up to the stature of men and women, and their
minds
keep not equal pace; but are still those of boys or girls, iv. 290. [252].
See
Children
in their early Infancy.
Children
in their Infantile State,
&c. Children
and Servants.
Education. Example, Filial
Piety.
Heroic
Poverty.
Husband
and Wife.
Marriage. Maternal
Duty.
Mistress
of a Family.
Wife.
Passion. Passionate.
PASSIONATE people, if of ingenuous minds, and not conceited, may, by a proper behaviour, be overcome; and when they are, will be as acknowleging, as before they were impetuous, iii. 220. [174].
Passion, when violent, deforms and debases the noblest minds, ii. 320. [293]. iii. 293. [231].
Our Passions are given us for excellent purposes, and may be made subservient to the noblest, iv. 303. [264].
See
Anger. Pride.
Patrons.
PATRONS are, in a great measure, accountable for the morals and fitness of the persons they present. Had I twenty livings in my gift,
says Mr. B.
I ought not to prefer my brother to any one of them, if his morals and characters were not likely to do honour to the Church, as well as to my presentation, iii. 356. [281].
See for Mr. B's opinion of those patrons, who, when a living falls, rob the regularly-bred clergyman, by getting some kinsman admitted into it, be he ever so defective in Morals, Character, or Learning,
iii. 357. [281].
See
Clergy.
Penitence.
SUDDEN repentance and amendment, where a person has had a bad view upon another, are to be suspected, i. 102. [80].
Yet, as divine grace is not confined to space of time, and as remorse may have smitten the heart of a once ill-designing man, it is good to preserve our charity, yet not depart from our caution,
ibid.
That Penitence is the most likely to hold, which takes place before calamity and affliction seizes the heart, iii. 137. [109].
May the divine goodness,
says Pamela to the penitent Jewkes,
enable you to persevere in the course you have entred upon! iii. 138. [110].
When you can taste an all-surpassing pleasure in setting an example that may be of advantage to the souls of others, you may be assured, that you are in a right way; and that the woe that is pronounced against the presumptuous sinner, belongs not to you,
ibid.
Two things only,
adds she,
let me caution you against, That after your Penitence, you return not to your evil ways; and that you despond not in the divine mercy,
ibid.
Next, to not commiting a sin, is the repenting of it when committed; and the resolving, however tempted, to avoid repeating it, iv. 301. [262].
See
Reformation.
PLAYS.
See
Public
Entertainments.
PLURALITIES.
See
Clergy.
Political
Observations.
A MEMBER of parliament can neither answer to his constituents, or to his conscience, his non-attendance on the national business, iii. 128. [101].
Should any good motion be lost by one, or by a few, every absent member has it to reproach himself, with the evil consequences of its failure, iii. 128. [102].
A good man will not be attached to party. He would be glad to give an administration every vote. Those who are always in opposition to a ministry, must be sometimes wrong as well as they, iii. 210. [166]. iv. 154. [132].
Yet, in a constitution like the British, where each of the legislative powers is designed to be a check on the other, there may happen cases, where an opposition may be necessary for its preservation,
ibid.
Poor
not to be despised by the Rich.
THE greatest families have some among them, who are unhappy, and low in life; and shall any of such, reproach a lower-born with having
twenty
poor relations, because they themselves have not perhaps above
five?
iii. 28. [22].
Poverty is a very necessary state, in the scale of beings, iii. 28. [23].
Who shall be ashamed of their poor relations, who have done nothing to be ashamed of?
ibid.
Let not those who reproach others for being lowborn, give occasion to retort the reproach for low actions,
ibid.
We should endeavour to judge of one another, as God, at the last day, will judge of us all; and then, the
honest
peasant will stand fairer in our esteem, than the
guilty
peer,
ibid.
Every one,
says Pamela,
who acts justly and honestly, will I look upon as my relation, whether he be so or not; and the more such a one wants my assistance, the more intitled to it shall he be, as well as to my esteem, 28, 29. [23].
While those who deserve it not, must expect nothing from me, but compassion and my prayers, were they my brothers or sisters,
ibid.
It is true,
adds she,
had I not been poor and lowly, I might not have thought thus; but if it be a right way of thinking, it is a blessing that I was so: And that shall never be matter of reproach to me, which, one day, will, I hope, be matter of justification,
ibid.
See
Consolation
to the Poor.
Heroic
Poverty.
Pride. Relations.
The
Rich.
Praise.
THERE is a secret pleasure in hearing ourselves praised: But on such occasions, a worthy mind will rather resolve to merit the praise, than to be puffed up with it, i. 9. [8].
Praise given to the worthy, will be an incentive to deserve more praise, rather than to pride and arrogance, i. 14. [12]. iii. 97. [77].
Persons only who are not used to praise, will be vain of it, ii. 131. [139]. iii. 33. [27].
Can a good person sit down with ease, under a praise he knows he deserves not? iii. 97. [77].
If a woman disclaims not the praises attributed to her, she gives an earnest that she will endeavour to deserve them: Nor, if she be good, will she rest, till she does,
ibid.
Kind admonitions, cloathed in the agreeable shape of praise, will make a generous mind resolve to merit the applause conferred, iii. 298. [235].
The Praise of those we reverence, is the noblest incitement to duty,
ibid.
Praise of friends in presence should not be given at the expence of the absent, iii. 312. [246].
Pride. Proud.
PEOPLE proud of their descent, and despising those who have not that to boast of, never think what a short stage life is, and that a time is coming when they and the meanest shall be on a level, ii. 27. [54].
The philosopher, who looked on the skull of a king, and that of a poor man, saw no difference between them,
ibid.
The richest princes and the poorest beggar are to have one great and just judge at the last day; who will not distinguish between them according to their ranks when in life, but according to the neglected opportunities afforded to each. How much greater then, as the opportunities were greater, must be the condemnation of the one, than of the other?
ibid.
Keep me, heaven,
says Pamela,
from a high condition, if my mind shall ever be so
mean,
as to be proud, ii. 28. [54].
The proudest families had their rise; and perhaps, a few centuries ago, the poorest, had they kept records of theirs, would have been able to vie with them in ancestry, ii. 28. [54, 55].
And who knows, but that a century hence, the nowdespised families may revel in their estates, while their descendants may be reduced to the others dunghills?
ibid.
And, perhaps, such is the vanity, as well as changeableness of human affairs, in
their
turn, set up for Pride of family, and despise the others?
ibid.
Providence dispenses various parts for people of different conditions to act, ii. 29. [55].
Little reason have those to be proud of their birth, who forget what belongs to civility and good manners, ii. 147. [152].
Proud hearts, tho' convinced of error, come not down all at once, ii. 339. [308].
The world loves to mortify Pride, and in cases of the pride of upstarts, will always remember, what such would wish it to forget, iii. 5. [4].
To what childish follies does pride sometimes make even persons of discretion stoop, when perverseness gets the better of good sense! iii. 218. [173].
Proud and conceited people frequently confine politeness, good sense, and penetration, to an approbation of their conduct and judgment, iii. 219. [173.]
It little becomes Pride to do any thing that wants an excuse, iii. 220. [174].
Though a censure lies against those who are poor and Proud, yet is Pride sooner to be forgiven in a poor person, than in a rich one; since in the latter it is insult and arrogance; in the former, it may be a defence against temptations to dishonesty; and, if manifested on proper occasions, may indicate a natural bravery of mind, which the frowns of fortune cannot depress, iv. 304. [264].
Pride may be made a substitute to virtue, in high, rash, and inconsiderate female minds; and as it may keep such from engaging with improper persons in marriage, and from other mean actions, it is not to be wholly subdued in young people, iv. 305. [265].
Discretion, and riper years, may add to their distinguishing faculty; for, as some have no notion of Pride separate from arrogance and imperiousness, so others know no difference between humility and meanness,
ibid.
The more distinction a proud person aims to obtain, the less he will have paid him, iv. 363. [317].
Pride is meanness,
ibid.
See
Heroic
Poverty.
Humility.
The
Poor
not to be despised by the Rich.
Prosperity. Rectitude
of Mind.
Religion.
The
Rich.
Promises. Vows.
A MAN need not make Promises to a woman who shews a readiness to confide in him without, and allows him freedoms she ought not to indulge him in, iii. 440. [347].
A prudent man will never be drawn in to make a blindfold Promise, iii. 357. [382].
See
Advice
to Young Women.
Libertines. Love. Temptations. Virtue.
Prosperity.
A WORTHY heart will ever, in Prosperity, look up with thankfulness and humility to the gracious First Cause of all blessings, ii. 201. [196].
There is no living in this world, even in the most prosperous state, without meeting with many occasions of grief and concern, ii. 231. [221].
It is fit it should be so, to wean us from a world of which we should be otherwise too fond; like travellers on a journey homeward, who, meeting with good entertainment at some inn on the way, put up their rest there, and never think of their journey's end, ii. 232. [221].
The thankfulness of a truly worthy mind, as well as its humility, will encrease as it is blessed with Prosperity, ii. 373. [336].
Minds greatly elated on a prosperous turn of fortune, give room to think, that they build their happiness on the enjoyments of this life, iii. 7. [6].
What makes us,
asks Pamela,
in our most prosperous condition, be always intermingling our fears of what may happen, whereby we lessen the pleasures of which we are in full possession? iii. 145. [115].
Is not this apprehensiveness implanted in our natures for wise and good ends, that we may not forget that there is a better and more perfectly happy state, to which we ought to aspire?
ibid.
If so, what an useful moniter do we carry in our bosoms, that shall make us consider and reflect when in Prosperity; and in adversity teach us to bear up to hopes of a happier lot?
ibid.
A very happy situation of affairs, will, of itself, (so imperfect are our worldly enjoyments,) fill us with apprehensions on every occasion that offers to remind us of quitting this life, iii. 478. 487. [378. 385].
See
Death. Low
Life.
Religion.
The
Rich.
Public Entertainments. Town Diversions.
PEOPLE of quality,
Lady Davers says,
go to places of Public Entertainments, dressed out and adorned, as if they thought themselves [and indeed they are] parts of it; and generally are too much pleased with themselves, to be able to attend to what they hear or see, iii. 46. [37].
The Town Diversions are pretty much the same one winter as another; a few variations in the fashions only; and those contrived by ingenious persons, who get their bread by diversifying them, iv. 63. [53].
See Pamela's notions in general of theatrical performances,
iv. 67, 68. [56, 57].
The passion of Love is generally treated by play-writers, as if their aim was to raise a whirlwind which was to sweep down reason, religion, and decency, and to carry away before it, every duty, iv. 68. [57].
So that all the example this vehement passion can set, is, to shew a disappointed lover how he may rage, storm, resent and revenge,
ibid.
See particularly Pamela's observations on the tragedy of
The DISTRESS'D MOTHER, iv. 68
to
88. [57
to
74].—
On the comedy call'd
The TENDER HUSBAND, iv. 88
to
98. [74
to
83].—
On the
OPERA, iv. 99
to
104. [83
to
88].—
On
MASQUERADES, iv. 104
to
112. [88
to
95].
Every nation has its peculiar excellence in taste; that of the French, is comedy and harlequinery; that of the Italian, music and opera; that of the English, masculine and nervous sense, both in tragedy and comedy, iv. 100. [84].
Why can't we,
Pamela asks,
keep to our own particular national excellence, and let others retain theirs?
ibid.
When once we, in general, prefer sound to sense, we shall deviate from our own worthiness, and, at best, be but the apes, as well as dupes, of those we may strive to imitate, but never can reach, much less excel,
ibid.
When those who understand not Italian, return from an Opera penned in that language, and are asked their opinion on what they have seen or heard, what but this can they answer, at best,—The scenery is fine; the company splendid; the music ravishing for the time: The action, however, not extraordinary; the language unintelligible; and, for all these reasons, the instruction none at all, iv. 101. [85].
Those are least to be trusted, at Masquerades, and other the like free and promiscuous meetings of the two sexes, who are fondest of going to them, iv. 239. [207].
Public places are rocks to the reputations of women who are not vigilant over their conduct, iv. 487. [426].
Q, R.
RAKES.
See
Libertines. Old
Rakes.
Rectitude
of Mind.
A GENEROUS and truly deserving person will not be puffed-up by the compliments made either to her mind or to her person; since, did she, on comparison with some others, seem to merit the distinction paid her, she will reflect that she owes not to herself the talents or form for which she is admired, ii. 52. [75].
A worthy person will be able to pray, that God will frustrate her most desirable wishes, if the possession of them would corrupt her heart, and make her proud and vain, ii. 55. [77].
See
Humility. Modesty. Pride.
Reformation.
How greatly,
says Mr. B. in his reformed state,
do the innocent pleasures I now hourly enjoy, exceed the guilty tumults that used formerly to agitate my unequal mind! iii. 3. [3].
One such hour,
says he, to his Pamela,
as I now enjoy, is an ample reward for all the benefits I can confer on you and yours in my whole life,
ibid.
How will it anticipate low reflection,
says he,
when it will be seen, that I can bend my mind to partake with your parents, (on my retiring to visit them in their farm) in a summer month or two, the pleasures of their humble but decent life, iii. 5. [4].
And shall I not be rewarded for it too, with better health, better spirits, and a better mind?
ibid.
Happy is the man who leaves his vices, before the power of committing them, leaves him, iii. 271. [214].
The man who reforms in the prime of life, and before he is overtaken by some awakening misfortune, may be called one of the happiest of those who have erred,
ibid.
A too great aiming at perfection will be apt rather to discourage others than allure them, iii. 301. [237].
Good people aiming to reform evil ones, should proceed as able generals do in a difficult siege. They should gain ground inch by inch, and then intrench and fortify, in order to maintain what they have gained; and not, by rushing at once upon an attack, subject themselves to such a repulse, as may oblige them to abandon an hopeful enterprize, iii. 301. [238].
In other words,
Very great strictnesses all at once enjoined, are not fit for a beginning Reformation; but for stronger christians only; and therefore possibly, in the former case, may do more harm than good, iii. 302. [238].
Thus Pamela encourages a desponding gentlewoman, on a sick bed, who had called herself miserable, if all the good Pamela did, and her exemplary behaviour, were no more than necessary for salvation.
Don't be cast down. The Almighty gives us all a light to walk by in these our dark paths, and it is my humble opinion, he will judge us according to the
unforced
and
unbiassed
use we make of that light, iii. 302. [238].
I think it is
my
duty to do several things which, perhaps, the circumstances of others will not permit them to do. In each case our judgments are as a law to each,
ibid.
Circumstances and situation may make that a duty in one person's case, which may not be so in another's; iii. 302. [238].
See Pamela's method of devotion in her family,
303,
& seq.
[239,
& seq.
]
The sincerity of a man's Reformation is the less to be doubted, when he can bear being gently told by a friend of his past errors, iv. 401. [350].
Reformation, begun in the bloom of youth, in full health, and, humanly speaking, altogether spontaneously, is indeed an hopeful one: But, as sacred tests must have been got over, by a man who was at any time of life a libertine; as the fences of virtue must have been broken down by such a one; it is better that a woman of virtue and honour prefers the man who always shewed a sacred regard to those tests, who never broke down those fences, iv. 466. [408].
See
Religion.
Relations.
Pamela reasons as follows with her father, who consulted her on the offer made him by several of their relations, to serve him in cultivating the farm and estate committed to his care by Mr. B.
WE are apt to expect more regard from relations, they more indulgence from us, than strangers can have reason for, iii. 25. [20].
If you bear with their faults, there will be no end of impositions; if you dismiss them, you will have their ill-will; they will impute to pride and unnaturalness, your very justice. Your prosperous lot will raise you enemies, who will believe them rather than you,
ibid.
The world, moreover, will be apt to think, you are crouding upon our benefactor a numerous family of low and indigent people, tho' they should be ever so deserving,
ibid.
One would not therefore, for
their
sakes, accept of their services; especially as they may serve others with equal benefit to themselves, iii. 25. [21].
For I would not that any of them should be lifted out of his station, and made independent at Mr. B's expence, if their own industry would not make them so; tho' I would never scruple, reasonably, to reward their industry in the way of their callings, iii. 26. [21].
If you receive some of them, will not others expect to be equally favoured? And may not this sow the seeds of envy among
them,
and occasion ill will to
you? ibid.
Mr. B. himself will perhaps, when he visits you for a month or two, as he proposes, be under some polite difficulty how to avoid taking notice of people who are your relations, tho' were they not so, their offices would not intitle them to it,
ibid.
And, if they are modest and worthy, would not his more than common notice of them, lay
them
under equal difficulty?
ibid.
As for myself, believe me, I could sit down and rejoice with the meanest and remotest relation I have: But to the world's eye, I must, if I have ever so much reluctance to appear superior in theirs, endeavour to behave so properly as not to give additional discredit to his choice, iii. 26. [21].
And will you not have it in your power, without injuring in the least our common benefactor, and without incurring censure for your partiality, to do kinder things by any of our relations, when
not
with you, than you can do, were they to live with you?
ibid.
There are undoubtedly more happy persons in low than in high life; one would not, therefore, encourage in any of our relations, such a proud spirit, as should make them want to raise themselves by favour, rather than merit,
ibid.
I am sure, tho' four or five years of different life had passsed with me in my old lady's days, I had, at a certain time, a pleasure which I cannot express, in the thought of working for my living with you,
ibid.
See
Humility. Low
Life.
Pride. Servants.
Religion. Religious
Considerations.
RELIGION, which is of itself the most chearful thing in the world, is often made unlovely by the sourness of its professors, iii. 320. [252].
Religious Considerations, to a mind rightly turned, will lighten the heaviest misfortunes, iv. 193. [166].
It is not to be expected that offended grace should repeatedly offer itself to a wilful transgressor, iv. 408. [356].
Who shall presume to scrutinize into the dealings of the Almighty with his creatures; when real good often proceeds from appearances grievous to us? iv. 408, 410. [356, 358].
Vain is our dependance upon our own strength, in the performance of our Religious duties, or even in that of our social ones, iv. 409. [357].
Nothing but Religious Considerations, and a resolution to watch over the very first appearances of evil, and to check them as they arise, can be of sufficient weight, to keep steady to his good purposes a vain young man, too little accustomed to restraints, and too much used to play upon the brink of danger,
ibid.
See Pamela's pious reflections on the death of Mrs. Jervois, and her faithful butler,
iv. 420,
& seq.
[367,
& seq.
]
In lamenting for our departed friends, we should not forget to be thankful for those mercies which are continued to us by the divine goodness, iv. 423. [370].
The best instruction will be ineffectual, if the method of conveying it is not adapted to the taste and temper of the person intended to be amended by it, iv. 444. [388].
See
Education. Rectitude
of Mind.
Reformation. Resignation.
REPENTANCE.
See
Penitence.
Reproofs.
REPROOFS of beginning faults are the kindest things that a parent, a master, a friend, can give to a friend, a servant, a child; since they will keep a docile mind from committing greater, ii. 194. [191].
Reputation.
REPUTATION is a tender flower, which the least frost will nip, the least cold wind will blast; and when once blasted, it will never flourish again; but wither to the very root, iv. 479. [419].
Resignation.
WHEN all human means fail in the apprehension of the despairing heart, then, if humble and resigned to the divine will, does the Almighty often raise up a friend to extricate it from its distresses, i. 287. [229].
The very things of which we are most apprehensive often become the cause of the happiness of a prudent person, who places his reliance on Providence, ii. 115. [126].
Thus may the unprosperous poor, after great disappointments, comfort themselves with old Mr. Andrews, if they are as good and as diligent as he was,
iii. 141. [112].
Let us take comfort that we did for the best. We left, as we ought, the issue to Providence, and that has turned it as it pleased.
All the business is, our lot is not cast for this life.
Let us resign ourselves to the divine will, and continue to do our duty.
Our troubles will be quickly overblown. This short life will soon be passed; and, I make no doubt, we shall be happy in a better.
See the rest of the affecting scene,
Vol. iii. 141
to
143. [112
to
114].
See
Religion.
The
Rich. Riches.
THE Rich and Poor are equally links of nature's chain, and mutually support each other, ii. 29. [55].
Men of fortune, wantoning in the sun-beams of a dangerous affluence, too often take more liberty with the rest of the world, than suits either justice, or, on reflexion, their own peace of mind, ii. 69. [88].
How happy is the Rich man, who having meditated some great evil, is enabled to stop short of the perpetration of it! ii. 114. [125].
If such a one resolves to do good to the person he intended to injure, but did
not
hurt, he will have double cause of joy, because he will be able to contemplate on the good he does, without the least inward reproach,
ibid.
How many ways have the Rich to make themselves, and their fellow creatures, happy! iii. 117. [93].
No one despises riches or descent, who has a title to either, iii. 185. [147].
Riches, with
equal
merit, in two competitors, ought to have a preference given to the person who is in possession of them (supposing the affections of a young woman disengaged) for the sake of the conveniencies they bring with them,
ibid.
But to permit Riches to be the principal inducement, to the neglect of superior merit, that is a fault which many persons smart for, whether the choice be their own, or imposed upon them by those who claim a title to their obedience,
ibid.
God every-where provides the affluent with objects for their beneficence, iv. 194. [167].
See
Address
to the Rich.
Prosperity.
Ridicule.
THE man who himself is not ashamed of being reproached for doing his duty, will turn the edge of Ridicule against the ridiculers, and obtain the applause of the wise and good, iii. 5. [4].
See
Wits.
Romances. Romantic
Time of Life.
THERE is a time of life with all young persons, that may be termed
The romantic;
which is a very dangerous period; and requires therefore a great guard of prudence, iv. 454. [397].
See Pamela's opinion of novels and romances, and the hurt which young persons, of lively imaginations, may receive by being indulged in too keen a taste for such kind of writings,
iv. 454. 461. [397. 403].
Romances in general are calculated rather to fire the imagination, than to inform the judgment, iv. 461. [403].
The hero in them is usually distinguished by tilts, tournaments, marvellous and improbable adventures, which he is continually hunting after, in order to shew his prowess; by engaging with monsters that never had being, but in the writer's imagination,
ibid.
The heroine, on the other hand, is, in them, taught to consider her father's house as an enchanted castle; herself as a prisoner in it, and her lover is to break the charm, and set her at liberty. She is to be put upon climbing of walls, to drop from windows, to leap down precipices, and all to shew the violence of a mad passion of which she ought to be ashamed; she is to be taught, by them, to look upon her parents, or guardians, as tyrants; to drown the voice of reason in the waves of indiscreet love, to the debasement equally of herself, her family, and sex,
ibid.
What can be gathered from such books, for the conduct of human life?
ibid.
See
Wit. Writers.
S.
Scholar.
A MODEST Scholar is a companion for persons of the first quality, iii. 316. [249].
See
Education. Tutor.
Self-Interest.
SELF-INTEREST changes manners, and overcomes dislike to the very persons we, but for that, should think but indifferently of, i. 19. [48].
So selfish are the hearts of poor mortals, that they are apt to change as favour goes,
ibid.
Servants.
A GENTLEWOMAN born, set at the head of the houshold-affairs of people of condition, will, if she is discreet, command the respect of the domestics of both sexes, i. 12. [10].
Pamela, in view of her exaltation, resolves,
That she will endeavour not to go too low in her gratitude to her master: Nor, to carry herself too high to the servants:
But yet will not seek to gain the good-will of the latter by meanness or debasement:
That she will aim at an uniform and regular conduct.
Willing, however, to conceal involuntary errors, as she would be to have her own forgiven;
And not to be too industrious to discover real ones, that might be of no bad consequence, and unlikely to be repeated;
Yet not to conceal such as might encourage bad hearts, or unclean hands, in cases where damage might ensue to their principal; or where the morals of the transgressors should appear wilfully and habitually corrupt:
In short,
says she,
I will endeavour, as much as I can, that good servants, in me, shall find a kind encourager; indifferent ones be made better, by inspiring them with a laudable emulation; and bad ones, if not absolutely irreclaimable, reformed by kindness, expostulation; and, if those are ineffectual, by menaces; but most, by a good example;
All this, adds she, if God pleases, ii. 153. [157].
The reputation of the principals of families lies more at the mercy of their Servants, than is generally considered, iv. 58. [48].
Servants who will do their duty with kind words, ought not to be treated with imperious ones, iv. 302. [263].
The mistress who speaks as haughtily to Servants on common as on extraordinary occasions, when they do amiss, weakens her own authority, and will be regarded no more in the one case, than in the other, iv. 303. [263].
The master or mistress who is always finding fault with Servants, frequently occasions more faults to be committed, iv. 303. [264].
See
Example. Mistress
of a Family.
Shame. Shamelesness.
IT is not the Shame of having committed a wicked action, but of detection, that often gives a bad man confusion of face, iii. 454. [359].
What an abject thing is it for a person to be guilty of such actions, as shall put it in the power of another, even by a look, to mortify him!
ibid.
If a poor wretch can be confounded, by the discovery made by a fellow-creature, of any wicked action committed by him, which he hoped to conceal, how must he appear before an unerring and omniscient Judge, with a conscience more condemning, than the accusations of a thousand witnesses!
ibid.
Those who confidently delight to raise blushes in the modest cheek, and laugh when they succeed, shew themselves to be past modesty, and that they would think it a disgrace to change countenance, whatever were the occasion, iii. 460. [363].
See
Conscience. Modesty.
SHEEPISHNESS.
See
Bashfulness.
Sickness. Visiting
the Sick.
PEOPLE labouring under an indisposition or malady, should not add a difficulty of being pleased, and an impatience of spirit, to the concern which their attendants and relations have for their illness, iii. 131. [104].
It is not beneath a person of the highest quality to visit and comfort one of low degree, who is contending with sickness, or who is struggling in the pangs of death, iii. 485. [384].
The consolations of women in health, to women in a sick or suffering state, are, as it may be said, sympathetical; while those of men to the latter, may appear to the sufferer as springing more from their fortitude, than tenderness, iii. 486. [384].
A tender mind, in apprehension of a crisis in the dangerous malady of a child, or near relation, suffers more in absence from suspence, than it could do, were it present, and saw the hourly progress of the distemper, iv. 258. [223].
See Pamela's behaviour and reflexions when her beloved child was in danger from the small pox,
iv. Letter xxxvii.
See
Death. Religion. Resignation.
Spiritual
Pride.
SPIRITUAL Pride is the most dangerous and the most arrogant of all sorts of Pride, iii. 135. [108].
Steward.
A GOOD landlord will employ a lawyer for his Steward, with a view to do right things, rather than oppressive ones, iii. 23. [19].
Stile
in Writing.
No Stile in Writing can be commendable, which is not plain, simple, easy, natural and unaffected, iv. 452. [395]. [
See
Writing.
Suicide.
HE only who gave life, has a power over it, i. 288. [230].
To the following effect reasons Pamela, at the pondside, when she laboured under a temptation to arown herself:
If, despairing of deliverance from an undeserved distress, I destroy myself, do I not, in effect, question the power of the Almighty to deliver me:
And shall I not, in that case, be guilty of a sin, which, as it admits not of repentance, cannot of hope to be forgiven!
And wilt thou, to shorten thy
transitory
griefs, heavy as they are, plunge both soul and body into everlasting misery?
Hitherto thou art an innocent sufferer, wilt thou make thyself a guilty aggressor?
How do I know but the Almighty may have permitted these sufferings, as trials of my fortitude, and to make me wholly rely on his grace and assistance?
Wilt thou, in one moment, suffer all the good lessons of thy honest parents, and the benefit of their examples, to be thrown away upon thee; and blemish, in this last act, a whole life, which they have hitherto approved of?
What, presumptuous Pamela, dost thou here? Quit with speed these dangerous banks, and fly from these dashing waves, that seem by their murmurs, this still night, to reproach thy rashness.
Whilst thou hast power left thee, avoid the temptation, lest thy grand enemy, now, by divine grace, repulsed, return to the assault with a force that thou mayest not be able to resist; and lest thou, in one moment, destroy all the convictions which now have awed thy rebellious mind into duty and resignation to the divine will, i. 285
to
290. [227
to
231].
See
Religion. Resignation. Temptations.
Swearing
and Cursing.
SWEARING and Cursing is always profligate, but the most profligate is that which is practised in good humour, and without provocation, iii. 459. [363].
See
Libertines.
T.
Temptations.
SHE who can glory in the honesty of her poor parents, is likely to be superior to Temptations, i. 20. [16].
Temptations are sore things; but without them, we know not ourselves, nor what we are able to do, i. 29. [24].
Temptations should be avoided. It is presumptuous to trust to our own strength, i. 29. 56. [24. 46].
Women who give way to Temptation, contribute all in their power to make libertines think the whole sex alike, i. 109. [85].
A generous woman tempted by her superior, may not be proof against his kindness, tho' she might against his anger. Such an one therefore should fly from a Tempter, that can change his behaviour to her from the one to the other, i. 133. [106].
An honest heart is not to be trusted with itself in bad company, i. 243. [193].
None are tried or tempted beyond the power given them to resist, i. 287. [229].
See
Advice
to Young Women.
Libertines. Love. Promises. Public
Entertainments.
Virtue.
TOWN DIVERSIONS.
See
Public
Entertainments.
TRAGEDY.
See
Public
Entertainments.
Travelling.
PERSONS travelling into countries where the religion established is different from their own, should be careful, on the one hand, not to give offence to the people they are among; on the other, not to make compliances hurtful to conscience, and disgraceful to their own religion, iv. 412. [360].
The French politeness, and the English frankness of heart, may make a mixture not disagreeable in the behaviour of travelled people, iv. 418. [365].
The honours paid abroad to English travellers, more than to those of any other nation, should be an incitement to them, as well for their own credit, as for that of their country, to behave worthy of the distinction, iv. 420. [367].
The subject of
Travelling,
or making the
grand tour,
entered upon in the following particulars.
The age of young gentlemen, from sixteen to twenty-one, an improper one to set out upon their travels; and why, iv. 430. [376].
Mr. Locke thinks from seven to fourteen, a much more eligible one,
ibid.
If the reasons he gives for this age determine not, he proposes, that the young man's Travelling be suspended, till that more sedate time of life, when he may travel without a tutor, and be able to make his own observations; and is thoroughly acquainted with the laws and fashions, the natural and moral advantages and defects, of his own country, iv. 431. [376, 377].
Pamela descants on the advantages a youth may reap by home travelling, before he enters upon a foreign tour; proposing the age of fourteen or fifteen for beginning it, by excursions in the summer months, between his other studies, and as a diversion to him,
ibid.
She is of opinion, that these excursions might be made to most advantage in company of his father, as well as tutor, and gives her reason for it,
ibid.
If his father cannot accompany the youth, she proposes what may be of the next greatest advantage in this scheme of home-travelling, to both son and tutor,
ibid.
That the young man visit the sea-coasts, as well as inland parts of Great Britain and Ireland, and the other principal circumjacent islands, iv. 432, 433. [378].
That he look into the art of navigation; the curious structure of a ship, as he is a native of the greatest maritime kingdom in the world: From which knowlege, tho' but in theory, he will be taught to love and value the British sailors, an useful and brave set of men, who are the natural defence and safeguard of the realm, iv. 433. [378].
With the advantages which he will obtain by this knowlege of his own country, he will be qualified to go abroad, and be better able to judge of the different customs, manners, and forms of government of foreign countries, iv. 433. [379].
All his enquiries will be pertinent and manly: All occasions of that ignorant wonder, which exposes to ridicule the raw young men sent abroad, would be taken away. He would make the best acquaintance, having something to inform them of in relation to his own country, in return for the information they give him of theirs. He would contract worthy friendships, and be looked upon as one of the rising genius's of his country,
ibid.
See
Education.
Tutors.
TUTORS who make youth learned, do not always make them virtuous, iv. 193. [166].
Too little regard is generally paid to the merit and services of modest Tutors, in the families of the great, iv. 338. [295].
The ablest and most diligent Tutors are generally to be met with among the unprovided-for scholars; who will hope to be in the way of preferment, and will therefore be more assiduous in the duties of their charge, iv. 339. [295].
Indispensible good qualities of a Tutor, enumerated from Mr. Locke,
iv. 338,
& seq.
[294,
& seq.
]
See Mr. B's reasons for recommending Scotish Tutors,
iv. 351,
& seq.
[306,
& seq.
]
See
Education. Travelling.
Tythes.
FARMERS and landholders who grudge the parson his dues, seldom consider, that they farm and pay the landlord for no more than nine tenths of the lands they hold: Nor does the purchaser, that he buys an estate with that incumbrance upon it, and pays the less on that account, iii. 351. [277].
Not to mention, that the parson has the same right to his due, by the laws of the land (to say nothing of an higher claim) that the gentleman has to his estate, or the tenant to nine tenths of his produce,
ibid.
Are not the clergy in these protestant kingdoms, the fathers, the sons, the uncles, the brothers of the laity; many of whom, however, grudge them a maintenance, iii. 352. [277].
What greater opportunities have three sons out of four, of the same father, to grow rich; one of whom is brought up to the law, one to trade, one to physic, over the fourth, brought up to the cloth? And who grudges
them
their acquisitions? iii. 352. [278].
See
Clergy.
V.
Vapourishness.
THE apprehension of a vapourish person will evermore be aforehand with events, iv. 159. [136].
Vigilance.
A PRUDENT person having to do with a designing one, will always distrust most, when appearances are fairest, i. 333. [266].
Virtue. Chastity.
TEMPTATIONS are blessed trials to those who have had strength of mind to resist and subdue them, i. 47. [30].
With what pleasure can a child who has resisted temptation, look up to her honest parents, to what she would have had, were she to approach them as a guilty creature? 48. [40].
The true Chastity is, when the person resists temptation in hatred of the sin, rather than from the apprehension of inconstancy in the tempter, i. 54. [44].
Many a man has been made ashamed of his wicked attempts, by a resolute repulse, who would have gloried in them, had he succeeded, i. 56. [46].
It is glorious in a person of low condition, to repulse the base attacks of one in a high one, i. 63. [52].
A virtuous person of low fortune, labouring under the oppression of the great and rich, and in the power of such a one, will resolve to be innocent of
wilful
crime, and if injured, will leave it to the Almighty to avenge those wrongs, which she was unable to avoid, i. 313. [250].
See Mr. B's proposals to Pamela, and her noble rejection of them,
i. 313,
& seq.
[250,
& seq.
]
An higher and sincerer joy arises from the contemplation of a pure love, than can be known by the gratification of a sensual appetite, ii. 40. [65].
If Virtue restrains not the
mind,
vain is the watchfulness that is used to with-hold the
person,
ii. 45. [69].
The love of a man who chooses a woman for the beauties of her mind, will be augmented, if she justifies his motive by her prudent conduct, tho' those of person fade, ii. 169. [170].
An high fortune is but an accidental advantage, and set against the riches of the mind, and an unblemished virtue, weighs little in the scale, ii. 185. [183].
The great, tho' at the time they may be displeased that they are not obliged in an unjust command, will, generally, when they consider the case, value the more for it the servant or humble friend who disobliges them from principle, ii. 337. [306].
Women of birth and education who forfeit their honour, are much more inexcusable, than those of meaner degree, who have not had the opportunities they have had, of knowing their duty, iv. 239. [207].
The failure of the latter may proceed from ignorance; but that of the well-bred will be attributed to inclination or appetite; and, not to mention superior motives to duty, what a disgrace does that bring upon their sex, what a triumph does it give to the other? iv. 204. 207. [208].
See
Advice
to Young Women.
Cautions
to young Female Servants.
Female
Dignity.
Heroic
Poverty.
Libertines. Love. Love
at first sight. Platonic
Love. Modesty. Promises. Public
Entertainments.
Rectitude
of Mind.
Religion. Reputation. Resignation. Servants. Virtue.
Voluptuousness.
WHAT pleasure can those over-happy persons know, who, from their affluence and luxury, always eat before they are hungry, and drink before they are thirsty, iii. 143. [114].
VOWS.
See
Promises.
W.
Wife.
MR.
B. acquaints his Pamela with what his expectations of his wife's behaviour to him, would have been, had she been a princess; as follows:
I must have been morally sure,
says he,
that she preferred me to all other men. She must have borne with my imperfections. She must have studied my temper: And if ever she had any points to carry, any desire of overcoming, it must have been by sweetness and complaisance:
And yet,
says he,
not such a slavish one, as should make her condescension seem to be rather the effect of her insensibility, than of her judgment and affection:
I should have thought I ought not to have desired any thing of her, that was not reasonable to be complied with; and that then she should have shewn no reluctance, uneasiness, or doubt, to oblige me, even at half a word;
Yet if I were not always in the right, I should expect that she should bear with me, if she saw me determined; and that she should expostulate with me on the right side of compliance;
This would have shewn me, that she differed from me, not for contradiction sake; but desired to convince me for my own; and that I should another time take fitter resolutions.
In all companies she must have shewn, that she had an high opinion of, and regard for me, whether altogether deserved, or not.
And this the rather, as such a regard would be not only a reputation, but a security to herself; since, if libertines ever attempt a married woman, their first incitement, next to their own vanity, arises from her known indifference to, or contempt of, her husband.
I should have expected, therefore, that she would draw a kind veil over my faults: That such as she could not hide, she would endeavour to extenuate; and shew to every one, that I had
her
good opinion, whatever liberties the world took with my character.
She must have valued my friends for my sake; been chearful and easy, whomsoever I brought home with me; and whatever faults she had observed in me, have never blamed me before company; much less, with such an air, as should have shewn, that she had a better opinion of her own judgment than of mine.
I know,
proceeds he,
my own imperfections: They are many and great; yet I will not allow that they should excuse those of my Wife; or give her room to imagine I will bear faults in her, which she
can
rectify, because she sees greater in me.
Upon the whole, I expect,
adds he to his Pamela,
that you will bear with me, till, and only till, you find me capable of returning insult for condescension; and till you think I shall be so mean, as to be the gentler for negligent or pertinacious treatment.
And then (your behaviour such) I should scorn myself, if there were one privilege of a Wife, that a princess, were she my Wife, might expect to be indulged in, that I would not allow to you, ii. 349,
& seq.
[316,
& seq.
]
See her observations on the above expectations,
ii. 353,
& seq.
[320,
& seq
].
See
Advice
to young married Women.
Good
Wife.
High
Life.
Husband
and Wife.
Marriage. Maternal
Duty.
Mistress
of a Family.
Wit.
WIT is a wild quality, that does not always confine itself to exercises worthy of a right heart, iii. 189. [150].
Could a standard be fixed, by which it could be determined what is, and what is not Wit, decency would not be so often wounded as it is by attempts to be witty, iv. 110. [93].
For Wits who treat women with contempt.
See
Female
Dignity.
Writers.
HOW careful should good Writers be, of propagating lewdness and immorality; since the works of such are likely to live after them; and may help grosser minds to convey ideas which such would not otherwise be able to introduce into decent company, iii. 290. [228].
But if good Writers should be thus careful, what have wicked ones to answer for, who throw down, as much as in them lies, those sacred fences of virtue, and lay the fair inclosure open to the invasion of clumsier and still viler beasts of prey than themselves; who, tho' destitute of wit, yet corrupted and armed by it, fill their mouths as well as hearts, with the borrowed mischief, and propagate it from one to another to the end of time? iv. 399. [349].
And who otherwise would have pased by the uninvaded fence, and only shewed their teeth, and snarled at the well-secured fold within it, iv. 400. [349].
Great talents make a man more capable of mischief; and, misapplied, encrease the evil of his practices, iv. 400. [350].
See
Public
Entertainments.
Wit.
X, Y.
Young
Widows.
YOUNG Widows, most particularly, ought to be watchful over themselves and their reputation, for reasons too obvious to need enumerating, iv. 223. [193].
See
Reputation.
Youth.
IF a man, in the prime of Youth, could as easily look forward twenty years, as he can near as many backward, what an empty vanity, what a mere nothing would be all those grosser gratifications, which now give wings of desire to a debased appetite? iv. 212. [183].
There will come an hour, when now what gives a Youth the greatest pleasure, will have no part in his consideration, but as the reflections on it will yield him misery or comfort, iv. 213. [184].
See
Death. Religion.
A COLLECTION OF THE Moral
and
Instructive SENTIMENTS Contained in the History of
CLARISSA.
The Numerals, i, ii, iii, &c. denote the Volumes; the first Figures refer to the Octavo Edition; those inclosed thus [ ] to the 3d and subsequent Editions of the Twelves.
A
Adversity. Affliction. Calamity. Misfortune.
G REAT allowance ought to be made for the warmth of a spirit embitter'd by undeserved Disgraces, vol. i. p. 206. [214].
People in Misfortune are apt to construe even unavoidable accidents into slights or neglects, ii. 54. [145].
Adversity is the state of trial of every good quality, ii. 58. [149].
People in Adversity should endeavour to preserve laudable customs, that so, if sun-shine return, they may not be losers by their trials, ii. 58. 310. [149. iii. 44].
When Calamities befal us, we ought to look into ourselves, and
fear,
ii. 151. 160. [238. 246].
Misfortunes are often sent to reduce us to a better reliance than that we have been accustomed to fix upon, ii. 159. v. 88. [ii. 245. v. 338, 339].
No one is out of the reach of Misfortune. No one therefore should glory in his prosperity, ii. 159. [245].
Be a person's Provocations ever so great, her Calamities ever so heavy, she should always remember, that she is God's creature, and not her own, ii. 175. [261].
Persons in Calamity, when they wish for death, should be sure that they wish for it from proper motives. Worldly Disappointments will not, of themselves, warrant such wishes, iii. 129. [266].
Adversity will call forth graces in a noble mind, which could not have been brought to light in a prosperous fortune, iii. 277.
See also
ii. 344. [iv. 64.
See also
iii. 80].
People in Affliction or Distress cannot be hated by generous minds, iv. 85. [278].
People who thro' Calamity are careless of their health, will not perhaps be able to escape death when they would wish to do so, vi. 14. 41. [342. 370].
In the school of Affliction we are taught to know ourselves, to compassionate and bear with one another, and to look up to a better state, vi. 56. 191. [vi. 386. vii. 111].
The unhappy never want enemies, vi. 157. [vii. 74.]
The person who makes a proper use of Calamity, may be said to be in the direct road to glory, vi. 192. vii. 112. [vii. 111. viii. 31].
Persons who labour under
real
Evils, will not puzzle themselves with
conjectural
ones, vi. 192. [vii. 112.]
Calamity is the test of integrity, vi. 277. [vii. 201, 202].
Distress makes the humbled heart diffident, vi. 286. [vii. 212].
Calamity calls out the fortitude that distinguishes a spirit truly noble, vi. 386.
See also
iii. 277. v. 212. [vii. 318.
See also
iv. 64. vi. 119].
Certainty in a deep Distress is more eligible than suspense, vii. 81. [423].
See
Consolation.
Advice
and Cautions to Women.
EVERY one's eyes are upon the conduct, the visits, the visitors of a young Lady made early independent, i. 120. [125].
Encroaching and designing men make an artillery of a woman's hopes and fears, and play it upon her at their pleasure, i. 122. [126].
Artful men frequently endeavour to entangle thoughtless women by bold supposals and offers, and, if not checked, to reckon upon silence as concession, i. 143. [149].
Women should be cautious how they give up their own sex in conversation with the other, in articles that relate to delicacy, i. 177. 267. [183. 276, 277].
Women, however prudent and reserved, should be careful that they do not give the man they intend to encourage, reason to think that they balance on other competitions, i. 194, 195. 200. [i. 202. 208. iii. 173].
Men who want to get a woman into their power, seldom scruple the means, i. 241. [250].
A woman who lends an ear to a Seducer, may, by
gentle
words, be
insensibly
drawn in to the perpetration of the most
violent
acts, ii. 162. [248].
When women once enter themselves as Lovers, there is hardly any receding, ii. 209. iii. 153. [ii. 293. iii. 289, 290].
The man can have no good design, who affects to a meek-spirited woman an anger which is evidently manageable, ii. 274. [iii. 13].
A daughter ought to look upon a man, who would tempt her to go off with him clandestinely, as the vilest and most selfish of seducers, ii. 279. [iii. 18.]
The woman who will correspond with a known Libertine, indirectly defies him to do his worst, ii. 319. v. 68. [iii. 56. v. 318].
A woman who is above flattery, and despises all praise but that which flows from the approbation of her own heart, is,
morally speaking,
out of the reach of seduction, ii. 337. [iii. 73].
Women ought to be careful not to give cause to the man they love, to think lightly of them, for favours, granted even to himself, which may be supposed to spring from natural weakness, ii. 345. [iii. 81].
Women ought not to think gentleness of heart despicable in a man, ii. 397. vi. 401. [iii. 130. vii. 333].
That man's natural disposition is to be suspected, whose politeness is not regular, nor constant, nor wrought into habit; but appears only in fits, starts, and sallies, iii. 7. [152].
An acknowleged Love sanctifies every little freedom; and little freedoms beget great ones, iii. 24. [168].
To give a woman an high opinion of her own sagacity, is the measure that a designing man often takes to bring her to his will, iii. 25. [168].
I love, when I dig a pit,
says Lovelace,
to have my prey tumble in with secure feet and open eyes; for then a man can look down upon her with an O-ho, charmer! how came you there? iii. 25. [168].
A woman in courtship, for her own sake, should so behave to the man she intends to marry, as to shew the world, that she thinks him worthy of respect, iii. 30. [173].
Libertines consider all those of the Sex over whom they obtain a power, as fair prize, iii. 103. iv. 156. [iii. 242. iv. 355].
There seldom can be
peculiarity
in the love of a rakish heart, iii. 106. [245].
The confidence which a woman places in a man, for his respectful behaviour to her, ought to be withdrawn the moment she sees in him an abatement of that reverence or respect, which begot her confidence, iii. 153. [290].
If a woman be not angry at indecent pictures or verses shewn her by a Libertine, but smiles at them, she may blame herself, if she suffer from his after-attempts, iii. 145. [282].
Even innocent freedoms are not to be allowed to a Libertine, iii. 146. [282].
To be punished by the consequences of our own choice, what a moral,
insultingly says Lovelace,
lies there! iii. 148. v. 13. [285. v. 259].
A judgment may be generally formed of the reading part of the Sex by their books,
Lovel.
iii. 150. [287].
One concession to a man is but a prelude to another, iii. 153. [290].
The man who complains of the distance a Lady keeps him at, wants to come
too near,
iii. 150. [289].
A man who means honourably will not be fond of treading in crooked paths, iii. 156. [293].
How vain a thing is it for a woman, who has put herself into the power of a man, to say, what she
will
or will
not
do! iii. 158. [294, 295].
How can a woman, who (treating
herself
unpolitely) gives a man an opportunity to run away with her, expect him to treat her politely? iii. 170.
See also
ii. 285. iii. 101. [ii. 306.
See also
iii. 24
240].
The man who makes a flagrant, tho' unsuccessful attempt, and is forgiven, or expostulated with, meets with encouragement to renew it at an opportunity which he may think more favourable, iii. 188. 269. iv. 134.
See also
iii. 21. [iii. 322. iv. 55. 331.
See also
iii. 164].
Women of penetration, falling
accidentally
into company with a Libertine and his associates, will make them reflecting-glasses to one another for her own service, iii. 211. [343].
One devious step, at first setting out, frequently leads a person into a wilderness of doubt and error, iii. 250. [iv. 37].
The man who is backward in urging a Lady to give him her hand at the altar, ought not to press her to favour him with it at public entertainments, iii. 252, 253. [iv. 40].
Libertines, in order the better to carry on their designs upon the unwary of the Female Sex,
particularly against those who are prudish,
frequently make pretences to
Platonic Love,
iii. 357. [iv. 142].
If a woman suffers her Lover to see she is loth to disoblige him, let her beware of an encroacher, iii. 361. [iv. 146].
The Libertine, who by his specious behaviour can lay asleep a woman's suspicion and caution, is in the way to complete all his views, iii. 390. [iv. 175].
If a woman will keep company with a man who has reason to think himself suspected by her,
I am sure, says Lovelace,
it is a very hopeful sign,
ibid.
Women are apt to allow too much to a kneeling Lover, iv. 26. [215].
Nine parts in ten of women who fall,
says Lovelace,
owe their disgrace to their own vanity, or levity, or to want of circumspection and proper reserve, iv. 46. [237].
Libertines,
equally tyrannical and suspicious,
expect that a wife should have no will, no eyes, no love, no hate, but at their direction, iv. 57. [248].
Travelling together gives opportunities of familiarity between the Sexes,
says Lovelace,
iv. 62. [253].
Women therefore should be choice of the company they travel with.
Women should be early taught to think highly of their sex; for pride,
as Lovelace says,
is an excellent substitute to virtue, iv. 117. [313].
A woman of the brightest talents, who throws herself into the power of a Libertine, brings into question those talents, as well as her discretion, not only with himself, but with his lewd companions, to whom, in secret triumph, he will be proud to shew his prize, iv. 146. vi. 131. [iv. 344. vii. 46].
A modest woman fallen into gross company, should avow her correctives by her eye, and not affect ignorance of meanings too obvious to be concealed, iv. 148. [347].
A woman who has put herself into the power of a designing man, must be satisfied with very poor excuses and pretences, for delay of marriage, iv. 150. [349].
Want of power is the only bound that a Libertine puts to his views upon any of the Sex, iv. 151. [349].
A fallen woman is the more inexcusable, as, from the cradle, the Sex is warned against the delusions of men, iv. 162. [361].
Men presume greatly on the liberties taken, and laughed off, in Romping, iv. 174.
See also
iv. 4. [v. 1.
See also
iv. 191].
A Lady conscious of dignity of person should mingle with it a sweetness of manners, to make herself beloved, as well as respected, by all who approach her, iv. 210. [v. 41.]
A man who insults the modesty of a woman, as good as tells her, that he has seen something in her conduct, that warranted his presumption, iv. 294. [v. 128].
A man who has offered the last indignity to a woman, yet expects forgiveness from her, must think
her
as weak as
he
is wicked, iv. 294. 365. v. 311. [v. 129. 203. vi. 224].
The woman who behaves with disrespect, either to her accepted Lover, or to her Husband, gives every vain man hope of standing well with her, iv. 302. v. 396. [v. 136, 137. vi. 315].
Clarissa apprehends that Lovelace might have ground to doubt her conduct, from having been able to prevail upon her to correspond with him against paternal prohibition, and the light of her own judgment, iv. 358. v. 220. [v. 196. vi. 126, 127].
The nicest circumstances cannot be too nice to be attended to by women who are obliged either to converse or correspond with sree livers, v. 21. [268].
A woman who, when attempted, descends to
expostulation,
lets the offender know, that she intends to forgive him, v. 48. [296].
A man, whatever are his professions, always thinks the worse of a woman, who forgives him for making an attempt on her virtue, v. 49. [297].
A man, who offers indecencies to a woman, depends for secrecy and forgiveness upon his own confidence, and her bashfulness, v. 70. [320].
The woman who takes any indirect steps in favour of a Libertine, if she escape
present
ill-treatment from him, intitles herself, when his Wife, to his future jealousy and censure, v. 93. [344].
She who puts herself out of a natural protection, is not to expect miracles in her favour, v. 119. [vi. 21].
The woman who hopes to reclaim a Libertine,
may
have reason to compare herself to one, who, attempting to save a drowning wretch, is drawn in after him, and perishes with him, v. 219. vi. 46. [vi. 125. 376].
Men take great advantages even of women of character, who can bear their free talk and boasts of Libertinism without resentment, v. 286, 287. [vi. 198, 199].
Chastity, like piety, is an uniform grace. If in look, if in speech, a girl give way to undue levity, depend upon it,
says Lovelace,
the devil has already got one of his cloven feet in her heart, v. 316. [vi. 229, 230].
That woman must be indeed unhappy, whose conduct has laid her under obligations to a man's silence, vi. 9. [336].
A bold man's effrontery in company of women must be owing to his low opinion of them, and his high one of himself, vi. 33. [362].
A
good
woman who vows a duty to a wicked man, knowing him to be such, puts to hazard her eternal happiness, vi. 45. [375].
How dreadfully sunk is the woman who supplicates for marriage to a man who has robbed her of her honour; and who can be thankful to him for doing her such poor justice! vi. 45. [375].
How must such a one appear before
his
friends and
her own,
divested of that noble confidence which arises from a mind unconscious of deserving reproach! vi. 46. [375].
How does she subject herself to the Violator's upbraidings, and to his insults of generosity and pity, exerted in her favour!
ibid.
It must cut to the heart a thoughtful Mother, whose Husband continues in his profligate courses, to look round upon her Children, with the reflection that she has given a Father destin'd, without a miracle, to perdition, vi. 46. [376].
It would be as unpardonable in a Lady,
says Lovelace (in the true Libertine spirit)
to break her word with me, as it would be strange, if I kept mine to her. In Love cases I mean; for as to rest, I am an honest moral man, vi. 317. [vii. 244].
If a woman is conscious of having shewn weakness to a man who has insulted her modesty, she may then come to a composition with him, and forgive him, vi. 372. [vii. 302].
I never knew a man,
says Miss Howe,
who deserved to be thought well of for his morals, who had a slight opinion of our Sex in general, vi. 396. [vii. 328].
If a woman consents to go off with a man, and he prove ever so great a villain to her, she must take into her own bosom
the whole reproach, and
a share of his guilty baseness, vi. 397. [vii. 328, 329].
Offences against women, and those of the most heinous nature, constitute and denominate
the Man of Gallantry,
vii. 19. [358].
The pen, next to the needle, of all employments, whether for improvement or amusement, is the most proper and best adapted to the genius of women, vii. 276. [viii. 201, 202].
The woman who neglects the
useful
and the
elegant,
which distinguishes her own Sex, for the sake of obtaining the learning which is supposed peculiar to men, incurs more contempt by what she foregoes, than she gains credit by what she acquires, vii. 278. [viii. 203].
The practical knowlege of the domestic duties is the principal glory of a woman, vii. 278. [viii. 204].
The woman who aims at more than a knowlege of the beauty and graces of her mother tongue, too often endangers her family usefulness, vii. 279. [viii. 204].
Young Ladies should endeavour to make up for their defects in one part of their education, by their excellence in another, vii. 282. [viii. 208].
See the articles
Courtship. Duty. Husband
and Wife.
Libertine. Marriage. Parents
and Children.
Reflections
on Women.
Vows.
Air
and Manner.
Address.
AIR and Manner are often more expressive than words, i. 6. [7].
That Address in a man for which he is often most valued by a woman, is generally owing to his assurance, i. 231. [239].
A concession should be made with a grace, or not at all, iii. 159. [295].
What a
mere
personal advantage is a plausible Address without morals! iii. 214 [iv. 32].
A specious Address frequently abates even a
justly
-conceiv'd displeasure, vi. 77. [410].
There is a Manner in speaking that may be liable to exception, when the words without that Manner will bear none, vi. 339. [vii. 267].
Anger. Displeasure.
ANGER and Disgust alter the property, at least the appearance, of things, ii. 4. [98].
People hardly ever do any thing in Anger, of which they do not repent, ii. 33. [125].
A person of hard features should not allow himself to be very angry, ii. 76. [166].
We should not be angry at a person's
not
doing that for us, which he has a right either to do or to let alone, ii. 158. 214. iv. 120. [ii. 244, 245. 298. iv. 316, 317].
Faulty people should rather be sorry for the occasion they have given for anger, than resent it, iii. 33. [176].
Nothing can be lovely in a man's eye with which he is displeased, iv. 183. v. 12].
An angry or offended man will not allow to the person with whom he is displeased, the merit which is his due, iv. 193. [v. 25].
Angry people should never write while their passion holds, iv. 362. [v. 200].
Anger unpolishes the most polite, v. 15. [261].
The Displeasure of friends is to be borne even by an innocent person, when it unquestionably proceeds from love, v. 276. [vi. 187].
An innocent person may be thankful for that Displeasure in her friend, which gives her an opportunity of justifying herself, v. 276. [vi. 187].
But then it is ungenerous in a displeased friend not to acknowlege, and ask excuse, for the mistake which caused the Displeasure, the moment he or she is convinced, v. 276. [vi. 187].
People of little understanding are most apt to be angry when their sense is called into question, vii. 228. [viii. 152]. [
See
Passion.
Apprehensions. Fear.
THE tender mind, drawn in to pursue an irregular adventure, will be ready to start at every unexpected appearance, i. 230. [238].
The most apprehensive beginnings often make the happiest conclusions, ii. 93. [182].
The certainty even of what we fear, is often more tolerable than the suspense, ii. 157. [243].
The very event of which we are most apprehensive, is sometimes that which we ought to wish for, ii. 237. [320].
Threateners, when they have an opportunity to put in force their threats, are seldom to be feared, ii. 273. [iii. 11].
It is better, in a critical and uncertain situation, to apprehend without cause, than to subject one's self to surprize, for want of forethought, ii. 382. [iii. 115].
Evils are often greater in
Apprehension,
than in
reality,
iv. 11. [203].
An earnest disavowal of Fear often proceeds from Fear, iv. 291. [v. 126].
Few men fear those whom they do not value, iv. 398. [v. 126].
B.
Beauty. Figure.
COMELINESS, not having so much to lose as Beauty has, will hold when Beauty will evaporate or fly off, i. 7. [7].
Personal advantages are oftener snares than benefits, i. 186. ii. 353. [i. 194. iii. 88].
Tho' Beauty is generally the creature of fancy, yet are there some who will be Beauties in every eye, i. 196. [203].
A good Figure, or Person, in man or woman, gives credit at first sight to the choice of either, i. 268. [277].
Men, more-especially, ought to value themselves rather for their intellectual, than personal qualifications, i. 268. [278].
The pretty fool, in all she says, in all she does, will please, we know not why,
ibid.
Who would grudge the pretty fool her day?
ibid.
When her butterfly flutters are over, she will feel, in the general contempt she will meet with, the just effects of having neglected to cultivate her better faculties,
ibid.
While the discreet matron, who from youth has maintained her character, will find solid veneration take place of airy admiration, and more than supply the want of the latter, i. 268. [278].
A lovely woman, whether angry or pleased, will appear lovely, iii. 194. [328].
That cruel distemper, which often makes the greatest ravages in the finest faces, is not always to be thought an evil, v. 3. [248].
Goodness and generosity give grace and lustre to beauty, vi. 21. [350].
Blushes. Blushing.
SILENCE and Blushes are now no graces,
says Lovelrce,
with our fine Ladies, iii. 168. [304].
A distinction is to be made between the confusion which guilt will be attended with, and the noble consciousness that overspreads the face of a fine spirit, on its being thought capable of an imputed evil, iii. 168. [301].
Harden'd by frequent public appearances, our modern fine Ladies would be as much ashamed as men, to be found guilty of blushing,
Lovel.
iii. 165. [304].
The woman who at a gross hint puts her fan before her face, seems to be conscious that her Blush is not quite ready,
Lovel
iv. 309. [145]. [
See
Modesty
C.
Censure. Character.
THE world, ill-natur'd as it is said to be, is generally more just in giving characters (speaking by what it
feels
) than is usually imagined, i. 114. [119].
Those who complain most of the Censoriousness of the world, perhaps ought to look
inward
for the occasion oftener than they do, i. 114, 115. [119].
A wrong step taken by a woman who aims to excel, subjects her to more severe censures from the world, whose envy she has excited, than that world would cast on a less perfect character, i. 120. [125].
Characters very good, or extremely bad, are seldom justly given, i. 166. [172].
We should be particularly careful to keep clear of the faults we censure, i. 367. [ii. 59].
Hasty
Censurers subject themselves to the charge of variableness in judgment, ii. 70. [160].
We should always make allowances for the characters, whether bad or good, that are given us by interested persons, ii. 125. [213].
Many of those who have escaped censure, have not merited applause. ii. 126. [213].
Good people,
says Lovelace
[
or rather those who affect to be thought good
] are generally so uncharitable, that I should not chuse to be good, were the consequence to be, that I must think hardly of every-body else, iii. 218. iv. 332. [iv. 6, 7. v. 169].
Where reputation is concerned, we should not be in haste to censure, iii. 196. [330].
We should never judge peremptorily on first appearances,
ibid.
Every man and woman,
says Lovelace,
is apt to judge of others by what they know of themselves, iii. 268. [iv. 55].
A man who proves base to the confidence a woman places in him, justifies the harshest censures of such of his enemies, as would have persuaded her to reject him, iv. 294. [v. 129].
Character runs away with, and byasses all mankind, v. 7. [253].
In the very Courts of Justice, Character acquits and condemns as often as fact, and sometimes in spite of fact,
Lovel. ibid.
It is not alway just to censure according to events, v. 269. [vi. 179].
Difficult situations make seeming occasions for Censure unavoidable, vi. 305. [vii. 231].
Censoriousness and narrowness generally prevail with those who affect to be thought more pious than their neighbours, vi. 365. [vii. 294].
Very few Ladies would be condemned, or even accused, in the circle of Ladies, were they present, vii. 274. [viii. 199].
Human depravity, it is feared, will oftener justify those who judge harshly, than those who judge favourably; yet will not good people part with their charity, vii. 274. [viii. 200].
Nevertheless it is right to make that charity consist with caution and prudence,
ibid.
Charity. Beneficence. Benevolence.
BENEVOLENT spirits are sufficiently happy in the noble consciousness that attends their Benevolence, i. 2. 283. [3. 293].
'Tis a generous pleasure in a Landlord, to love to see all his tenants look fat, sleek, and contented, i. 73. [76].
That spirit ought not to have the credit of being called bountiful, that reserves not to itself the power of being just, iii. 49. 303. [192. iv. 89].
In cases where great good is wished to be done, it is grievous to have the will without having the power, iii. 290. [iv. 76].
True Generosity is Greatness of soul: it incites to do more by a fellow-creature than can be strictly required of us, iii. 308. [iv. 94].
Innocent and benevolent spirits are sure to be considered as aliens, and to be made to suffer, by the genuine sons and daughters of earth, v. 279. [vi. 190].
A beneficent person diverted from her course by calamity, will resume it the moment she can, and go on doing good to all about her, as before, vi. 23. 109. [352. vii. 22].
The power of conferring benefits is a godlike power, vi. 279. [vii. 204].
A truly generous and beneficent person will, in a sudden distress, find out the unhappy before the sighing heart is overwhelmed by it, vii. 164.
See also
iii. 308. [viii. 87.
See also
iv. 94].
A prudent person will suit her Charities to the person's usual way of life, vii. 184.
See also
iv. 56. [viii. 106.
See also
iv. 247].
Persons bless'd with a
will,
should be doubly careful to preserve to themselves the
power,
of doing good, vii. 188. [viii. 110].
The honest, industrious, labouring poor, whom sickness, lameness, or unforeseen accidents have reduced, ought to be the principal objects of our Charity, vii. 188. [viii. 110, 111].
Small helps will set forward the sober and industrious poor: An ocean of wealth will not be sufficient for the idle and profligate, vii. 189. [viii. 111].
It is not Charity to relieve the dissolute, if what is given to them deprive the worthy poor of such assistance as would set the wheels of their industry going,
ibid.
That Charity which provides for the
morals,
as well as for the bodily wants of the poor, gives a double benefit to the public, as it adds to the number of the hopeful what it takes from that of the profligate, vii. 287. [viii. 213].
Can there be in the eyes of that God, who requires nothing so much from us as acts of beneficence to one another, a charity more worthy than that of providing for the souls as well as bodies of our fellow-creatures? vii. 287. [viii. 213].
See
Generosity.
Church. Clergy.
THE Church is a good place to begin a reconciliation in, if people mean any thing by their prayers,
says Lovelace,
i. 196, 197. [205].
Who that has views either worldly or cruel, can go to Church, and expect a blessing? ii. 217. [301].
It is a juster satire upon human nature, than upon the Cloth, if we suppose, that those who have the
best
opportunities of being good, are less perfect than others, iv. 249. [v. 81].
Professional
as well as
national
reflexions are to be avoided, iv. 249. [v. 81].
The Church ought to be the only market-place for women, and domestic excellence their capital recommendation, v. 27. [274].
A good Clergyman must love and venerate the Gospel he teaches, and prefer it to all other learning, vi. 137. [vii. 52].
The young Clergyman, who throws about to a Christian audience scraps of Latin and Greek from the Pagan Classics, shews something wrong either in his heart or head, or in both, vi. 137. [vii. 52, 53].
A general contempt of the Clergy,
even Lovelace confesses,
is a certain sign of a man of free principles, vi. 353. [vii. 282].
See
Conscience. Death. Religion.
Comedies. Tragedies. Music. Dancing.
LIBERTINES love not any Tragedies, but those in which they themselves act the parts of tyrants and executioners, iii. 358. [iv. 143].
Libertines (afraid to trust themselves with serious and solemn reflexions) run to Comedies, in order to laugh away compunction, and to find examples of men as immoral as themselves,
ibid.
Very few of our Comic Performances give good examples,
ibid.
Mr.
Lovelace,
Mr.
Sinclair, Sally Martin, Polly Horton,
Miss
Partington,
love not Tragedies. They have hearts
too feeling.
There is enough in the world,
say they,
to make the heart sad, without carrying grief into our diversion, and making the distresses of others our own, iii. 358, 359. [iv. 143].
The woes of others, well represented, will unlock and open a tender heart,
Lovel.
iii. 362. [iv. 146].
The female heart expands, and forgets its forms, when its attention is carried out of itself at an
agreeable
or affecting Entertainment,
Lovel.
iii. 362. [iv. 147].
Women, therefore, should be cautious of the company they go with to public Entertainments.
Music, and other maidenly amusements, are too generally given up by women, when married, v. 8. [254].
Music,
says Lovelace,
is an amusement that may be necessary to keep a young woman out of more active mischief, v. 9. [154].
Wine is an opiate in degree: How many women,
says Lovelace,
have been taken at advantage by wine and intoxicating viands! v. 65. [314].
Dancing is a diversion that women love; but they ought to be wary of their company, v. 68. [317].
Women to women, when warm'd by Dancing, Music,
&c.
are great darers and provokers, v. 68. [318].
Persons who sing and play tolerably, yet plead inability, wish not always to be believed, vii. 282. [viii. 208].
Condescension.
CONDESCENSION that proceeds from force, or even from policy, may be often discovered to be forced, by observing the eyes and lips, ii. 84. [174].
Condescension is not meanness, iv. 30. [218]. On the contrary, the very word implies dignity, iv. 183. [v. 13].
There is a glory in yielding, of which a violent spirit can hardly judge, iv. 30. [218].
By Gentleness and Condescension, a requester leaves favourable impressions upon an angry person, which, on cooler reflection, may bring the benefit denied at the time, iv. 110. [316].
That Condescension which has neither pride nor insult in it, gives a grace to the person, as well as to the action which demonstrates it, iv. 184. [v. 13].
Conscience. Consciousness.
PERSONS of Conscience will be afraid to begin the world unjustly, i. 78. [81].
A woman who by surprize, or otherwise, is brought to swerve, loses all that noble self-confidence, which otherwise would have given her a visible superiority over her tempter, ii. 392.
See also
ii. 169. [iii. 125.
See also
ii. 255]
How uneasy are our reflections upon every doubtful occurrence, when we know we have been prevailed upon to do a wrong thing! ii. 399. [iii. 132].
It is a satisfaction to a worthy mind, to have borne its testimony against the vile actions of a bad one, iii. 101. [240].
Self-complaisancy
is necessary
to carry a woman thro' this life, with tolerable satisfaction to herself, iv. 23. [211].
The look of every person will be construed as a reproach, by one who is conscious of having capitally erred, vi. 47.
See also
iii. 205. [vi. 377.
See also
iii. 338].
As to the world, and its censures,
says Clarissa,
however desirous I always was of a fair fame, I never thought it right to give more than a second place to the world's opinion, vi. 86, 87.
See also
i. 263. ii. 214. iv. 180. [vi. 419.
See also
i. 273. ii. 298. v. 9.]
A pure intention, void of all undutiful resentments, is what must be my consolation,
says Clarissa,
whatever others may think of the measures I have taken, when they come to be known, vi. 195. [vii. 114].
Consolation.
THOSE who have not deserved ill-usage, have reason to be the easier under it, ii. 62. [153].
Who would not with patience sustain even a great evil, could she persuade herself, that it might most probably be dispensed in order to prevent a still
greater?
iii. 134. [271].
How much lighter, on reflection, will the same evils sit on the heart of one who has not brought them upon herself, than upon one who has? iii. 134.
See also
ii. 91. 158. [iii. 271.
See also
ii. 180. 244].
There is one common point in which all shall meet, err widely as they may, iii. 250. [iv. 37].
Patience and perseverance overcome the greatest difficulties, iii. 262. [iv. 48].
If a person in calamity can consider herself as called upon to give an example of patience and resignation, she will find her mind greatly invigorated, iii. 277. [iv. 64].
All nature, and every thing in it, has its bright and gloomy side. We should not always be thinking of the worst, iii. 163. vi. 367. [iv. 147. vii. 297].
My mind,
says Clarissa to Lovelace and Tomlinson,
is prepared for adversity. That I have not deserved the evils I have met with, is my Consolation, iv. 362. v. 210. 275. 280. 283. [v. 200. vi. 116. 186. 191. 194].
There must be a world after this to do justice to injured innocence, and to punish barbarous perfidy, v. 45. [293].
We often look back with pleasure on the heaviest griefs, when the cause of them is removed, v. 55. [304].
No one ought to think the worse of herself for having suffered what she could not avoid, v. 89. [340].
Temporary evils may be borne with, because they are
but
temporary, v. 131. [vi. 33].
None are made to suffer beyond what they
can
bear, and therefore
ought
to bear, v. 210. [vi. 116].
We know not the methods of Providence, nor what wise ends it may have to serve, in its seemingly severe dispensations, v. 210. [vi. 116].
A patient and innocent sufferer will look to a world beyond this for its reward, v. 268. [vi. 178].
Many happy days may persons greatly unhappy live to see, if they will not heighten unavoidable accidents into guilty despondency, v. 280. [vi. 191].
We should, in an heavy evil, comfort
ourselves,
as we would in the like circumstances comfort
others,
v. 281. [vi. 192].
This world is designed but for a transitory state of probation. A good person, considering herself as travelling thro' it to a better, will put up with all the hardships of the journey, in hopes of an ample reward at the end of it, v. 344. [vi. 260].
Had I,
says Clarissa (drawing near her end)
escaped the evils I labour under, I might have been taken in the midst of some gay promising hope; when my heart had beat high with desire of life; and when the vanity of this earth had taken hold of me, vi. 48. [377].
What happiness, on reflexion, does that person enjoy, who has not acted unworthy of herself in the time of tryal and temptation! vi. 127, 128. [vii. 41, 42].
All the
troubles
of this world, as well as its joys, are but of short duration, vi. 191. [vii. 111].
Things the most grievous to human nature at the time, often in the event prove the happiest for us, vi. 203.
See also
vi. 116. [vii. 123.
See also
vii. 30].
We remember those we have
long
lost, with more pleasure than pain, vi. 258. [vii. 181].
Solemn impressions that seem to
weaken
the mind, may, by proper reflexion, be made to
strengthen
it, vi. 278. [vii. 202].
Where there is a reliance made on Providence, it seldom fails to raise up a new friend for every old one that falls off, vi. 279. [vii. 204].
There is often a
necessity
for a considerate person's being unhappy, in order to be happy, vi. 287. [vii. 212].
Good motions wrought into habit, will yield pleasure at a time when nothing else can, vi. 314. [vii. 240].
Persons enured to afflictions, and who have lived in constant hope of a better life, and have no flagrant vices to reproach themselves with, are the fittest comforters of friends in distress, vii. 161. [viii. 82].
When a man has not great good to comfort himself with, it is right,
says Lovelace,
to make the best of the
little
that may offer, vii. 219. [viii. 143].
There never was any discomfort happen'd to mortal man, but some little ray of Consolation would dart in, if the wretch was not so
much
a wretch, as to
draw,
instead of
undraw
the curtain, to keep it out, vii. 219. [viii. 143].
See
Adversity. Conscience. Death. Grief. Human
Life.
Religion.
Controul. Authority.
NO extraordinary qualifications are to be expected from a man, who never, as a child, was subject to Controul, i. 65. [67].
Young Ladies on whom parental Controul is known to sit heavily, give a man of intrigue room to think, that they want to be parents themselves,
Lovel.
ii. 321. [iii. 58].
A generous mind will then only be jealous of Controul, when it imagines its laudable friendships, or its generosity, are likely to be wounded by it, iii. 212. [344].
A man, by seeming afraid of Controul, often subjects himself to it, v. 179. [vi. 84].
People awed and controuled, tho' but by their own consciousness of inferiority, will find fault, right or wrong, with those of whose rectitude of mind and manners their own culpable hearts give them to be afraid, vii. 272. [viii. 197].
See
Duty. Parents
and Children.
Covetousness. Avarice.
A COVETOUS man acts as if he thought the world made for himself only, i. 7. [80].
Covetous people may bear with every one's ill word, since they are so solicitous to keep what they prefer to every one's good word, i. 88. [91].
The difference between obtaining a fame for generosity, and incurring the censure of being a miser, will not, prudently managed, cost fifty pounds a year, i. 114. [119].
A miser's heir may, at a small expence, obtain the reputation of generosity,
ibid.
When was an ambitious or covetous mind satisfied with acquisition? i. 122. [127].
A prodigal man generally does more injustice than a covetous one, i. 209. [217].
What man or woman, who is covetous of wealth or of power, desires either for the sake of making a right use of it? iv. 362. [v. 201].
Time is the only thing of which we can be allowably covetous, since we live but once in this world, and when gone, are gone from it for ever, vii. 295. [viii. 221].
See
Self.
Courtship.
REVERENCE to a woman in
Courtship
is the less to be dispensed with, as, generally, there is but little of it shewn
afterwards,
i. 8. [8].
A very ready consent often subjects a woman to contempt, i. 11. [11].
If a man cannot make a woman in Courtship own herself
pleased
with him, it is as
much,
and oftentimes
more,
to his purpose, to make her
angry
with him,
Lovel.
i. 18. [19].
That disgust must be sincere, which is conceived on a first visit, and confirmed in every after one, i. 97. [102].
A woman who shews a very great dislike to a
Lover,
whom afterward she is induced to
marry,
had need to have a double share of prudence to behave unexceptionably to her
husband,
i. 199. 261. 373. [i. 207. 270, 271. ii. 65].
He who perseveres in his addresses to a woman whose aversion or dislike to him he has no reason to doubt, wants the spirit that distinguishes a man, i. 208. [216].
Very few people in Courtship see each other as they are, i. 381. [ii. 73].
Our Courtship days are our best days: Favour destroys Courtship, distance encreases it,
Miss Howe,
ii. 37. [130].
A woman in Courtship has reason to resent those passions in her Lover, which are predominant to that he pretends to have for her, ii. 49. [141].
One of the greatest indignities that can be cast on a woman in Courtship, is, for a man to be so profligate as to engage himself in lewd pursuits, at the time he pretends his whole heart to be hers, ii. 71. [161].
A woman accustomed to be treated with obsequiousness, will expect obsequiousness to the end of the Courtship chapter,
says Miss Howe,
iii. 27. [171].
The man who expresses high respect to a woman, is entitled, if not to
acceptance,
to
civility,
iii. 387.
See also
i. 248. [iv. 171.
See also
i. 257].
A wise man will not discourage that discretion in a
mistress,
which will be his glory and security in a
wife,
iv. 31. [219].
The woman who in Courtship treats haughtily or ill the man she intends to have, gives room for the world to think, either, That she has a mean opinion of him, a high one of herself, vi. 305- [vii. 231.]—
Or, That she has not generosity enough to use moderately the power which his great affection gives her, vi. 305.— [vii. 231, 232].—
Such a woman gives reason to free livers to suppose (and to presume upon it) that the man to whom she intends to give her hand has no share in her heart, vi, 305. [vii. 232].
And if she shew that regard to him
after
marriage, of which she shewed none
before,
it will be construed as a compliment to the
Husband,
made at the expence of the
Wife
's, and even of the
Sex
's delicacy, vi. 306. [vii. 232].
Such a one will teach the world, by
her
example, to
despise
the man, whom, when her Husband, she would wish it to
respect, ibid.
To condescend with dignity, to command with kindness, and sweetness of manners, are points to be aimed at by a wise woman in Courtship, vi. 307. [vii. 233].
She should let her Lover see, that she has generosity to approve of and reward a well-meant service:
That she has a mind that lifts her above the little captious follies which some attribute to the sex:
That she resents not (if ever she has reason to be displeased) with pride, or thro' petulance:
That by insisting on little points, she aims not to come at, or to secure, great ones, perhaps not proper to be carried:
Nor leaves room to suppose that she thinks she has so much cause to doubt her own merit, as to make it needful to put her Lover upon disagreeable or arrogant trials:
But lets reason be the principal guide of her actions:
And then she will hardly ever fail of that respect which will make her judgment
after
marriage consulted, sometimes with a preference to a man's own; at other times as a delightful confirmation of his, vi. 307. [vii. 233, 234].
When
judgment
is at a loss to determine the choice of a Lady who has several Lovers,
fancy
may the more allowably predominate, vi. 313. [vii. 240].
Women cannot put the question to a Lover, Whether he mean honourably or not, in his address, without affronting their own virtue and personal graces, vi. 335. [vii. 263].
They should therefore never admit of the address of a Libertine.
The woman who in Courtship uses ill the man she intends to have, reflects not on the obligations her pride is laying her under to him for his
patience
with her, vi. 406. [vii. 339].
See
Advice
to Women.
Husband
and Wife.
Libertine. Love. Marriage. Parents
and Children.
Reflections
on Women.
Vows.
Credulity.
WOMEN are sometimes drawn in to believe against probability, by the unwillingness they have to doubt their own merit, ii. 51. [142].
Superstitious notions propagated in infancy, are hardly ever totally eradicated, not even in minds grown strong enough to despise the like credulous folly in others, ii. 198. [283].
Credulity is the God of Love's prime minister, and they are never asunder, ii. 385. [iii. 119].
Credulity permits us not, till we suffer by it, to see the defects of those of whom we think highly, iii. 243. [iv. 30].
We are all very ready to believe what we like, iv. 118. [314].
See
Courtship. Love. Lover.
Cruelty. Hard-heartedness.
THAT Cruelty which children are permitted to shew to birds, and other animals, will most probably exert itself on their fellow-creatures, when at years of maturity, iii. 226. [iv. 14].
Let the parents of such a child expect a Lovelace, iv. 144. v. 300. [iv. 342. vi. 212].
When we reflect upon the Cruelties daily practised upon such of the animal creation as are given us for food, or which we ensnare for our diversion, we shall be obliged to own,
says even Lovelace,
that there is more of the savage in human nature, than we are aware of, iii. 228, 229, 230. [iv. 16, 17, 18].
Infinite beauties are there to be found in a weeping eye,
Lovel.
iii. 235. [iv. 23].
Hard-heartedness is an essential in the character of a Libertine, iii. 324. iv. 121. [iv. 109. 317].
No heart bursts,
says the savage Lovelace,
be the occasion for sorrow what it will, which has the kindly relief of tears, iv. 254. [v. 67].
See
Libertine. Tears.
D.
Death. Dying.
MELANCHOLY objects and subjects will at times impress the most profligate spirits. [
They should not therefore be run away from.
] iv. 152. [350].
What is Death, but a cessation from mortal life? vi. 47. [377].
It is but the finishing of an appointed course,
ibid.
The refreshing Inn, after a fatiguing journey,
ibid.
The end of a life of cares and troubles,
ibid.
Those men who give themselves airs of bravery on reflecting upon the last scenes of others, may be expected, if sensible at the time, to behave the most pitifully in their own, vi. 237. [vii. 159].
What a dreadful thing is Death, to a person who has not one comfortable reflexion to revolve! vi. 240. [vii. 162].
What would I give,
says the departing Belton,
to have but one year of life before me, and to have the same sense of things I now have!
ibid.
See also the dying Belton's pleas to his Physician, and treatment of him, and of his own Sister, because they could give him no hope,
vi. 264
to
267. [vii. 187-190].
The seeds of Death are sown in us when we begin to live, and grow up till, like rampant weeds, they choak the tender flower of life, vi. 266. [vii. 189].
In beholding the Death of a friend, we are affected as well by what must one day be our own case, as by his agonies, vi. 267. [vii. 191].
To be cut off by the sword of injured friendship is the most dreadful of all Deaths, next to Suicide, vi. 269. [vii. 193].
Resignation in Death, and reliance on the Divine mercies, give great comfort to the friends of the dying, vi. 270. vii. 146, 147. [vii. 194. viii. 66, 67].
A good conscience only can support a person in a sensible and gradual Death, vi. 383. vii. 22. [vii. 314. 360].
It is a choice comfort at the winding up of our short story,
says Clarissa,
to be able to say,
"I have rather
suffered
injuries, than
offered
them,"
vii. 60. [401].
Nothing that is of consequence should be left to be done in the last incapacitating hours of life? vii. 72. 78. [414. 420].
See Clarissa's noble behaviour in the agonies of Death,
vii. 85
to
90. [viii. 3-8].
All sentiments of worldly grandeur vanish at that unavoidable moment which decides the destiny of men, vii. 97. [viii. 15].
What, in the last solemn moments, must be the reflexion of those (if capable of reflection) whose study and pride it has been to seduce the innocent, and to ruin the weak, the unguarded, and the friendless; perhaps, too, by themselves made friendless? vii. 97. [viii. 15].
See the shocking and outragious behaviour of Sinclair at her Death,
vii. 129. [viii. 49,
& seq.
]
See also the violent Death of Lovelace,
vii. 319,
& seq.
[viii. 246,
& seq.
]
What are twenty or thirty years to look back upon? vii. 112. [viii. 31].
In a long life, what friends may we not have to mourn for?
ibid.
What temptations may we not have to encounter with?
ibid.
In the loss of a dear friend, it is an high satisfaction to be able to reflect, that we have no acts of unkindness to reproach ourselves with, vii. 118. [viii. 38].
Time only can combat with advantage very heavy deprivations, vii. 163. [viii. 84].
Nature will be given way to, till sorrow has in a manner exhausted itself; then reason and religion will come in seasonably, with their powerful aids, to raise the drooping heart,
ibid.
See
Consolation. Grief. Religion.
Delicacy. Decency. Decorum.
MUCH disagreeable evil will arise to a woman of the least Delicacy, from a Husband who is given to wine, i. 260. [269].
What young woman of Delicacy would be thought to have
inclinations
so violent, that she could not conquer them? or a
will
so stubborn, that she would not, at the entreaty and advice of her friends, attempt the conquest? i. 348. [ii. 75].
Punctilio is out of doors the moment a Daughter clandestinely quits her Father's house, ii. 203. [288].
How inexcuseable are those giddy creatures, who in the same hour leap from a Parent's window to a Husband's bed!
ibid.
Numberless are the reasons that might be given why a woman of the least Delicacy should never think of going off with a man, ii. 279. [iii. 18].
A woman who goes off with a man has no room either to practise Delicacy herself, or to expect it from the man, iii. 294. 298. 301. [iv. 80. 84. 87].
A consent, in some nice Love-cases, were better taken for granted, than asked for, iii. 308. [iv. 93].
Few, very few men are there, who have Delicacy enough to enter into those parts of the female character which are its glory and distinction, iii. 309. [iv. 95].
Over-niceness may be under-niceness, iv. 180. [v. 9].
Men
need not
give indelicate hints to women on subjects that relate to themselves,
Lovel.
iv. 279. [v. 112].
A man who is gross in a woman's company,
adds he,
ought to be knock'd down with a club,
ibid.
Delicate women, make delicate women, and also detent men, v. 11. [256].
There are points so delicate, that it is a degree of dishonour to have a vindication of one's self from them thought necessary, v. 230. [vi. 137].
The free things that among us Rakes,
says Belford,
pass for wit and spirit, must be shocking stuff to the ears of persons of Delicacy, v. 377. [vi. 295, 296].
See
Advice
to Women.
Courtship. Duty. Libertine. Love. Marriage. Men
and Women, &c.
Despondency. Despair.
IF we despond, there can be no hope of cure, iii. 125. vi. 65. [iii. 263. vi. 396].
To despond is to add sin to sin, iv. 10. [197].
When a profligate man, on being overtaken by a dangerous sickness, or inevitable calamity, desponds, what consolation can be given him either from his past life, or his future prospects? vi. 50. [389].
This is the cause of my despair,
says Belton,
that God's
justice
cannot let his
mercy
operate for my comfort! vi. 240. [vii. 163].
See
Consolation.
Deviation.
To condemn a Deviation, and to follow it by as great a one, what is it but to propagate a general corruption? ii. 75. [165].
The Deviation of a person of eminence is more inexcusable than that of a common person, iii. 50. [193].
In unhappy situations it will be difficult, even for worthy persons, to avoid sometimes departing from the simple truth, iii. 64. [206].
How necessary is it then for such persons to be careful that they do not, by their own inconsideration, involve themselves in difficulties!
Worthy persons, if inadvertently drawn into a Deviation, will endeavour instantly to recover their lost ground, that they may not bring error into habit, iii. 64. [206].
A criminal Deviation in one friend, is likely to cast a shade upon the other, iii. 118. [256].
To the pure every little Deviation,
says Lovelace,
seems offensive, iii. 216. [iv. 4].
One devious step at first setting out, frequently leads a person into a wilderness of doubt and error, iii. 250. 289. [iv. 37. 75].
When we are betrayed into a capital Deviation, lesser Deviations will hardly be avoidable, iv. 224. [v. 55].
She who is too ready to excuse a wilful Deviation in another, renders her own virtue suspectable,
Jam. Harl.
vii. 5. [343, 344].
See
Guilt. Human
Nature.
Dignity. Quality.
UPON true Quality and hereditary Distinction, if sense be not wanting, honours and affluence sit easy, i. 260. [270].
If we assume a Dignity, and disgrace not by arrogance our assumption, every-body will treat us with respect and deference, i. 320. [ii. 11].
Hereditary Dignity conveys more disgrace than honour to descendants who have not merit to adorn it, ii. 136. [223].
Gentleman
is a title of distinction which a prince may not deserve, ii. 397. [iii. 130].
The first Dignity ought to be accompanied with the first merit, iii. 232. [iv. 19].
Grandeur,
says Lovelace,
always makes a man's face shine in a woman's eye, v. 85. [336].
People who are fenced in, either by their Years or Quality, should not,
says Lovelace,
take freedoms that a man of spirit ought to resent from others, v. 302. [vi. 214].
True Dignity admits not of pride or arrogance, v. 382. [vi. 301].
Some men have a native Dignity in their manner, which will procure them more regard by a look, than others can obtain by the most imperious commands, vi. 260. [vii. 183].
The man who is good by choice, as well as by education, has that
Quality
in himself [
that true Dignity
], which ennobles human nature, and without which the most dignified by birth or rank are ignoble, vi. 314. [vii. 240].
Women who will not assume some little Dignity, and exact respect from men, will render themselves cheap, and perhaps have their modesty and diffidence repaid with scorn and insult,
Miss Howe,
vii. 253. [viii. 177].
See
Advice
to Women.
Courtship. Delicacy. Libertine,
&c.
Double
Entendre.
IT is an odious thing in a man to look sly and leering at a woman, whose modesty is invaded by another by indecent hints or Double Entendre, iii. 165. [301].
What a grossness is there in the mind of that man, who thinks to reach a Lady's heart by wounding her ears! iii. 186. [320].
Well-bred men, who think themselves in virtuous company, will not allow in themselves such liberties of speech, as tho' not free enough for open censure, are capable of conveying impure images to the heart, iii. 198. [332].
Men who go out of their way to hint free things, must either be guilty of absurdity, meaning nothing; or meaning something, of rudeness,
ibid.
Obscenity is so shameful even to the guilty, that they cannot hint at it, but under a double meaning, iv. 148. [346].
Even Lovelace declares, that he never did, nor ever will, talk to a Lady in a way that modesty will not permit her to answer him in, vii. 222. [viii. 145].
See
Delicacy.
Dress. Fashions. Elegance.
THE genius of a man who is fond of his Person, or Dress, seldom strikes deep into intellectual subjects, i. 269. [278].
A man vain of his person, endeavouring to adorn it, frequently renders himself ridiculous,
ibid.
Women owe to themselves, and to their Sex, to be always neat, and never to be surprised, by accidental visitors, in such a dishabille as would pain them to be seen in, ii. 158. [149].
All that hoops are good for,
says Miss Howe,
is, to clean dirty shoes, and to keep fellows at distance, ii. 78. [168].
The mind is often indicated by outward Dress, iii. 199. [332].
Homely persons, the more they endeavour to adorn themselves, the more they expose the defects they want to hide, iii. 240. [iv. 27].
If women,
says Lovelace,
would made themselves appear as elegant to an Husband, as they were desirous to appear to him while a Lover, the
Rake,
which all women love, would last longer in the
Husband
than it generally does, iii. 341. [iv. 126].
A woman who would preserve a Lover's respect to her person, will be careful of her appearance before him when in dishabille, iii. 361. [iv. 126].
Full Dress creates dignity, augments consciousness, and keeps at distance an encroacher, iii. 361. [iv. 145].
An elegant woman, in her earliest hour, will, for
her own
pleasure, be as nice as others in full dress, iii. 361. [iv. 126].
Elegant Dress contributes greatly to keep passion alive, v. 26. [273].
Dress gives great advantage to women who have naturally a genteel air, and have been well educated, v. 30. [277].
Persons who thro' misfortunes chuse not to dress, should not, however, give up neatness, v. 282. [vi. 193, 194].
A Fop takes great pains to hang out a
sign,
by his Dress, of what he has in his
shop,
vi. 33. [362, 363].
A clumsy Beau seems to owe himself a double spite, making his ungracefulness appear the more ungraceful by his tawdriness in Dress,
Lovel.
vi. 34. [363].
Singularity in Dress shews something wrong in the mind,
ibid.
Plain Dress, for an ordinary man or woman, implies at least modesty, and procures kind quarter even from the censorious, vi. 34. vii. 266. [vi. 363. viii. 191].
The Fashion or Dress that becomes one person, frequently misbecomes another, vi. 177. [vii. 95].
Nature and Ease should be the guides in Dress or Fashion, vi. 177. [vii. 95].
See
Advice
to Women.
Delicacy. Dignity.
Duelling.
A MAN of honour cannot go to law for verbal abuses given by people entitled to wear swords,
L.
i. 159. [165].
Duelling is so fashionable a part of brutal bravery, that a good man is often at a loss so to behave, as to avoid incurring either mortal guilt, or general contempt, i. 368. [ii. 60].
Those who throw contempt on a good man, for chusing rather to pass by a verbal injury than imbrue his hands in blood, know not the measure of true magnanimity,
ibid.
'Tis much more noble to forgive, and much more manly to despise, than to resent an injury,
ibid.
A man of spirit should too much disdain the man, who is capable of doing him wilfully a mean wrong, to put his life upon equal value with his own,
ibid.
What an absurdity is it in a man, to put it in the power of one, who has done him a
small
injury, to do him (as it may happen) and those who love him, an irreparable one!
ibid.
What a flagrant partiality is it in those men, who can
themselves
be guilty of crimes which they justly hold unpardonable in their nearest female relations! vi. 404.— [vii. 336-].
Yet cannot commit them without doing such injuries to other families, as they think themselves obliged to resent unto death, when offered to their own!
ibid.
An innocent man ought not to run an equal risk with a guilty one, vii. 107. 234. [viii. 26. 157].
He who will arrogate to himself the province of the Almighty, who has declared,
that vengeance is His,
ought to tremble at what may be the consequence, vii. 107. 233. [viii. 26. 157].
May it not, in case of the
offended
person's giving the challenge, be suitable to the Divine justice to punish the
presumptuous innocent
by the hand of the
self defending guilty,
reserving him for a future day of vengeance? vii. 107. 235. [viii. 26. 158, 159].
Life is a short stage when longest: If Heaven will afford a wicked man time for repentance, who shall dare to deny it him? vii. 107. 234. [viii. 26. 158].
The conscience of the offender, when it shall please God to strike it, shall be sharper than an avenger's sword, vii. 108. [viii. 26].
Duelling is not only an usurpation of the Divine prerogative, but it is an insult upon magistracy and good government, vii. 234. [viii. 157].
'Tis an impious act; 'tis an attempt to take away a life that ought not to depend upon a private sword,
ibid.
An act, the consequence of which is to hurry a soul (all its sins upon its head) into perdition, endangering also that of the poor triumpher; since neither intend to give to the other that opportunity for repentance which each presumes to hope for himself, vii. 234. [viii. 157, 158].
Where shall the evil of Duelling stop? Who shall avenge on the avenger? vii. 234. [viii. 158].
Who would not wish, that the aggressor should be still the
guilty
aggressor?
ibid.
Often has the
more
guilty been the vanquisher of the
less
guilty,
ibid.
See
Guilt. Libertine.
Duty. Obedience.
A GOOD child will not seek to exculpate herself at the expence of the most revered characters, i. 26. [27].
If we suffer by an act of Duty, or even of generosity we have this comfort on reflexion, that the fault is in others, not in ourselves, i. 121. [125].
Altho' our parents or friends should not do everything for us that we may wish or expect, it becomes us nevertheless to be thankful to them for the benefits they have actually conferred on us, i. 126. [131].
A good child, upon ill terms with her parents, tho' hopeless of success, should leave no means unattempted to reconcile herself to them, were it but to acquit herself to herself, i. 157. [163].
A sufferer may not be able to forbear complaining of the ill treatment she meets with from her parents; but it may go against her to have even the person to whom she complains take the same liberties with them, i. 173. [180].
The want of reward is no warrant for us to dispense with our Duty,
ibid.
The merit of Obedience consists in giving up an inclination, i. 200. [210].
In reciprocal Duties, the failure on one side justifies not a failure on the other, i. 231. 234. 366. vi. 316. [i. 240. 243. ii. 57, 58. vii. 243].
Prudence and Duty will enable a person to overcome the greatest difficulties, i. 253. [265].
Where is the praise-worthiness of Obedience, if it be only paid in instances where we give up nothing? i. 371. [ii. 63].
If a passion
can
be conquered, it is a sacrifice a good child owes to indulgent parents; especially if they would be unhappy if she made not such a sacrifice, i. 405.
See also
i. 253. [ii. 95.
See also
i. 265].
No independency of fortune can free a child from her filial Duty, ii. 174. [234].
Nor ought any change of circumstances to alter her notions of Duty, iii. 3. [147].
A Duty exacted with too much rigour, is often attended with fatal consequences, iii. 50. [192].
The Duty of a child to her parents may be said to be anterior to her very birth, iii. 54. [197].
What is the precise stature or age at which a good child may conclude herself absolved from her filial Duty? iii. 56. [198].
A good person cannot look with indifference on any part of a vow'd Duty, iii. 115. [254].
A worthy person will make it her prayer, as well as her endeavour, that whatever trials she may be called upon to undergo, she may not behave unworthily in them, and may come out amended by them, iii. 118. [256].
A daughter who chearfully gives up an inclination to the judgment of her parents, may be said to have laid them under obligation to her, iii. 247. [iv. 34].
Can a fugitive Daughter enjoy herself, while her Parents are in tears? iv. 58. [249].
Other people's not performing their Duty, is no excuse for the neglect of ours,
says even Lovelace,
v. 291. [vi. 203].
The world is too apt to set itself in opposition to a general Duty, vi. 134. [vii. 49].
General Duties ought not to be weakened by our endeavouring to justify a single person, if faulty, however unhappily circumstanced,
ibid.
There is no merit in performing a Duty, vi. 180. [vii. 98].
A dutiful Daughter gives an earnest of making a dutiful and obliging Wife, vi. 255. [vii. 178].
Duty upon principle will oblige to an uniformity of Duty in every relation of life,
ibid.
Rigour makes it difficult for sliding virtue to recover itself, vii. 5. [viii. 343].
See
Parents
and Children.
E.
Education.
ENCOURAGEMENT and approbation bring to light talents that otherwise would never have appeared, ii. 19. [113].
There is a docible season, a learning-time, in youth, which, suffered to elapse, and no foundation laid, seldom returns, iii. 364. [iv. 149].
Some genius's, like some fruits, ripen not till late,
ibid.
Industry and perseverance in study will do prodigious things,
ibid.
What an uphill labour must it be to a learner, who has those first rudiments to master at twenty years of age, which others are taught at ten!
ibid.
Parents ought to cultivate the minds of their Daughters, and inspire them with early notions of reserve and distance to men,
Lovel.
iv. 117. [313].
It is not enough that a youth be put upon doing acts of beneficence; he must be taught to do them from proper motives, iv. 121. [318].
A pious end, and a crown of glory, are generally the natural fruits of a virtuous Education, vii. 104. [viii. 22].
The person who aims at acquiring too many things, will hardly excel in any, vii. 283. [viii. 209].
Improvement must attend upon those who are more ready to hear than to speak, vii. 289. [viii. 215].
See
Advice
to Women.
Duty. Parents
and Children.
Example.
PERSONS distinguished by their rank, or their virtues, are answerable to the public for their conduct in material points, i. 4. [4].
Persons of prudence, and distinguish'd talents, seem to be sprinkled thro' the world, to do credit by their example to religion and virtue, i. 257. [266].
No one should plead the errors of another, in justification of his own, i. 391. ii. 253. [ii. 82. 336].
Persons who are fond of being thought of as examples, should look into themselves, watch, and
fear,
iv. 9. [196].
Dearly do I love,
says Lovelace (speaking of Miss Rawlins)
to engage with the Precept-givers and Examplesetters, v. 68. [317].
The Example at church of persons conspicuous for virtue, rank, and sense, gives a high credit to religion, vi. 311. [vii. 237].
See
Religion. Virtue.
Expectation.
THERE is more joy in expectation and preparation, than in fruition,
be the pursuit what it will,
i. 226. [234].
Mankind cheat themselves by their raised Expectations of pleasure in prospect, i. 387. [ii. 78].
Very seldom is it that high Expectations are so much as tolerably answered, iii. 243. [iv. 30].
The joys of Expectation are the highest of all our joys, v. 25. [272].
Eyes.
A WEEPING Eye indicates a gentle heart, iii. 362. [iv. 146].
Sparkling Eyes,
says Lovelace,
when the poetical tribe have said what they will of them, are an infallible sign of a rogue, or room for a rogue, in the heart, iii. 388. [iv. 174].
The Eye is the casement at which the heart generally looks out,
Lovel.
vi. 16. [344].
Many a woman who will not shew herself at the door, has tipt the sly, the intelligible wink from the window,
Lovel. ibid.
See
Tears.
F.
Faults. Folly. Failings. Error.
A MAN who gives the world cause to have an ill opinion of him, ought to take the consequence of his own Faults, i. 20. [21].
Who ever was in Fault, Self being judge? i. 68. [70].
What a hero or heroine must that person be, who can conquer a constitutional Fault! i. 168. 314.
See also
i. 115. [i. 174. ii. 5.
See also
i. 120].
It is not enough for a person convicted of a Fault, to own it, if he amend it not, i. 186. [195]
An enemy wishes not a man to be without the Faults he upbraids him with, i. 265. [275].
A woman who gives better advice than she takes, doubles the weight of her own Faults, i. 393. [ii. 84].
Faults which arise from generous attachments, are not easily detected, iii. 53. [195].
No man has a right to be displeased at freedoms taken with him for Faults which he is not ashamed to confess, iii. 239. [iv. 26].
It ought to be our care, that whatever Errors we fall into, they should be those of our judgment, and not of our will, iii. 312. [iv. 97].
Great Faults, and great Virtues, are often found in the same persons, iv. 132. [330].
Repetition of Faults revives the remembrance of Faults forgiven, iv. 158. [357].
When we are drawn into an Error, we should take care to make as few people as possible suffer by the consequence of it, iv. 221. [v. 52].
One Crime is generally the parent of another, v. 90. [341].
It is kind to endeavour to extenuate the Fault of one who is more ready to reproach than to excuse herself, v. 221. [vi. 128].
People are apt to make allowances for such Faults in others, as they will not mend in themselves, vii. 122. [viii. 41, 42].
Wicked men will often abuse people for the consequence of their own Faults, v 354. [vi. 271].
Worthy minds should not be more ready to fly from the Rebuke than from the Fault, vi. 87. [420].
We may be mortified by a calamity brought upon ourselves; but this, too often, rather for the calamity's than the Fault's sake, vi. 188. [vii. 107].
Persons who will not be at the pains of correcting constitutional Faults or Failings, frequently seek to gloss them over by some nominal virtues, vii. 253. [viii. 177].
See
Guilt.
Favour.
FAVOURS are ask'd by some with an air that calls for rejection, i. 54. [56].
To exalt the person we favour above his merit, is but to depreciate him, i. 390.
See also
i. 208. [ii. 81.
See also
i. 215].
A worthy mind will not ask a Favour, till it has considered whether it is fit to be granted, ii. 103. [192].
In our expectations of Favours, we should divest ourselves of
self,
so far as to leave to others the option they have a right to make, ii. 210, 211. vi. 89. [ii. 294, 295. vi. 422].
Awe, reverence, and apprehended prohibition, make a Favour precious,
Lovel.
ii 316. [iii. 53].
To request a Favour, is one thing; to challenge it as our due, is another, iv. 119. [316].
A petitioner has no right to be angry at a repulse, if he has not a right to demand what he sues for as a debt, iv. 120. [316, 317].
The grace with which a Favour is conferred, may be as acceptable as the Favour itself, vii. 273. [viii. 198].
Flattery. Compliments.
IF we have power to oblige, our Flatterers will tell us any thing sooner than what they know we dislike to hear, i. 29. [31].
Complimental flourishes are the poison of female minds, i. 212. [220].
Hyperbolic Compliments are elevated absurdities, ii. 87. [176].
A man who flatters a woman hopes either to find her a fool, or to make her one,
ibid.
It is not always wrong to take the man at his word, who, pretending to depreciate himself, lays out for a compliment, ii. 332. iii. 215. [iii. 68. iv. 3].
Undue compliments ought to be looked upon as affronts to the understanding of the person to whom they are addressed, iii. 200. [334].
Women, by encouraging Flatterers, teach men to be hypocrites; yet, at other times, stigmatize them for deceivers,
Lovel.
iii. 216. [iv. 4].
Great men do evil, and leave it to their Flatterers to find a reason for it afterwards, vi. 92. [vii. 5].
Officious persons are always at hand to flatter, or sooth, the passions of the affluent, vi. 368. [vii. 298].
Many persons endeavouring to avoid the imputation of Flattery, or Hypocrisy, run into rusticity, or illmanners, vii. 253. [viii. 177].
See
Advice
to Women.
Fond. Fondness.
THE woman must expect to bear slights from the
husband,
of whom she was too visibly fond as a
lover,
i. 30. [31].
Fondness spoils more wives than it makes grateful ones,
Solmes,
i. 270. [280].
The fond mother ever makes a harden'd child, i. 277. [287].
Copy maids make fond wives,
says Mr. Solmes,
i. 370. [ii. 65].
The Fondness of a wife to an husband, whom in courtship she despised for mental imperfections, must be imputed either to dissimulation, or to very indelicate motives, i. 380. [ii. 71, 72].
We are apt to be fond of any body that will side with us when we are oppressed or provoked, ii. 112, 113. [200].
Fondness and Toying between a married pair before company,
Lovelace
himself condemns, not only as indiscreet, but as indecent and scandalous, iv. 130, 131. [328].
Single Ladies who shew too visible a Fondness for a man, discharge him fom all complaisance, iv. 208. [v. 38].
Single Ladies should never be witnesses to those freedoms between fond husbands and wives (tho' ever so much the wives friends) which they would not have offered to themselves,
Lovel.
v. 316. [vi. 229].
Forgiveness. Pardon.
MANY a young offender against modesty and decency, has been confirmed a libertine by a too easy Forgiveness, iii. 325.
See also
i. 213. [iv. 110.
See also
i. 221].
An easy Forgiveness, where a person
ought
to be forgiven, will increase the obligation with a mind not ungenerous, iv. 181. [v. 10].
A negative Forgiveness is an ungracious one, iv. 197. [v. 27].
The person who would exact a promise of Pardon, tacitly acknowleges that he deserves it not, iv. 343. [v. 180].
May those be forgiven,
prays Clarissa in the height of her calamities,
who hinder my father from forgiving me! and this shall be the harshest thing, relating to them, that falls from my pen, v. 223. [vi. 129, 130].
An accidental and unpremeditated Error, carries with it the strongest plea for Forgiveness, v. 223. [vi. 130].
Tell Mr.
Lovelace, nobly says Clarissa,
that I am endeavouring to bring my mind to such a frame, as to be able to pity him; and that I shall not think myself qualified for the state I am aspiring to, if, after a few struggles more, I cannot
forgive
him too, vi. 21. vii. 37, 38. [vi. 349. vii. 378].
Nothing can be more wounding than a generous Forgiveness, vi. 52. [382].
The easy Pardon perverse children meet with, when they have done the most rash and undutiful thing they can do, occasions many to follow their example, vi. 119. [vii. 33].
To be forgiven by injured Innocents is necessary,
Lovelace thinks,
to the divine Pardon, vi. 169. [vii. 86].
Men are less unforgiving than women,
Lovel.
vi. 196. [vii. 116].
Friendship.
FRIENDSHIP should never give a byas against judgment, i. 53. [55].
True Friendship admits not of reserve,
ibid.
How shall we expect to avoid the censure of our enemies, if our Friends will not hold a looking-glass before us, to let us see our imperfections in it? i. 62. [65].
Friend should judge Friend, as an indifferent person would be supposed to judge of him, i. 63. 75. [65. 181].
It is natural for the person who has the misfortune of losing old Friends, to be desirous of making new ones, i. 159. [165].
Such a difference in temper and constitution in two young Ladies as excludes all imaginary rivalship, may be the cement of a firm Friendship between them, i. 167. [174].
The part of a true Friend is to sooth, or conciliate, rather than to stimulate, or provoke, the anguish of a complaining spirit ill at ease with her nearest relations, i. 173. 175. [i. 181, 182].
A brother may not be a Friend, but a Friend will always be a brother, i. 324. [ii. 15].
An ingenuous and worthy mind will say with
Clarissa,
"Spare me not
because
I am your Friend; but, rather, for that very reason, spare me not,"
ii. 55. [146].
No true Friend can ask to be relieved from a distress, which would involve a Friend in as deep a one, ii. 204. [288].
But if, with a small inconvenience to ourselves, we could relieve our Friend from a great one, I would not,
says Miss Howe,
admit the refuser into the outermost fold of my heart, ii. 204.
See also
ii. 153. [ii. 288.
See also
ii. 239].
To be displeased with a Friend for telling us our faults, is putting ourselves into the inconvenient situation of royalty, and out of the way of amendment, ii. 210. [294].
Veneration is hardly compatible with that sweet familiarity which is necessary to unite two persons in the bands of Friendship,
ibid.
The person who has been misled, is obliged, as well in prudence, as in generosity and justice (that her own error may not spread) to caution a truly-beloved Friend not to fall into the like, iii. 53. [196].
Freely to give reproof, and thankfully to receive it, is an indispensable condition of true Friendship, iii. 54. 63. [196. 205].
An apology made for an honest and friendly freedom, is a sort of civil affront, iii. 65. [207].
It is kind [
tho' it may be difficult
] to conceal from a dear Friend those griefs which cannot be relieved, iii. 252. [iv. 39].
Misfortunes give a call to discharge the noblest offices of Friendship,
ibid.
Great minds carry their Friendship beyond accidents, and ties of blood, iii. 278. [iv. 65].
Fervent Friendships seldom subsist between two sisterbeauties, both toasts, iii. 399. [iv. 183].
There is a consentaneousness in some minds, which will unite them stronger to each other in a few hours, than can be done in years with some others, whom yet we see not with disgust, iv. 100. [294].
An active spirit in one Friend, and a passive one in the other, is likely to make their Friendship durable, v. 9. [255].
A great error ought less to be excused in one we value, than in one to whom we are indifferent, v. 236. [vi. 144].
True Friendship will make a person careful to shun every appearance that may tend to debase it by selfish or sordid views, v. 351. [vi. 267].
No Friendship, but what is virtuous, can be worthy of that sacred name, v. 379, 380. 383. [vi. 298. 301].
There are Friendships that are only bottle-deep, vi. 17. 238, 239. [vi. 345. vii. 160, 161].
Friendships with gay people, who became intimate because they were gay, the reason for their first intimacy ceasing, will fade, vi. 17. [345].
The Friendship of gay people, and of free livers, ought more properly to be called
Companionship, ibid.
Ladies, conspicuously worthy, give significance to those whom they honour with their intimacy, vi. 42. [371].
The ties of pure Friendship are more binding and tender than those of Nature, vi. 42. [372].
It is disgraceful to be thought to be the intimate Friend of a profligate and incorrigible man, vi 68. [399].
There is an exalted pleasure in intellectual Friendship, that cannot be tasted in the gross fumes of sensuality, vi. 74. [405].
Warmth becomes Friendship when our Friend is struggling with undeserved calamity, vi. 75. [407].
I have no notion,
says Miss Howe,
of coolness in Friendship, be it disguised, or distinguished, by the name of
Prudence,
or what it will,
ibid.
It is not every one who has a soul capable of Friendship, vi. 78. [410].
One day profligate men will be convinced, that what they call Friendship is chaff and stubble, and that nothing is worthy of that sacred name that has not virtue for its base, vi. 239. [vii. 162].
The good opinion we have entertain'd of a person we have once thought worthy of it, is not to be lightly given up, vi. 286. [vii. 211].
Friendship, generally speaking, is too fervent a flame for female minds to manage,
Col. Morden,
vii. 243. [viii. 167].
—A light that, but in few of their hands, burns steady, and often hurries the Sex into flight and absurdity; and, like other extremes, is hardly ever durable,
Col. Morden, ibid.
Marriage, which is the highest state of Friendship, generally absorbs the most vehement Friendship of female to female,
ibid.
What female mind is capable of two fervent Friendships at the same time?
ibid.
The following are the requisites,
according to Col. Morden,
of fervent and durable female Friendship; to wit, That both should [
like Clarissa and Miss Howe
] have enlarged hearts, a good education, and minds thirsting after virtuous knowlege.—
That they should be nearly of equal fortunes, in order to be above that dependence on each other, which frequently destroys the familiarity that is the cement of Friendship.—
That each should excel in different ways, that there might not be room for either to envy the other.—
That each should see something in the other to fear, as well as to love.—
That it should be an indispensable condition of their Friendship, each to tell the other of her failings, and to be thankful for the freedom taken.—
That the one should be,
by Nature
gentle; the other
made so
by her love and admiration of her Friend, vii. 243, 244. [viii. 167].
G.
Gaming.
GAMING is equally a waster of time and talents, i. 66. [69].
It is making my friends a very ill compliment,
says Clarissa,
to suppose they wish to be possessed of what belongs to me; and I should be very unworthy, if I desir'd to make myself a title to what is theirs, vii. 286. [viii. 212].
Except for trifles, what prudent person would submit to Chance what they are already sure of?
ibid.
High Gaming is an immorality, a sordid vice, the child of avarice, and a direct breach of that commandment which forbids us to covet what is our neighbour's,
ibid.
Generosity. Generous Minds.
RESERVES are painful to open and free spirits, i. 9. [9].
Generous minds are rather to be invited than intimidated, i. 46. 77. [48. 80].
A generous-spirited woman, to be happy, should take care not to marry a sordid man, i. 74. [77].
A generous mind will love the person who corrects her in love, the better for the correction, i. 175. [182].
The tenderest and most generous minds, when harshly treated, frequently become the most inflexible, i. 388. [ii. 79].
Generosity engages the nobly-minded as strongly as Love, ii. 69. [160].
Undue displeasure, when appearing to a generous mind undue, will procure to the supposed offender high amends, ii. 71. [162].
Noble-minded persons, in the exertion of their munificence, silently reproach the rest of the world, ii. 80. [170].
Tho' a generous person may wish she had not been laid under obligations for a benefit unrequestedly conferr'd on herself, or her dependents, yet she cannot but love the obliger the more for the exertion of a spirit so like her own, ii. 81. [170].
A generous person highly praised will endeavour to deserve the good opinion of the applauder, that she may not at once disgrace his judgment and her own heart, ii. 89. [178, 179].
A truly generous and candid mind will often make excuses for other people, in cases where it would not have allow'd of one for itself, ii. 204.
See also
ii. 80. [ii. 288.
See also
170].
A generous mind cannot abuse a generous confidence, ii. 303. [iii. 41].
A truly generous spirit will, in requisite cases, give advice against itself, iii. 53, 54. [196].
A frank, or open-minded person, at once, where he likes, mingles minds, and is forward to dissipate diffidences, iii. 168. [300].
A generous spirit cannot enjoy its happiness without communication, iii. 181. [316].
The person who has the advantage in an argument, and is incapable of insult or triumph upon it, will disappoint envy, and subdue ill-will, iii. 276. [iv. 62].
True Generosity is more than Politeness, it is more than good Faith, it is more than Honour, it is more than Justice; since all these are but duties, iii. 308. [iv. 94].
The man who would be thought generous, must first be just, iii. 313. [iv. 98].
A generous mind will not take pleasure in vexing even those by whom it has been distress'd, iv. 360. [v. 198].
Leave should not be waited for to do a right, a just, a generous thing, if it be in one's power to do it, v. 13. [259, 260].
It may be very generous in one person to offer what it would be ungenerous in another to accept, v. 387. [vi. 305].
A Person of a mind not ungenerous, will rather be sorry for having given an offence, than displeased at being amicably told of it, vi. 4. [331].
Generous minds are always of kin,
ibid.
A generous mind must be uneasy when it is laid under obligations which are beyond its power to return, vi. 42. [372].
Love and Gratitude will not be narrow'd down to meer family-considerations, vii. 178. [viii. 100].
It is generous to take the part of an absent person if not flagrantly culpable, vii. 274. [viii. 199].
Generosity is the happy medium between Parsimony and Profuseness, vii. 281. [viii. 206].
A generous mind will not scruple to give advantage to a person of merit, tho' not always to her own advantage, vii. 283. [viii. 206].
See
Friendship. Goodness.
Goodness. Grace.
A GOOD Person will not wilfully incur the censure even of an adversary, i. 63. [65].
A good man need not be afraid that his conduct should be pry'd into, i. 68. [70].
Goodness is Greatness, i. 238. [246].
A good person, far from being guilty of a falshood, will not have recourse to equivocation, i. 258. [267].
People,
says Lovelace,
who act like angels ought to have angels to deal with, ii. 88. [177].
How great a satisfaction is it to a good mind to be able to reflect, that it has rather
suffered,
than
offered,
wrong! ii. 286. [iii. 25].
A good man will not make the slumbers of a worthy woman uneasy, iii. 131. [268].
A worthy person will be always ready to draw favourable conclusions on the actions and words of others, iv. 356. [v. 194].
A good person will wish to make every one happy, even to her very servants, iv. 375. [v. 214].
Goodness and generosity of sentiments give grace and lustre to beauty, vi. 21. [350].
A good woman will have other views in living than the common ones of eating, sleeping, dressing, visiting,
&c.
vi. 66. [398].
Goodness must be uniform, vii. 13. [352].
The word Grace is the Rake's Shibboleth. There are no hopes of one who can make a jest either of it, or of him who uses it, vii. 142. [viii. 62].
A good-natured and polite person will not expose even pretenders to Science, in their absence, to the ridicule of lively spirits, vii. 284. [viii. 210].
See
Friendship. Virtue.
Gratitude. Ingratitude.
IT is Ingratitude and Tyranny in a woman to use a man the worse for his respect to her, i. 248. [257].
A thankful spirit is the same as a joyful one, iv. 92. [285].
We must be greatly sensible of the Ingratitude of those we love, vi. 47. [376].
To take advantage of an innocent creature's good opinion, to her own detriment, or ruin, is the most ungrateful wickedness that can be committed by man, vi. 362. [vii. 292].
Particular instances of Ingratitude in another to us, should not be permitted to narrow and contract our charity into general doubt or jealousy, vii. 274. [viii. 199].
Grief. Sorrow. Grievances.
WHEN grievances are to be enumerated, slight matters are often thrown in to make weight, that otherwise would not have been complained of, i. 211. [219].
That silence wants not either merit or amiableness, which is owing to the person's being afraid of discovering by his
voice,
the depth of his concern, ii. 82. [172].
What a poor passive machine is the body, when the mind is disorder'd! ii. 100. [188].
Sorrow makes an ugly face odious,
Lovel.
iv. 190. vi. 93. [v. 19. vii. 5, 6].
Those who mourn for a lost friend, will find their Grief very much abated, when they are themselves attack'd by a dangerous, or painful illness,
Lovel.
iv. 126. [323].
Grief,
says Lovelace,
is a slow worker, and gives time to pop in a little joy between its sullen fits, iv. 174. [375].
It is the humble, silent Grief that only deserves pity, iv. 191. [v. 20].
How anxiously do we pray for the life of a dear child in its illness, which when grown to maturity we have reason to wish had not been granted to our prayers! vi. 116. [vii. 30].
Those, who fly from home to avoid an heavy scene, labour under more distress in the intermediate suspense, than they could have done were they to be present at it, vii. 25. [364].
Seasonable and necessary employments should be found out, to amuse and to divert persons suffering under violent Grief, or loss of dearest friends, vii. 102. [viii. 69].
It is natural for us, in every deep and sincere Grief, to interest in it all we know, vii. 149. [viii. 69].
Grief [
for the loss of friends
] may be mellow'd by time into remembrances more sweet than painful, vii. 180. [viii. 102].
See
Adversity. Consolation.
Guilt. Vice. Wickedness. Evil
Habits.
Evil
Courses.
HABITS are not easily changed, i. 236. vii. 211. [i. 245. viii. 134].
Vice is a coward, and will hide its head when steadily opposed by an advocate for virtue, i. 327. [ii. 19].
What must be the force of evil Habits in a man, who
thinks
right, yet disgrace his knowlege by
acting wrong!
iii. 13. [157].
The guilty eye will sink under an examining one that is innocent, iii. 164. [300].
The Guilty less bear the detecting truth, than the innocent do the degrading falshood, iv. 20. [208].
Bad men take more pains to be wicked, than it would cost them to be good, iv. 108. v. 96. [iv. 303. v. 344].
The sun shines alike upon the bad and the good; but the guilty mind it cannot illuminate, v. 80. [330].
Every vice generally brings on it own punishment, v. 80. [331].
The injured will often sweetly sleep when the injurer cannot close his eyes,
ibid.
There can hardly be a greater punishment hereafter,
says Lovelace, reflecting on his last outrage on Clarissa,
than that which I at this instant experience in my own remorse,
ibid.
What a detection must ever fall to the lot of
Guilt, says Lavelace, on Clarissa's behaviour in the Penknife scene,
were it given to
Innocence
always thus nobly to exert itself! v. 150. [vi. 62].
Many people are deterr'd from Evil rather by the fear of detection, than by principle, v. 286. [vi. 19].
To plunder a wreck, and to rob at a fire, are the most barbarous of all villainies, vi. 65. [396].
Sins presumptuously committed against knowlege, and against warning, are the most unpardonable of all others, vi. 119. [vii. 33].
Those who cannot stand the shock of public shame, ought to be doubly careful that they incur not private Guilt which may bring them to it, vi. 287. [vii. 212].
Guilt, when detected, is, literally speaking, its own punisher, even in this world, since it makes the haughtiest spirits look like miscreants, vi. 346. [vii. 274].
Evil Courses can no longer yield pleasure than while thought and reflection can be kept off, vii. 200. [viii. 123].
See
Innocence. Ingratitude. Libertine. Remorse. Repentance.
H.
Happiness. Content.
IT is happy for a person to leave the world possessed of every one's love, i. 5. [5].
Happiness and Riches are two things, and very seldom meet together, i. 122. [127].
Were we perfect, which no one
can
be, we could not be happy in this life (even in the usual acceptation of the word) unless those with whom we have to deal, and more especially those who have any controul over us, were governed by the principles by which we ourselves are directed, i. 123. [127, 128].
To
know
we are happy, and not to leave it to afterreflection to look back upon the preferable Past with a heavy and self-accusing heart, is the highest of human felicities, ii. 77. [167].
What a happiness must that man know, who moves regularly to some laudable end, and has nothing to reproach himself with in his progress to it! iv. 384. [v. 224].
The heiress to Content is the richest heiress that can be sought after, v. 221. [vi. 127].
See
Friendship. Generosity. Goodness.
Health.
SOUND Health will make the soul and body pleased with each other, i. 264. [274].
Poverty is the mother of Health, ii. 16. [110]. Temperance will give Health and Vigour to an originally tender constitution, ii. 289. [iii. 28].
Health disposes us to be pleased with ourselves; and then we are in a way to be pleased with every one else, vi. 30. [359].
In Health every hope rises upon us; every hour presents itself to us on dancing feet,
ibid.
What Mr. Addison says of Liberty, may, with still greater propriety, be said of Health; for what is Liberty itself without Health?
It makes the gloomy face of Nature gay;
Gives beauty to the Sun, and pleasure to the Day.
ibid.
Men of very strong bodily Health seldom know how to pity the sick or infirm, vi. 249. [vii. 171].
See
Physic. Vapours.
Heart. Humanity.
HE that wants a heart, wants every thing, i. 264. [274].
A wrong head may be convinced, but who can give a Heart where it is wanting?
ibid.
The person who wants a feeling Heart, wants the highest joy in this life, i. 286. [296]. yet is saved many griefs by that defect, i. 264. [274].
Where the Heart in important cases involuntarily, as may be said, misgives, its misgivings ought generally to be attended to, as if the impulses of Conscience, ii. 215. [300].
It is more to a man's praise to shew a kind Heart, than a cunning head, ii. 226. [310].
Persons of Humanity will not be ashamed, on proper occasions, to shew by their eyes that they have feeling Hearts, iv. 122. [319].
Women should make it a rule to judge of the Heart of a man, as he is or is not affected by the woes of others, whether real or represented,
ibid.
He who can place his pride in a barbarous insensibility, is ignorant of the principal Glory of the Human Nature,
ibid.
Who can be happy,
says Lovelace,
and have a feeling Heart? yet he, who, has it not, must be a Tiger and no Man, iv. 339. [v. 176].
Even those people who have bad Hearts, will have a veneration for those who have good ones, v. 283.
See also
iv. 217. [vi. 194.
See also
v. 48].
What the unpenetrating world call Humanity, is often no more than a weak mind pitying itself,
Lovel,
v. 304. [vi. 217].
A capacity of being moved by the distresses of our fellow-creatures is far from being disgraceful to a manly Heart, v. 358. [vi. 275].
Sweet is the pain which generous natures feel for the distresses of others, vi. 280. [vii. 205].
A kind Heart is a greater blessing to its possessor, than it can be to any other person who may receive benefit from it, vi. 295. [vii. 221].
See
Friendship. Generosity. Goodness.
Honesty.
WHAT a praise is it to Honesty, that every man pretends to it, even at the instant that he knows he means to be a knave! i. 229. [237].
Honesty is the chief pride of the low. In the high, the love of power, of grandeur, of pleasure, mislead, and induce a paramount pride, which too often swallows up the more laudable one, ii. 59. [150].
What is there in this dull word, or thing, call'd Honesty,
asks Lovelace,
that even I cannot help thinking, the temporary emanation of it in such a man as Tomlinson, amiable? iv. 367. [v. 205, 206].
It is so much every one's duty to be honest, that no one has merit in being so; every honest man therefore may call himself honest without the imputation of vanity, vii. 268. [viii. 193]. [
See
Goodness.
Human
Life.
THE plainest path in our journey thro' life, is,
as acknowleges Lovelace,
the safest and the best, iii. 261. [iv. 48].
In all human affairs, the convenient and the inconvenient, the good and the bad, are so mingled, that there is no having the one without the other, iv. 46. [236].
As Human Life is chequer-work, a person of prudence will set so much good against so much bad, in order to strike a balance, iv. 119. [316].
When can creatures, who hold by so uncertain a tenure as that of Mortality, be said to be
out of danger?
vi. 55. [386].
This is one of those common forms of speech that proves the frailty and the presumption of poor mortals at the same time,
ibid.
What are ten, twenty, or thirty years to look back to, in the longest of which periods forward, we shall all perhaps be mingled with the dust from whence we sprung? vi. 252. [vii. 174].
What is even the longest Life that in high health we wish for? what, as we go along, but a life of apprehensions, sometimes for our friends, and oftener for ourselves? vi. 402. [vii. 334].
And at last, when arrived at the old age we covet, one heavy loss or deprivation having succeeded another, we see ourselves stripp'd, as may be said, of every one we lov'd; and exposed as uncompanionable poor creatures to the slights of jostling youth, who want to push us of the stage, in hopes to possess what we have,
ibid.
And, super-added to all, our own infirmities every day increasing; of themselves enough to make the Life we wish for, the greatest disease of all, vi. 402. [vii. 335].
To wish for an exemption from all infelicities, were to wish for that which can never happen in this world, and what perhaps ought not to be wish'd for, if by a wish we could obtain it, since we are not to live always, vi. 407. [vii. 339]. [
See
Consolation.
Human
Nature.
NATURE gives us relations that choice would not have made such, i. 194. [201].
What a world is this! one half of the people in it tormenting the other half, yet being themselves tormented in tormenting! i. 346. v. 296. [ii. 38. vi. 208].
What a contemptible rogue, whether in poor or rich, is Human Nature!
Lovel.
iii. 25. iv. 328.
See also
iii. 268. [iii. 169. v. 164.
See also
iv. 55].
How apt is Human Nature to justify a byas which it would give a person pain to contend with! iii. 66. 312. [iii. 207, 208. iv. 97].
It is but shaping the bribe to the taste, and every one has his price,
Lovel.
iv. 328. [v. 164].
The clown, as well as his betters, practises what he censures, and censures what he practises, iv. 403. [v. 244].
In every human breast some one passion generally breaks through principle, and controuls us all,
Lovel.
v. 104. [vi. 5].
In some things we all err, vi. 11. [338].
Those who err on the unfavourable side of a judgment, are likely to be in the right five times in six: So vile a thing is Human Nature,
says Lovelace,
vi. 97. [vii. 9].
See
Detraction.
Humility.
HUMILITY must be the ornament of a high condition, i. 186. [193].
Persons of Humility and Affability, by their sweetness of manners, insensibly draw people into their sentiments, iii. 276. [iv. 62].
All human excellence is but comparative. There may be persons who excel us, as much as we fansy we excel the meanest, vii. 272. [viii. 198].
The grace that makes every grace amiable, is Humility,
ibid.
See
Duty. Goodness.
Husband
and Wife.
WHAT a Husband must that man make who is fond of prerogative, and yet stands in need of the instruction which a man should be qualified to give! i. 205. [212].
The heart, not the figure of the man, is what should determine a woman in the choice of an Husband, i. 259. [268].
Sobriety in a man is a great point to be secured, since so many mischiefs happen thro' excess, i. 260. [269].
As obedience is made a part of the matrimonial vow, a woman should not teach a man, by a failure in that, to dispense with perhaps
more
material parts of his, i. 261. [271].
The principal views of a good Wife, in adorning her person, should be to preserve her Husband's affection, and to do credit to his choice, i. 274. [284].
A married woman should be even
fearful
of attracting the eyes of any man but those of her Husband,
ibid.
A gloomy spirit in a Husband will swallow up a chearful one in his Wife, i. 324. [ii. 16].
Greatness of soul is required in a woman of sense and generosity, to make her in her heart forbear to despise a low-minded Husband, i. 376. iv. 29. [ii. 67. iv. 217].
Husbands are often jealous of their authority and consequence with women who have wit, ii. 204. [ii. 92].
A Wife is the keeper of her Husband's honour, ii. 345. [iii. 81].
A Wife's faults, in the world's eye, bring more disgrace upon the Husband than even upon herself, ii. 345. iii. 317. [iii. 81. iv. 101].
The Wife, by infidelity, may do more injury to the Husband than the Husband can to the Wife, ii. 349. [iii. 84].
Handsome Husbands often make a Wife's heart ake, iii. 29. [172, 173].
Handsome Husbands think the woman they marry under obligation to them, ii. 29. [173].
A Husband and Wife may be too much of one temper to agree, iii. 46. [189].
Two persons of tempers not comparatively bad, may be very unhappy if they will be both out of humour at one time, iii. 46. [189].
It is a most affecting thing to be separated by death from a good Husband, and left in destitute circumstances, and that not by
his
fault, iii. 164. [300].
A wise man will rather endeavour to inspire a consciousness of dignity in the heart of his Wife, than to depress and humble her in her own eyes, iii. 295. 303. 333. [iv. 81. 89. 117].
Prudence, virtue, and delicacy of mind in a Wife do a man more honour in the eyes of the world, than the same qualities in himself, iii. 317. [iv. 101].
A good woman will be as delicate of her Husband's honour as of her own, iv. 30. [219].
A good Wife will think it her duty to lay up out of her own separate provision, if not a too scanty one, for the family good, and for accidents, iv. 30, 31. [219].
A tyrant Husband,
says Lovelace,
makes a dutiful Wife, iv. 57. [248, 249].
The virtue of a woman who has a bad Husband is always is danger, iv. 74. [266-268].
A proud and bad spirit cannot bear a superiority of talents in a Wife, tho' she and all her excellencies are his in full property, iv. 185. [v. 14].
A bountiful-temper'd Wife should take care, that by doing
more
than justice to others, she does not
less
than justice by her husband, iv. 220. [v. 51].
To bear much with some Wives, is to be under a necessity to bear more, iv. 316. [v. 152].
Husbands and Wives who live together in good understanding, give to strangers an almost unerring proof of the goodness of their hearts, v. 283.
Et è contra
[vi. 194.
Et è contra.
]
Happy is the marriage where neither Man nor Wife has any wilful or premeditated evil [
or low cunning
] to reproach each other with!
ibid.
What good principles,
says Lovelace,
must that Wife have, who, [
in temptation
] preserves her faith to a man who has no share in her affections! v. 396. [vi. 315].
It is impossible that a man of a cruel nature, of a sportive invention, and who has an high opinion of himself, and a low one of the Female Sex, should make a tender and good Husband, vi. 127, 128. [vii. 42].
A prudent Wife will conquer by yielding, vi. 129. [vii. 43].
Women should consider, that a man who is made uneasy at home, can divert himself abroad; which a woman cannot so easily do, without scandal, vii. 244. [viii. 168].
The managing Wife, if prudent, may lay a seeming obligation on a meek, or good-natured Husband, by the performance of no more than her duty, vii. 246. [viii. 170].
See
Advice
to Women.
Courtship. Marriage.
Hypocrisy.
THE man who has actually prevail'd with a woman to throw herself into his power, has no occasion for Hypocrisy, ii. 395.
See also
ii. 318. [iii. 128.
See also
iii. 56].
What an Hyaena is the woman who will put her handkerchief to her eye oftener than she wets it! iii. 164. [300].
A text of Scripture is often,
Lovelace says,
a cloak for an Hypocrite, iv. 96. [290].
See
Human Nature.
I.
Ill-will. Envy. Hatred. Malice. Spite.
WHOM we fear more than love, we are not far from hating, i. 19. [20].
Ill-will, if it cannot find occasions of disgust, will make them, i. 20. [21].
Merit and excellence are the fuel that keeps envy alive, i. 53. 72. [55. 74].
Envy and Ill-will often extend their malignancy to the whole families of the hated person, i. 72. [75].
Ill-will has eyes ever open to the faulty side; as good-will, or love, is blind even to real imperfections, i. 120. [124].
Hatred is an enemy even to the common forms of civility, i. 187. [195].
Projects form'd in Malice, and founded in Selfishness, ought to be disappointed, i. 194. [202].
Hatred misrepresents all things, i. 243. [251].
Spiteful people will sometimes shew gayety and favour to one they value not, merely to vex another with whom they are displeased, ii. 82. [172].
Absence heightens Malice, ii. 246. [329].
Hatred and Anger are but
temporary
passions in worthy minds, iv. 85. [278].
Where the ear is open to accusation, accusers will not be wanting, vi. 157, 158. [vii. 74].
Imagination.
THE Female Sex have great advantages over the other in all the powers that relate to the Imagination, ii. 18. [111].
Persecution and Discouragement depress ingenuous minds, and blunt the edge of lively Imaginations, ii. 19. [113].
Whatever we strongly imagine is at the time more than imaginary, altho' it may not appear so to others, ii. 93. [182].
Warm Imaginations are not without a mixture of Enthusiasm, iii. 278. [iv. 64].
Fancy or Imagination, be the subject either joyous or grievous, is able to outgo fact, vii. 25. [364].
People of strong Imaginations are generally distinguished from people of judgment by their peculiar flights and whimsies, vii. 195. [viii. 115].
Inclination.
PERSONS may be drawn in against Inclination, 'till custom will
make
an Inclination, i. 59. [62].
Some people need no greater punishment than to be permitted to pursue their own Inclinations, i. 115. [156].
Whatever our hearts are in,
says Lovelace,
our heads will follow, ii. 327. [iii. 63].
It is the art of the Devil, and of Libertines, to suit temptations to Inclinations, ii. 344. v. 122. [iii. 80. vi. 24].
See
Libertine. Love.
Indiscretion. Inconsiderateness. Presumption.
THE Indiscretions of a reputedly prudent person, are a wound to Virtue, i. 372. [ii. 63].
A great and wilful Indiscretion, not only debases a person in her own eyes, but weakens her authority and influence over others, ii. 310. [iii. 47].
It is one of the cruelest circumstances that attends the faults of the Inconsiderate, that she makes all who love her unhappy, and gives joy only to the enemies of her family, ii. 397. [iii. 130].
Presumption join'd to Inexperience is often the ruin even of well-meaning persons, iii. 244. [iv. 36].
A worthy mind drawn in to an Indiscretion, will have as much concern for the pain given by it to those she loves, as for the disgraces brought upon herself, iv. 221. [v. 52].
See
Advice
to Women.
Infidel. Scoffer.
THERE can be no hope of a man of profligate life, whose vices have taken root in Infidelity, iv. 122. [319].
Those who know least are the greatest Sooffers,
says Belford,
vi. 64. [395].
Scoffers generally censure without knowledge, laugh without reason, and are noisy and loud on things of which they know the least,
Belf. ibid.
See
Guilt. Religion.
Innocence.
AN innocent man may despise obloquy, i. 265. [275].
An innocent person doubted, will not fear his trial, ii. 350. [iii. 86].
Innocence (according to its company) had better have a greater mixture of the serpent with the dove, than it generally has,
Lovel.
iv. 280. [v. 114].
Happy is the person who can say with Clarissa,
"I should be glad that all the world knew my heart. Let my enemies sit in judgment upon my actions; fairly scann'd, I fear not the result,"
iv. 338. [v. 174, 175].
"Let them even ask me my most secret thoughts; and whether the revealing of them make for me or against me, I will reveal them,"
iv. 338. [v. 175].
An innocent person, being apt to judge of others hearts by his own, is the easiest to be imposed upon, vi. 152. [vii. 68].
See
Goodness. Virtue.
Insolence.
THE man who can creep and fawn to those by whom he hopes to be a gainer, will be insolent and over-bearing to those on whom he can have no such view, i. 165. ii. 93. [i. 171. ii. 182].
In-door Insolents who frighten women, children, and servants, are generally cravens among men, i. 323. [ii. 15].
Insolent controul more effectually subdues some female spirits, than kindness and concession, i. 325. [ii. 16].
Some people act by others, as if they thought patience and forbearance necessary on
one side
to be upon good terms together, but always take care rather to
owe,
than to
lay
the obligation, ii. 32. [125].
People who find their anger has made them considerable, will seldom be pleased, iii. 67. [208, 209].
Concessions made to ungenerous spirits, serve only to confirm them in their Insolence, iii. 67. [209].
Insolence is the parent of meanness, iv. 372. [v. 211].
See
Guilt. Libertine.
Judgment.
AN error
against
Judgment, is infinitely worse than an error
in
Judgment, i. 263. [i. 273].
In order to form a Judgment of the tempers of men with whom we incline to have a close connexion, we should attend to their behaviour upon slight disappointments or provocations, and then we shall be able perhaps to decide what is to be ascribed to Art in them, and what to Nature, ii. 29. [122].
She who acts up to the
best
of her Judgment, at the time she is called upon to act, has the less to blame herself for, tho' the event should prove unfavourable, ii. 296.
See also
i. 121. [iii. 34.
See also
i. 125].
The eye and the heart, when too closely allied, are generally at enmity with the Judgment, iii. 45. 270, 273. [iii. 188. iv. 57, 58].
To judge of the reasonableness of the conduct and resentment of others, we ought to put ourselves exactly in their situations, vi. 128. [vii. 43].
Justice. Injustice. Right. Wrong.
IN an unjust donation, the giver and receiver [
the latter knowing it to be so
] are both culpable, i. 78. 122. 306. [18. 127. 318].
There is a Right and Wrong in every thing, let people put what gloss they will upon their actions, ii. 74. [165].
A woman may then doubt the Justice of her cause, when those who loved her, and are not principals in the point in debate, condemn her, iii. 54. [197].
A man reflects upon himself, and upon the company he has kept, if he treats common instances of Justice, Gratitude and Benevolence, as extraordinary, iii. 309. [iv. 94, 95].
Libertine as I am thought to be,
says Lovelace,
I never will attempt to bring down the measure of Right and Wrong to the standard of my own actions, vi. 10. [338].
Those who take advantage of the necessities of their fellow-creatures, in order to buy any thing cheaper than the real worth, are no better than robbers for the difference, vi. 65. [395, 396].
There never was a woman so criminal, who had not some to justify and side with her, vii. 9. [347].
In all Recommendations, the good and convenience of
both
parties should be consulted, vii. 164. 178. [viii. 85, 86, in the note, 99].
If reflexions are justly thrown upon us, we ought, instead of resenting, to profit by them, vii. 196. [viii. 120].
If unjust, we ought to despise them, and the reflecter too, since it would be inexcusable to strengthen by anger an enemy, whose malice might be disarmed by contempt, vii. 198. [viii. 120].
Justice, no less than Mercy, is an Attribute of the Almighty, vii. 202. [viii. 125].
K.
Keepers. Keeping.
MEN who keep women, as little know how to part with them as if they were married to them, iii. 347. [iv. 134].
A man may keep a woman, but not his estate, iii. 347. [iv. 131].
Rakes who despise matrimony, often become the dupes of low-bred women, who govern them more absolutely than a wife would attempt to do,
ibid.
Keepers who are in possession of estates by legal descent, will not wish that their fathers had despised matrimony as they do,
ibid.
Ought not Keepers to have the same regard for posterity, as their fathers had?
ibid.
How can any thing be expected but riot and waste, from creatures who know the uncertain tenure by which they hold, and who have an interest quite different from that of their Keepers? iii. 348. [iv. 131].
Many considerations with-hold a wife from infidelity to a man's bed that cannot weigh with a mistress, iii. 348, 349. [iv. 132, 133].
Men will bear many things from a kept mistress, which they would not bear from a wife, iii. 349. [iv. 134].
Kept women, who are generally low-born, low educated creatures, can make no other returns for the partnership in a man's fortune into which they are lifted, but the libidinous ones, which a man cannot boast of but to the disgrace of both, iii. 350. [iv. 135].
A Keeper, as he advances in years, will find his appetite to Libertinism go off, and that the regular family-life will be more and more palatable to him,
ibid.
Many considerations, respecting himself and his illegitimate children, should weigh with a man who keeps a mistress, and despises wedlock, iii. 350, 351. [iv. 135, 136].
The man who is capable of fondness to his offspring, and has a feeling heart, will marry, iii. 351. [iv. 136].
The natural fruits of treading in crooked paths are dangers, disgrace, and a too late repentance,
ibid.
Keepers are often the cullies of their own Libertinism, sliding into the married state with their well-worn doxies, which they might have enter'd into with their ladies or superiors, iii. 352. [iv. 136].
See the remarkable story of Tony Jennings, a noted Keeper, ibid.
And of Mr. Belton and his Thomasine,
iii. 354. [iv. 138].
Old men, imagining themselves under obligation to their young paramours, seldom keep any thing from their knowlege, iv. 206. [v. 36].
A consuming malady, and a consuming mistress [
as in Belton's case
] are dreadful things to struggle with in the last stage of life, v. 401. vi. 172. [vi. 321. vii. 90].
Hardly ever was there a Keeper, that made not a Keeperess, v. 403. [vi. 323].
In the last stage of a Keeper's life, the Mistress's more favoured gallant has been sometimes his Physician; the dying man's Will has been ready made for him; and Widow's weeds have been provided the moment he is departed, in order to establish a marriage, vi. 172. [vii. 90].
See
Libertine.
L.
Law. Lawyer.
THE Law asserts not itself until it is offended, i. 109. [113].
Old Practisers in the Law value themselves, (too much for dispatch) upon their skill as draughtsmen, iv. 44. [234].
The Lawyers who for the sake of a paltry fee, undertake to make black white, and white black, endeavour to establish iniquity by quirks, and to rob the innocent, iv. 248. [v. 80].—And are as base,
Lovelace says,
as his and old Sinclair's vile implement Dorcas, v. 107. [vi. 9.]
The Law is a word that carries in it natural terrors to a guilty mind, v. 159. [vi. 63].
No wonder it should,
says Lovelace,
since those who will damn themselves to procure ease and plenty in the world, must tremble at every thing that seems to threaten their methods of obtaining that ease and plenty, v. 159. 186. [vi. 63. 91].
It is but glossing over one part of a story, and omiting another,
says Lovelace,
that will make a bad cause a good one, vi. 347. [vii. 276].
Learning.
A LETTER'D education too generally sets the children of the poor above those servile offices, by which the business of the world is carried on, iii. 363. [iv. 148].
Take the world thro' there are twenty happy people among the unletter'd, to one among those who have had a school-education, iii. 364. [iv. 148].
Yet who would not wish to lift to some little distinction and genteel usefulness, the person he desires to reward?
ibid.
The little words in the Republic of Letters, like the little folks in a nation, are the most useful and significant, iv. 82. [275].
A man of the deepest Learning may hear something from even a mean preacher that he knew not before, or at least that he had not considered in the same light, iv. 125. [322].
The early Learning of women, which chiefly consists in what they pick up from inflaming Novels, and improbable Romances, contributes greatly to enervate and weaken their minds, vi. 334. [vii. 261].
Libertine. Rake.
THE man wants but an opportunity to put in practice the crimes he is not ashamed to have imputed to him, i. 67. [69].
A Libertine Lover, if preferred to a virtuous one, is more likely to justify the
dislike
of his opposers, than the
choice
of his favourer, i. 256. [266].
Rakes are more suspicious than honest men, ii. 344. [iii. 79].
Libertines, by the frailty of those women they have triumphed over, judge of the whole Sex, ii. 344. [iii. 80].
"
Once subdued, and always subdued,
"
is an article in the Rake's Creed, ii. 352. iii. 392. [iii. 87. iv. 176].
A Libertine who is a man of sense and knowlege must have taken great pains to suppress many good motions and reflexions as they arose in his mind, or levity must be surprisingly predominant in it, iii. 13. [157].
The chief pleasures of a Libertine must arise from the pain, the suspense, the anguish of mind which he gives to the heart of a woman he pretends to love, iii. 145. [281].
A Libertine believes that no woman can be chaste or virtuous from principle, iii. 246. [iv. 33].
Every woman who favours a Libertine, confirms him in his bad opinion of the Sex,
ibid.
If a woman loves a Libertine, how will she bear the thought of sharing her interest in him with half the town, and those perhaps the dregs of it?
ibid.
Prayers, tears, and the most abject submission, are fuel to the pride of a Libertine,
ibid.
Fortunes squander'd, estates mortgaged or sold, and posterity robb'd, are too often the result of a marriage with a Libertine, iii. 246. [iv. 34].
A Libertine familiarized to the distresses he occasions, is seldom betrayed into a tenderness foreign to his nature, iii. 324. [iv. 109].
A Libertine will be more ashamed of shewing compassion by a weeping eye, than of the most atrocious crimes, iii. 325. [iv. 110].
Libertines [
as well as women love them
] have not the ardors,
Miss Howe says,
that honest men have, iii. 327. [iv. 112].
Libertines are generally more severe exacters of implicit obedience, and rigorous virtue, than other men, v. 20. [266].
No man, who can think but of half the plagues that pursue an intriguing spirit, would ever quit the fore-right path, v. 330. [vi. 244].
A man who when old would enjoy in peace his own reflexions,
Lovelace confesses,
should never be a Rake, v. 394. [vi. 313].
The friendships and intimacies of Libertines are only calculated for strong life and health, vi. 59. [389].
What an ungrateful, what an unmanly, what a meaner than reptile pride is his, whose delight is in the ruin of a person who confides in his honour, and whom he ought to protect! vii. 97. [viii. 15, 16].
Men of gallantry and intrigue are the instruments of Satan, to draw poor souls into those subtle snares which at last will entangle their own feet, vii. 202. [viii. 125].
Libertines are infinitely worse animals than beasts of prey; since these destroy thro' hunger and necessity only; those from wantonness and sport, vii. 284. [viii. 210].
See
Advice
to Women.
Courtship. Cruelty. Men
and Women.
Parents
and Children.
Vows. Wit.
Little Spirits. Meanness. Narrowness.
SOME persons have Meanness in their very pride; and their Narrowness goes hand in hand with it, i. 84. [88].
Like Little Souls will find one another out, as well as like Great ones,
ibid.
Little Spirits will always accommodate themselves to the tempers of those they want to work upon, i. 320. [ii. 11].
Grudging and narrow Spirits know not how to confer a benefit with that grace, which gives the principal merit to a beneficent action, i. 321. [ii. 12].
One Meanness is not to be justified by another, ii. 74. [164].
To be afraid of Litle Spirits is to encourage insults, iii. 77. [218].
Meanness must ever be the portion of the man who is detected in acting vilely, iv. 294. [v. 128].
Tame Spirits will ever be imposed upon, iv. 316. [v. 152].
There is a malignancy in Little Minds, which makes them wish to bring down the worthy to their own level, vi. 306. [vii. 233].
Nothing subjects the human mind to so much Meanness, as the consciousness of having done wilful wrong to our fellow-creatures, vi. 405. [vii. 338].
People of narrow Spirits will praise generous ones, because they find it to their purpose, that all the world, but themselves, should be open-minded, vii. 246. [viii. 170].
Narrow-minded persons, judging by their own hearts, impute pride and ostentation to worthy persons, as their motives to good actions, vii. 271, 272. [viii. 197].
See
Covetousness. Partiality. Self.
Love.
THE Love which has not taken root deep enough to shoot out into declaration, will not be brought forward by the blighting winds of anger or resentment, i. 10. [10]
Love takes deepest root in the steadiest minds, i. 60. [62].
Gratitude is not always to be construed into Love, i. 62. [64].
That Lion Love is not to be turned into a Lap dog, i. 63. [66].
Prodigies, tho' they obtain our admiration, never attract our Love, i. 164. [170].
Love, to look back upon, must appear to be a very foolish thing, when it has brought a person, born to affluence, into indigence, and laid a generous mind under obligation and dependence, i. 175. [182].
What is commonly called Love, is a narrow, circumscribed, selfish passion; and, where the object of it is unworthy, a passion too ignoble for a pure mind to encourage, i. 176. [183].
Pride and vanity are often the source of Love, i. 191. [198].
A person truly in Love will be wholly engross'd by one object, i. 192. 196, 197. [199. 204].
Love will acquit where Reason condemns, i. 241. [250].
A prudent person will watch over the first approaches of Love, i. 244. [253].
It is a degree of impurity in a woman to love a sensual man, i. 263. [272].
Great encouragement must be given to Love to make it unconquerable, i. 267. [276].
Unrequited [
or slighted
] Love frequently turns to deepest hate, i. 280. [290].
Love delights to tame the lion-hearted, i. 318. [ii. 9].
What a worse than Moloch-deity is Love, if it expects an offering to be made to its shrine of reason, duty, and discretion! i. 379. [ii. 70].
Love is a passion that often begins in folly, or thoughtlessness, and carried on with perverseness, i. 385. [ii. 76].
Love is as busy as a Monkey, and as mischievous as a School-boy,
says Miss Howe,
i. 385. [ii. 77].
Violent Love is a fervor, like all other fervors, that lasts but a little while, i. 385, 386. [ii. 77].
Love is generally founded on mere notional excellencies, i. 386. [ii. 77].
Time and discretion will enable a woman to get over a first passion, i. 405. [ii. 95].
Love that deserves the name, obliges the Lover to seek the satisfaction of the beloved object, more than his own, ii. 26. iii. 82. [ii. 119. iii. 222].
True Love is ever accompanied with fear and reverence, ii. 93. [182].
A quarrel,
says Lovelace,
has sometimes its conveniencies in Love, ii. 169. [243].—And more or less,
adds he,
all Lovers quarrel, iii. 261. [iv. 48].
Love is a fleeting thing, little better than a name, where morality or virtue does not distinguish the object of it, ii. 169. [255].
Silent awe, the humble, doubting eye, and even the hesitating voice, are the natural indications of true and respectful Love, ii. 285. [iii. 24].
True Love is fearful of offending, ii. 335. [iii. 71].
Weakness,
Lovelace says,
is the
true
name for Love, ii. 347. [iii. 82].
All the world is ready to excuse a fault owing to Love, because all the world is apt to be misled by it,
ibid.
Love was ever a traitor to its harbourer,
Lovel.
ii. 353. [iii. 88].
Love is not naturally a doubter, ii. 385. [iii. 119].
That avow'd Love which is follow'd by marriage, however headstrong and indiscreet, will have more excuses made for it than generally it ought to find, iii. 62. [204].
It is all over with
reasoning
Ladies,
Lovelace says,
when once Love gets into their heads, iii. 181. [316].
Platonic Love is Platonic Nonsense, iii. 357. [iv. 142].
A first passion thoroughly subdued, often makes the man a rover, the woman a tyranness, iii. 395. [iv. 179].
If Love is allowed to be an excuse for the most unreasonable follies, what is meant by the doctrine of
subduing our passions?
iv. 87. [280].
What must be that Love which has not some degree of purity for its object?
ibid.
A
worthy
woman who consents to marry, need not be urged explicitly to declare her Love, iv. 129. [326, 327].
The proof of true Love is respect, not freedom, iv. 129. [327].
Love is an encroacher: Love never goes backward. Nothing but the highest act of Love can satisfy an
indulged
Love, iv. 134. [331].
Love and Compassion are hard to be separated, iv. 183. [v. 12].
Love is seldom the friend of Virtue,
Lovel.
iv. 188. [v. 18].
Love humanizes the fiercest spirits, iv. 208. [v. 38].
Love is a fire that, if play'd with, will burn the fingers, iv. 209. [v. 39].
Love hardly ever was under the dominion of prudence, or of any reasoning power,
Lovel.
v. 17. [263].
What
once
a woman hopes in Love matters, she
always
hopes while there is room for hope,
Lovel.
vi. 32. [361].
Respectful Love is an inspirer of actions worthy of itself, vi. 96. [vii. 9].
As the graces of the
mind
are improveable in every added year of life, which will impair the transitory ones of
person,
upon what a firm basis does that man build his Love, who admires a woman for the former more than for the latter! vii. 113. [viii. 33].
Love will draw an Elephant thro' a key-hole, vii. 226. [viii. 149].
Love not always admits of an air of even
due
dignity to the object of it, vii. 244. [viii. 168].
A first Love overcome, makes a person indifferent to a second, vii. 254. [viii. 179].
Love
at first Sight.
WE wish, in compliment to our own sagacity, to be confirmed in our first-sighted impressions, i. 268. [277]. But few first-sighted impressions ought to be encouraged, i. 304. [315].
Shall it be said of any young Lady, that the powers of fancy are too hard for her duty and prudence? iii. 247. [iv. 34].
All women, from the Countess to the Cook-maid, are put into high good humour with themselves, when a man is taken with them at first Sight,
Lovel.
iv. 328. [v. 165].
And be she ever so plain, she will find twenty good reasons to defend the judgment of such a man,
ibid.
Lover.
THE Lover gains a great point when he can bring a young Lady to correspond with him privately, and against prohibition, i. 59. [61].
When a Lover is easy, he is sure,
ibid.
Lovers disposed to write upon a plaintive subject, will often make their Ladies cruel, when they only
ought
to be so, and
are not, Lovel.
i. 190. [198].
The tempers of Lovers, whether gentle or ungentle, are to be found out by the manner of their address in courtship, i. 192. [200].
The man who shews tenderness for the calamities of others, gives a moral assurance that he will make a good husband, i. 259. [268].
A woman can have but small hopes of a Lover, over whom his own
worthy
relations can have no influence, i. 263. [272].
The small still voice of supplication, denotes and becomes the modest Lover, i. 377. [ii. 68].
A Lady can hardly ever esteem as a husband, the man whom as a Lover she despises, ii. 41. [133].
How pleasantly can a false Lover pass his time, while the gentle bosom of a Lady heaves with pity for his supposed sufferings for her! ii. 64. [155].
A blustering braving Lover cannot deserve encouragement, ii. 93. [182].
A Lover has not a right to be displeased with a Lady on her side of the solemnity, ii. 214. [298].
It is better for a Lady, that her Lover should go away displeased with her, than that he should leave her dissatisfied with herself, ii. 220. [304].
A generous Lover must seek to oblige the object of his love in every thing essential to her honour, and peace of mind, ii. 270. [iii. 10].
When people set out wrong together, it is very difficult to avoid recrimination, iii. 2. [147].
The more ardent the man is while a
Lover,
the more indifferent, very probably, will he be when a husband, iii. 29. [172].
Lovers chuse to be alone, and are ashamed to have even a child present, to witness to their foolish actions, and more foolish expressions, iv. 150. [348].
See
Advice
to Women.
Courtship. Duty. Love. Marriage. Parents
and Children.
M.
Magnanimity. Fortitude. Hope. Steadiness.
STEADINESS of mind, when it sinks not into obstinacy, is a high virtue, which when tried and known,
a person above the attempts of the meanly machinating, i. 122. [126, 127].
To hope for better days is half to deserve them; for could we have ground for such a hope, if we did not resolve to merit what it bids us aspire to? ii. 58. [149].
Some men behave as if they thought bluster was Magnanimity, ii. 108. [196].
A man sometimes by braving a danger, escapes it, ii. 272. [iii. 11].
To exert spirit
only
where it is laudably call'd for, is the true Magnanimity, ii. 356. [iii. 91].
Hope is the cordial that keeps life from stagnating, iii. 129. [266].
How glorious is it for a woman reduced to the greatest distress by an ungrateful Lover to say,
as Clarissa does,
"You, Sir, I thank you, have lower'd my fortunes; but, I bless God, my mind is not sunk with my fortunes: It is, on the contrary, raised above Fortune, and above you,"
iv. 294. [v. 129].
He who loves Bravery in a man, ought to admire Fortitude in a woman, v. 141. [vi. 43].
Little do those know the force of innate principles, who imagine, that penury, or a prison, can bring a rightturn'd mind to be guilty of a baseness, in order to avoid short liv'd evils, v. 23, 24. [352].
Great sentiments uttered with dignity by a good person, gives, as it were, a visibility to the soul, vi. 24. [352].
The sinner in his last hours will be generally found to be the real coward, the saint in
his
the true hero, vi. 59. [390].
The woman who can, for virtue's, and for honour's sake, subdue a passion which it is in her power to gratify, merits every-thing next to adoration, vi. 311. [vii. 238].
See
Friendship. Goodness.
Marriage.
EXALTED qualities may be sunk in a low and unequal Marriage, i. 84. [87].
A single Lady, who can be brought but to balance on the change of her state, may be easily determined by the glare and splendor of the nuptial preparations, and the pride of becoming the mistress of a family, i. 130. [135].
It is neither just nor honest to marry where there can be no love, i. 183. [190].
Women should be allowed to judge of the person with whom they can or cannot live happily, i. 199. [207].
It is dreadful,
as well as dishonest,
to marry a man in hopes of his death,
ibid.
Marriage, with the
best
prospects, is a very solemn engagement: Enough to make a young creature's heart ake, when she thinks seriously of it,
Cl.
i. 200. [207].
Marry first, and love will come after, is a shocking assertion; since a thousand things may happen to make the state but barely
tolerable,
when it is entered into with mutual affection, i. 200. [208].
How unhappy must be that Marriage, in which the husband can have no confidence in the love of his wife!
ibid.
The woman who has a competency of her own, makes but an ill compliment to herself, when she changes her condition for
superfluities,
if she has not superior or stronger motives, i. 205. [213].
Honeymoon lasts now-a-days but a fortnight,
Ant. Harlowe,
i. 214. [222].
A prudent man will not wish to marry a woman who has not a heart to give, i. 219. [227].
How much easier and pleasanter is it for a woman to obey the man of her choice, than one she would not have had, could she have avoided it, i. 261. [270].
No matter whom that woman marries, who has a slight notion of the matrimonial duty, i. 340. [ii. 32].
That woman, who accompanies to the Altar a man to whom she is averse, will find it difficult, afterwards, if she prefers her own peace of mind, to avoid the necessity of playing the hypocrite with him, i. 373. [ii. 65].
Those who marry from motives of convenience and duty, are generally more happy than those who marry for love, i. 385. [ii. 76].
Persons of discretion,
says Miss Howe,
are apt to
consider
too much to marry, ii. 49. [141].
Invectives against Marriage are a reflection upon the laws and good order of society, and upon a man's own ancestors; and are more inexcuseable in men of family, than in others, ii. 88. [178].
A choice made by what is called Love, is feldom durably happy: because Love generally exalts the object above its merits, and makes the Lover blind to faults, which, on a nearer intimacy, are so obvious, that both parties often wonder how they could be so grossly cheated, ii. 169. [255].
It is absolutely necessary, to complet happiness in the married state,
says Lovelace,
that one should be a fool: But then that fool should know the other's superiority, otherwise the obstinate one would disappoint the wise one, ii. 388. [iii. 121].
A man of spirit would not marry a Princess, if he thought she but balanced a moment in her choice of him or of an Emperor,
Lovel.
iii. 30. [173].
The man who knows it to be in his power to marry, yet delays, or resignedly leaves it to the woman to name the day, is to be both suspected and despised, iii. 100. 176, 177, 178. [240. 311. 313].
Marriage is the highest state of friendship: If happy, it lessens our cares, by dividing them, at the same time that it doubles our pleasures by mutual participation, iii. 152. [288].
Stings of conscience, from a wrong behaviour in a first Marriage, may possibly make the faulty person tolerable in a second, iii. 321. [iv. 106].
It is the most cruel of fates for a woman to be forced to marry a man whom she in her heart despises, iii. 328. [iv. 112].
The
queernesses
which old Antony Harlowe says he has seen in families, where the man and wife lived upon the
best
terms, made him loth to marry, iii. 373. [iv. 157].
Marriage is a state that ought not to be entered into with indifference on either side, iv. 20. [208].
Large settlements in Marriage make a woman independent, and a rebel of course,
Lovel.
iv. 50. [247].
In unequal Marriages, those frequently incur censure, who, more happily yoked, might be intitled to praise, iv. 375. [v. 214].
It is happy for giddy men, as well as for giddy women, in common cases, that ceremony and parade are necessary to Wedlock, v. 99. [351].
Let a man do what he will by a single woman, the world is encouragingly apt to think Marriage a sufficient amends, v, 149. [vi. 52].
These three articles are recommended to the consideration of those who would have had Clarissa to marry Lovelace, after his outrage on her honour. The doctrine inculcated in them was what he depended on, and was what encouraged him to commit the outrage. It was necessary that he should be convinced of his mistake. The conviction was given by Clarissa; and his utter ruin was the consequence of his atrocious guilt.
.
What is
that
injury,
on this principle infers Lovelace,
which a Church rite will not at any time repair?
ibid.
These three articles are recommended to the consideration of those who would have had Clarissa to marry Lovelace, after his outrage on her honour. The doctrine inculcated in them was what he depended on, and was what encouraged him to commit the outrage. It was necessary that he should be convinced of his mistake. The conviction was given by Clarissa; and his utter ruin was the consequence of his atrocious guilt.
.
Marriage,
says Lovelace,
is a true
dramatic
recompence for the worst that can be done to a woman? v. 313. [vi. 227].
These three articles are recommended to the consideration of those who would have had Clarissa to marry Lovelace, after his outrage on her honour. The doctrine inculcated in them was what he depended on, and was what encouraged him to commit the outrage. It was necessary that he should be convinced of his mistake. The conviction was given by Clarissa; and his utter ruin was the consequence of his atrocious guilt.
.
See
Advice
to Women.
Courtship. Husband
and Wife.
Love. Lover.
Masters. Mistresses. Servants.
JUDGMENTS of persons tempers are to be made by their domestic behaviour, and by their treatment of their Servants, i. 62. 207. [64. 215].
Servants should take care, if there are any young Ladies where they live, how they make parties, or assist in clandestine correspondencies, i. 155. [161].
Policy, as well as generosity, will induce Masters and Mistresses to repose a confidence in their Servants, ii. 59. [150].
People in low stations have often minds not sordid,
ibid.
Take number for number, there are more honest low people, than high,
ibid.
Many Servants will scorn to deceive a confidence,
ibid.
That Servant cannot have sound principles, who can allow herself to say, that her Mistress shall not suspect her for nothing,
ibid.
A Master's communicativeness to his Servants, is a means for an enemy to come at his sercrets, ii. 226. [309].
The Servants of people of quality generally talk of their Master's pedigree and descent, with as much pride as if they were related to him, iii. 13. v. 120. [iii. 157. vi. 22].
Servants seldom keep their Master's secrets from one another, be those secrets of ever so much importance to their Master, iii. 13. [157].
Servants are generally worse to have concerns with, than their Principals, iii. 35. [180].
The greatest plagues people of condition meet with, proceed from the Servants they take with a view to lessen their cares, iv. 18. [205].
Servants will be apt to take liberties with those Masters who employ them in a way that their duty will not warrant, iv. 312. [v. 147].
Servants united in one cause, are intimate the moment they see one another, iv. 329. [v. 165, 166].
They know immediately the kin, and the kin's kin, of each other, tho' dispersed over the three kingdoms, as well as the genealogies and kin's kin of those whom they serve, iv. 329. [v. 166].
See Lovelace's opinion of Servants,
vi. 261. [vii. [182-185].
Mild and humane-temper'd Masters are seldom duly observed by their Servants, vi. 250. [vii. 172, 173].
Servants often make excuses for faults with such looks, as shew they believe not what they themselves say, vi. 250. [vii. 173].
It becomes not gentlemen to treat with insolence people who by their stations are humbled beneath their feet,
ibid.
A Master owes protection to the meanest of his household, vi. 251. [vii. 173].
He that rewards well, and punishes seasonably and properly, will be well served, vi. 260. [vii. 183].
The art of governing the under-bred lies more in looks than in words,
ibid.
The Master who pays not his Servants duly, or intrusts them with secrets, lays himself at their mercy,
ibid.
Wit in a Servant, except to his companions, is sauciness,
Lovel.
vi. 261. [vii. 184].
If a Servant ventures to expostulate upon a supposed unreasonable command, he should wait for a proper season, and do it with humility and respect,
ibid.
See
Generosity. Goodness.
Meekness.
TEMPERS that will bear much, will have much to bear, i. 29. 48. 50. 121. ii. 86. 246. 397. [i. 30. 50. 52. 126. ii. 175. 329. iii. 130].
The gentlest spirits, when provoked, are usually the most determined, i. 83.
See also
i. 48. [i. 86.
See also
i. 50].
The man of temper is mostly the truly brave man, i. 368. [ii. 60].
Meekness of disposition, and servility of heart, are very distinct qualities, i. 204. ii. 108. [i. 212. ii. 196].
Meekness and Patience are characteristic virtues in a woman, iii. 29. iv. 32. [iii. 172. iv. 220].
Presence of mind, on arduous occasions, is very consistent with Meekness, iv. 356. [v. 194].
Meekness of temper shewn by a person defending her unjustly-questioned character, demonstrates a greatness of mind, superior, in that instance, to that of the censurer, v. 272. [vi. 182].
Meek men abroad are not always meek men at home, vi. 81, 82. [414].
And if they were,
says Miss Howe,
I should not, I verily think, like them the better for their meekness, vi. 82. [414].
Affability, Gentleness, Meekness, are the characteristics of a
real
fine Lady, vii. 251. 254. [viii. 178].
See
Goodness. Violent Spirits.
Men
and Women.
ALL that dangling fellows are good for,
says Miss Howe,
is to give Women an air of vanity and assuredness in public places, i. 314. [ii. 4].
Heroes have their Fits of
fear,
Cowards their
brave
moments, and virtuous Women their moments
critical, Lovel.
iv. 164. [364].
It is not fit,
Lovelace says,
that at any age, or in any station of life, a Woman should be independent, iv. 224. [v. 61].
Girls who are quite disengaged, seldom hate, though they may not love, iv. 302. [v. 137].
A Woman generally despises the man she governs, v. 13. [259].
A Man of honour will not exculpate himself by loading a Woman, vi. 9. [336].
Men are known by their companions, vi. 33. [362].
So sensible, and so silly at the same time! what a various, what a foolish creature is Man! vii. 28. [367].
A Woman of eighteen,
Miss Howe takes upon her to say
(look the world thro'), is more prudent and conversable than a Man at twenty-five, vii. 290. [viii. 202].
Those Women who take delight in writing, generally excel the Men in all the graces of the familiar style, vii. 276. [viii. 216].
See
Advice
to Women.
Courtship. Duty. Friendship. Love. Marriage.
Merit. Demerit.
THERE cannot be a greater sign of want of Merit, than when a man seeks to pull down another's character, in order to build up his own, ii. 126, 127. [214].
Persons of Merit have a right to all the benefits conferred upon them, iii. 13. [157].
There may be a Worthiness and Merit so superior, as will put envy itself to silence, iii. 275. [iv. 62].
It is presumption to expect tokens of value, without resolving to deserve them, iv. 20. [208].
We should endeavour to like and dislike according to the real Merit or Demerit of the object, iv. 87. [280].
Great Merit is coy. Coyness has not always its foundation in pride, vii. 32. [372].
See
Goodness. Praise.
Minutiae.
GREAT consequences, like great folks, sometimes owe their greatness to small causes, and little incidents, ii. 305. [iii. 43].
In all matters that admit of doubt or jealousy, the smallest circumstances are of more importance than the strongest asseverations, iii. 43. [185].
Great engines are frequently moved by small springs, iv. 143. [341].
The minutest circumstances are often of great service in matters of the last importance, v. 113. [vi. 14].
The Minutiae are of consequence to be attended to in all critical undertakings, v. 179. [vi. 83].
Minutenesses may be observed, where greater articles are not neglected for them, vi. 378. [vii. 309].
Modesty. Audacity.
A MODEST person challenged will be diffident, tho' innocent, i. 60. [63].
The Bold and Forward, not being sensible of defects, assume, while the Modesty of the really worthy man permits him not to explain himself, i. 83. [87].
Why should a person who delights to find out what is praise-worthy in another, be supposed ignorant of his own worth? i. 374. [ii. 66].
A modest Woman will not despise those who have not every fine quality that may be conspicuous in herself?
ibid.
A modest Lady, who throws herself into the power of a Rake, is very unequal to the adventure, iii. 24. 324. [iii. 167. iv. 109].
A modest man has generally a treasure in his mind, that requires only the key of encouragement to unlock it, to make him shine, iii. 58. [200, 201].
Shall not a modest woman wish to consort with a modest man,
before
whom, and
to
whom, she may open her lips, secure of his good opinion of all she says, and which therefore must inspire her with an agreeable confidence? iii. 58. [201].
A
truly
modest woman may make even an audacious man keep his distance, iv. 46. [236, 237].
Rakish hearts can no more taste the beauty and delicacy of modest obligingness, than of modest love. vi. 60. [390].
Modest or diffident men wear not soon off those little precisenesses, which the assured, if ever they had them, presently get over, vi. 71. [402].
Well may women,
says Miss Howe,
who are fond of Libertines, be the sport and ridicule of such—Would not a very little reflexion teach us, that a man of Merit must be a man of Modesty? vi. 83. [415].
The characteristic of Virgin Modesty, adorned by conscious dignity, is, freedom and reserve happily blended, vi. 280. [vii. 205].
A modest man should no more be made little in his own eyes, than in the eyes of others. If he be, he will have a diffidence which will give aukwardness to everything he says or does, vi. 304. [vii. 230].
See
Advice
to Women.
Blushes. Delicacy.
O.
Obligation. Oblige. Obliging Temper.
To oblige in the fact, and disoblige in the manner, is obliging by halves, ii. 199. [284].
An obliging temper is evermore disobliging itself, ii. 239. [322].
He that can oblige, can disoblige. It is happy for some people, that they have it not in their power to offend,
Miss Howe,
ii. 302. [iii. 40].
Persons in a state of Obligation must not complain, ii. 310. [iii. 47].
How precious, to a beneficent mind, is the power of obliging!
ibid.
It is good to be easy of persuasion, in matters where one can oblige without endangering virtue and worthy habits, vii. 295. [viii. 221].
See
Friendship. Generosity.
Obstinacy. Perverseness. Frowardness. Pertness.
PERVERSENESS will both miscall and misinterpret, i. 210. [217, 218].
It is better to be thought perverse, than insincere, i. 306. [318].
Frowardness often makes a girl object to proposals that come
first
from a parent or guardian, and for no other reason, ii. 77. [167].
Pert, women-grown daughters think their parents old, yet pay them not the reverence due to their years, iii. 375. [iv. 159].
To argue with a man who is convinced he is doing a wrong thing, is but to make him ingenious to find out excuses for himself, and to harden his heart, iv. 364. [v. 203].
Men give not easily up what they have set their hearts upon, be it ever so unreasonable to be carried, v. 393. [vi. 312].
Obstinacy and implacableness are bad signs in a person declining in health, vi. 44. [374].
A pert daughter gives fair warning to a lover, of proving an unmanageable wife, vii. 245. [viii. 169].
See
Duty. Parents
and Children.
General
Observations
and Reflexions.
WHO will wonder at the intrigues and plots carried on by undermining courtiers against one another, when private families cannot be free from them? i. 80. [83].
Every one can be good, who has no provocation to the contrary, i. 170. [176].
Prudence is too often called covetousness; covetousness, prudence; profligacy, gallantry,
&c.
i. 210. [217, 218].
Policy may make a man give up one half of his character to save the other half, when the discussion might tend to detect him of being
generally
wicked, i. 263. [273].
Over-doers frequently give the offence they mean to avoid, i. 317. [ii. 8].
All extraordinaries will soon subside, i. 370. [ii. 61].
If our hearts do not harden and contract, as we experience ill-treatment from the world, we shall be upon very unequal terms with it, ii. 29. [121].
It is very difficult for a person who would avoid one extreme, to keep clear of another, ii. 73. [163].
What we most delight in, is often made the instrument of our punishment, ii. 159. [246].
He who will be bribed by one person to undertake a baseness, will be over-bribed by another to retort it, ii. 371. [iii. 105].
To borrow of relations, is to subject one's self to an inquisition into one's life and actions,
Lovel.
ii. 389. [iii. 122].
Traders are dealers in pins, and will be more obliged by a penny-customer, than by a pound present, because it is in their way; yet will refuse neither,
Lovel.
iii. 16. iv. 327. [iii. 160. v. 164].
What likelihood is there of corrupting a man who has no ambition? iii. 18. [162].
The woman who will obstinately vindicate a faulty step in another, seems to indicate, that, in the like circumstances, she would have been guilty of the same fault. iii. 55. [197].
All the animal creation is more or less in a state of hostility, iii. 70. [211].
We are apt to regret what happens to our dislike, yet know not whether we should have been more happy in the enjoyment of our own wishes, iii. 134. [271].
There is hardly any thing that a man will scruple, who will break the seal of a letter not designed for him to to see, iii. 163. [299].
It is easier to persist in a denial given, than to give it at first, iii. 206. [339].
Be the motives to excess what they will, excess is excess, iii. 213. [345].
Most of the Troubles that fall to the lot of common mortals, arise either from their large desires, or from their little deserts, iii. 277. [iv. 63].
Never was there a cause so bad, but that either from pity to the offender, or ill-will to the injured, it found some advocates, iii. 350. [iv. 134].
In the progress to any event we may have in view, our minds may be too much engaged to see things in the same light, in which they will appear to us when all obstacles are removed, and we have nothing to do but to enuse, iii. 366. [iv. 151].
All our pursuits, from childhood to manhood, are only trifles of different sorts and sizes, proportioned to our years and views, iv. 71. [263].
The lower class of people are ever aiming at the stupid wonderful, iv. 92. [286].
It is very easy for a person to part with a
secondary
appetite, when, by so doing, he can promote or gratify a
first,
iv. 121. [318].
All human good and evil is comparative, iv. 161. [361].
Ceremony is not civility. Civility is not ceremony, iv. 232. [v. 63].
The mixtures which agreeable things generally come to us with, are great abatements of the pleasures they bring with them, iv. 281. [v. 115].
The greatest acquisition, even that of an imperial crown, is nothing, when a man has been some time used to it, iv. 324. [v. 161].
Appeals give pride and superiority to the person appealed to, and tend to lessen the appellants even in their own eyes, iv. 370. [v. 208].
Opposition frequently coments friendship, and creates or confirms love, v. 9. [254].
A great difference will be generally found in the manners of the same man, as visitor and inmate, v. 25. [272].
Every-body, and every-thing, has a black and a white side, of which both well-willers and ill-willers may make advantage, v. 251. 300.
See also
iv. 265. vi. 347. [vi. 159, 160. 212.
See also
v. 98. vii. 276].
Evils that are small in the beginning, and only confined to a single person, frequently spread, and involve whole families, v. 281. [vi. 192].
Words of respect may be so pronounced, as to mean indignation and insult, v. 297. [vi. 209].
Those who can least bear a jest upon themselves, will be most diverted with one passed on others, vi. 230. [vii. 141].
A bad cause gives a man great disadvantages, vi. 346. [vii. 274].
Uncommon minds can hardly avoid doing things out of the common way, vi. 380.
We must not expect that our roses will grow without thorns; but then they are useful and instructive thorns, which, by pricking the fingers of the too hasty plucker, teach future caution, vi. 407. [vii. 339].
Difficulty gives poignancy to our enjoyments. Those which are easily obtained, generally lose their relish with us, vi. 407. [vii. 339, 340].
The absent generally bear the load, when the blame is apparently due somewhere, vii. 18, 19. [347].
Actual distraction (take it out of its lucid intervals) must be an happier state, than the state of suspense and anxiety which brings it on, vii. 24. [363].
Resolutions depending upon future contingencies, are best left to future determinations, vii. 236. [viii. 160].
The greatest punishment that can be inflicted on us, would often be the grant of our own wishes, vii. 257. [viii. 182].
Free-will enables us to do every-thing well; while restraint and imposition make a light burden heavy, vii. 291. [viii. 217].
Oeconomy. Frugality. Housewifry.
BY Frugality we are enabled to be both just and generous, iii. 373. [iv. 158].
Without Oeconomy no estate is large enough; with it, the least is not too small, iv. 113. [309].
The man who runs away from his accounts, will in time be glad that he could run away from himself, vi. 17. [345].
Frugality is a necessary virtue, niggardliness an odious vice, vii. 281. [viii. 206].
It is incredible what may be done by early rising, and by long days well fill'd up, vii. 290. [viii. 217].
Persons who rise early, and make good use of their hours, may be said to have lived more years at sixteen, than some others at twenty-six, vii. 291. [viii. 217].
Those who keep not a strict account, seldom keep any, vii. 295. [viii. 221].
P.
Palliation. Evasion. Excuse.
A GOOD person will not palliate with a view to deceive, ii, 166. [252].
Artful Evasions are unworthy of a frank and open heart, iii. 60. [202].
It is no wonder, that he who can sit down premeditatedly to do a bad action, will content himself with a bad excuse, vi. 58. [388, 389].
No Palliation ought to be made for wilful and premeditated vileness, vii. 275. [viii. 200].
Parents. Children.
SEVERITY in some cases is clemency, i. 49. [51].
Needless watchfulness, and undue restraint, often produce artifice and contrivance, i. 51. [53].
Parents, by violently fighting against a Lover, frequently fight for him, i. 54. 167. 192. ii. 137. [i. 61. 173. 200. ii. 224].
Daughters,
says James Harlowe,
are chickens brought up for a stranger's table, i. 71. [73].
Most unhappy is the situation of that
worthy
Child, who is obliged, in her own defence, to expose a Parent's failings, i. 80. 173. [83. 180].
It is impolitic in Parents to join two people in one interest, whom they wish for ever to keep asunder, i. 82. [85, 86].
Tho' the parental authority should be deemed sacred, yet Parents should have reason in what they do, i. 84. [87].
Where the heart of a Child is sought to be engaged, the eye ought not to be disgusted, i. 97. [101].
A worthy Daughter would rather wish to appear amiable in the eyes of her own Friends and Relations, than in those of all the world besides, i. 159. [165].
Disgraceful treatment will often bring about the very end which it is intended to frustrate, i. 183. 266. vii. 255. [i. 190. 276. viii. 179].
In family contentions, when every expedient to bring about a reconciliation is tried, whatever be the event, the person so trying has the less to blame herself for, i. 185. ii. 308. [ii. 192. iii. 45].
How much greater must be the comfort of that young woman in an unhappy marriage, who can reflect, that she followed the advice of her Friends, and owes not her unhappiness to her own headstrong will! i. 256. ii. 170. [i. 265. ii. 256].
The difference between the hard usage a Child receives from a severe Parent, and the obsequious regard paid to her by a flattering Lover, is enough to make her run all risks with the latter, in order to get out of the hands of the former, i. 262. 264. [272. 274].
Parents sometimes make not those allowances for Youth, which, when young, they wish'd to be made for themselves, i. 386, 387. [ii. 78].
Parents must not always expect, that
advice
should have the same force upon their Children, as
experience
has upon themselves, i. 388. [ii. 79].
In giving advice, and remonstrating, Parents and Guardians should proceed by patient reasoning and gentleness, that they may not harden where they wish to convince,
ibid.
Unkind circumstances on the Parents part, and heedless ones on the Child's, in a debate where both mean well, will make small differences great ones,
ibid.
A Parent, by forcing a Child to marry the man she hates, may occasion an utter dissipation of the Child's morals, and, of consequence, her everlasting perdition, i. 405. [ii. 95].
Aversion in a Child should be distinguished from wilfulness, ii. 94. [183].
Strings that are overstrained must either be relaxed or break, ii. 157. [243].
The time may come for a Child to consider, as the highest benefit to herself, those measures of a Parent which at present she may think grievous, ii. 172. [258].
The more obstinate a Child is in her opposition to a Parent's will, the more will a Parent be apt to think his authority concerned to carry his point, ii. 182. [267].
Harsh and cruel treatment humbles a Child, and makes her seem
cheap
in her own eyes, ii. 190. [277].
Is she not then in the way to become the easy prey of a man whom otherwise she would have despised?
If Parents, by appeals or otherwise, needlessly expose a Child, she will be apt to think, that, do what she will, she cannot incur more disgrace than she already labours under, ii. 192. [277].
To endeavour to force a free mind, is to dishonour it, ii. 140. [277].
It is better for a good Child to be able to say, her Parents were unkind to
her,
than that she was undutiful to
them,
ii. 286.
See also
i. 121. [iii. 25.
See also
i. 125].
The exertion of a seasonable lenity may save a penitent Child from utter destruction, ii. 311. 382. iv. 156. v. 222. vii. 5. [iii. 49. 116. iv. 355. vi. 128. vii. 343].
The Father and Mother who would secure to themselves the undivided love of their Children, should avoid such durable contentions with each other, as would distress their Children which side to take, when they would be glad to reverence both, iii. 46. [189].
A good Parent must have greater pain in the
necessary
restraint of a headstrong Daughter, than she can give to such a Daughter, iii. 56. [198]
At every age on this side matrimony it will be found, that a Parent's wings are the most effectual safeguards of Daughters, from the villainous birds of prey that hover round them, iii. 56. [198, 199].
A Parent, for a failure in her own duty, is
not
answerable to her Child, iii. 57. [199].
Reverence is too apt to be forgot by Children, when Parents forget what belongs to their own characters, iii. 377. [iv. 161].
Parents and Children, when separated, and seeing each other but seldom, like other lovers, shew their best sides to each other, iii. 388. [iv. 172].
The bad qualities in which fond Parents too often indulge their Children when infants, not seldom, at riper years, prove the plague of their hearts, iv. 281. [v. 115].
It is as necessary to direct Daughters in the choice of their female companions, and to watch against the intrigues of women-servants, as it is to guard them against the designs of men,
Lovel.
v. 11, 12. [257, 258].
Parents the most indulgent in their own natures, often, from the errors of a Child, incur the censure of hardheartedness, v. 221. [vi. 128].
Doubly faulty is that Child, therefore, who, by a rash action, not only disgraces herself, but depreciates the most revered characters,
ibid.
What confusion of mind must attend the reflexions of a Child, who, from the most promising outsetting, has brought ruin on herself, and distress on her Friends!
ibid.
The voice of nature must at last be heard in favour of a Child truly penitent, v. 223. vi. 371. [vi. 130. vii. 301].
When a Daughter is strongly set upon a point; it is better for a Mother (if the point be of no high consequence) to make herself of her party, than violently to oppose her, v. 281. [vi. 192].
Parents should take care that they do not weaken their authority, by a needless exertion of it, v. 399. [vi. 318].
What an enormity is there in that crime of a Child, which can turn the hearts of Parents, before indulgent, against her! vi. 20. [348].
The resentment which Children, and even the world, may ascribe to cruelty in an offended Parent, may be owing to excess of love, and disappointed hopes, vi. 26. [348].
It is to be hoped,
says Miss Howe,
that unforgiving Parents were always good, dutiful, and passive Children to
their
Parents, vi. 75. [407].
Parents who would cure a Child's impatience of spirit, should not betray a want of temper in themselves,
ibid.
Children, depending on the weakness of their Parents tempers, too ofen harden their own hearts, vi. 119. [vii. 33].
While Parents
think
a Child in fault, as they have a right to judge for themselves, they ought to have great allowances made for them; especially if, till their displeasure took place, they had always been kind and indulgent, vi. 128. [vii. 43].
Good Children make
both
their Parents happy in
each other,
as well as in
them;
bad Children unhappy in both, vi. 126. [vii. 43, 44].
When the nearest Friends give up an unhappy Child, every one is ready to propagate slander against her, vi. 188. [vii. 107].
A good Child will be careful of making a party against even harsh and severe Parents, vi. 287. [vii. 212].
It requires a high degree of understanding and discretion in a Daughter, when grown up, to let it be seen that she mingles reverence with her love to a Parent, who has talents visibly inferior to her own, vii. 245. [viii. 169].
Parents, in order to preserve their Children's veneration for them, should take great care not to let them see any thing in their own conduct, behaviour, or principles, which they themselves would not approve of in others,
ibid.
Such Parents as have a visible narrowness of heart, must needs weaken their own authority with Children of spirit, vii. 246. [viii. 170].
See
Advice
to Women.
Courtship. Controul. Duty. Love. Lover. Marriage.
Partiality. Impartiality.
MEN frequently give advice to others, when consulted, with an indirect view to something similar in their own case, i. 59, 60. [62].
Good-will, or Love, is often blind to real imperfections, i. 120. [124].
We are apt to praise our benefactors, because they are
our
benefactors; as if every body did right or wrong, as they obliged or disobliged us, i. 148. [153].
We should endeavour to judge of ourselves, and of every-thing that affects us, as we may reasonably imagine others will judge of us, and of our actions, i. 175. [181].
Were each person to tell his own story, and to be believed, there would not be a guilty person in the world, i. 243. [252].
No one should plead the errors of another, in justification of his own, i. 391. [ii. 82].
Human nature, sensible of its own defects, loves to be correcting; but chuses rather to turn its eye outward than inward, iii. 59. [201].
We often look into ourselves with a resolution not fairly to try, but to acquit ourselves, iii. 123. [261].
It is difficult for a woman to subscribe to a preference against herself in love-cases, tho' ever so visible, iii. 172. [308].
Poor arguments will do, when brought in favour of what we like, iii. 344. [iv. 127].
An artful man, bringing a case home to the passions or interest of his judges, will be likely to succeed where he ought not, iv. 263. [v. 96].
That cause must be well tried, where the offender takes his seat upon the same bench with the judge, iv. 346. [v. 184].
Whatever qualities we
wish
to find in one we love, we are ready to find, v. 58. [307].
Self-Partiality is a dangerous misleader, v. 223. [vi. 130].
An impartial spirit, having run into a punishable error, will not forgive itself, tho' its friends should forgive it, v. 267. [vi. 177].
Those least bear disappointment, who love most to give it, v. 363. vi. 384. [vi. 280. vii. 315].
Many men are apt to take their measures of right and wrong from what they themselves
are,
and cannot help
being,
vi. 96. [vii. 8].—
So aukwardness may be a perfection with the aukward,
ibid.
It is difficult to go out of ourselves to give a judgment against ourselves; and yet oftentimes, to pass a just judgment; we ought, vi. 184. [vii. 103].
Suffering persons are apt to be partial to their own cause and merits, vi. 368. [vii. 298].
It is far from being difficult for a
worthy
heart to reject ject the man (however once favoured) whose actions it despises, vi. 405. [vii. 338].
See
Prepossession.
Passions.
THE command of her Passions was Clarissa's glory, and is one of the greatest glories of the human mind, i. 262. 266, 267. [272. 276].
The Manners and Passions of men and women are to be seen in miniature during their childhood, i. 310. [ii. 9, 10].
If the irascible passions cannot be overcome, how shall those be subdued, to which bad habit, joined to greater temptation, gives stronger force? ii. 29. [122].
It is easy to make a passionate spirit answer all our views upon it, ii. 129. [216].
Turbulence and obsequiousness, used in turn, keep a woman's Passions alive, and at last tire her into nonresistance,
Miss Howe,
iii. 127. [268].
People in a Passion, tho' within a few yards of each other, hollow like travellers who are got out of their way, and want to get into it again, iii. 132. [269, 270].
How universally engaging it is,
says Lovelace,
to put a woman of sense in a Passion, let the reception given to the ranting scenes in plays testify, iii. 194. [328].
Those Passions in women, which they take no pains to subdue, may have one and the same source [
and tendency
] with those which hurry on the head-strong and violent of the other Sex to the commission of the most atrocious crimes, iii. 213. iv. 3. [iii. 345. iv. 190].
Passion gives bodily strength; Fear takes it away, iii. 262. [iv. 51].
Passion distorts the features, and makes even an handsome person ugly, iv. 7. [194].
The passions of the gentle, tho' slower to be moved than those of the quick, are generally the most flaming when raised, iv. 16. [204].
It is both impudent and imprudent,
says Lovelace,
for a wife to be in a Passion, iv. 32. [220].
Passion and ill-will are dreadful misrepresenters, iv. 111. [307].
Violence of Passion is too often admitted as a plea [
at least as an extenuation
] for violence and indecency of action, both by the female sex, and by the world, iv. 128. v. 149. [iv. 326. vi. 51, 52].
To be able to arrest a woman's Passion in the height of its career [
on an offence given to her modesty
] is,
says Lovelace,
a charming presage, iv. 285. [v. 117].
A woman of a violent Spirit is often in more danger from an artful man, than one of a steadier disposition, v. 8. [253, 254].
Passionate women have high pulses,
says Lovelace;
and a clever fellow will make what sport he pleases with them, v. 392. [vi. 311].
Who can account for the workings and ways of a passionate and disappointed woman?
Lovel.
vi. 12. [339].
Passion has different ways of working in different bosoms, as humours or complexion induce, vi. 16. [344].
The Passions of the Female Sex, if naturally drawn, will distinguish themselves from the masculine Passions, by a softness that will shine thro' rage and despair, vi. 204. [vii. 124].
See
Anger. Violent Spirits.
Patience. Impatience.
PERSONS unaccustomed to controul, are impatient of controul, i. 5. [5].
If afflictions are sent for corrective ends, Impatience may lead into more punishable errors, ii. 161. [247].
An impatient spirit subjects itself to deserved humiliation, ii. 410. [iii. 142].
When a point is clear and self-evident, it is difficult to find Patience, on being obliged to enter into an argument in proof of it, iii. 212, 213.
See also
i. 83. [iii. 344, 345.
See also
i. 86].
Patience and perseverance are able to overcome the greatest difficulties, iii. 262. [iv. 48].
No man ought to be impatient at imputations he is not ashamed to deserve, iv. 358. [v. 197].
An innocent man
will not
be outrageous upon reports made to his disadvantage; a guilty man
ought not,
iv. 359. [v. 197].
The injured has a right to upbraid; the injurer ought to be patient, v. 122, 123. [vi. 24].
Persons who by their rashness have made a breach in their duty, should not enlarge it by their impatience, v. 221. [vi. 128].
Impatience is generally the child of self-partiality, v. 223. [v. 130].
The person who is employed as a mediator, should not be himself over-ready to take offence, vi. 10. 14. [337. 341].
People new to misfortune are often too easily moved to impatience, vi. 188. [vii. 107].
It is not just for two friends, more than for man and wife, to be out of Patience at one time, vi. 197. [vii. 117].
In a deep distress, a man of an impatient spirit is apt to think that every face, and even the face of nature, should wear the marks of that woe which affects him, vii. 25. [364].
Pedants. Colleges.
YOUTHS raw from the Colleges are not fit prescribers to the gentler Sex, i. 182. [189].
Colleges are too often classes of tyrants,
ibid.
Young men of shallow parts, just come from College, are apt to despise those who cannot tell how an antient author expressed himself in Greek or Latin on a subject, upon which, however, they may know how, as well as the author, to express themselves in English, vi. 178. [vii. 96].
See Brand's Letters in the History, Vol.
vi.
p.
356,
& seq. Vol.
vii.
p.
40-57. [
Vol.
vii.
p.
285-291.
and
380-398].
Physic. Physicians.
PUNISH
and
prescribe
synonymous terms in Physic, iv. 39. [228].
Why,
asks Lovelace,
when Physicians can do no good; will they not study to gratify rather than nauseate the palate of their patients?
ibid.
It is ill jesting with edged tools, and worse with physical ones,
Lovel.
iv. 81. [274].
Those who treat contemptuously the professors of the art of healing, generally treat higher institutions as lightly,
Clarissa,
iv. 86. [279].
Sharp or acute mental organs frequently whet out the bodily ones, v. 172. [vi. 76].
A generous Physician, where he is hopeless of doing good, will put on the Friend, and lay aside the Doctor, v. 386. [vi. 305].
When physical men,
says Belford,
are at a loss what to prescribe to their patients, they inquire what it is they best like, or are most diverted with, and forbid them that, vi. 66. [397].
Physicians, to do credit to their skill, will sometimes make a slight disease important,
Lovel.
vi. 201. [vii. 121].
We ought to begin early to study what our constitutions will bear, vi. 265. [vii. 189].
Physicians, when they find a case desperate, should generally decline the fee, vi. 266. [vii. 190].
Friendship and Physician are not
absolutely
incompatible, vi. 330. [vii. 258].
A skilful operator will endeavour to be intelligible, and, if honest, to make every one a judge of his practice, vii. 137. [viii. 57].
Generally,
says Belford,
when the Physician enters, the air is shut out, vii. 140. [viii. 61].
Quantity in diet is more to be regarded than quality, vii. 287. [viii. 213].
A full meal is a great enemy both to study and industry,
ibid.
A worthy Physician will pay a regular and constant attendance upon his patient, watching with his own eyes every change, and every new symptom, of his malady, vii. 300. [viii. 227].
He will vary his applications as indications vary,
ibid.
He will not fetter himself to rules laid down by the fathers of the art who lived many hundred years ago, when diseases, and the causes of them, as also the modes of living, and climates, and accidents, were different from what they are now, vii. 300. [viii. 227].
He should not be greedy of fees; but proportion his expectation of reward to the good in his conscience he thinks he does,
ibid.
See
Health. Vapours.
Pity. Mercy.
PITY is a good preparative to Love, i. 12. [12].
We should shew Mercy or Lenity to unhappy persons, whose calamities, in a like situation, might have been our own, i. 183. [190].
Disgraces brought on persons by themselves ought not to be pitied, i. 214. [222].
In our attendances on a dying person, we pity him for what he suffers; and we pity ourselves for what we must one day in like manner suffer; and so are doubly affected, ii. 39. [131].
The Pity which a rash child often meets with, when she has brought upon herself an irreparable evil, should generally be tranferred to her parents and friends, iii. 292. [iv. 78, 79].
Pity from one often begets Pity from another, whether the occasion for it be either strong or weak, iii. 357. [iv. 141].
God wants not any thing of us for Himself. He enjoins us works of mercy to one another, as the means to obtain
his
mercy, v. 192. [vi. 98].
The brave and the wise know both how to pity and excuse, vii. 120. [viii. 39].
See
Generosity. Goodness. Magnanimity.
Politeness. Travelling.
POLITENESS constrained, and not free, is to be suspected, i. 61. [64].
A person may not be polite, and yet not characteristically unpolite, ii. 72. [163].
A manly sincerity, and openness of heart, are very consistent with true Politeness, ii. 331. [iii. 67].
Politeness is, on the man's part, necessary to gain a footing in a woman's heart: But Miss Howe questions, whether a little intermingled insolence is not necessary to keep that footing, iii. 26. [170].
A man's morality is often the price paid for travelling accomplishments, iii. 245. [iv. 32].
A polite man, respecting a Lady, will not treat contemptuously any of her relations, iv. 139. [337].
Men of parts and fortune frequently behave as if they thought they need not be gentlemen, iv. 342. [v. 180].
Men in years too often think their age a dispensation from Politeness, v. 179. [vi. 84].
Nothing can be polite, that is not just or good, v. 376. [vi. 294].
See
Dress.
Political Precepts.
A MAN who thinks highly of himself, and lowly of his audience, is best qualified to speak in public, iv. 51. [241].
An administration is entitled to every vote a man can, with a good conscience, give it,
ibid.
Drags should not needlesly be put to the wheels of government, iv. 51. [242].
Neither can an opposition, neither can a ministry, be always wrong,
ibid.
A plumb man must therefore mean more or worse than he will own,
ibid.
The least trifles,
says Lovelace,
will set princes and children at loggerheads, iv. 119. [315].
Poverty. Poor.
THE Almighty is very gracious to his creatures, in that he make not
much
necessary to the support of life; since three parts in four of them, if it were, would not know how to obtain that
much,
ii. 16. [110].
Poverty is the mother of health,
ibid.
The pleasures of the Mighty are obtain'd by the tears of the Poor, ii. 17. [110].
The man who is used to Poverty, and can enjoy it, not aiming to live better to-morrow, than he does to-day, and did yesterday, is above temptation, unless it comes cloathed to him in the guise of truth and trust,
Lovel.
iii. 18. [162].
Were it not for the Poor, and the Middling,
Lovelace says,
the world would deserve to be destroyed, iii. 186. [321].
Common
or
bred
-beggars should be left to the public provision, iv. 31. [219].
In the general scale of beings, the lowest is as useful, and as much a link of the great chain, as the highest, vii. 272. [viii. 198].
Power. Independence.
EVERY one, more or less, loves Power, i. 120. [124].
Yet those, who most wish for it, are seldom the fittest to be trusted with it, i. 120. vii. 20. [i. 124. vii. 358].
An honest man would not wish to have it in his Power to do hurt, iv. 158. [357].
Power is too apt to make men both wanton and wicked, iv. 158. v. 13. [iv. 357. v. 259].
If our Power to do good is circumscribed, we shall have the less to answer for, iv. 220. [v. 51].
People who have money, or Power, never want assistants, be their views ever so wicked, v. 113. [vi. 15].
Who that has it in his Power to gratify a predominant passion, be it what it will, denies himself the gratification of it?
Lovel.
vi. 92. [vii. 5].
Both Sexes too much love to have each other in their Power, vii. 20. [358].
Even women of sense,
says Colonel Morden, on Miss Howe's behaviour to Mr. Hickman,
are not to be trusted with too much Power, vii. 244. [viii. 168].
See
Controul. Prosperity.
Praise. Dispraise. Applause. Blame.
PRAISE being the reward for good deeds, and Dispraise the punishment for bad, they ought not to be confounded in the application, i. 322. [ii. 13].
An ingenuous mind will hasten to intitle itself to the graces for which it is commended, if already it has them not, i. 375.
See also
i. 89.
and
v. 224. [ii 67.
See also
i. 5.
and
vi. 131].
How soothing a thing is Praise from the mouth of those we love! i. 375. [ii. 67].
Would every one give Praise and Dispraise
only
where due, shame, if not principle, would mend the world, iii. 66. [208].
It is a degree of affectation to decline joining in the due Praise of our children, because they are our own, iii. 285. [iv. 72].
Those who are accustomed to Praise, will not be proud of it. iii. 286. [iv. 72].
A person too fond of Praise is apt to be misled by it, iv. 9. [196, 197].
Those are generally most proud of Praise, who least deserve it, iv. 55. [246].
Praise reproaches, when applied to the undeserving, iv. 85. [278].
Praise will beget an emulation in a generous mind to deserve, or to continue to deserve it, v. 224. [vi. 131].
Those who praise with warmth the laudable actions of another, where they themselves are not benefited, may be supposed to have a spirit like that which they applaud, vii. 246.
See also
i. 374. [viii. 170.
See also
ii. 66].
Persons who find themselves heard with applause, ought to take care that they do not, by engrossing the conversation, lose the benefit of other people's sentiments; and that they suffer not themselves to be praised into loquaciousness, vii. 289. [viii. 215].
See
Censure. Generosity. Goodness. Merit. Virtue.
Prejudice. Prepossession. Antipathy.
EARLY-BEGUN Antipathies are not easily eradicated, i. 19. [20].
Those we dislike can do nothing to please us, i. 89. ii. 114. [i. 92. ii. 202].
An extraordinary Antipathy in a young Lady to a particular person, is generally owing to an extraordinary prepossession in favour of another, i. 108. [112].
An eye favourable to a Lover, will not see his faults thro' a magnifying glass, ii. 50. [142].
Prepossession in a Lover's favour will make a Lady impute to ill-will and prejudice all that can be said against him,
ibid.
Old prejudices [
tho' once seemingly removed
] easily recur, ii. 314. [iii. 52].
To those we love not,
says Lovelace, speaking of: Mr. Hickman,
we can hardly allow the merit they should be granted, vi. 1. [328].
Prejudices in
disfavour
generally fix deeper than Prejudice in
favour,
vi. 306. [vii. 233].
Whenever we approve, we can find an hundred reasons to justify our approbation; and whenever we dislike, we can find a thousand to justify our dislike, vi. 256. [viii. 181]. [
See
Love. Lover.
Pride.
PRIDE, in people of birth and fortune, is not only mean, but needless, i. 186. [193].
Distinction and quality may be prided in, by those to whom it is a
new
thing,
ibid.
The contempt a proud great person brings on himself, is a counterbalance for his greatness,
ibid.
It is sometimes easier to lay a proud man under obligation, than to get him to acknowlege it, i. 322. [ii. 13].
Pride ever must, and ever will, provoke contempt, i. 186. [ii. 13].
There may be such an haughtiness in submission, as may entirely invalidate the submission, ii. 72. [162].
A person who distinguishes not, may think it the mark of a great spirit to humour his own Pride, even at the expence of his politeness, ii. 73. [163].
It is to be feared there are more good and laudable actions owing to Pride, than to Virtue, ii. 207. [291].
Pride and meanness are as nearly allied to each other, as the poets tell us wit and madness are, ii. 231. [314].
Nothing more effectually brings down a proud spirit, than a sense of lying under pecuniary obligation, ii. 388. [iii. 121, 122].
Pride, when it is native, will shew itself sometimes in the midst of mortifications, iii. 33. [177].
Pride frequently eats up a man's prudence, iii. 239. [iv. 27].
Pride is an infallible sign of weakness, or something wrong, either in the heart or head, or in both, iii. 240. [iv. 28].
It is possible for a woman to be proud, in supposing she has no Pride, iv. 9. [196].
We ought not to value ourselves on talents we give not to ourselves, iv. 30. vii. 272. [iv. 218. viii. 197].
How contemptible is that Pride which stands upon diminutive observances, and gives up the most important duties! iv. 30. [219].
Some women have from Pride, what others [
more laudably
] have from principle. The Lord help the Sex,
says Lovelace,
if they had not Pride! v. 11. [257].
Pride or Arrogance invites mortification, v. 382. [vi. 301].
Haughty spirits, when they are convinced that they have carried their resentments too high, frequently want but a good excuse to condescend, vi. 371. [vii. 301].
Pride in man or woman is an extreme, that hardly fails, sooner or later, to bring forth its mortifying contrary, vi. 406. [vii. 399].
Persons of accidental or shadowy merit may be proud; but inborn worth, must be always as much above conceit as arrogance, vii. 272. [viii. 197].
There is but one pride pardonable; that of being above doing a base or dishonourable action, vii. 272.
See also
i. 186. [viii. 198.
See also
i. 193].
See
Humility. Insolence. Little Spirits.
Procuress. Profligate
Women.
PEOPLE at vile houses, by producing sometimes to their wicked clients wretches of pretended quality, cause people of degree to be thought more profligate than they are, iii. 258, 259. [iv. 45, 46].
Even a Lovelace refused to continue a commerce with profligate women, tho' they were first ruin'd by himself, iv. 74. v. 142. [iv. 266. vi. 45].
Men in bad company can think and say things that they cannot think or say in better,
Lovel.
v. 20. [267].
Persons may be led into crimes by the infection of bad company, which once they would have abhorred, v. 122. [vi. 24].
A profligate woman is more terrible to her own Sex, than even a bad man, v. 133. [vi. 37].
If a married man,
says Lovelace,
gives himself up to the company of wicked women, they will never let him rest, till he either suspect or hate his wife, v. 144. vii. 115. [vi. 46. viii. 34].
What can with-hold a jealous and already ruin'd woman? v. 144. [vi. 47].
Little knows the public what villainies are committed in the houses of abandoned women, upon innocent creatures drawn into their snares, v. 333. 353. [vi. 248. 269].
O Lovelace,
says Belford, describing the profligate creatures at Sinclair's in their morning dishabille,
what company do we Rakes keep! and for
such
company, what society renounce, or endeavour to make like these! vii. 141. [viii. 61].
What woman, nice in her person, and of purity in her mind and manners, did she know what miry wallowers the generality of men of our class are themselves, and
trough
and
sty
with, but would detest the thoughts of associating with such filthy sensualists, whose favourite taste carries them to mingle with dregs of stews, brothels, and common-sewers!
Belf. ibid.
A high phrensy must be the only happiness that a woman, in her last hours, can know, who has acted the diabolical part of a Procuress, vii. 143. [viii. 63].
See
Advice
to Women.
Guilt. Libertine. Lover.
&c.
Prosperity. Success. Riches.
PROSPERITY is the parent of impatience, i. 30. [32].
Those who want the fewest earthly blessings, most regret that they want any,
ibid.
Riches are valuable, in that they put it in our power to confer favours on the deserving, i. 321. [ii. 12].
Success in unjustifiable devices often sets bad people above keeping decent measures, ii. 116. [203].
In great Prosperity, as well as in great Calamity, we ought to look into ourselves, and
fear,
ii. 159. [245].
Success has blown up, and undone, many a man, ii. 385. [iii. 118].
Who is there that Wealth does not mislead? iii. 186. [321].
Prosperity sets up merit as a mark for envy to shoot its shafts at, iii, 277. [iv. 64].
The greatly Prosperous bear controul and disappointment with difficulty, iv. 30. [218].
Great acquirements are great snares,
ibid.
Those are generally most proud of Riches or Grandeur, who were not born to either, iv. 55. [246].
Success in projects is every-thing. Those schemes will appear foolish, even to the contriver of them, which are frustrated and render'd abortive, v. 163. [vi. 66].
Prosperity and independence are much to be coveted, as they give force to the counsels of a friendly heart, v. 230. [vi. 138].
People may be too rich to be either considerate or contented, vi. 394. [vii. 326].
A life of Prosperity is dangerous, in that it affords not the trials which are necessary to wean a person from a world that such will find too alluring, vii. 104. [viii. 23].
Providence.
WHAT have we to do, but to chuse what is right, to be steady in the pursuit of it, and leave the issue to Providence? i. 123. [128].
It is more just to arraign ourselves, or our friends, than Providence, iii. 274. [iv. 60].
The ways of Providence are unsearchable, vii. 110. [viii. 29].
Various are the means made use of by Providence to bring sinners to a sense of their duty,
ibid.
Some are drawn by love, others are driven by terrois, to that divine refuge,
ibid.
See
Insolence. Pride.
Prudence. Wisdom. Discretion.
THE trials of the Prudent are generally proportioned to their Prudence, i. 3. [3].
Prudent persons will not put themselves in the power of a servant's tongue, i. 84. [88].
Prudence will oblige a woman to forbear complaining, or making an appeal, against her husband, i. 199. [207].
Deeds, not words, will be the only evidence to a prudent person of a good intention, i. 378. ii. 80. [ii. 70. 170].
A prudent woman, who is addressed by a man of suspected virtue, tho' hopeful of the
best,
will always, in doubtful points, be fearful of the
worst,
ii. 382. [iii. 115].
We are often fatally convinced of the vanity of
mere
human Prudence, iii. 274. [iv. 60].
A prudent and good person, who has been a little misled, will do all in her power to recover, as soon as possible, her lost path, iii. 275. [iv. 61].
To avoid the supposed disgrace of retractation, a prudent person will be backward to give her opinion in company of persons noted for their superior talents, iii. 276. [iv. 62].
A wise woman, despising the imputation of prudery on one hand, and coquetry on the other, will form her conduct according to what her own heart tells her of the
fit
and
unfit;
and look upon the opinion of the world as matter only of secondary consideration, iii. 312. [iv. 97].
Prudent persons will not need to be convinced, by their
own
misfortunes, of the truth of what common experience daily demonstrates, vi. 158. [vii. 74].
Difficult situations are the tests of Prudence and Virtue, vi. 191. [vii. 110].
It is a happy art to know when one has said enough, vii. 289. [viii. 215, 216].
Prudent persons will always leave their hearers wishing them to say more, rather than to give them cause to shew, by their inattention and uneasiness, that they have said too much, vii. 290. [viii. 216].
See
Advice
to Women.
Goodness. Generosity. Merit. Virtue.
Purity.
PURITY of manners is the distinguishing characteristic of women, iii. 198. [332].
Women who simper or smile, when they should resent the culpable freedom of speech in a bold man, render questionable the Purity of their hearts,
ibid.
Words are the body and dress of thought, iii. 199. [332].
A pure mind ought not to wish a connexion with one impure, iii. 244. [iv. 31].
See
Goodness. Religion. Virtue.
R.
Rapes.
THE Violation of a woman is a crime that a man can never atone for; especially when it is the occasion of destroying good habits, and corrupting the whole heart, v. 101. [352].
The
smallest
concession made by a woman, resenting an Outrage actually made upon her honour, is as much to the purpose of the Violator as the
greatest,
v. 173. [vi. 77].
The woman who, from Modesty, declines prosecuteing a brutal Ravisher, and has his life in her hands, is answerable for all the mischiefs he may do in future, v. 273. [vi. 183].
Will it not be surmised, that such a woman is apprehensive that some weakness will appear against herself, if she brought the man to a trial for his life?
ibid.
See Mrs. Howe's further arguments on this head, Vol.
v.
p.
273, 274. [vi.
p.
183, 184].
And also Dr. Lewen's, Vol.
vi.
p.
283-286. [vii.
p.
208-221].
And Clarissa's Answers, Vol.
v.
p.
277.
and Vol.
vi.
p.
287-290. [vi.
p.
188.
and Vol.
vii.
p.
212-215].
Indignities cannot be properly pardoned till we have it in our power to punish them, vi. 285. [vii. 210].
Injuries that are not resented, or honourably complained of, will not be believed properly to affect us,
ibid.
No truth is immodest, that is to be utter'd in the vindicated cause of innocence and chastity,
ibid.
Little, very little difference is there between a suppressed evidence and a false one,
ibid.
See
Libertine.
Reflections
on Women.
Designed principally to incite Caution, and inspire Prudence,
&c.
by letting them know what Libertines and free Speakers say and think of the Sex.
FOR women to
do
and to
love
what they should not, is,
according to old Ant. Harlowe,
meat, drink, and vesture to them, i. 211. [219].
The uselessness and expensiveness of modern women multiply Bachelors, i. 212. [220].
There is a tragedy-pride in the hearts of young women, that will make them risque every-thing to excite pity,
James Harlowe,
i. 253. [263].
Young creatures are often fond of a lover-like distress,
Ja. Harl. ibid.
Women-cowards love men of spirit, and delight in subjects of false heroism,
Miss Howe,
i. 318. [ii. 9].
Women,
according to Miss Howe
[
some only she must mean
] are mere babies in matrimony; perverse fools, when too much indulged and humour'd; creeping slaves, when treated with harshness, i. 325. [ii. 16].
Women love to trade in surprises, i. 328. [ii. 20].
The man who can be sure of his wife's complaisance, tho' he has not her love, will be more happy than nine parts in ten of his married acquaintance,
says Solmes,
i. 371. [ii. 62].
If love and fear must be separated in matrimony, the man who makes himself feared, fares best,
Solmes,
i. 371.
See also
i. 270. [ii. 63.
See also
i. 280].
Women always prefer blustering men: They only wish to direct the bluster, and make it roar when and at whom they please,
Miss Howe,
ii. 37. [129].
Women, when they favour, will make the slightest, and even but a
fansy'd
merit, excuse the most glaring vice, ii. 51. [142].
Women who have the rougher manners of men, may be said to have the souls of men in the bodies of women, ii. 114. [201, 202].
Women love to engage in knight-errantry themselves, as well as to encourage it in men, ii. 155. [242].
A Rake,
says Lovelace,
has no reason to be a hypocrite, when he has found his views better answered by his being known to be a Rake, ii. 318. iii. 185. [iii. 56. 320].
How greedily do the Sex swallow praise!
Lovel.
ii. 353. [iii. 61].
Lovelace calls upon the Female Sex to account for the preference given by many
modest
women, as they are accounted, to a
Rake,
when the most
impudent
of Rakes,
says he,
love
modesty
in a
woman,
ii. 372. [iii. 106].
It concerns every woman,
instructively says Lovelace,
to prove by her actions, that this preference is not owing to a
likeness
in
nature, ibid.
There is,
Lovelace says,
such a perverseness in the Sex, that when they ask your advice, they do it only to know your opinion, that they may oppose it, ii. 387. iii. 23. [iii. 120. 167].
Women,
says Lovelace,
love to be called cruel, even when they are kindest, iii. 24. [168].
The best of the Sex,
says Lovelace,
wish to have the credit of reforming a Rake; and so draw themselves in with a very little of our help, iii. 185. [320].
Rakes and Libertines are the men,
Miss Howe says,
that women do not naturally dislike, iii. 329 [iv. 113].
Opposition and contradiction give vigour to female spirit of a warm and romantic turn, iii. 399. [iv. 183].
Women love Rakes,
says Lovelace,
because Rakes know how to direct their uncertain wills, and to manage them, iv. 57. [249].
Nothing on earth is so perverse as a woman, when she is set upon carrying a point, and has a meek man, or one who loves his peace, to deal with,
Lovel.
iv. 137. [335].
Had I found that a character for virtue had been generally necessary to recommend me to the Sex, I would,
says Lovelace,
have had a greater regard to my morals than I have had, iv. 162. [361].
When you would have a woman report a piece of intelligence,
says Lovelace,
you must enjoin her to keep it as a secret, iv. 248. [v. 80].
Women love to have their Sex, and their favours, appear of importance to men,
Lovel.
iv. 275. [v. 109].
Most of the fair Romancers have, in their early womanhood, chosen Love names,
says Lovelace,
iv. 276. [v. 110].
Many a sweet dear,
adds he,
has answered me a Letter, for the sake of owning a name which her godmother never gave her,
ibid.
An innocent woman,
Lovelace says,
who has been little in the world, knows not what strange stories every woman living, who has had the least independence of will, could tell her, iv. 283. [v. 117].
The whole Sex love plotting, and plotters too,
says Lovelace,
iv. 285. [v. 120].
Women like not novices,
Lovel.
iv. 302. [v. 137].
They are pleased with a love of the Sex that is founded in the
knowlege
of it—Reason good—
He proceeds to give the reasons in the same style, very little to the credit of the Sex,
iv. 302, 303. [v. 137, 138].
Women are the greatest triflers in the creation,
rudely says Lovelace,
yet fansy themselves the most important beings in it! iv. 331. [v. 168].
These tender doves,
says Lovelace, speaking of young Ladies,
know not, till put to it, what they can bear, especially when engag'd in love affairs, iv. 333. [v. 170]
The Sex love busy scenes,
Lovel. ibid.
A woman will create a storm, rather than be without one,
Lovel. ibid.
Most unhappy is the woman, who is obliged to live in tumults, which she neither raised, nor can controul,
ibid.
Women are used to cry without grief, and to laugh without reason,
Lovel.
iv. 339. [v. 176].
Any
woman,
says Lovelace,
could I make good; because I could make her
fear
me, as well as
love
me, iv. 381. [v. 220, 221].
All women are born to intrigue, and practise it more or less,
Lovel.
iv. 404. [v. 244].
In love affairs women are naturally expert, and much more quick-witted than men,
Lovel. ibid.
Friendship in women, when a man comes in between the pair of friends, is given up, like their music, and other maidenly amusements,
Lovel.
v. 8. [254].
The mother who would wish her daughter to have one man, would sometimes better succeed, if she proposed another,
Lovel.
v. 9. [254, 255].
It is a common fault of the Sex,
according to Lovelace,
to aim at being young too long, v. 32. [279].
Secrets of love, and secrets of intrigue,
Lovelace says,
are the strongest cements of womens friendships, v. 69. [318].
All women,
says Lovelace,
are cowards at heart: They are only violent where they may, v. 178. [vi. 83].
Women,
says Lovelace,
love those best (whether men, women, or children) who give them most pain, v. 363. [vi. 281].
Girls who are never out of temper but
with
reason, when that is given them, hardly ever pardon, or afford another opportunity of offending,
Lovel.
v. 392. [vi. 311].
Vestals,
says Lovelace,
have been often warmed by their own fires, vi. 9. [337].
Revenge and obstinacy will make the best of women do very unaccountable things,
Lovel.
vi. 11. [339].
Women, rather than not put out both the eyes of a man they are mortally offended with, will put out one of their own,
Lovel. ibid.
Vile men owe much of their vileness even to women of character, who hardly ever scruple to accompany and converse with them, tho' they have been guilty of ever so much baseness to others, vi. 82. [414, 415].
Women being generally modest and bashful themselves, are too apt to consider that quality in the men, which is their own principal grace, as a defect; and
finely
do they judge, when they think of supplying that defect by chusing a man that cannot be ashamed, vi. 83. [415].
Ladies,
Lovelace hints,
often give denials, only to be persuaded to comply, in order to reconcile themselves to themselves, vi. 97. [vii. 10].
No woman is homely in her own opinion, vi. 219. [vii. 140].
See
Advice
to Women.
Courtship. Love. Libertine. Marriage. Men
and Women.
Reformation. Conviction. Conversion.
A MAN can hardly be expected to reform, who resolves not to quit the evil company he has been accustomed to delight in, i. 226. [234].
Pretences to instantaneous Convictions are to be suspected, i. 236. [245].
Conviction is half way to amendment, i. 260. [270].
To reform by an enemy's malevolence, is the noblest revenge in the world, i. 265. [275].
Very few Convictions arise from vehement debatings, i. 384. [ii. 75].
The first step to Reformation is to subdue sudden gusts of passion, and to be patient under disappointment, ii. 27. [120].
The most abandon'd of Libertines generally mean one day to reform, ii. 378. [iii. 111, 112].
Should they not therefore, even as Libertines, resolve against atrocious guilt, were it but to make their future compunction less pungent?
]
Reformation cannot be a sudden work, ii. 378. 391. [iii. 112. 124].
There is more hope of the Reformation of a man of sense, than of a fool, ii. 393.
See also
i. 262. [iii. 126.
See also
i. 272].
But this is a delusive hope, and has been the cause of great mischief; for who thinks not the man she loves a man of sense? The observations that follow are nearer the truth, and deserve to be well considered.
A man who errs with his eyes open, and against Conviction, is the worse for what he knows, iii. 6. [151].
The man of parts and abilities, who engages in a baseness, knowing it to be so, is less likely to be reclaimed, than one who errs from want of knowlege, or due Conviction, v. 218. [vi. 125].
Women think, that the reclaiming of a man from bad habits,
as Lovelace himself observes,
is a much easier task than in the nature of things it can be, v. 299. [vi. 211].
For Mr. Belford's scheme of Reformation see Vol.
vii. 215
to
218. [viii.
p.
138-141].
Little hope can there be of reclaiming a man, who is vile from premeditation, vi. 46. [376].
To what a bad choice is many a worthy woman betray'd, by that false and inconsiderate notion, raised and propagated no doubt by the author of all delusion,
That a reformed Rake makes the best Husband!
Belf. vii. 141. [viii. 61].
Little do innocents think what a total revolution of manners, what a change of fixed habits, nay, what a conquest of a bad nature, and what a portion of divine grace, is required to make a profligate man a good husband, a worthy father, and a true friend, from PRINCIPLE, vii. 142. [viii. 62].
It is a high degree of presumption for a woman to suppose her own virtue so secure, as that she may marry a profligate in hopes to reclaim him, vii. 202. [viii. 125].
The sincerity of that man's Reformation is hardly to be doubted, who can patiently bear being reminded of his past follies, and when he can occasionally express an abhorrence of them, vii. 251. [viii. 175].
See
Goodness. Religion. Repentance.
Relations.
To borrow of Relations, is to subject one's self to an inquisition into one's life and actions,
Lovel.
ii. 389. [iii. 122].
Religion. Piety. Devotion. Sabbath.
A GOOD man will not easily be put out of countenance [
by scoffers
], when the cause of Virtue and Religion is to be vindicated, i. 327. [ii. 18].
There are men who think themselves too
wise
to be religious, ii. 108. [196].
There is something beautifully solemn in Devotion,
says even Lovelace,
iii. 189. [324].
The Sabbath,
says he,
is a most excellent institution to keep the heart right,
ibid.
It is a fine sight,
adds he,
to see multitudes of wellappearing people all joining in one reverent act! an exercise how worthy of a rational being!
ibid.
If, as religion teaches us, we shall be judged, in a great measure, by our benevolent or evil actions to one another, what must be the condemnation of those who have wilfully perpetrated acts of the most atrocious violence upon their innocent fellow-creatures? iv. 58. [v. 306].
Libertines are generally for making a Religion to their practices;
a wickedness which nevertheless Lovelace disclaims,
v. 310. [vi. 223].
Religion will teach us to bear inevitable evils with patience, v. 390. [vi. 309].
Altho' I wish not for life,
says Clarissa,
yet would I not, like a poor coward, desert my
post,
when I can maintain it, and when it is my duty to maintain it, vi. 48. [377, 378].
I will do every thing I can,
continues she,
to preserve my life, till God, in mercy to me, shall be pleased to call for it, vi. 48. [378].
Religious considerations, timely enforced, will prevent the heart from being seized with violent and fatal grief, vi. 49. [379].
Disappointments may bring on an indifference to this life; but a truly pious resignation to death requires a better and deeper root, vi. 55. [385].
Enthusiasts often depreciate the Scriptures they mean to extol, by abused and indiscriminate applications, vi. 95. [vii. 7].
Even a Lovelace disclaims, as ill manners, jesting upon religion, or religious men, vi. 97. [vii. 10].
A person of innate piety cannot think of shortening her own life (whatever her calamities may be) even by
neglect,
much less by
violence,
vi. 102. [vii. 14].
Our best prayer in affliction in doubtful or critical situations, is, That God's will may be done, and that we may be resigned to it, vi. 116. [vii. 30].
Religion is the only refuge of a heart labouring under heavy and unmerited calamities, vi. 175. [vii. 93].
Religion enjoins us not only to forgive injuries, but to return good for evil; and Clarissa blesses God for enabling her to obey its dictates, vi. 180. [vii. 98].
Persons of Piety cannot permit resentment, passion, or anger, to appear, or have place, in the last disposition of their secular affairs, vi. 403. [vii. 335].
God will have no rivals in the hearts which he sanctifies, vii. 31. [371].
Persons of Education and Piety will distinguish themselves as such, even in their anger, vii. 101. [viii. 19].
It is a great mistake to imagine, that Piety is not entirely consistent with good nature and good manners, vii. 263. [viii. 188].
Religion, if it has taken proper hold of the heart, is,
says Lovelace,
the most chearful countenance-maker in the world,
ibid.
Sourness and moroseness indicate but a noviceship in Piety or Goodness,
Lovel. ibid.
See
Goodness. Virtue.
Remorse.
THE troubles of the injured are generally at an end, when the injury is committed; but when the punishment of the injurer will be over, who can tell!
Lovel.
v. 90. [343, 344].
How often,
says Lovelace,
do we end in occasions for the deepest Remorse, what we began in wantonness! v. 100. [351].
The Remorse that is brought on merely by disappointment cannot be lasting, v. 173. [vi. 77].
Nothing,
says Lovelace,
but the excruciating pangs which the condemned soul feels at its entrance into the eternity of the torments we are taught to fear, can exceed what I now feel, and have felt for this week past, vii. 35. [375].
What a dreadful thing is after-reflexion upon a perverse and unnatural conduct, vii. 148. [viii. 68].
Heavy must be the reflexions of those, who, on the loss of a worthy friend, have acts of unmerited kindness to that friend to reproach themselves with, vii. 168. [viii. 89].
Repentance. Contrition.
WHAT is it that men propose, who put off Repentance and Amendment, but to live to
sense,
as long as sense can relish, and to reform when they can sin no longer? iii. 107. [246].
That Contrition for a guilt, under which the guilty, till detected, was easy, is generally to be ascribed to the detection, and not to a due sense of the heinousness of the guilt, v. 155. [vi. 58].
Repentance, I have a notion,
says Lovelace,
should be set about while a man is is good health and spirits, v. 396. [vi. 315].
What is a man fit for [
not a new work, surely!
] when he is not himself, nor master of his faculties?
Lovel. ibid.
Hence, as I apprehend, it is, that a death-bed repentance is supposed to be such a precarious and ineffectual thing,
Lovel. ibid.
As to myself,
proceeds he,
I hope I have a great deal of time before me, since I intend
one day
to be a reformed man, v. 396. [vi. 316].
Lovelace lived not to repent!
I have very serious reflexions now and then; yet am I afraid of what I was once told, that a man cannot repent when he will—Not to hold it, I suppose is meant—I have repented by fits and starts a thousand times,
Lovel.
v. 396. [vi. 316].
Laugh at me, if thou wilt,
says Belford,
but never, never more will I take the liberties I have done; but, whenever I am tempted, think of Belton's dying agonies, and what my own may be, vi. 268. [vii. 192].
The most hopeful time for Repentance is when the health is sound, when the intellects are untouched, and while it is in a person's power to make some reparation to the injured or misled, vi. 270.
See also
ii. 380. [vii. 194.
See also
iii. 114].
Reparation should always follow Repentance, vi. 336. [vii. 263].
That Repentance for a wrong step, which precedes the suffering that follows it, must generally be wellgrounded and happy, vii. 109. [viii. 28].
Repentance, to such as have lived only carelesly, and in the omission of their regular duties, is not so easy a task, nor so much in their power, as some imagine, vii. 202.
See also
v. 100. [viii. 124.
See also
v. 351].
No false colouring, no glosses, does a truly penitent man aim at, vii. 225. [viii. 148].
See
Remorse. Religion.
Reprehension. Reproof. Correction.
THE Reproof that savours more of the cautioning friend, than of the satirizing observer, always calls for gratitude, i. 249. [258].
Reproofs, to be efficacious, should be mild, gentle, and unreproaching, ii. 354. [iii. 89].
How much more eligible is it to be corrected by a real friend, than by continuing either blind or wilful, to expose one's self to the censure of an envious and perhaps malignant world? iii. 64. [206].
The correction that is unseasonably given, is more likely to harden, or to make an hypocrite, than to reclaim, iii. 101. [240, 241].
A bad man reprehends a bad man with a very ill grace, iv. 160. v. 136. [iv. 359. vi. 38].
Persons reprehending others should take care that, altho' they may not be guilty of the faults they condemn, they are not guilty of others as great, iv. 162. [361].
The benevolence of our purpose should be very apparently seen in all our Reprehensions, vii. 282. [viii. 207].
See
Censure.
Reputation.
THE man who is careless of his Reputation, must be so either from an abandoned nature, or from a consciousness that he deserves not the world's good opinion, i. 67. [69].
It is just that a man should bear to be evil-spoken of who sets no value upon his Reputation, i. 240. [249].
The man who has been always chary of his Reputation, has an excellent security to give to a woman for his good behaviour to her, iii. 247. [iv. 34].
See
Men
and Women.
Resentment.
PERSONS who have carried their Resentments too high, are not easily brought to retract or forgive, i. 26. [27].
If an injury be not wilfully done, or avow'd to be so, there can be no room for lasting Resentment, i. 368. [ii. 60].
The man who would resent as the highest indignity the imputation of a wilful falshood, ought surely to be above the guilt of one, i. 389. [ii. 80].
The presence even of a disliked person takes off the edge of Resentments, which absence frequently whets and makes keen, ii. 13. [107].
Women who, when treated with indecency, have nothing to reproach themselves with, may properly resent, v. 306. [vi. 219].
Resentment and revenge ought ever to be separated, v. 370. [vi. 288].
That Resentment which is express'd with calmness, and without passion, is most likely to last, vi. 21. [349].
Passion refuses the aid of expression sometimes, where the Resentment
prima facie
declares expression to be needless, vii. 236. [viii. 161].
See
Anger. Passion. Revenge.
Respect. Reverence.
PERSONS who deserve Respect will meet with it, without needing to require it, i. 186. [193].
Persons who would exact Respect by an haughty behaviour, give a proof that they mistrust their own merit; and seem to confess that they
know
their actions will not attract it, i. 186. [193].
Familiarity destroys Reverence; but not with the prudent, the grateful, and the generous, ii. 73. [163].
Persons in years expect the Reverence due to their years; yet many of them (having not merit) are ashamed of the years which can only intitle them to Reverence. ii. 86. [176].
A studied Respectfulness or complaisance, is always to be suspected, iii. 152. 161. v. 179.
See also
ii. 285. [iii. 289. 297. vi. 84.
See also
iii. 24].
Even a wicked man will revere a woman that will withstand his lewd attempts, iv. 362. [v. 200].
It shall ever be a rule with me,
says Miss Howe,
that he that does not regard a woman with some degree of Reverence, will look upon her, and sometimes treat her, with contempt, vi. 83. [416].
See
Advice
to Women.
Courtship. Love. Men
and Women.
Revenge.
REVENGE grafted upon disappointed love, is generally the most violent of all our passions, i. 84. [88].
The highest Revenge a low female spirit can take, is to prevent her rival's having the man she loves, and procuring her to be obliged to marry the man she hates, i. 85. [88, 89].
Even the ties of relationship, in such a case, lose all their force, i. 85. [89].
Revenge will not wipe off guilt, i. 265. [275].
What Revenge can be more effectual and more noble, than a generous and well distinguished forgiveness? vii. 195. [viii. 116].
See
Resentment.
S.
Satire.
TRUE Satire must be founded in good nature, and directed by a right heart, ii. 55. [146].
When Satire is personal, and aims to expose rather than to amend the subject of it; how, tho' it were to be
just,
can it be useful? ii 55. v. 228. [ii. 146. vi. 135].
Friendly Satire may be compared to a fine lancet, which gently breathes a vein for health sake; the malevolent Satire to a broad sword which lets, into the gashes it makes, the air of public ridicule, ii. 55. [146].
See
Anger. Passion. Resentment.
Secrets. Curiosity.
NOTHING flies faster than a whisper'd scandal, iv. 205. [v. 35].
Listeners are generally conscious of demerit, iv. 282. [v. 116].
It becomes not a modest man to pry into those secrets which a modest man cannot reveal, iv. 307. [v. 142].
People who mean well, need not affect Secrets, iv. 334. [v. 171].
Few people who are fond of prying into the Secrets of others, are fit to be trusted, iv. 362. [v. 200].
Over-curious people will whisper a Secret about, till it becomes public, in the pride of shewing either their consequence or sagacity,
ibid.
Health and spirits (
but not discretion or decency
) allow busy people to look out of themselves into the affairs of others, v. 291. [vi. 202].
Secrets to the prejudice of the innocent ought not to be kept, v. 379, 380. 383. [vi. 298. 301].
There may be occasions, where a breach of confidence is more excuseable than to keep the Secret,
Lovelace,
vii. 226.
See also
Vol. V. p. 379, 383. [viii. 150.
See also
vi. 298. 301].
I believe I should have kill'd thee at the time if I could,
says Lovelace to Belford,
hadst thou betray'd me to my fair-one: But I am sure
now
that I would have thank'd thee for preventing my baseness to her, and thought thee more a father and a friend than my real father and best friend, vii. 227. [viii. 150].
See
Observations General.
Self. Self-Interest. Selfishness.
WHAT is the narrow Selfishness that reigns in us, but relationship remember'd against relationship forgot? i. 44. [46].
Self-Interest and Ambition too often cut asunder the bonds of relationly love, i. 81. [84].
It is in the power of the slightest accident to blow up and destroy the long-reaching views of the Selfish, i. 81. [84].
A man's own interest or convenience is a poor plea, if there be no better, on which to found expectations of favour from another, i. 207. [215].
The address which is persisted in against the undoubted inclination of the beloved object, is too selfish to be encouraged, i. 219. [227].
What a low selfish creature must that child be, who is to be rein'd-in only by the hope of what a parent can, or will do for her! i. 379. [271].
The selfish heart never wants an excuse for not doing the
good
it has no inclination to do, ii. 153. [239].
It is very low and selfish to form our judgments of the general merits of others, as they are kind or reserved to ourselves, ii. 211. [295].
There must be great Selfishness and meanness in the love of a man, who can wish a young creature to sacrifice her duty and conscience to oblige him, ii. 270. iii. 63. [iii. 10. 205].
The man who has no other plea for a woman's favour but that of his loving her, builds only on a compliment made to her Self-Love by his Selfishness, iii. 100. [239].
To serve ones-self, and punish a villain at the same time, is serving both public and private,
Lovel.
iii. 257. [iv. 44].
Self-love will most probably give those who advise with us on their most intimate concerns, an interest in our hearts whether they deserve it or not, iii. 356. [iv. 140].
Self is a grand misleader, iv. 9. [197].
Those men, or even that body of men, who prefer their private interest to the public, are unworthy members of society, v. 25. [272].
Self is an odious devil, that reconciles to some people the most cruel and dishonest actions, vi. 64. [395].
See
Covetousness. Partiality.
Sensuality.
THE less of soul there is in man or woman, the more sensual are they, iv. 149. [348].
Love gratified is love satisfied, and love satisfied is indifference begun,
Belford,
iv. 149, 150. [348].
This deified passion in its greatest altitude is not fitted to stand the day, iv. 150. [348].
Shall such a sneaking passion as sensual love be permitted to debase the noblest!
ibid.
See
Love. Lovers.
Sickness. Infirmities.
GREAT allowances ought to be made for the petulance of persons labouring under ill-health, i. 173, 174. [180].
When peoples minds are weakened by a sense of their own infirmities, they will be moved on the slightest occasions, v. 304. [vi. 217].
A sick person, tho' hopeless of recovery, should try every means that is properly prescribed to her, for the satisfaction of her friends, both present and absent, v. 385, 386. [303. 305].
Sickness palls every appetite, and makes us loath what we once loved, vi. 30. [359].
When Sickness comes, free livers look round them, and upon one another, like frighted birds at the sight of a Kite just ready to souse upon them, vi. 59. [389].
Sickness enervates the mind as well as the body, vi. 257. [vii. 179].
A long tedious Sickness,
says Lovelace,
will make a bugbear of any thing to a languishing heart, vi. 258. [vii. 181].
An active mind, tho' clouded by bodily illness, cannot be idle, vi. 308. [vii. 235].
Travelling is undoubtedly the best physic for all those disorders which owe their rise to grief or disappointment, vii. 20. [359].
See
Adversity. Health. Physic. Repentance. Vapours.
Suspicion. Doubt. Jealousy.
A PERSON who labours hard to clear herself of a fault she is not charged with, renders herself suspectable, i. 115. [123, 124].
Persons who have been dipt in love themselves, are the readiest to suspect others, i. 249. ii. 352. [ii. 257. iii. 87].
Suspicion, Watchfulness, Scolding,
Miss Howe says,
will not prevent a daughter's writing, or doing any thing she has a mind to do, ii. 303. [iii. 41].
When we doubt of a person's sincerity, we should observe whether his aspect and his words agree, ii. 377. [iii. 111].
Where Doubts of any person are removed, a mind not ungenerous, will endeavour to make the suspected person double amends, iii. 170. [306].
Jealousy in a woman is not to be concealed from woman, if both are present, and in love with the same man, iii. 173. [309].
Constitutional
Jealousy preys not on the health, iii. 261. [iv. 48].
Jealousy in a woman accounts for a thousand seemingly unaccountable actions,
Lovel.
iv. 265. [v. 98].
See
Apprehension. Love. Parents
and Children.
T.
Tears.
BEAUTY in Tears, is beauty heighten'd, iv. 190. [v. 19].
Anatomists,
says the hard-hearted Lovelace,
will allow that women have more watry heads than men, v. 129. [vi. 31].
Nothing dries sooner than Tears,
Lovel.
v. 349. [vi. 265].
The man is to be honour'd who can weep for the distresses of others; and can such a one be insensible to his own? vi. 237, 238. [vii. 159, 160].
Tears ease the overcharged heart, which, but for that kindly and natural relief, would burst, vi. 238. [vii. 160].
Tears are the prerogative of the human creature,
ibid.
It cannot be a weakness to be touch'd at great and concerning events, in which our humanity is concern'd,
ibid.
See
Beauty. Cruelty. Eyes. Heart.
Theory.
KNOWLEGE by Theory, is a vague uncertain light, which as often misleads the doubting mind, as puts it right, iv. 281. [v. 115].
The knowlege that is obtained by Theory without experience, generally fails the person who trusts to it, v. 67. [317].
Theory and practice must be the same thing with a truly worthy person, vi. 109. [vii. 22].
Thoughtfulness. Sensibility.
A THOUGHTFUL mind is not a blessing to be coveted, unless it has such a happy vivacity join'd with it as may enable a person to enjoy the present, without being overanxious about the future, ii. 92. [181].
A thoughtful woman who has given her lover an undue power over her, will be apt to behold him with fear, and look upon herself with contempt, ii. 268. [iii. 25].
The difference which such a one will find in the looks and behaviour of her lover, will very soon convince her of her error,
ibid.
The finer Sensibilities make not happy, iii. 116. [254].
Some people are as sensible of a scratch from a pin, as others are from a push of the sword, vi. 257. [vii. 180]. [
See
Heart.
Tyranny.
IT is an high act of tyranny, to insist upon obedience to an unreasonable command, iii. 50. [193].
Tyranny in
all shapes
is odious; but
Fathers
and
Mothers
who are Tyrants can have no bowels, iii. 284. [iv. 71].
The woman who beforehand behaves to a man with Tyranny, will make a poor figure in a man's eyes afterwards,
Mrs. Howe,
iii. 387. [iv. 171].
Call Tyranny an ungenerous pleasure, if thou wilt,
says Lovelace,
softer hearts than mine have known it. Women to a woman know it, and
shew
it too, whenever they are trusted with power, iv. 281. [v. 115].
See
Husband
and Wife.
Parents
and Children.
Reflexions
on Women.
V.
Vanity. Conceit. Affectation.
A VAIN man will be apt to construe to his advantage any
particularity
shewn him by a lady, mean by it what she will, i. 16. 18. [17. 19].
The person who is vain of
exterior
advantages, gives cause to doubt his
interior,
i. 186. 247. [193. 256].
The outside of a vain man generally runs away with him, i. 269. [278].
Some persons are not able to forego the ostentation of sagacity, tho' they sacrifice to it the tenderness due to friendship and charity, ii. 205. [289].
Men who have a Conceit of their own volubility, love to find ears to exert their talents upon, ii. 330. [iii. 66].
Men of parts may, perhaps, think they have a privilege to be vain; yet they have the least occasion of any to be so, since the world is ready to find them out and extol them, ii. 384. [iii. 117].
The man who is disposed immoderately to exalt himself, must despise every body else in proportion, iii. 42. [185].
Men vain of their learning and acquirements, parading with one another before the other Sex, may probably have women present, who, tho' sitting in smiling silence, may rather despise than admire them, iii. 202. [336].
The man who in conversation takes,
knowingly,
the wrong side of an argument, shews Vanity in the high compliment he pays to his own abilities, iii. 202. [336].
The man who wants to be thought wiser, or better, or abler, than he is, does but provoke a scrutiny into his pretensions, which seldom ends to his advantage, iii. 240. [iv. 28].
He that exalts himself insults his neighbours, who are then provoked to question even the merit which otherwise might have been allow'd to be his due,
ibid.
A too great consciousness of superiority often brings on contempt, iii. 274. [iv. 60].
Old bachelors, when they like a woman, frequently think they have nothing to do but to
persuade themselves
to marry, iii. 297. [iv. 83].
Affectation will make a woman seem not to understand indecent freedoms of speech in men; but modesty, if the freedoms are gross, will make her resent them, iv. 36. [224].
It is generally the conscious overfulness of Vanity or Conceit that makes the vain man most upon his guard to conceal his Vanity,
Lovel.
iv. 302. [v. 137].
Opinionative women are in danger, when they meet with a flatterer; who will magnify their wisdom in order to take advantage of their folly,
Lovel.
v. 67. [317].
Self-sufficiency makes a weak person the fittest of all others for the artful and designing to work upon, v. 282. [vi. 193].
An open-mouth'd Affectation to shew white teeth,
Lovelace considers
as an invitation to amorous familiarity, v. 289. [vi. 201].
The darkest and most contemptible ignorance, is that of not knowing one's self; and that all we have, and all we excel in, is the gift of God, vii. 272. [viii. 197].
See
Heart. Human
Nature.
Men
and Women.
Vapours.
VAPOURISH people are perpetual subjects for physicians to work upon,
Lovel.
iv. 35. [228].
Low-spirited people are the physical tribe's milch cows,
Lovel.
iv. 38. [228].
Vapourish people draw out fearful bills of indictment against themselves,
Lovel.
iv. 38. [228].
If persons of low spirits have not real unhappiness, they can make it even from the overflowings of their good fortune, iv. 311. vi. 407. [v. 147. vii. 339].
The mind will at any time run away with the body, vi. 66. [396].
The mind that busies itself to make the worst of every disagreeable occurrence, will never want woe, vi. 367. [vii. 297].
The distempers we make to ourselves, and which it is in our power to lessen, ought to be our punishment if we do not lessen them, vi. 407. [vii. 339].
See
Health. Physic.
Veracity. Truth.
THOSE persons have profited little by a long course of heavy afflictions, who will purchase their relief from them at the expence of their Veracity, iv. 106. [300].
It is presumed,
that no man ever ruined a woman but at the expence of his Veracity, iv. 159. [358].
A departure from truth was hardly ever known to be a
single
departure, iv. 267. [v. 100].
Were I to live a thousand years,
says Clarissa,
I would always suspect the Veracity of a swearer, v. 366. [vi. 284].
How glorious is it for a child to be able to say with Clarissa, that she never, to the best of her knowlege, told her mother a wilful untruth, vi. 160. [vii. 77].
I have never lyed to man,
says Lovelace,
and hardly ever said Truth to Woman; the first is what all free livers
cannot
say, the second, what every Rake
can,
vii. 212. [viii. 135].
See
Advice
to Women.
Courtship. Love. Lover. Vows.
Violent Spirits.
VEHEMENT and obstinate Spirits, by tiring out opposition, will make themselves of importance, i. 29. [31].
People who allow nothing, will be granted nothing, i. 57. [59].
Those who aim to carry too many points, will not be able to carry any,
ibid.
We are too apt to make allowances for such tempers as early indulgence has made uncontroulable, ii. 48. [140].
If a boisterous Spirit, when it is
under obligation,
is to be allowed for, what, were the tables to be turn'd, would it not expect?
ibid.
Too great allowances made for an impetuous Spirit, are neither happy for the person, nor for those who have to deal with him,
ibid.
Providence often makes hostile Spirits their own punishers, ii. 151. [238].
While a gentle Spirit will suffer from a base world, a violent one keeps imposition at distance, iii. 66. [208].
Imposing Spirits and froward Spirits have a great advantage over courteous ones, iii. 148. [284].
Violent Spirits provoked, will quarrel with the first they meet, iii. 210. 265. [iii. 342. iv. 51].
Violent Spirits want some great sickness or heavy misfortune to befal them, to bring them to a knowlege of themselves, vii. 18. [357].
The man who is violent in his resentments, when he thinks himself right, would oftener be so, but for that violence, vii. 108. [viii. 26].
He is guilty of great injustice, who is more apt to give contradiction than able to bear it, vii. 108. [viii. 27].
Impetuosity of temper generally brings on abasement,
ibid.
See
Anger. Insolence. Passion. Pride. Prosperity. Resentment. Revenge.
Virtue. Virtuous. Principle.
WHAT a mind must that be, which, tho' not virtuous itself, admires not virtue in another! i. 189. [197].
No woman can be lovely, that is not virtuous, ii. 66. [157].
If persons pretending to Principle, bear not their testimony against unprincipled actions, what check can they have? ii. 73. [163].
In a general corruption a stand must be made by somebody, or Virtue will be lost: And shall it not be
I,
will a worthy mind ask, who shall make this stand? ii. 75. [165].
Provocations and temptations are the test of Virtue, iii. 85. [ii. 350].
Honours next to divine, are due to a woman whose Virtue is superior to trial or temptation, ii. 353. [iii. 89].
Lively women seldom know the worth of a virtuous man, ii. 397. [iii. 130].
Sound Principles and a good heart, are the only bases on which the hopes of a happy future, with respect to both worlds, can be built, iii. 321. [iv. 106].
The Virtue of a woman tried, and approved, procures for her not only general respect, but a higher degree of love when proved, even from the tempter, v. 103. [vi. 67].
A virtuous woman will conquer her affection for a man who is capable of insulting her modesty, v. 192. [vi. 97].
What virtuous woman can submit to make that man her choice, whose actions were and ought to be her abhorrence? vi. 45. [375].
See
Generosity. Goodness. Innocence. Merit. Magnanimity. Modesty. Prudence. Purity.
Vivacity.
PERSONS of active spirits and a pleasurable turn, seldom take pains to improve themselves, i. 65. [67].
Lively talents are oftener snares than advantages, i. 186. [194].
That is a happy Vivacity which enables a person to enjoy the
present,
without being anxious about the
future,
ii. 92. [181].
Persons of Vivacity, do not always content themselves with saying what they think
may
be said; but, to shew, their penetration or sagacity, will indulge themselves in saying all that
can
be said on a subject, ii. 212. [295, 296].
It is difficult for persons of lively dispositions so to behave, as to avoid censure, v. 250. [vi. 159].
It is impossible to share the delights which very lively spirits give, without partaking of the inconveniencies that will attend their volatility, vi. 54. [384].
Vows. Curses. Oaths. Promises. Protestations.
A PROMISE ought not to preclude better consideration, ii. 215. [299].
What must be that man who would be angry at a woman, whom he hopes one day to call his wife, for dispensing with a rash Promise when she is convinced it was rash,
ibid.
The Vows of a maiden may be dispensed with by her Father when he hears them, Num xxx. 3, 4, 5.
ibid.
In like manner the Vows of a wife may be dispensed with by her husband,
ibid.
Could the Curser punish as he speaks, he would be a fiend, ii. 282. [iii. 21].
The Almighty gives not his assent to rash and inhuman Curses, iii. 122. [260].
To pray for those that curse us, is to perform a duty, and thereby to turn a Curse into a blessing, iii. 123. [261].
The man that is very ready to promise, is seldom equally ready to perform, iii. 150. [295].
It is a shame for grown persons to have frequent need to make promises of amendment, iii. 304. [iv. 90].
The most immaculate Virtue is not safe with a man who has no regard to his own honour, and makes a jest of the most solemn Vows and Protestations, iii. 332. [iv. 117].
One continued string of Oaths, Vows, and Protestations, varied only by time and place, fill the mouth of a libertine, v. 133. [vi. 35].
Men, who gain their dishonourable ends by perjuries, no less prophane and defy heaven, than deceive and injure their fellow-creatures, v. 267. [vi. 177].
The man who binds his Promises by Oaths, indirectly confesses that his word is not to be taken, v. 366.
See also
i. 378. [vi. 284.
See also
ii. 70].
Is it likely, that he who makes free with his God, will scruple any thing that may serve his turn with his fellow-creatures? v. 366. [vi. 284].
The assertions of a libertine, who is not allow'd to swear to what he avers, will lose their principal force,
Lovel.
vi. 95. [vii. 6].
Those men who are most ready to resent the Lye given them by a
man,
least scruple, generally, to break the most solemn Oath to a
woman,
vi. 340. 342. [vii. 268. 270].
See
Advice
to Women.
Courtship. Libertine. Love. Lover. Veracity.
W.
Widow.
IT is ill trusting to the discretion of a Widow, whose fortune is in her own hands, iii. 372. [iv. 157].
That Widow is far engaged, who will quarrel with her child for treating with freedom the man who courts herself, iii. 383. [iv. 167].
A Widow's refusal of a lover, is seldom so explicit as to exclude hope, iii. 386. [iv. 170].
The Widow who wants nothing but superfluities, is easily attracted by those gewgaws that are rare to be met with,
ibid.
Widows should be particularly careful, with whom they trust themselves at public entertainments and parties of pleasure, v. 67. [316, 317].
To be a Widow in the first twelve months is,
Lovelace says,
one of the greatest felicities that can happen to a fine woman, vi. 197. [vii. 117].
See
Reflexions
on Women.
Wills. Testators. Executors,
&c.
No testator, that can avoid it, should involve an Executor in a Law-suit, vi. 133. [vii. 48].
It ought to be a Testator's study, to make his Executors work as light as possible, vi. 280. vii. 187. [vii. 205. viii, 109].
Of all last Wills, those of monarchs are generally least regarded, vii. 194. [viii. 117].
Survivors cannot more charitably bestow their time, than in a faithful performance of an Executorship, vii. 175. [viii. 94].
This last act ought not to be the last in composition or making; but should be the result of cool deliberaand (as is more frequently than justly said) of a sound tion, mind and memory; which too seldom are to be met with but in sound health, vii. 175. 269. [viii. 96. 194].
When a Testator gives his reasons in his last Testament for what he wills, all cavils about words are obviated; the obliged are assured, and those enjoy the benefit for whom the benefit was intended, vii. 175. 248. [viii. 96. 172].
I have for some time past,
says Clarissa,
employ'd myself in putting down heads of my last Testament, which, as reasons offer'd, I have alter'd and added to; so that I never was absolutely destitute of a Will, had I been taken off ever so suddenly, vii. 175. [viii. 96].
The first reading of a Will, where a person dies worth any thing considerable, generally affords a true test of the relation's love to the deceased, vii. 195. [viii. 115].
What, but a fear of death (a fear, unworthy of a creature who knows that he must one day as surely die as he was born) can hinder any one from making his last Will while he is in health, vii. 248. [viii. 172].
Persons in making thier last Wills, should consider the
pleasure
as well as the
ease
of their Executors, and not put a generous man upon doing what would give him pain, vii. 268. [viii. 193].
Wit. Talents. Conversation.
THERE is no glory in being proud of Talents, for the abuse of which a man is answerable, and in the right use of which he can have no merit,
Lovel.
i. 191. [199].
Men who make a jest of sacred or divine institutions, would often forbear, if they did not think their Licentiousness
Wit,
ii. 107. [196].
Wit with gay men is one thing, with modest women another, iv. 146. [344].
That cannot be Wit, that puts a modest woman out of countenance, iv. 146. [345].
There is not so much Wit in wickedness, as Rakes are apt to imagine, iv. 147. [346].
The Wit of Libertines consists mostly in saying bold and shocking things, with such courage as shall make the modest blush, the impudent laugh, and the innocent stare, iv. 147.
See also
i. 260. [iv. 346.
See also
i. 269].
Men who affect to be thought witty, are apt to treat the most serious subjects with levity, vi. 4. [342].
Free-livers are apt to mistake wickedness for Wit, vi. 28. [357].
All the little nibblers in Wit, whose writings will not stand the test of criticism, make it a common cause to run down critics, vi. 100. [vii. 12].
Many things in conversation occasion a roar of applause, when the heart is open, and men are resolved to be merry, which will neither bear repeating nor thinking on afterwards,
Belf.
vii. 261. [viii. 186].
Common
things in the mouth of a man we admire, and whose Wit has pass'd upon us for sterling, become, in a gay hour,
uncommon,
ibid.
See
Imagination.
Writers.
THE inflaming descriptions of Poets and Romancewriters, often put a youthful mind upon the scent for an object to exert its fancy upon;
In other words
—Often create beauty, and place it where nobody else can find it, i. 190. [197, 198].
Romance-writers never forget to give their Heroine, a Cleanthe, a Violetta, a Clelia, or some such prettynamed confidante, an old nurse at least, to help her out at a dead lift, ii. 78. [168].
Unnatural similies, drawn by poetical lovers to illustrate beauty, rather depreciate than exalt it, ii. 289. [iii. 27].
A person may not be a bad critic, tho' not himself a very excellent Writer, iii. 59. [201].
Our poets,
Mr. Belford says,
hardly know how to create a distress without horror, murder; and suicide; and think they must shock your souls to bring tears from your eyes, vi. 204. [vii. 124].
Female words, tho' of uncertain derivation, have generally very significant meanings, vii. 67. [408, 409].
Early familiar Letter-writing is one of the greatest openers and improvers of the mind that man or woman can be employed in, vii. 243. [viii. 167].
It is to be lamented that many eminent Writers, who are capable of exalting virtue, and of putting vice out of countenance, throw away their time upon subjects merely speculative, disinteresting, and unedifying, vii. 288. [viii. 214].
The ingenious authors of pieces of a light or indecent turn, which have a tendency to corrupt the morals of youth, to convey polluted images, or to wound religion, are dishonest to their own talents, and ungrateful to the God who gave them those talents,
ibid.
Y.
Youth.
LITTLE inducement has an headstrong Youth to correct a temper which gives him consequence at home, i. 75. [78].
Young persons should be careful in giving advice to a young friend, in cases where passion and prudence are concerned, i. 392. [ii. 83].
Young persons, whose minds are not engaged by acts of kindness and condescension, will be put upon contrivances, ii. 59. [150].
Youth is the time of life for imagination or fancy to work in: A Writer therefore, who would wish to please a judicious eye, will lay by his works written at that time, till experience shall direct the fire to glow rather than blaze out, ii. 61. [152].
Youth not qualified to judge for itself, is often above advice, ii. 77. [167].
Young folks are sometimes very cunning in finding out contrivances to cheat themselves, ii. 229. iii. 120. [ii. 322. iii. 258].
It is a most improving exercise, as well with regard to style as to morals, to accustom ourselves early to write down every thing of moment that befalls us, iii. 60. [203].
There is not so much bravery in youthful choler as young men imagine, iv. 96. [290].
In company where there are strangers, it is right for young gentlemen, who would wish to be thought well of, to hear every one speak before they allow themselves to talk, vi. 100. [vii. 13].
See
Duty. Education. Learning. Wit. Writers.
A COLLECTION OF THE Moral
and
Instructive SENTIMENTS contained in the History of Sir
C. GRANDISON.
The Numerals, i, ii, iii, &c. denote the Volumes; the first Figures refer to the Octavo Edition; those inclosed thus [ ] to the First and subsequent Editions of the Twelves.
A.
Absence.
A BSENCE from the beloved object, is a cure for hasty love, vi. 224. [vii. 2
4]. And the rather, if the object be worthy, vi. 226. [vii. 226]. If unworthy, and the female be prudent, presence may sooner effect the cure, as he will by it, the more expose himself,
ibid.
Address
to Men of Sense in the gay World.
THE essence of friendship is the liberty to be mutually allowed of remonstrance, expostulation, advice, on occasions that may affect the temporal and eternal welfare of a friend, iii. 40. [200].
A prudent young man will benefit himself as much by the odiousness of vice in a profligate character, as by the beauty of goodness in a virtuous one, iii. 40. [200].
Self-diffidence is often a weakness in young men, which suffers them to be influenced by men of talents inferior to their own, iii. 41. [201].
A young man of natural good principles must have his judgment misled before he can allow himself in a deviation, iii. 42. [202].
But let him beware, since every faulty inclination has something to plead in its own behalf,
ibid.
Excuses are more than tacit confessions,
ibid.
The health of the mind, as of the body, is impaired by almost imperceptible degrees,
ibid.
An
honest
young man cannot allow himself in meditated injuries to his fellow creatures of either sex,
ibid.
This is the true meaning of every man's Address to the innocent creature he intends to ruin;
I love you, my dearest life, above all women: Confide therefore in my honour, that I may deliver you over to shame and disgrace in this life, and, as far as is in my power, to everlasting perdition, iii. 43. [203].
Who in the
least
guilty instance, and where some false virtue may hold out colours to palliate an excess, can promise himself to stop, when once he has thrown the reins on the neck of lawless appetite?
ibid.
A good-natured young man is not always in his own power. He too often suffers himself to be a led man,
ibid.
Would he choose his company anew, and be a leader, every virtue then that warms his heart, would have a sister virtue to encourage the noble flame, instead of a vice to damp it,
ibid.
Will a young man of condition sit down satisfied with the honour of his ancestors?
ibid.
Shall not he whose family has given him cause to boast of their honour, give them cause to boast of his?
ibid.
What right has a faulty man to declaim against the imperfections of women?
ibid.
Who that can glory in the virtue of his own sister, can allow himself in attempts upon the chastity of the sister, the daughter, of another? iii. 44. [204].
How can that crime be pardonable in a man, which renders a woman infamous?
ibid.
A generous man will have motives superior to the dread of human laws, to keep himself within the boundaries of his duty, iii. 45. [205].
The laws were not made so much for the direction of good men, as to circumscribe the bad,
ibid.
Would a man of honour wish to be considered as one of the latter, rather than as one of those who would have distinguished the fit from the unfit, had they
not
been discriminated by human sanctions?
ibid.
Men are to approve themselves at a higher tribunal, than that of men,
ibid.
Shall not public spirit, virtue, and a sense of duty, have as much influence on a manly heart, as a new face?
ibid.
How contemptibly low is that commerce in which
Mind
has no share!
ibid.
Virtuous love looks beyond this temporary scene,
ibid.
While guilty attachments usually find a much earlier period than that of human life,
ibid.
Inconstancy on the one side or on the other, seldom fails to put a disgraceful end to them?
ibid.
But were they to endure for life, what can the reflexions upon them do, towards the softening the agonies of the inevitable hour?
ibid.
Let it be remembred that man is a rational and immortal agent; and that it becomes him to act up to the dignity of his nature,
ibid.
Can sensual pleasure be the great end of an immortal spirit in this life?
ibid.
That pleasure cannot be lasting, and it must be followed by remorse, which is obtained either by doing injustice to, or degrading, a fellow-creature,
ibid.
And does not a woman, when she forfeits her honour, degrade herself, not only in the sight of the world, but even in the secret thoughts of a profligate lover, destroying her own consequence with him?
ibid.
Build not upon atonements: It is nobler not to offend, than to be obliged to atone, iii. 46. [206].
There are innocent delights enow to fill with joy every vacant hour of life,
ibid.
Goodness is the best cement of friendship,
ibid.
Were the examples set by men pursuing guilty attachments to be generally followed, what would become of public order and decorum? What of national honour?
ibid.
How will a regular succession in families be kept up? Shall the man who boasts of his own descent deprive his children of the like distinction?
ibid.
Good children are blessings to parents; but what comfort can a parent have in children born into the world heirs of disgrace?
ibid.
And who, owing their very being to profligate principles, have no family honour to support, no fair example to imitate,
ibid.
But must be warned by their father, when bitter experience has convinced him of his errors, to avoid the paths in which he has trodden?
ibid.
How delightful is the domestic connexion!—For a son or brother to bring to the paternal or fraternal dwelling, a sister, a daughter, that shall be received there with tender love!
ibid.
To strengthen a man's own interest in the world by alliance with some worthy family, who shall rejoice to trust him with the darling of their hopes!
ibid.
But can a man who lives a life of freedom, tho' but with one woman, think of introducing to the relations most near to him, the unhappy objects of a vagrant affection? iii. 47. [207].
Must not such men estrange themselves from their family, to conceal from their father, mother, sisters, brothers, children shut out by all the laws of honour from their society?
ibid.
The children so shut out, must hate the family to whose interests theirs are so contrary,
ibid.
What sincere union then, what sameness of affection, can there be between such a man, and the object of his passion?
ibid.
Does he flatter himself that his single example can be of no great importance? Of what, may it, in answer, be asked, is
general
practice made up? iii. 47. [207].
If every one were to offend in the instance most suited to his inclination, what a scene of horror would this world become!
ibid.
Affluence, and a gay disposition, tempt to libidinous pleasures. Penury, and a gloomy one, to robbery, revenge, murder,
ibid.
Not one enormity will be without its plea, if once the boundaries of duty are thrown down?
ibid.
But even in this universal depravity, his crime who robbed me of my child, from instigations of riot and licentiousness. and under the guise of love and trust, would be much worse than his who despoiled me of my substance, and had necessity to plead in extenuation of his guilt,
ibid.
There is such a sameness in the lives, the actions, the pursuits of avowed libertines; such a likeness in the accidents, punishments, and occasions for remorse, which attend them, that it is strange, they are not warned by the beacons lighted up by every brother libertine at the conclusion of his short story; but will be so generally driven on the same rock, overspread and surrounded as it is, in their very sight, by a thousand wrecks! v. 20. [291].
Did such know, what a variety there is in goodness and beneficence, they would certainly alter their notions of pleasure, and follow the example of those who are an honour to society,
ibid.
See
Extravagance. Good Man. Modesty. Libertines. Magnanimity. Seduction.
Adversity. Calamity. Misfortune. Disappointment.
CALAMITY, patiently supported, endears an innocent sufferer to the generous heart, i. 16. [
ibid
].
Poor and rich, wise and unwise, are links of the same great chain, i. 55. [
ibid
].
Calamity is necessary to wean our hearts from a too great love of this world, i. 279. [
ibid.
]
What an humbling thing is the consciousness of haveing lived faultily, when Calamity seizes the heart! ii. 105. [206].
An unhappy person of merit has a kind of right to the good offices of such of his friends as are less embarrassed, ii. 123. [224].
Perpetual summers would be a grievance, ii. 415. [iii. 159].
Happy is the man, who in distresses befalling himself, or friends, can acquit himself of the charge of having contributed to them, iii. 111. [271].
Undeserved or unforeseen Calamity, will endear a person tried with it, to a generous mind, more than prosperity, iii. 125. [285].
It is God-like to raise the dejected and humbled spirit, iii. 220. [iv. 6].
Misfortune will weave a band of love which will bind fellow-sufferers in one interest, iii. 230. [iv. 16].
In a heavy Calamity it is natural to look out of ourselves for the occasion of it, when perhaps we should look inward for it, iii. 294. [iv. 80].
The impatience of a person unhappy, claims the allowance of a considerate mind, iii. 294. [iv. 80].
It is a kind dispensation of Providence, that adversity, so painful in itself, should conduce so peculiarly as it does, to the improvement of the human mind, iii. 359. [iv. 145].
Disappointment has mortified me,
says Miss Byron,
and made me good-natured—I will welcome Adversity, if it enlarge my charity, iii. 385. [iv. 171].
What is grandeur to a disturbed heart? iii. 386. [iv. 172].
How much is that poor creature to be pitied, who, in Adversity, is too short-sighted to look forward to that only consolation which can weaken the force of worldly disappointments, iv. 171. [v. 42].
Adversity is the trial of principle: Without it, a man hardly knows whether he is an honest man, iv. 196. [v. 67].
Ill-news obliges us to look around us for consolation, iv. 233. [v. 104].
How little do we know of ourselves till the hour of trial comes! iv. 243. [v. 114].
The good man, who cannot be so happy as he wishes to be, will consider himself as in the hands of Providence, and not give himself up to unmanly despair, iv. 295. 306. [v. 166. 177].
It is difficult, at the instant of forfeiting some darling hope, to avoid impatience; which, however, can perhaps be justified only by self-partiality, iv. 312. [v. 183].
The man who behaves well in Adversity, must not, generally, be one, who by his own extravagance, has reduced himself from an affluence to which he was born, to a state of obligation and dependence, iv. 398. [v. 269].
A man in distress should convince his friends, from whom he expects relief, that the
just
man is not sunk in the man in Adversity, iv. 399. [v. 270].
An unhappy man will take care, that he ask favours only that
ought
to be granted,
ibid.
Happy is the man, whose pity for a desponding acquaintance, is unmixed with self-arraignment, v. 19. [290].
Since Calamity rightly supported, is a blessing, one would hardly wish a ruined person, who has by it been made sensible of his errors, to be
again
tempted by more than competence, v. 22. [293].
The consciousness of integrity, and a firm trust in Providence, will carry a person through the greatest difficulties, v. 235. [vi. 213].
What must be the heart that melts not at another's woe! v. 243. [vi. 221].
Soothing and indulgence sometimes add to our imbecility of mind, instead of strengthening our reason, v. 244. [vi. 222].
We sometimes want trials to make us support ourselves with
outward
fortitude at least, v. 244. [vi. 222].
The irrevocableness of an event will cure a disturbed mind, when nothing else can, v. 246. [vi. 224].
Happy the man, who when Calamity assails him, can say,
"This I have not brought upon myself. It is an inevitable evil. A Dispensation of Providence. I will submit to it as such,"
vi. 79. [vii. 79].
The nearest evil to persons in distress, seems the heaviest. To avoid that, they often fall into greater, vi. 281. [vii. 281].
See
Consolation. Grief.
Advice
and
Cautions
to Women.
MEN, were women to give them importance with them, would be generally greater infringers of their natural liberty, than the most severe parents, i. 13. [
ibid
].
New faces are more sought after at public places, than fine faces constantly seen, i. 17. [
ibid
].
Women should not in conversation make an ostentation of knowlege: But frankness and complaisance require, that when called upon, they should deliver their sentiments with freedom, i. 19. [
ibid
].
An ungenerous man will take consequence to himself for the distinction paid him by a lady, instead of being grateful to her for it in marriage, i. 20. [
ibid
].
Women have more to lose with regard to reputation, than men, i. 26. [
ibid
].
The Hyaena is both male and female. The male is the more dangerous, since he will come into the houses of women, fawn, cringe, lick their hands; while the den of the female is by the highway-side, and wretched youths must enter into it of their own accord, to put it into her power to devour them,
ibid.
The chief strength of men lies in the weakness of women,
ibid.
Women should not add to the triumph of those who make their weakness the general subject of their satire,
ibid.
If women guard against themselves, they may bid defiance to all the arts of man,
ibid.
Whose leavings are they, that a virtuous woman takes, who marries a profligate? i. 27. [
ibid
].
The only merit a rake can have with a worthy woman, is, that he holds out a warning to her against men of so bad a nature,
ibid.
A woman who, with her eyes open, marries a profligate man, generally, as to herself, defeats the good end of society, i. 28. [
ibid
].
What a presumptuous risque runs she, of her own principles, who marries a wicked man in hopes to reclaim him! i. 28. [
ibid
].
Evil communication corrupts good manners, a caution truly apostolical,
ibid.
The man is to be suspected, who, though not avowing free principles himself, seems to enjoy the mad talk of those who do, i. 29. [
ibid
].
Men who allow themselves in freedoms of speech before modest women, as it is presumed they
intend not
to affront them, must think modesty in the sex only a pretension,
ibid.
A woman of sense will not choose a man for his person only; and who wants the mind, to the direction of which she can submit, i. 37. [
ibid
].
A good woman who means to perform her marriage vow, will scruple to marry a man whose want of knowledge may make her stagger in the performance of her duty to him,
ibid.
And who would, perhaps, command from caprice or defect of understanding, what she would think unreasonable to be complied with,
ibid.
A worthy woman will find a pleasure in giving up her own judgment in things indifferent, to a man who is older and wiser than herself,
ibid.
Doubt of an husband's merit introduces disrespect; and what but disobedience, which lets in every evil, follows?
ibid.
Twenty four is a prudent age for women to marry at [for their own sakes] i. 46. [
ibid
].
Women who can sigh for a coxcomb, deserve either a great deal of pity, or none at all, i. 82. [
ibid
].
A woman must seldom expect to be the wife of a man with whom she is first in love, if she let him know it,
ibid.
Every woman should have her heart in her own keeping, till she find a worthy man to bestow it upon,
ibid.
Women, by their over quickness, sometimes encourage a man to own a meaning that he would be otherwise afraid to avow, i. 99. [
ibid
].
Let him who has no other plea to make to a lady for her favour, but his love, be asked, If that plea would weigh with him in favour of a woman who should be in love with him, i. 116. [
ibid
].
A man who can treat gaily the passion of love in presence of the object, will not be greatly hurt by a disappointment, i. 150. [
ibid
].
If a woman marry not till she is twenty-four, she will have time to look about her, and having more lovers than one, be enabled to choose without having reason to charge herself with hastiness, i. 151. [
ibid
].
A woman should be afraid to engage with a man who thinks too highly of her before-hand,
ibid.
A woman in choosing an husband, should consider, whether, in case of a contrariety of sentiments, she can give up
her
judgment in points indifferent, from the opinion she has of
his,
i. 152. [
ibid
].
A prudent woman, doubtful of a return in love, will, in policy, place before her the imperfections rather than the perfections, of the man she could love, i. 261. [
ibid
].
Men are apt to think that women's hearts are made of combustible materials: It behoves women, for the honour of their sex, to convince them of the contrary, i. 274. [
ibid
].
A man's kind behaviour to his dependents, is an argument in favour of his general character, i. 300. [
ibid
].
A dutiful son gives very promising hopes of making a good husband, i. 302. [
ibid
].
Women who wish to be thought well of themselves, should discourage every reflexion from men that tends to debase the sex in general, i. 327. [ii. 12].
A modest and prudent woman will not suffer, unrebuked, a man to boast of his vileness to any one of her sex,
ibid.
If women would discourage immodest men, shame, if not principle, would amend them, i. 331. [ii. 16].—And principle might take root in policy or convenience, ii. 319. [iii. 63].
Youth, health, and a flow of spirits, should make a woman watchful over herself, i. 411. [ii. 96].
The love of admiration often involves women in great difficulties, ii. 17. [118].
Women who choose for a husband, a man who is generally admired, must hardly expect him to be a domestic man, ii. 29. [130].
Young women should distinguish between the
would
and the
should,
ii. 127. [228].
Women of sense should despise those men who seek by flattery and pertness, to commend themselves to their favour, ii. 159. [260].
Women who have foibles which they choose not to part with, should consider in their choice of a husband, which of their lovers, if they have more than one, will bear with them, which will expect to be borne with, ii. 159. 161. [260. 262].
The woman who would not incur disgrace and be unhappy, should not put herself out of her own power, ii. 179. [280].
All men love to-have difficulties to conquer in courtship, ii. 195. [296].
Hope, or a state of doubt, gives an ardor to a lover, which subsides in certainty, ii. 203. [304].
The woman who chuses a rake for a husband does not consider that all the sprightly airs for which she preferred him to a better man, either vanish in matrimony, or are
exhibited
to other women, to her mortal disquiet, ii. 204. [305].
In other words
—He will carry abroad the agreeable, bring home the disagreeable,
ibid.
If he reform (and yet bad habits are very difficult to shake off) he will probably from reflexions on his past guilty life, be an unsociable companion, should deep contrition have laid hold on him,
ibid.
If he does
not
reform, what has she chosen?
ibid.
A rake marries not from honest principles. He is a despiser of matrimony: A rake in passion is not a man in love. His love deserves a vile name; and it will be too probable, that, in his eyes, a lewd woman will excel his modest wife,
ibid.
The good man, not the lewd the obscene libertine, foul Harpy, glorying in his wickedness, is the man whom good women should distinguish by their favour. Shall not like turn to like? ii. 312. [iii. 56].
A young flame may be easily kept under, iii. 69. [229].
A woman should not permit her lover to find his weight in her levity, iii. 73. [233].
Men of great abilities are not always to be trusted. They seldom strike, till they are sure, iii. 84. [244].
A prudent woman will not put it in any man's power to prejudice her against persons of unexceptionable characters, iii. 84. [244].
The woman who has been once wrong, has reason to be always afraid of herself, iii. 101. [261].
Good men must be affectionate men, iii. 223. [iv. 9].
A woman of sense will not want to be persuaded to do a thing she knows in her heart to be right, tho' not entirely agreeable to her liking, iii. 242. [iv. 28].
There hardly can be a greater difference between any two men, than there too often is, between the same man, a lover and a husband, iii. 347. [iv. 133].
Lovers of unequal fortunes often endeavour to engage young ladies to fight their battles for them with their natural friends; making them, by that means, their cat's paw, to help them to the ready-roasted chesnuts, iii. 358. [iv. 144].
If we women,
says Lady G.
as they say of horses, knew our own strength, and could have a little more patience than we generally have, we might do what we would with the powerless lords of the creation, iv. 251. [v. 122].
A dutiful son, an affectionate brother, a faithful friend, must give a moral assurance of making an excellent husband, vi. 29. [vii. 29].
See the articles
Artful
Men.
Beauty. Compliments. Courtship. Daughter. Female
Dignity.
Frankness
of Heart.
Husband
and Wife.
Learned
Women.
Libertines. Love. Lover. Love
at first Sight. First
Love. Matrimonial
Bickerings.
Men
and Women.
Modesty. Protestations. Single
Women.
Step-mother. Vincibility
of Love.
Widows.
Affectation.
AFFECTED ignorance cannot be either graceful, or a proof of delicacy, i. 50. [
ibid
].
Affectation is the only quality that can warrant ridicule, i. 55. [
ibid
].
Travelling seldom cures Affectation, i. 56. [
ibid
].
There are some cases in which it is hardly possible for a woman to avoid Affectation, ii. 189. [290].
What is the veil an affected woman throws over herself, but a veil of gauze? iii. 12. [172].
See
Frankness
of Heart.
Ingenuousness. Sincerity.
AGE.
See
Youth.
Anger. Passion. Petulance. Wrath. Ill-will.
A PRUDENT person, who suffers in his after-regret, from a sudden violence of Passion will be very careful to restrain its future first sallies, i. 290. [
ibid
].
Anger has often its root in love, ii. 386. [iii. 130].
Persons not willing to do right things, are apt to censure for officiousness the interposition of their best friends, iii. 236. [iv. 22].
Hasty persons, while warm with a recent misunderstanding, will not bear to be expostulated with,
ibid.
All angry persons are to be treated by the prudent, as children,
ibid.
Women were given to delight, not to torment, men; and there are very few causes that can justify their violent anger, iii. 237. [iv. 23].
People in a Passion lay themselves under obligation to those who bear with them, which they will not be generous, if they do not repay, iii. 241. [iv. 27].
Wrath ought not to be so ready, as sometimes it is, to attend a female will, iii. 244. [iv. 30].
Forced civility is but a temporary one, iii. 273. [iv. 59].
A lively, good-natured woman will sometimes be able to smile her husband out of his Anger, iii. 306. [iv. 92].
Women, who ought to be the meekest and tenderest of the whole animal creation, debase themselves when they give way to passionate excesses, iv. 5. [177].
To what mean submission does after-reflexion subject a passionate man, who has given way to rage, and is not wholly ungenerous! iv. 383. [v. 254].
What a mischievous sovereign would the private man make, who gives no check to the violence of his temper! iv. 384, 385. [v. 255. 256].
Let such a one look into history, and see which of the characters that have sullied royalty by the violence of their wrath, he would wish to copy, iv. 385. [v. 256].
Passion is so ugly, so deforming a thing, that a prudent person will be careful not to be seen in it by those he loves, v. 94. [vi. 72].
Meekness offended has an excellent memory, and can be bitter, v. 153. [vi. 131].
Ill-will disables us from seeing those advantages and good qualities in the person who is the object of it, which would otherwise strike us in their favour, v. 260. [vi. 238].
The man we can pity, cannot easily provoke us, v. 290. [vi. 268].
See The
Passions. Prudence.
Artful
Men.
THE Man who can raise an emulation in more women than one for him, gives himself consequence at their expence, ii. 167. [268].
Women, before they are aware, are often entangled by the arts of men, ii. 167. 170. [268. 271].
Men take pains in courtship to gloss over in themselves those defects which they think would, if discovered, be most unfavourable to their views, ii. 163. [274].
Men gain all their advantages over women, by teazing, by vows, by importunities, ii. 167. [278].
An artful man has many ways to entangle a tender heart, without making open declarations of love, iii. 273. [iv. 59].
See
Compliments. Courtship. Daughter. Libertine.
Lover. Modesty. Protestations. Seduction.
Artful
Women.
IT is easy from small crevices to discover day in the heart of an artful woman, ii. 333. [iii. 77].
Nothing can be weaker in the eye of an observer, who himself disdains Artifice, than a woman who makes Artifice her study,
ibid.
In a woman's departure from honest nature, there will be such curvings, as that the eyes, the countenance, will generally betray the heart,
ibid.
And if she either breaks out into uncalled-for apologies, or affects undue reserve, she gives room to confirm the suspicion, that all is not right in the mind,
ibid.
A woman who has a command of countenance, is ever to be suspected, ii. 374. [iii. 78].
See
Femalities. Keepers,
&c.
Avarice, Selfishness.
SELF is often a sanctifier of actions, which in others we should have no doubt to condemn, ii. 257. [iii. 1].
Avarice thinks itself unsafe, if it do not wrap itself about in a general denial of good offices, ii. 313. [iii. 57].
Men of the world, meaning to serve themselves only, never take pains to find out worthy attachments, ii. 322. [iii. 66].
They imagine every-body they have to do with, has the same views upon them, that they have upon others; and are in a state of hostility with all men, mistrusting and guarding; and not doubting being imposed upon, were they to place a confidence in any man,
ibid.
Those who wish for the death of relations, for the sake of enjoying what they shall leave behind them, are governed by the same principles, as savages on the sea-coast, who look out impatiently for a wreck, ii. 388. [iii. 132].
No plea is too weak for folly, and selfishness, to insist upon, ii. 408. [iii. 152].
Covetous men, when their hearts are opened, will sometimes act nobly, iii. 335. [iv. 121].
The requester of a favour often shews as much selfishness in his application, as the refuser does in his denial, iv. 147. [v. 18].
Those who will not be satisfied with a competence, will not with a redundance, iv. 227. [v. 98].
The man who prefers not the happiness of the object beloved, to his own, may be said to be in love with himself more than with her, vi. 77. 82, 83. [vii. 77. 82, 83]. [
See
Self-Partiality.
B.
Beauty. Beautiful.
A BEAUTIFUL woman must expect to be more accountable for her steps, than one less attractive, i. 1. [
ibid
].
Women, too generally are more sollicitous about the Beauties of person than those of the mind, i. 3. [
ibid
].
The bloom of Beauty holds but a few years—Should not therefore a woman aim to make herself mistress of those perfections, which will dignify her advanced age? i. 18. vi. 29. [i. 18. vii. 29].
Chearfulness, and a contented mind, make a difference to advantage of half a dozen years, even in the countenance of a young person, i. 45, 46. [
ibid
].
Plain women, by cultivating their minds, may obtain a preference with the worthy to mere Beauty, i. 52. ii. 387. [i. 52. iii. 151].
What advantages, in the eyes of weak people, has folly in a pretty woman, over even wisdom in a plain one! i. 78. [
ibid
].
Beauty in a man ought not to be looked upon as a qualification, i. 254. [
ibid
].
A beautiful face is one of the Almighty's wonders in a little compass, i. 103. [
ibid
].
Agreeableness is preferable to mere Beauty, i. 255. [
ibid
].
In the character of a fine woman, mind should be always included, i. 333. [ii. 18].
Where Beauty and Goodness meet, they adorn each other, i. 396. [ii. 77].
Those parents must want virtue, who depend principally on the Beauty of their children, for their preferment, ii. 91. [192].
Vice turns Beauty into deformity, ii. 278. [iii. 22].
Beauty is an accidental and transient good, iii. 312. [iv. 98].
A wise man, in beholding a beautiful woman, will distinguish between admiration and love,
ibid.
Beauty of person only, will have no higher an influence in a found and manly heart, in a view to marriage, than what it receives from the flowers of a gay parterre, v. 99. [vi 77].
A generous expansion of heart, and frankness of manners, mingled with dignity, will far more recommend a woman to a man of sense, than Beauty, v. 189. [vi 167].
See
Modesty.
Beneficence. Benevolence. Charity.
A BENEVOLENT-MINDED man may be led into errors and rashness, even by the warmth of his Benevolence, i. 370. [ii. 55].
Good oeconomy is very compatible with Beneficence, ii. 30. [131].
The charities which a good man will wish to promote, are,
To give little fortunes to young maidens in marriage with honest men of their own degree;—
To extend his munificence to the industrious poor of all persuasions, reduced by age, infirmity, or accident;—
To those who labour under incurable maladies;—
And to the youth of either sex, who are capable of beginning the world with advantage, but have not the means; ii. 273. [iii. 17].
The man who esteems not Benevolence in another, wants it himself; ii. 346. [iii. 90].
Such is the blessing of a benevolent heart, that, let the world frown as it will, it cannot possibly bereave it of all happiness; since it can rejoice in the prosperity of others, iii. 36. [196].
A feeling heart is a blessing, that no man who has it would be without, iii. 214. [374].
It is also a moral security of innocence; since the heart that can partake of the distress of another, cannot wilfully give it, iii. 214. [374].
The bare mention of a behaviour greatly generous, in another, will warm and discover a beneficent heart, iii. 285. [iv. 71].
Ostentation will shew itself in the Beneficence of persons not accustomed to acts of generosity, iii. 325. [iv. 111].
Policy, ostentation, love of praise, will frequently induce a person, tho' not naturally beneficent, to do beneficent things, iv. 147. [v. 18.]
Goodness and Beneficence bring with them their own rewards, v. 17. [288].
The good man's charity is not extended indiscriminately to all that ask him, v. 162. [vi. 140].
Among the objects of it, are those who have fallen from competence: Such as struggle with instant distress: Those who have large families, and not ability to maintain them.—But beggars born, or such as make begging a trade, if in health, or not lame, old or blind, have seldom any share in his Beneficence,
ibid.
Poor housekeepers, with large families, and the labouring and industrious poor, who are ashamed to apply, and, such as, if they did, cannot be importunate, are also the objects of a good man's charity, and he will cause them to be fought out for, on all proper occasions, v. 372. [vi. 350].
See
Example. Generosity. Good Man. Hospital
for Female Penitents.
Pity. Protestant
Nunneries.
BENEVOLENCE.
See
Beneficence.
Ungraceful
Benevolence.
COMPLIANCE with a request, and reflexion cast upon the requester, are not to be coupled, i. 336. [ii. 21].
Pecuniary surprizes, ostentatiously made, are double taxes on the gratitude of a worthy heart, iii. 251. [iv. 37].
Pride, vain glory, must be the motives of narrow-minded benefactors,
ibid.
It is enough for a generous mind to labour under the sense of obligation, iii. 251. [iv. 37].
A truly beneficent spirit cannot take delight in the grateful emotions of a fellow-creature, who, but for unfortunate accidents, would perhaps have shewn a more graceful Benevolence,
ibid.
When narrow-minded or humoursome persons are brought to taste the sweets of doing a worthy action, they will sometimes act nobly, iv. 146. [v. 17].
We should not therefore too soon, and without makeing
proper
applications, give up persons of ability and fortune, on hasty conceptions, formed upon their general characters,
ibid.
BIRTH.
See
Vanity.
C.
CALAMITY.
See
Adversity.
Censure. Censoriousness.
IT is difficult for a young woman to avoid blame, when her relations resolve to be Censorious, i. 251. [
ibid
].
We should be cautious in censuring the actions of another, especially of a good person, for which we cannot account, ii. 10. [111].
The truly good cannot be either censorious or uncharitable, ii. 319. [iii. 63].
Men who correct not their own errors, have no right to find fault with others, ii. 325. [iii. 69].
We ought to put ourselves in the situation of the persons of whose actions we presume to judge, iii. 158. [318].
Censorious people frequently give cause of suspicion, that their observations have either cost them their charity or their innocence, v. 226. [vi. 204].
See
Charity
in Judgment.
Good Man.
Challenges.
A TRULY brave man will not be so much a coward, as to fear being branded for one, for refusing to accept a challenge; the consequence of which must probably be murder [and everlasting perdition] i. 291. [
ibid
].
Such a one will not live to the world; but to the monitor within him,
ibid.
What is the magnanimity of the man that cannot get above the vulgar breath,
ibid.
How many fatherless, brotherless, sonless families have mourned all their lives, the savage resort to the private sword!
ibid.
A man who, in a private quarrel, defies his fellowcreature into the field, must first defy his God: And what are his
hopes,
but to be a murderer; and to do an irreparable injury to the innocent family and dependents of the murdered?
ibid.
Has the Challenger friends whom he loves? who love him? Enemies to whom his fall would give pleasure? let him resolve to disappoint the latter, and to gratify the former, i. 292. [
ibid
].
Where is the sense of giving a chance to a supposed injurer to do you and yours a still greater, even the highest, injury? i. 293. [
ibid
].
A man of honour ought not to put upon a foot with himself, a Challenger, who has been guilty of a baseness [to him, or his friend]
ibid.
A man's life is not his own; much less is that of another his,
ibid.
A wife and good man will only seek to defend himself from insult or attack; he will not wish to kill or maim any man,
ibid.
He will as much despise the man who thinks differently, as such a one can him,
ibid.
It is not a point of bravery to insult magistracy, i. 313. [
ibid
].
Much less for a man to take upon himself to be his own judge; and, as it may happen, another man's executioner,
ibid.
It is the highest instance of bravery, to be able to refuse a Challenge, and yet be fearless of insult on the refusal, i. 314. [
ibid
].
How truly brave is the man, who can say on a Challenge,
"I consider myself as a mortal man: I can die but once: Once I must die: And if the cause be such as will justify me to my heart, I, for my own sake, care not whether my life be demanded of me to-morrow, or forty years hence?"
i. 314. [
ibid
].
A good man will not be defied into a cool and deliberate vengeance, i. 341. [ii. 26].
He will own no laws of honour but those of God and his country,
ibid.
He will shew a Challenger that he has better motives than fear, for his refusal to meet him, i. 342. [ii. 27].
A good man will not play with another man's life, nor consent to make a sport of his own, i. 353. [ii. 38].
The man who can think of justifying one violent action by another, must give a real superiority to his adversary,
ibid.
A man who can be overcome by a generous adversary, is himself a conqueror, i. 360. [ii. 45].
Every opportunity that a man, who has compromised with an adversary, has, to exert his good qualities, or to repent of his bad, will contribute to his satisfaction to the end of his life, i. 361. [ii. 46].
A brave man challenged, will rely on his own innocence, and hope by generosity to overcome a generous man, iii. 204. [364].
See
Duelling. Fencing. Good Man.
Chastity. Unchastity.
CHASTITY is the crown and glory of a woman, ii. 332. [iii. 76].
How unhappy must be the unchaste mother, whose very tenderness to her illegitimate offspring, reminds her of her guilt, iii. 283. [iv. 69].
Yet what a creature must she be, who has not tenderness to innocence born to shame from her fault!
ibid.
When women of family and education forfeit their characters, they double their crime, iii. 284. [iv. 70].
What is Chastity only? She who will not be virtutuous for virtue's sake, is not worthy to be called a woman, iii. 351. [iv. 137].
She must be virtuous for her husband's sake, for the sake of her vows; for the sake of her eternal welfare: But to be a good wife, she must also be complaisant, obliging, obedient, iii. 351. [iv. 137].
The honour of a woman celebrated for virtue, is the honour of her sex, v. 11. [282].
How can the woman, who has yielded up her chastity, and is forced upon the violator as his wife, by way of doing her poor justice, expect to be happy? v. 19. [290].
What affiance can her husband have in her virtue, were she to meet with a trial? v. 20. [291].
What weight with him can her arguments have, were she to endeavour to inculcate upon him a regard either to his public or private duties?
ibid.
A gloomy mind must occasionally receive great consolation from the soothings of a companionable love, when known to proceed from an untainted heart,
ibid.
See
Advice
to Women.
Good Man. Good
Wife, or Woman.
CHARITY.
See
Beneficence.
Charity
in Judgment.
IN our judgments of men, we must throw their merits into one scale, their demerits into the other; and if the former weigh down the latter, we must, in charity, pronounce to the person's advantage, ii. 202. [303]
So, it is humbly presumed, we shall be finally judged ourselves; for who is faultless?
ibid.
Charitable and great minds, however differing in some even essential articles of religion, will mingle hearts, and love each other, vi. 222. [vii. 222].
See
Duties
Moral and Religious.
Good Man. Magnanimity.
COMMUNICATIVENESS.
See
Concealment.
COMPASSION.
See
Pity.
Compliments. Flattery.
A WOMAN exalted above what she can deserve, has reason to be apprehensive were she to put it in a man's power to treat her but as what she is, i. 12. [
ibid
].
A high Complimenter is to be both feared and despised by a woman;
despised,
either for his injudiciousness, or flattery;
feared,
left he should be able to raise a vanity in her, that would give him cause to triumph over her weakness, at the time that she is full of her own wisdom,
ibid.
Flattery is the vice of men, who seek to raise themselves on the ruins of the pride they hope either to find or inspire, in women, i. 18. [
ibid
].
Humility best becomes a flattered woman of all women,
ibid.
She who is puffed up by the praises of men, answers their end upon her, and seems to own that she thinks it a principal part of
hers,
to be admired by them,
ibid.
No wonder that men in general think meanly of women who have ears to hear, and folly to be pleased with, the frothy things that pass their lips under the name of compliments, i. 21. [
ibid
].
Disqualifying speeches on being complimented, intimate either that we believe the complimenter to be in earnest; or that we want to have the Compliment repeated or confirmed, i. 22. [
ibid
].
A prudent woman will not accept of a Compliment made her at the expence of her sex, i. 38. 49. ii 404. [i. 38. 49. iii. 148].
A prudent woman will not think herself either wiser or handsomer for the Compliments made her by men, i. 41. 95. 113. [
ibid
].
Flatters endeavour to turn a woman's artillery against her, and to raise her up, in order to pull her down, i. 48. [
ibid
].
There are not many men who can make a Compliment to one woman without depreciating others; or the sex, i. 319. iv. 174. [ii. 4. v. 45].
Women generally hunger and thirst after Compliments. If men are not at hand to flatter them, they will [apishly] flatter one another, i. 329. [ii. 14].
Compliments made to the heart, by one who is not used to flatter, and such as it would be culpable for a person not to be able to verify, should not be disclaimed, i. 393. [ii. 78].
How painful is it to a mind not quite at ease, to be obliged to be civil to a profuse Complimenter, who must think as highly of himself, as meanly of the person to whom he is addressing his Flatteries! ii. 2. [103].
The man who makes a Compliment to the beauty
only
of a woman of sense, depreciates her understanding,
ibid.
A good man will not flatter either a prince, or a lady; yet will not be rude to either, ii. 161. [262].
Faults complimented into virtues, joining with selfpartiality, may be of pernicious consequence to the party so flattered, iii. 5. [105].
A man of sense has no need to depreciate one woman, in order to do justice to, or exalt, another, v. 118, 119. [vi. 96, 97].
Silly men, not knowing what to say with propriety to women, whom they take it into their heads to compliment, make angels [or suns or stars] of them all at once, v. 225. [vi. 203].
The highest Compliments to women are ever made by men of the lowest understanding,
ibid.
Complimental men don't consider, that if the woman they egregiously flatter,
were
what they would have them believe they think them, they would not be seen in such company as theirs,
ibid.
See
Artful
Men.
Modesty. Protestations. Seduction.
Compulsion.
IN some love cases, downright Compulsion is more tolerable than over earnest entreaty. A child compelled, may be hardened, may contract herself within her own compass: But the entreaty of friends, who undoubtedly mean the child's good, renders her miserable, whether she does, or does not comply, v. 260, 261. [vi. 238, 239].
Our own choice makes that tolerable, which otherwise would be insupportable, vi. 223. 242. [vii. 223. 242].
Persuasion against inclination, ought to be considered as a degree of Compulsion, vi. 242. [vii. 242].
Had even the noble Clementina been
entreated
to refuse the Chevalier Grandison, in all probability she would not have been so happy as she was, when finding herself absolute mistress of the question, she could astonish and surprize every one by her magnanimity, vi. 242. [vii. 242].
See
Indulgence. Love. Parents
and Children.
Persuasion.
Concealments. Secrets. Communicativeness.
HUSBANDS are generally the wiser for what their wives know of
other
women's secrets, [tho' their
wives
can keep their own] i. 265. [
ibid
].
Young women, in a beginning love, are willing to conceal themselves, even from themselves, i. 299. [
ibid
].
An earnest denial of a love-affair, or an officious evasion, often defeats the person's own end, and strengthens the conjectures intended to be weakened, i. 396. [ii. 81].
Women,
Lady G. says,
have their free-masonry as well as men, i. 401. [ii. 86].
A person who owes to another's frankness of heart, the knowledge of any Secret of that heart, should make a generous use of it, i. 404. [ii. 89].
A person consulting or advising with another on an intricate case, should lay before that other every particular that is necessary to enable him to form a judgment of it, ii. 8. [109].
When we are solicitous to keep a secret, the slightest hint will alarm us, ii. 9. [110].
Love reigns in the heart with the greater force for being concealed, ii. 52. [153].
Concealment generally implies somewhat wrong, ii. 61. [162].
There are some sort of Secrets, out of which a woman wishes to be courted, ii. 155. [256].
We should not obtain lights from any one, which we think he is not commissioned to give, ii. 258. [iii. 2].
It is not in woman, in love cases, to be unreserved; nor perhaps ought they to be indiscriminately so, ii. 277. [iii. 21].
A good man has but few Secrets, ii. 282. [iii. 26].
There is a time in which two young persons of different sexes, and families, brought up, as it were, together, will find it prudent for distance to take place of innocent familiarity; and to draw into their hearts, that kindness and love which used to dwell on the lips of each; altho' the love may increase with the reserve, ii. 307, 308. [iii. 51, 52].
The mutual unbosoming of Secrets, is the cement of friendship and love, iii. 81. [241].
Whenever any new light opens in an interesting case, the friendly heart rests not till it has communicated to its fellow-heart, the important change,
ibid.
And this communicativeness knits the true lover's knot the closer,
ibid.
No consideration is strong enough to induce any one to endeavour to make a worthy person reveal the secrets he is intrusted with, iii. 313. [iv. 99].
It is a bad sign, when a person is more willing to conceal a fault than to amend it, iii. 330. [iv. 116].
We young girls,
says Emily,
if we put our hands before our eyes, are apt to imagine that nobody can see us, vi. 90. [vii. 90].
An open heart acquainted with a Secret, the knowlege of which must afflict its friend, will be sensible of a tender pain, in longing, yet being afraid, to reveal it, vi. 134. [vii. 134].
How loth is such a heart to disturb the tranquillity, which is built upon ignorance of the event! that very tranquillity (contemplated upon) adding to the pains of the compassionating friend, who reflects, that when the unhappy news shall be communicated, time, and christian philosophy only, will ever restore it to the heart of the sufferer,
ibid.
See
Frankness
of Heart.
Friendship. Ingenuousness. Love. Lovers. Modesty.
Conceit. Obstinacy. Perverseness.
PRIDE and Conceit will make a person contemptible in the eye of every one whose good opinion is worth cultivating, i. 47. [
ibid
].
Vain men often mistake contempt for approbation, i. 57. [
ibid
].
Obstinacy in a weak man, is worse than tyranny in a man of sense, if a man of sense can be a tyrant, i. 58. [
ibid
].
Those maligners who give themselves the consequence of which they would deprive others, will soon be detected,
ibid.
Tenacious persons should be very careful of prepossessions, ii. 117. [218].
One error persisted in, frequently produces others, ii. 164. [265].
Reproof seldom mends a determined spirit, iii. 247. [iv. 33].
Yet a sufferer by such a bad spirit, cannot but have some joy, when he hears his sentiments spoken by a bystander to the delinquent,
ibid.
Some perverse spirits will not do even right things but in a wrong manner, iii. 315. [iv. 101].
It is necessary sometimes, in order to preserve an influence in greater matters, to treat lightly, and even to palliate, the smaller faults of a perverse spirit, iv. 179. [v. 50].
Most pragmatical mortals, however weakly they act in their own affairs, think themselves qualified for counsellors in those of others, v. 194. [vi. 172].
See
Vanity. Wit.
Conscience.
THE irreproachable man is the fittest mediator in cases of Honour and Conscience, ii. 326. [iii. 70].
What opinion can a worthy man have of one, who can give up his Conscience, tho' for the highest consideration on earth? iv. 228. [v. 99].
What witnesses to convict him needs the man, who knows himself to be guilty? iv. 400. [v. 271].
When Conscience acquits, who shall condemn? vi. 120. [vii. 120].
The conscious integrity of a man's own heart, will carry him thro' the most difficult situations, vi. 290. [vii. 290]. [
See
Duties
Moral and Religious.
Good Man.
Consolation.
THIS life is but a dark and short passage to a better: Let one jostle, another elbow a good person in it, she will steadily pursue her course, till she gets through it into broad and open day, ii. 146. [247].
Happy is the man who receiving ill-treatment, can thank God he does not deserve it, iii. 128. [288].
In all the distresses of this life, we should refer ourselves to those motives, which alone can give support to a rational mind, iii. 214. [374].
This mortal scene, however perplexing, is a short one; and the hour is hastening when all the intricacies of human affairs shall be cleared up,
ibid.
And all the sorrows that have had their foundation in virtue, shall be changed into the highest joy,
ibid.
When all worthy minds shall be united in the same interests, the same happiness,
ibid.
Who, that is not reproached by his own heart, need to grieve for inevitable evils, which can only be evils as he makes them so? iii. 380. [iv. 166].
Our prudence, if properly exerted, is generally proportion'd to our trials, iv. 115. [287].
The Almighty will do his own work, and in his own way: And that
must
be best, iv. 168. [v. 39].
What a Consolation must
he
have in the hour when he most wants it, who can reflect that he took not advantage over confiding innocence, iv. 385. [v. 256].
In the inevitable hour it will be a Consolation to a good child, to be able to reflect, that she obeyed her parents in their reasonable commands, v. 111. [vi. 89].
Small crevices sometimes let in light upon a benighted mind, v. 244. [vi. 222].
Time is the pacifier of every woe, vi. 63. 215. [vii. 63. 215].
Every thing we ought to do, we shall be enabled to do, if we set about it rightly, and with equal humility and trust, vi. 208. [vii. 208].
See
Duties
Moral and Religious.
Good Man.
CONTRITION.
See
Penitence.
COQUETRY.
See
Prudery.
Courtship.
A LADY'S civility to an admirer, is not always an indication of a preferable favour to him, i. 15. ii. 197 [i. 15. ii. 298].
Men in Courtship take care to set forward the advantages by which they are distinguished, i. 38. [
ibid
].
While fortune is the last thing talked of by him who has little or none; and then love, love, love, is all his cry,
ibid.
A good estate gives a man confidence in Courtship, i. 46, 47. [
ibid
].
A man may stand a chance for as good a wife among those who have fortunes, as among those who have none, i. 48. [
ibid
].
Men profess themselves the servants of women, in order to become their masters, i. 51. [
ibid
].
Can modesty in a lover, ever be an objection to a modest woman? i. 101. [
ibid
].
A worthy woman will not give hope to a man she means not to encourage, i. 101. 116, 117. [
ibid
].
A man who acts generously by a prudent woman in Courtship, may be said to act for himself; and that in the most agreeable manner, i. 110, 111. 152. [
ibid
].
Women will sometimes question the sincerity of a man's professions to them, in order to be assured, i. 113. [
ibid
].
It is not honourable, it is not just, for a woman to keep a man in suspence, when she is not in any herself, i. 114. 340. [i. 114. ii. 25].
Those dislikes which a woman takes to a lover, for which she cannot account, imply a natural aversion, and are the hardest of all others to be got over, i. 117. [
ibid
].
A woman who wishes not to be idolized in Courtship, may reasonably hope not to be treated with indifference, when she has given a man her whole self, i. 151. [
ibid
].
The man of gratitude, of principle, whose love is founded in reason, and whose object is mind rather than person, must make a worthy woman happy in marriage,
ibid.
The lover who can solicit the hand of a woman, who declares she cannot give him a share in her heart, furnishes a reason against himself, i. 156, 157. [
ibid
].
Women are ever looking forward, whether for themselves or friends, on matrimonial probabilities, i. 202. [
ibid
].
Men love not all halcyon days in Courtship, i. 395. [ii. 80].
It is a very happy circumstance for a young woman to look forward to a change of condition, with a man of whom every one of her relations, approves, ii. 143. [244].
A lady is warranted in her reserves, if she has any doubt either of her lover's worthiness, or of her own consequence with him, ii. 151. [252].
The same man [or woman] cannot be every thing that is desirable, ii. 160. [261].
The woman who in Courtship treats a man with insolence, yet receives his visits, generally-speaking, gives him importance with her, ii. 197. [298].
The days of Courtship are said to be the happiest days of life [a woman may say so, because they are the days of her power] but the lover who thinks so, is not to be forgiven, ii. 203. [304].
A politician in love-affairs, will not too soon declare himself, for fear of driving a lady into reserves, which might deprive him of the opportunity of developing the plaits and folds of her heart,
ibid.
A man of uprightness and penetration, should not, if approved of, be treated with parade, ii. 222. [323].
A woman is not intitled to ridicule a modest lover, whom she designs not to encourage, ii. 380. [iii. 124].
A single man may sometimes, in the behaviour of a daughter or sister, see
that
of the future wife, ii. 401. [iii. 145].
Men,
says Lady G.
know no medium: They will either, spaniel-like, fawn at your feet, or be ready to leap into your lap, iii. 72. [232].
While preliminaries are to be settled among the friends of lovers, they both should hold themselves suspended, and not enter upon subjects with each other, that might lead to prepossession, iii. 102. [262].
A woman of principle will not yield her hand to a man who cannot deserve her utmost kindness, iii. 225. [iv. 11]
A lady's consent is often sufficiently given by her silence, iii. 247. [iv. 33].
A petulant mistress ought to think herself obliged to make an obliging wife, iii. 299. [iv. 85].
A man who in Courtship allows his mistress to treat him like a fool, will, too probably, make her think him one, iii. 304. [iv. 90].
In Courtship, both parties will turn the best side of the garment outward, iii. 323. [iv. 109].
A man, for his own sake, should give dignity to the woman he wishes to be his, v. 47. [vi. 25].
Reserve is unnecessary, even of the woman's side, to a man who is above reserve; whose offers are unexceptionable, and the result of prudent deliberation, v. 50. [vi. 28].
A woman who by unnecessary parade in Courtship, perplexes by delays, the man she approves, and of whose honour she has no doubt, acts as if she thought she was to be the greatest gainer in wedlock, and therefore suspended her consent for the day, to avoid the charge of selfishness, v. 52, 53. [vi. 30, 31].
It is a happy thing for a man, but not always for a woman, when he is secure of her favour, v. 88. [vi. 66].
Respect, is a word that a young woman, in Courtship, will not be satisfied with from the man she favours, v. 98. [vi. 76].
It is a high pleasure to a woman to be addressed by a man whom every one approves. What a poor figure, on the contrary, must she make, who encourages the address of a man who is generally deemed unworthy of her, v. 145. [vi. 123].
Such a one, indeed, usually, indirectly confesses her folly, by carrying on the affair clandestinely,
ibid.
Women love not that wise men should keep up to them the dignity of wisdom, v. 157. [vi. 135].
Much less that thy should be solemn, formal, grave,
ibid.
Yet are they fond of respect and observance,
ibid.
Lady G. says,
that the man who would commend himself to the favour of young women in Courtship, should be a decent rake in his address, and a saint in his heart,
ibid.
There are men who in Courtship, insultingly think they compliment a woman by their urgency for the day, v. 167. [vi. 145].
A woman should not be wholly unobservant of custom and the laws of her sex, however deserving the object of her favour may be, v. 168. [vi. 146].
Young women will best judge of the allowableness of such freedoms of their lovers in private, as they have doubts about, by being able, or not, to relate them to a friend, to whom they can reveal what in general passes between them, v. 170. [vi. 148].
The true modesty, after hearts are engaged, is to think little of parade, and much of the social happiness that awaits two worthy minds, united by love and conformity of sentiments, v. 183. [vi. 161].
A little over or under nicety on setting out, in a loveaffair, will carry even a generally supposed prudent woman into a road she never,
says Lady G.
designed to amble in, v. 187. [vi. 165].
A man of sense and uprightness, will not make a request to a lady with an expectation rather to be forgiven than complied with, v. 209. [vi. 187].
A sensible man will address a woman as a woman, not as a goddess, yet be able to do honour to her and to her sex, v. 225. [vi. 203].
What greater felicity can a young creature propose to herself, in the days of Courtship, than to find every one in her family applauding her choice? v. 274. [vi. 252].
A man of superior sense, merit, and delicacy, will sometimes be able to engage the heart of a sensible woman, without saying a word, v. 296. [vi. 268].
What additional pleasure must a woman have, who is addressed to by a man of merit, and with the approbation of all her friends, and his, to consider herself as the bond of union between the family she is of, and
that
she is entering into!
ibid.
How dreadful, on the contrary, must be the case of her, who is the occasion of propagating dissension, and irreconcileable hatred between her own relations, and those of the man to whom, for life, she engages herself! v. 291. [vi. 269].
Men in Courtship,
says Lady G.
begin with the profoundest respect, and go on from freedom to freedom, as indulged, till the respectfulness is drawn off, and nothing but the lees are left; and within two or three months after marriage, the once squeamish palate will be glad of them, v. 306. [vi. 284].
See
Advice
to Women.
Delicacy. Female
Dignity.
Femalities. Frankness
of Heart.
Husband
and Wife.
Libertine. Love. Lover. First
Love.
Marriage. Modesty. Parents
and Children.
Protestations. Single
Women.
Vincibility
of Love.
Courage.
ONE of the characteristics of a good man, is, to be studious to avoid danger, and to be unappalled in it, iv. 104. [276].
In a case of inevitable danger, the way to avoid it, is not to appear to be intimidated. One man's fear gives another man Courage, v. 289. [vi. 267].
Courage is a glorious quality when it is divested of rashness, and founded on integrity of life and manners, v. 296. [vi. 271].
But otherwise founded, it is rather to be called savageness and brutality, than Courage,
ibid.
See
Challenges. Duelling. Good Man. Magnanimity.
CUPIDITY.
See
Love
at first Sight.
Curiosity.
THE first vice of the first woman,
Lady G. says,
was Curiosity, and it runs thro' the whole sex, v. 317. [vi. 295].
Curiosity is a nail that will fasten to the ground the foot of a listener, however painful what she hears may sometimes make her situation, vi. 226, 227. [vii. 226, 227]. [
See
Femalities.
Custom.
HOW few have the courage to break thro' a bad Custom, i. 362. [ii. 47].
Tyrant Custom makes a woman change her name in marriage; yet, for the sake of name only, gives a son the estate of the common ancestor of both, ii. 157. [258].
Custom obliges young women, sometimes, to keep at farthest distance the man they wish nearest to them, v. 87. [vi. 65].
Yet true delicacy is often wounded by the affectation; since it shews the object of their favour, that they have formed greater expectations upon him, than they have upon any other person, with whom they are more free and familiar,
ibid.
See
Affectation. Concealment. Frankness
of Heart.
Love. Modesty.
D.
Daughters.
DAUGHTERS who are invincible to the entreaties of their parents, are often teazed out of their duty by men, who, meaning only themselves, assume the name of lovers, i. 13. [
ibid
].
Daughters who are earnest to choose for themselves, should be doubly careful that prudence justifies their choice, iii. 357. [iv. 143].
Every widow who marries imprudently (and many there are who do) furnishes a strong argument in favour of a parent's authority over a maiden Daughter,
ibid.
A designing man looks out for a woman who has an independent fortune, and no questions to ask,
ibid.
He seems assured of finding indiscretion in the young woman to befriend him,
ibid.
Ought not a prudent person to think herself affronted by the attempter, and to resolve to disappoint him,
ibid.
A young creature will be able to judge of the fallacious pretensions of such a one—By his application to
her,
rather than to her natural friends,
ibid.
By his endeavouring to alienate her affections from them,
ibid.
By wishing her to favour private and clandestine meetings,
ibid.
By the inequality of his fortune to hers;
[By his seeking to engage her in promises] iii. 358. [iv. 144].
Young persons, in love-cases, should not presume to advise young persons,
ibid.
It should not be put from young friend to young friend, What would
you
do in such a case, but what
ought
to be done,
ibid.
The romancing elevations which so often drive headstrong girls into difficulties, should, now-and-then, help a discreet one out of them, iv. 52. [224].
When a young woman has not strong opposition given her, with regard to the object of her favour, she will, if not wholly lost to prudence, give herself leisure to confider what belongs to duty and discretion, vi. 228. 241, 242. [vii. 228. 241, 242].
See
Advice
to Women.
Compulsion. Femalities. Girls. Love. Love
at first Sight.
Marriage. Modesty. Single
Women.
DECORUM.
See
Modesty.
Delicacy.
A WOMAN of Delicacy will not keep one man in suspence, while she is balancing in favour of another, i. 309. [
ibid
].
In a point of Delicacy, a woman is less excusable to be wanting, than a man, ii. 162. [263].
Women in love often suffer equally from the apprehension of disgusting the object of it by their forwardness, and of disobliging him by too great a reserve, ii. 195. [296].
Delicacy is too often a misleader; an idol, at whose shrine we sometimes offer up our sincerity, ii. 257. [iii. 1].
Nothing can be really delicate that is not true, or that gives birth to equivocation,
ibid.
Tho' modesty becomes men as well as women, yet in certain cases, it would be indelicate in a man not to prevent a lady's wishes, in speaking first, iii. 102. [262].
The man who would not be denied a favour by a lady, should never sue for one, that it is not for her honour to grant, iii. 242. [iv. 28].
Delicate minds cannot be united to each other but by delicate observances, iii. 347. [iv. 133].
There is often more Indelicacy in Delicacy than very nice people are aware of, iii. 348. [iv. 134].
How few minds are these which are delicate and candid enough to see circumstances in a delicate love-case, in the light they ought to appear in! iv. 40. [212].
When a woman gets over that Delicacy which ought to inclose and defend modesty, modesty itself will soon lie at the mercy of an invader, iv. 119. [291].
Delicacy can never be separated from innocence, iv. 154. [v. 25].
Delicate as the female mind is, or should be, there are cases that regard a woman's honour, in which a man should be equally delicate, iv. 352. [v. 223].
Consultations on difficult [or nice] cases, seldom turn to account. What are they,
asks Lady G.
but the results of a parcel of people getting together, proposing doubts, puzzling one another, and ending as they began, if not worse? v. 115. [vi. 93].
Female Delicacy is of a more delicate texture than that of man, v. 134. [vi. 112].
Women consulted upon points of Delicacy, in another's case, generally over-do the matter: Were it their own, they would probably relax, v. 183. [vi. 161]
Delicate minds can mix only with delicate minds, vi. 252. [vii. 252].
See
Chastity. Female
Dignity.
Good
Wife.
Good
Man.
Love. Marriage. Modesty. Nuptial
Preparations.
New-married
Woman.
Signs
of Love.
Single
Women.
Vincibility
of Love.
DESCENT.
See
Vanity.
DEPRAVITY
of Manners. See
Public Places.
DISAPPOINTMENT.
See
Adversity.
DISCRETION.
See
Prudence.
DISPRAISE.
See
Praise.
Dreams. Superstition.
SUPERSTITION is, more or less, a natural defect in every mind, v. 241. [vi. 219].
Dreams are illusions of the working mind, fettered, and debased as it is, by the organs through which it conveys its confined powers to the grosser matter, body, then sleeping, inactive, as in the shades of death,
ibid.
What is the reason, that tho' we know, that the fleeting shadows of the night, are no more than dreams, ye
, that we cannot help being strongly impressed by them, meditating interpretation of the flying vapours, when reason is broad awake, and tells us, it is weakness to be disturbed at them?
ibid.
Happily poised is that mind, which, on the one hand, is too strong to be affected by the slavish fears superstition brings with it; and on the other, runs not into the contrary extreme, Scepticism, the parent of infidelity,
ibid.
When realities disturb, shadows will often officiously obtrude as such, on the busy imagination, v. 281. [vi. 259].
DRESS.
See
Fashion.
Duelling.
THE word
Honour
as abused, and used to induce Duelling, is the very opposite to duty, goodness, piety, religion, i. 278. [
ibid
].
The cool man, in a contention, has great advantage over a warm one, i. 354. [ii. 39].
To die like a man of honour, a man must have lived like one,
ibid.
A murderer never was a happy man, i. 361. [ii. 46].
Self-defence will be the whole of a good man's system,
ibid.
The obligations a man owes to his country, his friends, his family, and to avoid injuring irreparably that of another, and of incurring the final perdition of both, should determine him against deciding a difference by the private sword, i. 367. [ii. 52].
The decision by the private sword cannot assuredly be that of justice,
ibid.
A challenger may owe to the man who
refuses
to meet him, not only his life, but all the good fortune that may attend him thro' it, i. 368. [ii. 53].
Duelling is contrary to all laws Divine and human, and particularly repugnant to the true heroism which Christianity requires, of forgiving injuries and returning good for evil, i. 373. [ii. 58].
It owes its rise to the barbarous northern nations, who yet had pleas for it, which we have not, from their polity, and the nature of their governments,
ibid.
The old Romans
did,
the very Turks
do,
detest the practice of Duelling. [See this barbarous practice expatiated upon, i. 374, 375. [ii. 59, 60].
Of what use are the laws of society, if magistracy may be defied by private men? i. 375. [ii. 60].
Who, if the challenge be received, and the challenger succeed, is to challenge him? Where is the evil to end?
ibid.
How dare the challenger, to risque rushing into his Maker's presence, from the consequences of an act, which, in the man who falls, cannot admit of repentance; and leaves for the survivor's portion nothing but bitter remorse?
ibid.
Let the challenger consider, whether, were his adversary to meet him, and both to survive, he may not be obliged to put up with a real disgrace, instead of perhaps suffering a mere imaginary one,
ibid.
[How poorly, how passively, how complainingly calm, looks the wounded patient under the surgeon's hands, when hoping, perhaps, but for a palliative cure!].
Courage is a virtue; inordinate passion is a vice; such passion therefore cannot be courage, i. 377. [ii. 62].
Does it not then behove every man of true honour, to shew, that reason has a greater share than resentment, in the boldness of his resolves?
ibid.
And what by any degree, is so reasonable, as a regard to our duty?
ibid.
Defence is guarded; offence exposes itself,
ibid.
The Council of Trent, with a most laudable severity, determines against Duelling, i. 378. [ii. 63].
Lewis XIV's. Edict against it is the greatest glory of his reign,
ibid.
The base arts of poisoning by treacherous agents; the cowardly practice of assassination by bravoes, so frequent in some countries; are branches of the same old Gothic tree.
ibid.
See
Challenges. Courage. Fencing. Good Man. Magnanimity.
Duties
Moral and Religious.
OUR Duties will encrease as our power encreases, i. 116. [
ibid
].
Persons often value themselves for actions which they cannot forbear doing from a constitutional byas; when they ought, in modesty, to distinguish between the
virtue
and the
necessity
that impels them, i. 120. [
ibid
].
Hence it may be inferred, that many persons are not so good either as they think themselves, or as the world thinks them. Such ought to be thankful for, and not proud of, the benevolent hearts given them by the Giver of all good.
He that makes light of oaths of office, wants but an inducement to make light of the highest sanctions, i. 238. [
ibid
].
Truth never leaves room for self-reproach, ii. 20. [121].
We should be as ready to do justice to the veracity of others, as to our own, ii. 21. [122].
We shall not hereafter be judged by comparison even with such as have been more faulty than ourselves, ii. 21. 157. [122. 258].
To do well,
and
suffer for it, is acceptable with God,
ii. 61. [162].
Patience never yet was a solitary virtue, ii. 108. [209].
Glorious is the charity of that person who in pitying others for their errors, has no vices of his own to cover, by the exertion of that christian grace, ii. 124. [225].
Where a man finds it difficult to restrain what he will call a constitutional fault, he should direct it to laudable ends, ii. 128. 130. [229. 231].
Who is the mortal man that will wish to take an unjust advantage of mortality? ii. 158. [259].
Men, in order to extenuate their own faults, should not throw blame upon the absent; much less upon the everlastingly absent, ii. 165. [266].
A principal part of our benevolent religion, is, To do good to our fellow-creatures, ii. 242. [343].
The benefits we receive from the hand of Providence, should not be looked upon as due to our own merits; but as obligations laid upon us to extend them to our unhappier fellow-creatures,
ibid.
What poor creatures are the best of us, that the very avoiding the occasions of a wrong action, should gladden our hearts, as with the consciousness something meritorious! ii. 243. [344].
There are faults for which, tho' a person may obtain forgiveness from the party injured, he hardly ought to forgive himself, ii. 262. [iii. 6].
A person who takes kindly a reproof, intitles him or herself to our highest esteem,
ibid.
Self-denial is a doctrine very hard to be learned [the more hard, as there are but few practical teachers of it], ii. 283. [iii. 27].
Every man has a right to judge for himself in those articles for which he himself is only accountable, ii. 313. [iii. 57].
The son of a faulty father, who has a laudable turn, pursues his own predominant passion, whatever it be, with as much ardor, and perhaps with as little power to resist it, as his father had to restrain his culpable one [where then is his merit?] ii. 314. [iii. 58].
Our duties will rise with our opportunities; a man therefore may be as good with a small estate, as with a larger, ii. 369. [iii. 113].
Be our station what it will, what have we to do, but humbly to acquiesce in it, and to fulfil the duties belonging to it?
ibid.
How can patience be patience, if it be not tried? ii. 414. [iii. 185].
The characters of the heart are far more displayed in minute instances, than in the greater,
ibid.
He that can dispense with one duty, will with another, if the inducement be equally strong, iii. 127. [287].
The innocent heart will be a charitable one, iii. 385. [iv. 17
].
We may generally, in a doubtful case, conclude ourselves in the right, when we deny our inclination, iii. 371. iv. 284. [iv. 157. v. 155].
What is this span of life, that a passenger thro' it, should seek to over-turn the interests of others, in order to establish his own? iv. 40. [212].
A man who can value, even generally-faulty persons for those qualities which are laudable in them, will be desirous to draw a veil over those weaknesses which may be deemed human ones, iv. 356. [v. 227].
A good man wants no other proof of the largeness of heart of professors of different persuasions, than their living in friendship with each other, v. 228. [vi. 206].
Where a Duty is reciprocal, the failure in it of the one, acquits not the other for a failure in his, vi. 108. 131. [vii. 108. 131].
See
Conscience. Charity
in Judgment.
Good Man. Modesty. Religion.
E.
EARLY RISING.
See
Oeconomy.
Ebriety. Intemperance. Riot. False Shame.
EBRIETY is a vice that leaves a woman no guard, and makes her a stranger to that grace which is the glory of a woman, and hardens her to a sense of shame, ii. 362. [iii. 106].
Other vices, perhaps, at first, want
this
to introduce them,
ibid.
It is not agreeable to be the spectator of Riot; but it is easy to avoid being a partaker in it, iii. 223. [iv. 9].
A man who is known to have established a rule to himself, from which he will not depart, will always be received into company upon his own terms,
ibid.
But if he would not be thought a spy on unguarded folly, he must not refuse an urgency with fullenness; but persevere in his determined course with complaisance and good humour, iii. 224. [iv. 10].
Many a man owes his excess [perhaps his ruin] to False Shame, which hinders him from asserting the freedom to which every Englishman would claim a right in almost every other instance,
ibid.
Reason, health, fortune, personal elegance, the peace and order of families, and all the comfort and honour of their after years, are the sacrifices that men make who are led, by False Shame, into a riotous course of life, iii. 224. [iv. 10].
How peevish, how wretched, is the decline of a man worn out with intemperance!
ibid.
In a cool hour, resolutions might be formed, that should stand the attack of a boisterous jest,
ibid.
See
Address
to Men of Sense in the gay World.
Good Man.
Education.
FROM seven years to fourteen, is chiefly the period in which the foundations of all female goodness are to be laid; since so soon after fourteen, girls leap into women, i. 10. [
ibid
].
What influence can a mother expect to have, over a daughter, whose Education she leaves to others, in order to save herself trouble? i. 22. [
ibid
].
Neither a learned nor a fine Education is of any value, than as it tends to improve the morals of men, and to make them wise and good, i. 62. [
ibid
].
Prudent parents, in recommending a wife to their sons, will have a particular regard to the character of those who have had a principal hand in the young woman's Education, as well as to her general character, i. 302. [
ibid
].
The benefits of a good Education are of such a nature, that they cannot be recalled, ii. 231. [332].
In every case, the teacher is the obliger. Justly is he called
master,
iii. 68. [228].
Such children of the poor,
only,
as have talents for learning, should have that advantage endeavoured to be given them, iv. 145. [v. 16].
Husbandry and labour are what are most wanted to be encouraged among the lower class of people,
ibid.
Providence has given to men different genius's and capacities, for different ends, and that all might become useful links of the same great chain, iv. 145, 146. [v. 16, 17].
Learning, of itself, never made any man happy, iv. 146. [v. 17]. [Perhaps it only multiplied his wants].
The ploughman, from the contractedness of the sphere he moves in, makes fewer mistakes in the conduct of life, than the scholar,
ibid.
If however, a genius arise, let it be encouraged. There will be rustics enow to do the common services for the finer spirits, if, by our indiscriminate good offices, we do not contribute to their misapplication,
ibid.
By proper application of the talents of youth, thousands may make a figure in life, who otherwise would be outcasts of the world,
ibid.
It is the privilege of people of quality now,
says Lady G.
so to be educated, that their time can never be worthily filled up, and as if it were a disgrace to be either manly or useful, iv. 191. [v. 62].
See
Filial
Piety.
Good Man. Learning. Learned
Women.
Parents
and Children.
ELEGANCE.
See
Politeness.
Example.
THE Example of a beneficent spirit, gracefully exerted, will awaken in others a capacity to enjoy the true pleasure that arises from a benevolent action, i. 200. iii. 255. [i. 200. iv. 41].
The more a good man permits his heart to be known, the more good he may be the occasion of, i. 265. [
ibid
].
A good Example is necessary to the support of good doctrines, i. 362. [ii. 47].
Lessons of morality and disinterestedness, given by Example are far more efficacious than those endeavoured to be inculcated by Precept, ii. 342. [iii. 86].
The Example of a good and generous man will be sometimes able to alter natures, iii. 335, 336. [iv. 121, 122].
How happy are they who are set up for Examples, rather than Warnings! iv. 137. [v. 8].
A good man, either from fear or shame, makes all around him decent, if not good, iv. 220. [v. 91].
We know not, till tried, what emulation will enable a warm and generous heart to do, v. 60. [vi. 38].
Men of genius, politeness, and goodness, are fitter to give than to take an Example in extraordinary cases; and ought not to be judged by vulgar rules, v. 115. [vi. 93].
How exaltedly noble is the woman, who can give an Example to her sex of a fervent passion properly subdued! v. 138. [vi. 116].
A good man is not ashamed to avow in public, what he thinks fit to practise in private, v. 145. [vi. 123].
A good man's silent Example will generally have more efficacy on a bold man, than his precepts, v. 227. [vi. 205].
A man that sins not from ignorance will be affronted with a man who pretends to instruct him,
ibid.
Decency from a bad man, who errs not from want of knowlege, is as much as can be expected,
ibid.
The Examples of princes are of great force, either to amend or deprave a people, v. 229. [vi. 207].
People of condition should consider themselves, as Examples to those below them, vi. 12. [vii. 12].
They should shew a conformity to the laws of their country, as well ecclesiastical as civil, when they can do it with a good conscience,
ibid.
Let the parents who sigh for an unhappy step taken by their children, sigh also for themselves, if, tho' they may not have set them
bad
Examples, they have not given them
good
ones, vi. 14. [vii. 14].
See
Beneficence. Generosity. Good Man. Magnanimity.
Executor.
WHATEVER good a man inclines to do, let him be his own Executor, ii. 336. [iii. 80].
Were Executors to be ever so just, they, acting for a trust, have not a power to fulfil a testator's unwritten intentions,
ibid.
See the generous Executor in Sir Charles Grandison's behaviour to the Danby's,
Vol. II. Let. xxx. [xxxv].
See
Wills.
Extravagance. Profusion.
MEN of birth and education, who are profuse, should consider, before they have quite squandered away their patrimony, that tho' there may be many ways of providing for bankrupt tradesmen, there are but few for reduced gentlemen, v. 27. [vi. 5].
The compting-houses of merchants, the shops of flourishing tradesmen, the public offices, will find employment for the one; but how can the other; not brought up to figures; knowing not so much as the meaning of the word
diligence;
never used to confinement; deeming attendance a slavery; and expecting, perhaps, to rank with his employer; and to be allowed to insult more useful fellow-domestics; how can such a one be made useful either to himself or others? v. 27, 28. [vi. 5, 6].
Profusion and parsimony are two extremes equally to be avoided, v. 28. [vi. 6].
See
Address
to Men in the gay World.
F.
Families
decayed.
DAUGHTERS of a decayed Family do not easily get husbands, iii. 228. [iv. 14].
Men of great fortunes look higher; men of small must look out for wives to enlarge them; and men of genteel businesses, are afraid of young women who are better born than portioned,
ibid.
A prudent young woman will therefore bend to her circumstances; yet would sooner live single all her life, rather than not marry with some prospect of happiness,
ibid.
Fancy. Imagination. Romances.
YOUNG women deeply read in romances, are apt to expect to find in their own bosoms emotions and fervors in passion, like what are described in those books; and not finding them for a worthy man who may happen to be recommended to them, often become the prey of fops and flatterers, vi. 204. [vii. 204].
Romancing girls are apt to look upon love as a blind irresistable deity, whose darts fly at random, and admit neither defence nor cure, vi. 205. [vii. 205].
Young women should
condescend
to be happy in such a way as suits their mortal state,
ibid.
Liking is often mistaken for love. When indulged, it frequently leads the inconsiderate mind into the labyrinths of that passion, and lays even a young creature,
not
unworthy, under a necessity of combating all her life with a chimera of her own creating, vi. 206. [vii. 206].
A young woman may possibly meet with persons more accomplished in some points, than her destined husband: But, if she be prudent, she will not suffer her eye to lead her into misery, when an additional tie of duty forbids its wandering,
ibid.
The duty of a reasonable and modest young woman, were she even without parents and friends, forbids Fancy to be her guide, as much as the sacred engagement of marriage forbids it to be her tormenter, vi. 207. [vii. 207].
Young women ought to take their rules from plain common sense; and not from poetical refinements,
ibid.
Gratitude, with a generous mind, will supply the place of love, vi. 219. [vii. 219].
The exertion of that benevolence, which a good woman cannot but shew to a worthy mind, will make an obliging man happy in marriage, tho' vehement love on her side was not at first in the question,
ibid.
If the second man be worthy, a woman may be happy, who has not been indulged in her first fancy [Hence the saying, so much decry'd by
heroic
girls, Marry, love will follow] vi. 225. [vii. 225].
See
Advice
to Women.
Delicacy. Daughters. Femalities. Female
Dignity.
Girls. Love. Lover.
First
Love. Love
at first Sight. Clandestine
Marriages. Modesty.
Single
Women. Vincibility
of Love.
Fashion. Dress. Novelty.
EVEN goodness, when it condescends not to comply with the innocent fashions of the times, will sit ungracefully upon a man, iii. 353. [iv. 139].
When the novelty of any change of condition is over, the principal pleasure is over, and other novelties are hunted after to keep the pool of life from stagnating, iv. 85. [257].
Public appearances, whether at court or church, on a marriage,
Lady G. says,
are a compliment made to fine cloaths and jewels, at the expence of modesty,
ibid.
Fashion, tho' called decorum, has often beat modesty out of the house,
ibid.
In the article of personal appearance, propriety and degree, as well as Fashion, should be consulted, v. 203. [vi. 181].
Singularity is usually an indication of something wrong in judgment,
ibid.
See
Good Man. Good
Wife.
Modesty. Prudence. Politeness. Public
Places. The
World.
Female
Dignity.
How can men expect that delicacy from the sex, which is their ornament and distinction, if they hold women cheap, and treat them with indignity? ii. 317. [iii. 61].
A generous man, for the honour of the sex, will be concerned, if he is in such a situation, as obliges him to decline proposals made to him by the friends of a lady, who honours him with her esteem,
ibid.
Ladies who speak favourably of a man in his absence, who forms not pretensions upon them, would, perhaps, soon convince that man of his mistake, were his presumption to rise upon their declared good opinion of him, ii. 319. [iii. 63].
The woman who declares her love of a good man, to proper persons
because
of his goodness, does more honour to her own sex, than to the other,
ibid.
The man who is not a friend to the sex in general, must [be unworthy of a good mother, and good sisters, and] have fallen into bad company; nor deserves to have been favoured with better, ii. 321. [iii. 65].
Let not the want of cultivation of the intellects of women, induce a man of letters to hold the sex cheap, iii. 44. [204].
The cause of virtue and the sex can hardly be separated,
ibid.
It is a grateful thing to all women to have a man in love, whether with themselves or not [because a man by it, recognizes the dignity and power of the sex] iii. 69. [229].
Politeness, as well as gratitude, will ever prompt a generous man to acknowlege a woman's favour to him, as a condescension, iii. 100. [260].
Female Delicacy expects to be argued with, courted, persuaded, iv. 304. [v. 175].
A woman, tho' she happens to be inferior in birth and fortune to the man who addresses her, should retain a Dignity that shall set her above either insult or contempt, iv. 393. [v. 264].
The young woman whose duty and inclination were never divided, will dignify the choice of a man of the highest fortune and merit, v. 70, 71. [vi. 48, 49].
What a princess, in the eye of all her friends, will the declared love of a polite and good man, make a deserving young woman? How will his affection for her consequence with every-body! v. 137. [vi. 115].
See
Advice
to Women.
Courtship. Education. Generosity. Good Man. Modesty.
Single
Women.
Femalities.
WOMEN who have several lovers (like women in a mercer's shop, distracted with the variety of his rich wares) often choose the worst, and reject the best, i. 30. [
ibid
].
Female pride, like love, tho' hid under a barrel, will flame out of the bung (
Mr. Selby
) i. 31. [
ibid
].
The love of admiration swallows up the hearts and souls of women (
Mr. Selby
)
ibid.
There are points in which all women agree, and make a common cause of them, i. 32. [
ibid
].
It is a sign,
says Sir Rowland Meredith,
when women are desirous to conceal their age, that they think they shall be good for nothing, when in years, i. 46. [
ibid
].
Women can do no less than reward a man by their smiles, who makes himself a monkey to divert them, i. 58. [
ibid
].
Women's eyes frequently run away with their understandings, i. 255. [
ibid
].
Marriage, like Aaron's rod, often swallows up female friendship,
ibid.
The fault of the women, in the present age, is, that they will hardly stay till they are asked; yet consider not, that men value nothing highly, but what they obtain with difficulty, i. 265. [
ibid
].
It is an easy thing to alarm a woman on the side of her vanity, i. 266. [
ibid
].
Women and painters make visitors who admire them, welcome,
ibid.
Women are so much in love with compliments, that rather than want them, they will compliment one another, yet mean no more by it, than the men do, i. 268. [
ibid
].
Love secrets are generally the cement of female friendships,
ibid.
The Devil's at home,
a phrase that seems to be verified by the practice of the modern women, i. 270. [
ibid
].
A woman cannot be guilty of a meaner pride, than that of seeing a number of men in her train, i. 301. [
ibid
].
The man,
says Sir Thomas Grandison,
who argues with a woman on points in which nature, and not reason, is concerned, must follow her through a thousand windings, yet at last be beat out of the course, ii. 69, 70. 75, 76. [170, 171. 176, 177].
Folly in women,
says the same gentleman,
is a native of the soil: a very little watering will make it sprout, and choak the noble flowers which education has planted, ii. 71. [172].
I never in my life,
says he,
knew a woman who was wise by the experience of others,
ibid.
The blind God,
adds he,
often sets women on a paceing beast: they amble, prance, parade upon it, till the r heads turn round; and then they gallop over hedge and ditch; leap fences; and duty, decency, and discretion are trodden under foot, ii. 75. [176].
Matrimony and liberty, is a girlish connexion, ii. 170. [271].
Giddy women seldom doubt a man, who doubts not himself, [tho' they should the more suspect him for his audacity] ii. 171. [272].
The man who knows how to say agreeable things to a woman, has her vanity on his side; since to doubt his veracity, would be to question her own merit,
ibid.
Women, where love and their own happiness interfere, are the most incompetent judges of all others, ii. 182. [283].
What must be the woman who makes contrivances necessary to induce her to do a right, a kind, an obligeing thing? ii. 390. [iii. 134].
A woman who hopes to encrease her consequence, by appearing indifferent to the addresses of a man she likes, deals with him as common buyers and sellers do with petty chapmen, ii. 392. [iii. 136].
Women, by perseverance, may out-teaze, if they cannot out-argue, the wisest man, ii. 407. [iii. 151].
The Female eye expects to be gratified: whence men of appearance often succeed, when men of merit fail, iii. 4. [164].
Women, by their little affectations in their love-affairs, frequently gratify their own punctilio only: to a penetrating eye they discover by them, what they wish to conceal, iii. 12. [172].
Where is the sense of a woman's parading with a worthy man, of whose affection she has no reason to doubt, and whose visits she allows? iii. 72. [232].
All women, from the grandmother to the grand-daughter, giving the stories of their loves, affect to have it thought they were very difficult to be won, whether th y were so, or not.
Some women act by their lovers, as if they thought coyness and modesty the same thing, iii. 72. [232].
Others, as if they were sensible, that if they were not insolent, they must drop into the arms of a lover on his first question, iii. 72. [232].
Handsome men may attach giddy women, without saying a single word, iii. 125. [285].
Women do not often fall in love with philosophers, iii. 126. [286].
An humoursome woman is not always so much to be blamed as her mother, iii. 237. [iv. 23].
Women, whether in courtship or not, dislike not vivacity in a man, iii. 243. [iv. 29].
Some of them will be better pleased with an innocent freedom, than with profound respect,
ibid.
Angry women are formidable only to those who are afraid of their anger, or who make it a serious thing,
ibid.
A man of common penetration may easily see to the bottom of a woman's heart; a cunning woman cannot hide it; a good woman will not: the difficulty lies in her not knowing her own mind, iii. 246. [iv. 32].
Women, designed to be dependent, as well as meek creatures, when left to their own wills, often know not what to resolve upon,
ibid.
Women are so used to courtship, that they know not how to do right things without it—Nor always with it, iii. 247. [iv. 33].
What a tormentress can that woman be, who can vex a husband, yet keep her own temper! iii 316. [iv. 102].
Women love not to be prescribed to, even in the points to which they are not naturally averse, iv. 83. [255].
And for this very reason,
says Lady G.
—because it becomes them to submit to prescription,
ibid.
I believe,
adds she,
if my good man wished me to stay at home, I should torture my brain, as other good wives do for inventions to go abroad,
ibid.
The sex,
says Signor Jeronymo,
never know their minds, but when they meet with obstacies to their wills, iv. 282. [v. 153].
Our sex,
says Lady G.
is a foolish sex—Too little or too much parade: Yet were it not, that we must be afraid to appear forward to the man himself, we should treat the opinion of the world with contempt, v. 114, 115. [iv. 92, 93].
Women who aim at over-delicacy, and are solicitous to take their measures from the judgment of those without them, generally behave like simpletons (
Lady G.
) v. 115. [vi. 93].
Pragmatical souls,
adds she,
form their notions of what ought to be a man's behaviour in courtship, either on what they have read, or by the addresses to themselves of some favourite silly fellow, who, perhaps, was equally aukward and unmeaning [tho' in a weak hour he appeared to them the flower of courtesy]
ibid.
Wise or foolish before, we are all equally foolish when in love,
says the same Lady;
the same froward, petulant, captious babies, occasionally; and did not the same idle passion make men as great fools as ourselves, they would hardly think us worthy of their pursuit, v. 116. [vi. 94].
We women,
says Lady G.
must have something to find fault with in a good man, v. 118. [vi. 96].
Women generally like not a man the less for finding something to mend in him, v. 147 [vi. 125].
Women,
Mr. Selby says,
are but, the apes, of one another, v. 165. [vi. 143].
There is a time in every woman's life, in which the eye, rather than the judgment, is the director of her heart, v. 178. [vi. 156].
We women,
says Lady G.
are afraid of a wise man. No wonder therefore that we seldom choose one, when a fool offers, v. 183. [vi. 161].
Nor is,
adds she,
a prudent man a favourite with us [whence, so many unhappy marriages] v. 184. [vi. 162].
For, the man who is prudent, or but suspected to be so, in love, is guilty of an heterodoxy in the eyes of women. [The very word and thing called prudence, is excluded from the female notion of love] v. 186. [vi. 164].
We women,
says Lady G.
are foolish creatures in our love affairs, and know not what is best for ourselves,
i id.
A
l women, more or less [perhaps from the brilliancy of their imaginations] are romancers,
ibid.
Young women, [every one loving to raise a dust, to shew her significance] are apt to look upon a state of tranquillity as a state of insipidity,
ibid.
Women love power; yet seldom know how to make a right use of it, v. 201. [vi. 179].
Women sometimes, by their very reserves, betray their expectations, v. 297. [vi. 275].
A proud woman should be above owing obligation to her man for bearing with her foibles, v. 307. [vi. 285].
You, maidens,
says Lady G. (in the wantonness of her vivacity)
are generally poor, proud, pragmatical mortals: you profess ignorance, but in heart imagine, you are at the tip-top of your wisdom, v. 308. [vi. 286].
True female resignation lies only in words, v. 309. [vi. 287].
The first vice of the first woman was curiosity, and it runs through the whole sex, v. 317. [vi. 295].
Women, whether weakly or robust, are hardly ever tired with dancing on joyful occasions. On such they will tire the men; some few of those excepted, who like themselves, are brought up to be idle and useless, (
Lady G.
) v. 368. [vi. 346].
A petulant woman is always increasing the number of her obligations to those who bear with her, vi. 56. [vii. 56].
When a woman's eye leads her choice, imagination can easily add all good qualities to the plausible appearance, vi. 201. [vii. 201].
Opposition, or resistance, is the soul, the essence, of all sorts of heroism, vi. 215. [vii. 215].
The words
constancy
and
perverseness
are often synonymous terms, when used of girls in love,
ibid.
The parents and guardians of some young women, if they would succeed in their wishes in a young man's favour, will find it their surest way, to quarrel with him, and forbid him their house, vi. 216. [vii. 216].
See
Advice
to Women.
Daughters. Fancy. Girl. First
Love.
Love
at first Sight.
Modesty. Single
Women.
Vice. Vanity. Widows. Wit.
Fencing.
YOUNG men in their warm blood, often seem to think they have in vain learned to fence, if they never shew their skill in a duel,
(Mr. Locke)
i. 370. [ii. 55].
It must be remembred that Fencing is called the science of defence; not of offence,
ibid.
A dexterity at the weapons is likely to lead young gentlemen into low company,
ibid.
See
Challenges. Duelling. Magnanimity.
Filial
Piety.
A GOOD man will, in all he may, do credit to his father's memory, v. 203. [vi. 181].
And will rather choose to build upon, than demolish, his father's foundations, v. 203. vi. 21. 23. [vi. 181. vii. 21. 23].
The loss of a father, where a great estate is to descend to the son, is the test either of a noble or ignoble heart, v. 242. [vi. 220].
See
Good Man. Parents
and Children.
Youth.
FLATTERY.
See
Compliments.
FORCED MARRIAGES.
See
Persuasion.
Forgivingness.
THAT person makes another great, into whose power he puts forgiveness of an injury, vi. 251. [vii. 251].
Let all my revenge,
says the excellent Clementina, speaking of her barbarous Cousin Laurana,
be in her compunction from my forgiveness, and from my known wishes to promote her welfare, vi. 251. [vii. 251].
See
Generosity. Magnanimity.
FORTITUDE.
See
Magnanimity.
FORTUNE HUNTERS.
See Clandestine
Marriages.
Frankness
of Heart.
Reserve.
THE godlike man has nothing to conceal,
i. 413. [ii. 98].
Frankness of Heart is a criterion of innocence and goodness, ii. 149. [250].
Why should young ladies be ashamed to own a love for a worthy object, when proper persons, for motives not ungenerous, make enquiries? ii. 156. [257].
Frankness of Heart demands equal frankness, iii. 40. 64. [141. 165].
That may be an affectation in one company, that may be but a necessary reserve in another, iii. 42. [143].
The men are their own enemies,
says Miss Byron,
if they wish women to be open-hearted and sincere, and are not so themselves, v. 198, 199. [vi. 176, 177].
The women are inexcusable who play either the coquet or prude with a man of unquestionable integrity,
ibid.
See
Advice
to Women.
Affectation. Concealment. Love. Lover. Ingenuousness. Men
and Women.
Modesty. Single
Women.
Friendship. Friend.
FRIENDSHIP and Reserve are incompatible, i. 250. [
ibid
].
Confidence engages confidence, i. 260. [
ibid
].
Kindred minds will find out and assimilate with each other, i. 300. [
ibid
].
The tenderness shewn to us by friends who would keep from us the full knowlege of an unhappy event, when we suspect all is not as we wish, is often as painful to us, as would be the most explicit communication, i. 338. [ii. 23].
[Our imaginations are hereby set at work, and moreover] the strength of mind and discretion supposed in the concealer, and the weakness in that of the person concealed from, sometimes, carries with it an appearance of insult,
ibid.
The person who is consulted for his advice, shoul
have no retrospection to himself, that might in the lea
affect the consulter, i. 359. [ii. 44].
Love may be selfish; but Friendship [that deserves the name] cannot, ii. 60. [161].
The man who considers himself as the
first
person in a Friendship, in cases that may hurt the other, should be reminded, that he judges as meanly of the understanding as of the justice of that other, ii. 131. [232].
No motive of Friendship can justify a wrong action, ii. 265. [iii. 9].
Those who have a claim upon us for our Friendship, should not be called
other
people, ii. 271. [iii. 15].
Friendship is the balm and seasoning of life, ii. 318. [iii. 62].
A man who is capable of Friendship, in the true meaning of the word, cannot be defective in any of the social duties,
ibid.
No Friendship can be held with a man, who, asking advice, is angry with his friend for speaking his mind, ii. 325. [iii. 69].
We may love a Friend with all his faults; but should not be blind to them, iii. 5. [165].
Friendship ought not to byas against justice, however dear to us may be the one party, however indifferent to us the other, iii. 6. [166].
Friendship cannot be kept with a young man, who is under the dominion of dissolute companions, and will not allow of remonstrances in cases that concern his morals, iii. 48. [208].
What a solitariness, what a gloom, what a darkness, must possess the mind that can trust no friend with its inmost thoughts! iii. 81. [241].
The essence of Friendship is communication, mingling of hearts, and emptying our very soul into that of a true friend,
ibid.
People of condition have more flatterers than friends about them, iii. 82. [242].
The Friendship of a good man is a credit to every one whom he honours with it, iii. 235. [iv. 21].
Disinterested Friendship is the basis of true love, iii. 275. [iv. 65].
The word
Friend
ought not to be polluted by affixing ideas to it, that cannot be connected with it, iii. 312. [iv. 98].
True Friendship is a delicate union of like minds, that exalts the human nature,
ibid.
There may be love, which, though it has no view but to honour, yet even in wedlock ripens not into Friendship,
ibid.
An open and generous heart will not permit a cloud to hang long upon the brow of a Friend, without enquiring into the reason of it, in hopes to be able to dispel it, iv. 155. [v. 26].
An abatement in the freedom of a Friend, is a charge of unworthiness upon one's self, and ought to be obviated the moment it is observed,
ibid.
True Friendship being disinterested, and more intellectual than Love, is nobler than that deified passion, iv. 203. [v. 74].
That Friendship is only pretension which, on proper calls, exerts not itself in action, iv. 212. [v. 83].
A prudent man, when he lends his assistance to his distressed Friend, aims only at practicable and legal, not romantic, redress, v. 11. [282].
The Friendship of a good man makes life desirable, v. 29. [vi. 7].
A generous man knows not
self,
when justice, and the service of his Friend, stand in opposition to it,
ibid.
A worthy and modest man will be thankful for advice; and will be ready to doubt the love of the Friend, who gives him cause to question his friendly freedom with him, vi. 80. [vii. 80].
Friendship will, at pleasure, make a safe bridge over seas; it will cut an easy passage thro' rocks and mountains; and join together distant countries, vi. 287. [vii. 287].
Kindred souls are always near,
ibid.
See
Duties
Moral and Religious.
Good Man. Ingenuousness. Love. Magnanimity. Modesty. Prudence.
G.
Gaming. Gamesters.
WHO, but a man's self ought to suffer by his own rashness or inconsideration? iv. 196. [v. 67].
Successful Gamesters, who, before they play'd, were possessed of fortunes which would have enabled them to answer the stakes they play'd for, had they been losers, have some plea to make to the loser,
ibid.
If the loser would have exacted payment from them, had he been a winner, he ought not to complain if they are rigorous to him, iv. 196. [v. 67].
The man who calls in the laws of his country to his aid, when he has been a loser, will have this benefit, that he can never again be seen in the same company,
ibid.
A man distressed by Gaming, ought to take care that he becomes not himself one of the very men he has so much reason to wish he had avoided,
ibid.
And that he permit not creditors from valuable considerations to suffer by him,
ibid.
What honest man would not rather be the sufferer, than the defrauder?
ibid.
What a diabolical nature must that man have, who, having been ruined himself, will endeavour to draw in other men to their ruin?
ibid.
A just man will divest himself of his whole fortune, if necessary, for the satisfaction of his creditors, and live within the pittance their generosity will allot him for subsistence, iv. 197. [v. 68].
And this not only for justice sake; but, were his difficulties owing to his own inconsideration, as a punishment for it,
ibid.
To what pity can a man pretend who will put to hazard a certainty, in hope of obtaining a share in the property of others?
ibid.
Strange! that a man should be so infatuated, as to put on the cast of a die, the estate of which he is in unquestioned possession from his ancestors! iv. 398. [v. 269].
Yet who will say, that he who hopes to win what belongs to another, does not deserve to lose his own?
ibid.
A loser at play will have the less reason for regretting the unhappy situation to which he has reduced himself, if his losses bring him to a right sense of his folly, iv. 399. [v. 270].
General
Observations.
AN unworthy man promoted, runs away with the reward due to the worthy, i. 24. [
ibid
].
By the softness or harshness of the voice, some judgment may be made of the heart and manners of a woman,
says Sir Rowland Meredith,
i. 43. [
ibid
].
There are many bad wives, who would have been good ones, had they not married to their dislike, i. 101. [
ibid
].
Good beginnings are necessary to good progresses, and to happy conclusions, i. 102. [
ibid
].
The love of two worthy people for each other, is a a proof of the goodness of both their hearts, i. 108. [
ibid
].
Disg
sts and affections cannot always be reasonably accounted for, i. 114. [
ibid
].
An honest man must appear in every light with such advantages, as will make even singularity agreeable, i. 121. [
ibid
].
Bad habits are sooner acquired, than shaken off, i. 125. [
ibid
].
How many things must a man do in an exigence, who knows not what is right to be done! i. 174. [
ibid
].
Persons who are ready to apologize for themselves before they are accused, are to be suspected, i. 254. [
ibid
].
What straws do we catch at, to save our drowning hopes of the recovery of a dying friend, while life continues, i. 283. [
ibid
].
Singularity is a fault to which great minds are too often subject, i. 322. [ii. 7].
Those who have least to do, are generally the busiest people in the world, i. 345. [ii. 30].
A man should always mistrust himself, when inclination is strong, i. 417. [ii. 102].
Alarming spirits love not to be alarmed, ii. 7. [108].
Subjects may go off happily in conversation, which will not bear recital, ii. 13. [114].
The wives and daughters of citizens, too generally, are the apes of the gentry, ii. 58. [159].
There would be no supporting life, were we to feel quite as poignantly for others, as we do for ourselves, ii. 63. [164].
Boistrous spirits, whether fathers, husbands, [or masters] are generally most observed, ii. 80. [181].
Persons of eminent abilities seldom err in small points, ii. 217. [318].
The merchants of Great Britain are the most useful members of the commonwealth, ii. 242. [343].
One weakness, [as one crime] is frequently the parent of another, ii. 333. [iii. 77].
Those men who are the readiest to give offence, are generally, when brought to the test, the most unfit to support their own insolence, ii. 354. [iii. 98].
The epithets,
pretty, young, little,
are great softeners of harsh words, ii. 380. [iii. 124].
Whispers in conversation are no more to be heard than asides in a play, ii. 396. [iii 140].
Disingenuous persons do rash things, and try to find an excuse for them afterwards, iii. 222. [iv. 8].
Fear will make cowards loving, iii. 330. [iv. 116].
A disappointed lover does not easily fix again, iii. 342. [iv. 128].
Different means may be taken to arrive at the same end, iii. 348. [iv. 134].
Great fortunes are great snares, iii. 384. [iv. 160].
The man who builds a merit on his civility, shews, that it is not natural to him, iv. 51. [223].
When we have taken a liking to any person, we are very solicitous that he should think equally well of us, iv. 53. [225].
It is no bad sign in a faulty person, to retain a reverence for the good, iv. 57. [229].
It is generally the way of those who intend not to amend, to set their hearts against their admonishers, iv. 175. [v. 46].
It often happens, that the man who was once most likely to be happy in a near alliance with a respectable family, is, on the frustrating of his hope, looked upon, and for
that
reason, as the most remote from its friendly love, iv. 338. [v. 209].
We are often punished by the grant of our own wishes, v. 5. [276].
There are circumstances in which we think our behaviour was not right, yet know not in what it was wrong, v. 86. [vi. 64].
Good-natured men will often concede, when they are not convinced, v. 107. [vi. 85].
The mind can be but full. It will be as much filled with a small disagreeable occurrence, having no other, as with a large one, v. 312. [vi. 290].
The English populace, are honest, good-natured, worthy; and shew themselves to be so, when persons of good character attract their admiration by a public appearance on any solemn occasion [or engage their pity by an undeserved distress] v. 348. [vi. 326].
We know not presently, how to frame our lips to new names, or new titles, v. 363. [vi. 341].
Bashful people are always increasing their own difficulties, v. 371. [vi. 343].
It is much easier to find fault with others, than to be faultless ourselves,
ibid.
The respectful or slighting behaviour of poor neighbours, as a man of condition passes by them, will give the general character of such a one, vi. 43. [vii. 43].
The impending evil is always the most dreaded, tho' the avoiding of that, frequently leads to a much worse, vi. 99. [vii. 99].
An easy heart will give a very different appearance to prospects, which from an uneasy one, seem dark and cloudy, vi. 134. [vii. 134].
In almost every thing, we act but upon general probabilities. One exception out of a thousand, ought never to determine us, vi. 207. [vii. 207].
Very few of us, poor mortals, know what is best for ourselves, vi. 232. [vii. 232].
See Miscellaneous
Observations.
Generosity. Over-Generosity.
WHAT a consciousness of inferiority fills a generous mind, when it labours under the sense of obligations it cannot return! i. 287. [
ibid
].
A generous man will not wish for the power of circumscribing a generous mind, ii. 122. [223].
Prudence is the measure of Generosity,
ibid.
A man cannot be generous if he be not just, ii. 130. [231].
A generous man will delight in giving pleasure to others; but it ought not to be expected in instances, that would give pain to himself, ii. 281. [iii. 25].
A generous spirit will not insult the fallen, or disgraced, however faulty they may have been, ii. 338. [iii. 82].
Free minds bear not to be ungenerously dealt with, ii. 345. [iii. 89].
Generosity (which is an higher grace than even justice) will not confine itself to obligations either written or verbal, iii. 43. [203].
True Generosity has no mixture of pride or insolence in it, iii. 249. [iv. 35].
Were policy
only
to be consulted, a character for Generosity and Goodness is worth obtaining, iii. 328. iv. 227. [iv. 114. v. 98].
A generous man values riches principally as they enable him to lay an obligation, and exempt him from the necessity of receiving one, iii. 348. [iv. 134].
A generous mind will be as ready to confer as to receive a benefit, iv. 41. [213].
A disinterested and generous man is born a ruler, iv. 227. [v. 98].
How imperfect will a fine-spirited man think that happiness, which he cannot enjoy without giving pain to another! iv, 259. v. 63. [v. 130. vi. 41].
A generous mind will be pained to receive presents, which it knows not how either to deserve or return, iv. 397. [v. 268].
A generous man will remember, that he has two hands to one tongue: he will use the latter to declare that
both
the former are at the service of a friend in distress, iv. 399. [v. 270].
Princes are not above asking money of their people, as free-gifts, on the marriage of their children, v. 72. [vi. 50].
He that would act more greatly than a prince, may, before he is aware, be less than a gentleman, v. 73. [vi. 51].
A man disposed to act nobly, and to sacrifice his own interest, on particular occasions, will meet with generous restraint from a man of spirit, v. 73. [vi. 51].
A generous man will be thought a weak man, if he submit to imposition, v. 173. [vi. 151].
A generous man, on being preferred by a lady who has several lovers, will not forbear pitying those whose disappointment is owing to his happiness, v. 299. vi. 5. [vi. 277. vii. 5].
The lady, on such an occasion, must, if worthyminded, find a gentle sigh arise in her bosom, whether she sees the lovers she has refused, at usual places, or if they forbear to come, where they were accustomed to see or meet her,
ibid.
A generous mind will not accept of all that is offered by a generous mind, vi. 33. 78. [vii. 33. 78].
A generous mind may be led into error; but when it knows it to be error, it will not continue in it, vi. 252. [vii. 252].
See
Beneficence. Good Man. Gratitude. Magnanimity. Modesty.
Girls.
GIRLS, who among themselves have a new set of company to talk over, and when a new admirer is one of them, are not apt to break off conversation abruptly, i. 55. [
ibid
].
A very young wife often makes a vapourish mother, ii. 48. [149].
Girls ought not to marry before they have done growing,
ibid.
An early bloom in girls is not to be wished for, ii. 300. [iii. 44].
There is as much difference in Girls as in fruits, with regard to their maturing,
ibid.
When Girls begin to look out for admirers, their friends had better be aforehand with them, if possible, than to leave them to purvey for themselves, iv. 56. [228].
To give a Girl consequence with herself, and to seem to repose a confidence in her discretion, is often a proper way to make her act discretely,
ibid.
Parents should not too long treat as Girls, those daughters who have found out that they are women, and who are treated as such by others.
Lady G. thus sets forth the beginning and progress of love, in Girls;
Young Girls,
says she,
finding themselves vested with new powers, and a set of new inclinations, turn their staring eyes out of themselves, v. 184. [vi. 162].
They imagine that they must receive as a lover the first single man that simpers at them,
ibid.
Then they return downcast for ogle, that he may ogle on without interruption,
ibid.
They are soon brought to answer letters which confess flames the writer's heart never knew,
ibid.
The Girl doubts not either her gifts or her consequence: She is more and more beautiful in her own eyes, as he more and more flatters her,
ibid.
Or if she does doubt of her own perfections being so high as he seems to think them, she questions not his sincerity, and she has heard a thousand instances of the mighty power of love, transforming plainness into beauty, in the eye of a lover.
If her parents are
a
-verse, the Girl is
per
-verse; and the more, the less discretion there is in her passion,
ibid.
She adopts the word
constancy:
She declaims against
persecution:
She calls her idle flame love, which only was a something she knew not what to make of, a cupidity, that, like a wandering bee, had it not settled on this flower, would on the next, whether bitter or sweet, v. 185. [vi. 163].
Love,
adds this lively lady,
is a word very happily at hand, to help giddy creatures to talk with, and look without confusion of face on, a man, who, for the sake, perhaps, of her fortune only, tells her a thousand falsehoods,
ibid.
Love is a passion that is generally confined to the days of girlhood. Even Girls in love would laugh at a woman who was violently stung with that passion, after she was turned of honest thirty, or was at years of discretion, vi. 214. [vii. 214].
See the articles
Daughters. Fancy. Love
at first Sight. First
Love.
Clandestine
Marriages. Modesty. Parents
and Children.
Signs
of Love. Single
Women. Vincibility
of Love.
GLORY.
See
Honour.
Good. Goodness.
THERE is a kind of magnetism in Goodness: Bad people, indeed, will find out bad people to associate with, in order to keep one another in countenance; but they are bound together by a rope of sand, ii. 321. [iii. 65].
While trust, confidence, love, sympathy, by a reciprocation of beneficent offices, twist a cord, which bind good men to one another, and cannot easily be broken,
ibid.
Goodness is essential to true happiness, ii. 369. [iii. 113].
Goodness and Greatness are synonomous terms, iii. 7. [167].
Goodness is an uniform thing, and will alike influence every part of a man's conduct, iii. 43. [203].
A good man will not value himself on his ancestry alone, iii. 106. [266].
Honour should be paid to men for better reasons, than either for their riches or nobility, iii. 107. [267].
A man cannot be good, if not uniformly so, iv. 221. [v. 92].
The man who loves a young woman for the sake of her Goodness, gives distinction to himself, vi. 3. [vii. 3].
See
Duties
Moral and Religious.
Good Man. Modesty. Prudence.
Good Man. Man
of Honour.
Honest Man.
HONESTY is good sense, politeness, amiableness, all in one, i. 121. [
ibid
].
A Man of Honour qualifies not in points of veracity, be the occasion either light or serious, i. 183. [
ibid
].
A good man, tho' above singularity, will be governed by the laws of reason and convenience, rather than by the fashion, i. 190. [
ibid
].
Vice is a coward when it knows it will be resolutely opposed, i. 197. [
ibid
].
What has a good man, unavoidably engaged in a right cause, to fear? i. 198. [
ibid
].
Grandeur of air, accompanied with ease and freedom of manners, good breeding, accessibility, are qual fications in a man, that will attract the general love and reverence, i. 255. [
ibid
].
The good sense of a really fine gentleman, is not rusted over with sourness or moroseness,
ibid.
He is above quarrelling with the world for trifles,
ibid.
But still more above making such compliances with it, as would impeach either his honour or conscience,
ibid.
He will live to himself, and to his own heart, and make the approbation of the world, matter but of second consideration with him,
ibid.
He will not be misled either by false glory, or false shame, the great snares of virtue,
ibid.
Men of truly great and brave spirits, are generally humane, tender, merciful, i. 272. [
ibid
].
While men of base and low minds are usually tyrannical, cruel, insolent, where they have power,
ibid.
Deviations, which in common men will be deemed slight, are not to be excused in men of exemplary characters, i. 274. [
ibid
].
A good man will not be brought to disavow a right measure, i. 290. [
ibid
].
A man who resolves to pay a sacred regard to laws divine and human, has no reason to fear a wicked man, i. 344. [ii. 29].
A Man of Honour would not marry a princess, did he not think she preferred him to all other men, i. 359. [ii. 44].
A good man, where either truth or justice is concerned, will not palliate, i. 360. [ii. 45].
Occasion calls not out every man equally to an exertion of great and amiable qualities,
ibid.
The man who can subdue his passion, and forgive a
real
Injury, is a hero, i. 362. [ii. 47].
A wise man will not
seek
danger: But when he cannot avoid it, he will consider the occasion as a call upon him for fortitude, i. 363. [ii. 48].
Intrepidity in danger is sometimes the means of extricating a man from it, i. 363, 364, 365. [ii. 48, 49, 50].
A man who is not a timid man, has more reason than one who is, to be afraid of being provoked by insult or affront, i. 377. [ii. 62].
A Good Man will honour him who lives up to his religious profession, whatever it be,
ibid.
A Good Man will not engage even in a national cause, without examining the justice of it, i. 372. [ii. 57].
Extraordinary merit has some forfeitures to pay, ii. 3. [105].
To make his enemies his friends; to put wicked men into a way of reformation; and to make it a bad man's interest to be good; are happy incidents in the life of a worthy man, ii. 4. [106].
Equivocation as little becomes the mouth of a worthy person, as a downright falsity that of a less worthy man, ii. 15. [116].
What a glory, as well in its influences, as in itself, belongs to goodness, ii. 115. [216].
An honest man fears not a scrutiny into his conduct, ii. 119. [220].
Superior excellence, like sunshine, brings to light those spots and freckles in inferior worth, on comparison, which were hardly before discoverable, ii. 123. [224].
A Good Man will not stoop to flatter any one; and least of all the great and the rich, ii. 128. [229].
It becomes a good man, in some cases, to soften the severity of his virtue, ii. 164. [265].
A Good Man will have a large charity; but will not extend it to credulity, ii. 212. [313].
A worthy man will allow a third person, when questions arise, to sit in judgment upon his actions, ii. 213. [314].
Goodness must love goodness, ii. 222. [323].
A Good Man will not suffer the narrowness of other people's hearts to contract his own, ii. 232. [333].
A man who has made a right use of the power intrusted to him, is amply rewarded in the consciousness of having so done, ii. 242. [343].
A worthy man will make it his study, as far as his power reaches, to raise the hearts of such deserving persons, as inevitable calamities have made spiritless, ii. 242. [343].
A Good Man will look upon every accession of power to do good, as a new trial of the integrity of his heart, ii. 243. [344].
A Good Man will not be guilty of false modesty, which, breaking out into singularity, would give the suspicion of a wrong direction, in cases where it may be of use to suppose a right one, ii. 267. [iii. 11].
A Good Man lives to his own heart. He thinks it not good manners to slight the world's opinion; tho' he will regard it only in the second place, ii. 268. [iii. 12].
A Man of spirit and goodness will not, by his complaisance, countenance the enormities of the great, ii. 281. [iii. 25].
A Good Man will be ready to do what is right, without being compelled to do it by law, ii. 287. [iii. 31.]
A truly beneficent man, having power, will aim at amending the hearts, as well as fortunes, of his friends and dependents, ii. 342. [iii. 88].
A benevolent man will not wish to hold in his hands the power, tho' he were not to exert it, of distressing the heart of a worthy man whom he has obliged, and whose honour he distrusts not, ii. 343. [iii. 89].
A Good Man must have difficulties to encounter with, by which a man of the world would not be embarrassed, ii. 346. [iii. 90].
How much more glorious a character is that of the friend of mankind, than that of the conqueror of nations! ii. 357. [iii. 101].
The life of a good man [however unfashionable the doctrine] is a continual warfare with his passions, iii. 69. [229].
A Good Man, tho' he will value his own countrymen, yet will think as highly of the worthy men of every nation under the sun, iii. 180. [340].
A Man of Honour will deem his good name his riches; his integrity his grandeur; princes to him are only princes as they act, iii. 181. [341].
A good man, is a prince of the Almighty's creation, iii. 183. [343].
The public has a superior claim in the abilities of a wise and good man, iii. 217. [iv. 3].
Where there are two lights, in which the behaviour of any person may be set, a good man will always choose the most favourable, iii. 220. [iv. 6].
A Good Man has no demands upon his estate or fortune, but those of reason, [and therefore will have it in his power to do generous things] iii. 248. [iv. 34].
The heart of a worthy man is ever on his lips. He will be pained when he cannot speak all that is in it, iii. 277. [iv. 63].
It is sometimes difficult for really good people, to forbear doing something more than goodness requires of them, iii. 282. [iv. 68].
A Good Man, in humble imitation of the Almighty, will be an encourager of the penitent, and an humbler of the impenitent, iii. 284. [iv. 70].
If a Good Man cannot be happy in his own affairs, he will rejoice in every opportunity put into his hands to promote the felicity of others, iii. 296. [iv. 82].
To be respected by the worthy is to be ranked as one of them, iv. 42. [214].
This reward have good persons, that those who will not imitate them, nevertheless, revere them, iv. 57. [229].
Those who love a Good Man, do honour to themselves, iv. 61. [233].
A Good Man will take his measures of right and wrong from his conscience only, iv. 158. [v. 29].
Whether his goodness be gracefully accepted, or not, he will rejoice in having been enabled to do a just and generous thing,
ibid.
Let a Good Man travel all the world over, he will go from friend to friend, iv. 165. [v. 36].
A Good Man is superior to all attempts that are not grounded on honour and conscience, iv. 167. [v. 38].
Women of slight fame have no way to come at a prudent and virtuous man,
ibid.
While women of virtue are secure from any attempts of his,
ibid.
The Good Man will be ready to question the rectitude of his own heart, if, on examination, he has not reason to hope, that charity is the principal of his graces, iv. 195. [v. 66].
It is a great point gained with a Good Man, when, on looking impartially back on his own conduct, on some great event, whether prosperous or not, that he is entirely satisfied with himself, iv. 262. [v. 133].
A generous Man can enjoy the reward, in the good action, and look for no other, iv. 274. [v. 145].
Such a one can forget his own interest, when a right and just measure is to be taken, iv. 289. [v. 160].
The Man, who, in the greater actions of his life, thinks himself under the All-seeing eye, will not be afraid of a fellow-creature's ear, iv. 291. [v. 162].
An impartial spirit will admire goodness or greatness where-ever he meets with it, and whether it makes for or against him, iv. 313. [v. 184].
The conduct of a good and prudent man, will be apt to make a considerate person, who has connexions with him, afraid; since, if there be a fault between them, it will probably be all that person's, iv. 366. [v. 237].
A Good Man will be able to pray, that the Almighty will, in mercy, with-hold from him wealth or affluence, and make him dependent even for his daily bread, were riches to be a snare to him; and were he not to find his inclinations to do good, as occasions offered, enlarge with his power, iv. 384. [v. 255].
Intrepidity and tenderness are inseparable qualities in the heart of a man truly brave and good, v. 21. [292].
A Good Man can be happy in his own company, v. 89. [vi. 67].
Low, narrow jealousies, will never enter the heart of a Good Man, v. 154. [vi. 132].
From whom can spirit, chearfulness, debonnairness, be expected, if not from a Good Man? v. 224. [vi. 202].
Austerity, uncharitableness, on one hand, ostentation, affectation, on the other, are qualities which can have no place in the heart of a Good Man, v. 227. [vi. 205].
What a blessing to all around him is a Good Man? v. 370. [vi. 348].
A Good Man will have an unbounded charity and universal benevolence to men of all professions: Imitateing the Divinity, he will regard the heart, rather than the head; and much more than rank or fortune, even were it princely: Yet is no leveller; but on the contrary, thinks that rank or degree, intitles a man not utterly unworthy of his rank, to respect, v. 374. [vi. 352].
A Good Man will be able to pity and console a dying friend, without saddening his own heart; for, living the life of duty, as he goes along, he fears not the inevitable lot, vi. 14. [vii. 14].
Good Men, by perseverance and uniformity, may bring all their friends and visitors to allow of, and, occasionally, to join in, his family devotion, vi. 33. [vii. 33].
A Man of Honour is more valuable to a single woman in trouble, than all the riches of the east, vi. 148. [vii. 148].
A Good Man has an interest in every worthy person's affections, vi. 150. [vii. 150].
The intention of a Man of Honour is his act, vi. 190. [vii. 190].
A Good Man will rather be a sufferer than an aggressor, vi. 251. [vii. 251].
A Good Man cannot allow himself to palliate or temporize with a duty, vi. 290. [vii. 290].
The intervention and character of a Good man will obviate many difficulties,
ibid.
What cannot he effect? What force has his example?
ibid.
His love, his friendships are to be gloried in. Magnanimity and tenderness are united in his noble heart,
ibid.
Littleness of any kind has no place in it,
ibid.
All who know him are studious to commend themselves to his favourable opinion; they will be sollicitous about what he will think of them; and, suppressing common foibles before him, find their hearts expand, and will not know how to be mean,
ibid.
What is there in the boasted character of most of those who are called HEROES, to the un-oftentatious merit of a GOOD Man? In what a variety of amiable lights does such a one appear? In how many ways is he a blessing and joy to his fellow-creatures? vi. 299. [vii. 299].
See
Beneficence. Charity
in Judgment.
Duties
Moral and Religious.
Example. Friendship. Generosity. Goodness. Magnanimity. Modesty. Prudence. Religion. Virtue.
Good Wife. Good Woman.
HOW do the duties of a Good Wife, a good mother, and worthy matron, well performed, dignify a woman! i. 28. [
ibid
].
A woman, to make a Good Wife, should be acquainted with the theory of the domestic duties, and not be ashamed, occasionally, to enter into the direction of the practic, i. 36. [
ibid
].
A Good Woman reflects honour on all those who had any hand in her education, and on the company she has kept, i. 50. [
ibid
].
Such a one will not allow herself to marry any man, with the hopes of his death, ii. 160. [261].
A Good Woman is one of the greatest glories of the creation, ii. 278. 389. [ii. 379. iii. 133].
A woman of virtue, of good understanding, of family, skilled in, and delighting to perform the duties of, the domestic life, needs not fortune to recommend her to the choice of the greatest and richest man, who wishes his own happiness, iii. 225. [iv. 11].
A Good Woman's prospects of happiness with a good man, reach into eternity, v. 227. [vi. 205].
See
Advice
to Women.
Education. Female
Dignity.
Marriages. Modesty. Prudence.
Single
Women.
Gratitude. Ingratitude.
WHO that lies under the weight of an unreturnable obligation, can view the obliger but with the most delicate sensibilities, i. 20. [
ibid
].
There are dark spirits who are capable of hating the persons who oblige them beyond return, i. 266. [
ibid
].
Where high respect is entertained, grateful hearts will be always ready to accuse themselves of imperfections, which no one else can charge them with, i. 347. [ii. 32].
Grateful hearts will always retain a sense of favours conferred upon them, ii. 226. [327].
Too great obligations from one side will create awe and distance from the other,
ibid.
A grateful mind will be thankful for benefits past, altho' its further expectations should not be answered, ii. 231. [332].
Love and Gratitude cannot be easily separated, iii. 232. [iv. 18].
If a benefactor comply not with all our hopes, we ought to retain a grateful sense of the benefits we have actually received at his hands, iii. 279. [iv. 65].
A right heart cannot be ingrateful, iii. 290. [iv. 76].
Little offices, if done with tolerable grace, will make a noble spirit think itself under obligation, vi. 164. [vii. 164].
See
Generosity.
Grief. Melancholy. Tears.
WHEN the heart is softened, either by Grief or Pity, light impressions will go deep, i. 150. [
ibid
].
Surprizes from joy are generally sooner recovered from, than those from Grief, i. 287. [
ibid
].
Tears, when time has matured a pungent Grief into a sweet melancholy, are not hurtful. They are as the dew of the morning to the green herbage, ii. 35. [136].
There is a pleasure as well as pain in Melancholy, iii. 102. [262].
A talkative Grief is sooner got over, than a silent one, iv. 254. [v. 125].
When the
whole
mind is taken up with a disastrous subject, the entering into it with a faithful friend cannot be a renewal of Grief, iv. 322. [v. 193].
Tho' we need not seek for melancholy subjects to give us distress of mind, yet we ought not, perhaps, to shun them, when they naturally come to our knowlege, v. 248. [vi. 226].
A shy young woman,
observes Lady G.
may possibly, when a subject of Grief occurs, be caught by her lover in a weeping fit, v. 339. [vi. 317].
The heart, softened by Grief, will turn to a comforter,
ibid.
A woman's own cause of Grief, produces pity for another: Pity begets love: They are next neighbours, and will call in to ask kindly how the sufferer does,
ibid.
And what a heart must
Grief
have, if it will not be grateful to
love,
when it makes its neighbourly call?
ibid.
A truly beneficent man will find out the sighing heart, and relieve it, before it is overwhelmed with calamity, vi. 45. [vii. 45].
See
Adversity. Consolation.
Guardian. Guardianship. Ward.
WHERE the reputation of a lady is concerned, a Guardian not in years, should not depend too much upon his own character, however unexceptionable, ii. 269. [iii. 13].
A worthy Guardian will endeavour to make his female ward the wife of a man's love, rather than of his own convenience, iii. 280. [iv. 66].
A generous Guardian will not require implicit obedience from his ward, iii. 290. [iv. 78].
A good man will be very careful in the case of his Guardianship, how he advances himself or family, by virtue of the trust reposed in him, v. 63. [vi. 41].
Were his ward to be advanced by an alliance with him; he not with her; or were the advantage reciprocal; in those cases is the Guardian justified,
ibid.
But in this delicate case, the Guardian putting himself in the situation of the deceased parent, and acting as he conscientiously thinks the parent, if living, would have done, he will have the best rule for his conduct on such an occasion.
A young woman from fourteen to twenty, is often a troublesome charge on a friendly heart, v. 178. [vi. 156].
A Guardian will be very careful not to influence his ward in favour of his friend or relation, however near and dear he is to him; especially if she has a great fortune, vi. 37. [vii. 37].
But if such a near relation or friend, and the young lady, voluntarily prefer each other to every one else, and the young lady mean not a compliment to him, he will not, upon mere motives of delicacy, stand in their way,
ibid.
[
See
Indulgence. Parents
and Children.
H.
Happiness. Unhappiness.
HE that builds his Happiness on the favour of the great, pins his tranquillity to the feather in another man's cap, ii. 368. [iii. 112].
In the general oeconomy of providence none of the sons of men are unhappy, but some others are the happier for it, iii. 97. [257].
High pleasure and high pain are very near neighbours. They are often guilty of excesses, and then are apt to mistake each other's house, iii. 175. [335].
That only is Happiness which we think so, iii. 317. [iv. 103].
An easy heart goes a great way to the cure of desperate maladies, v. 139. [vi. 117].
In the domestic or private life, after all the bustle and parade that can be made, lies the true, because untumultuous Happiness, vi. 6. 35. [vii. 6. 35].
When we are not quite happy in our own thoughts, it is a relief to carry them out of ourselves, vi. 37. [vii. 37].
The Happiness of human life is at best but comparative, vi. 201. [vii. 201].
The utmost Happiness we should hope for, in this life, is such a situation, as, with a self-approving mind, will carry us best thro' this scene of trial,
ibid.
That woman may be said to be happy, who marries the man of her choice; and he chosen by her friends, and generally esteemed by those who know him,
ibid.
See
Duties
Moral and Religious.
Good Man. Marriage. Prudence.
HONEST MAN.
See
Good Man.
Honour. Glory. Punctilio, Reputation.
THE word or thing called glory, what mischiefs has it not occasioned? ii. 183. [284].
Punctilio is not to be stood upon, where concession is a duty, ii. 364. [iii. 108.].
People, thro' Punctilio, are frequently unpunctilious, iii. 75. [235].
What is l
fe without reputation? Do we not wish to be remembered with honour after death? iii. 222. [iv. 8].
The consciousness of inferiority and obligation, will set a proud and punctilious mind upon hunting for reasons to justify its caprices, v. 81. [vi. 59].
Punctilio is but the shadow of Honour, v. 207. [vi. 185].
Punctilio begets Punctilio, and has no determinate end, v. 210. [vi. 188].
See
Challenges. Duelling. Duties
Moral and Religious.
Example. Generosity. Good Man. Magnanimity.
Hospital
for Female Penitents.
MANY young creatures, drawn in by the artifices of men, had they an opportunity given them, would willingly make their first departure from virtue their last, iii. 356. [iv. 142].
Their own sex are often more inexorable to such poor creatures than the other,
ibid.
Those men who pretend, that they would not be the first destroyers of a woman's virtue, look upon these unhappy creatures, as fair prize,
ibid.
But what a wretch is he, who seeing a poor creature exposed on the summit of a dangerous precipice, would rather push her into the gulph below, than lend her his hand, to convey her down in safety,
ibid.
Credulity, the child of good-nature, is, generally, rather than viciousness, the foundation of the crime of such unhappy young creatures,
ibid.
See the scheme for such an hospital,
Vol. iii. 357. [iv. 143].
See
Libertine. Seduction.
Humanity.
THE truly brave, must be humane, v. 42. vi. 190. [vi. 20. vii. 190].
The truly brave man can hardly shew a greater instance of Humanity, than by looking back with tenderness and compassion upon the infantile and helpless state he himself was once in,
ibid.
See
Beneficence. Friendship. Generosity. Good Man. Goodness. Gratitude. Ingenuousness. Virtue.
Human
Nature.
HUMAN Nature is pretty much the same in every country, allowing for different customs, and different educati n, i. 259. [
ibid
].
If the human mind is not actively good, it will generally be actively evil, i. 328. [ii. 13].
A clergyman who is an honour to his cloth, may be said to be an ornament to Human Nature, i. 330. [ii. 15].
Libertinism, by some, is called a knowlege of the world, a knowlege of Human Nature; but the character of Human Nature, it is hoped, is not to be taken from the overflowings of dirty imaginations, ii. 83. [184].
Attention, love, admiration, cannot be always kept upon the stretch [Human Nature will not bear it] iii. 345. [iv. 131].
On the return of a long-absent friend, for example, the rapture lasts not more than an hour,
ibid.
Gladdened as the heart is, the friend received, and the friend receiving, perhaps in less than an hour, can sit down quietly together, to hear and tell stories of what has happened to either in their long-regretted absence,
ibid.
Human Nature in general, is not so bad a thing as some disgracers of their own species have seemed to imagine, iv. 146. [v. 17].
Humility.
HUMILITY and good humour will give a weak man a preference to an arrogant or conceited one, i. 52. [
ibid
].
To look forward to those who excel us, rather than backward to those whom we suppose we excel, is necessary to obtain the grace of Humility, i. 256. [
ibid
].
The Humility and Diffidence of a worthy young person, will be increased with the trust and confidence reposed in his or her discretion, ii. 245. [346].
See
Modesty.
HUMOUR.
See
Ridicule.
Husband
and Wife.
A WOMAN is more the property of her husband, than he is hers, i. 111. [
ibid
].
Those personal qualities which make a man generally admired, sometimes occasion an abatement in his Wife's happiness, i. 255. [
ibid
].
It is a transporting thing for an affectionate Wife to receive a worthy Husband returning to her after a long absence, or an escaped danger, i. 345. [ii. 30].
The man of middle capacity,
Lady G. says,
makes the best Husband to a woman who has talents, i. 389. [ii. 74].
Such a one knows just enough,
she says,
to induce him to admire in her, what he has not in himself,
ibid.
If she has prudence enough to give him consequence before folks, she will be able to manage him as she pleases,
ibid.
But a fool and a wit are equally unmanageable, i. 390. [ii. 75].
Managing women are not, generally, the best to live with, i. 394. [ii. 79].
Married women need not to look out of their families, so often as some of them do, for employment; and that not only of the most useful, but of the most delightful sort, i. 412. [ii. 97].
The woman who has a gay Husband should never refuse him her company abroad, when he desires it, ii. 29. [130].
The prudent woman who has an expensive Husband, will endeavour, (if she cannot restrain him) by her oeconomy, to enable him to support his extravagancies with as little discredit to himself, or hurt to his family, as possible, ii. 30. [131].
The duty of a worthy Wife will be founded in principle, not in tameness or servility, ii. 31. [132].
The vices of a Husband, call forth the virtues of a Wife, ii. 83. [184].
A Wife can do no more than her duty by a Husband who is not a savage, ii. 229. iv. 342. [ii. 330. v. 213].
The most happily married woman must have a will, to which she must resign her own, [or break her marriage vow] ii. 226. [iii. 70].
A Wife may allow, in general, of a Husband's superior understanding [where it is very apparent]; but in particular cases, and as they fall out one by one, the man may find it difficult to have it allowed in any one instance, ii. 401. [iii. 145].
There should not be a rivalry in particular qualities between Man and Wife, ii. 379. [iii. 123].
The world will find occasions enow for exercising the patience of a married pair, without their needing to study for them, ii. 415. iv. 71. [iii. 160. iv. 243].
Contempt, or the appearance of it, in a Wife, what man can bear? iii. 4. [164].
The exasperated spirit of a meek man is more to be apprehended, than the sudden gusts of anger of a passionate one, iii. 4. 243. [iii. 164. iv. 29].
A lively woman, who marries a man of inferior understanding, ought to be more careful of restraining her vivacity, than she need to be, if the difference were in his favour, iii. 6. [166].
The woman who depreciates her husband, still more depreciates herself,
ibid.
The woman who sets out regardless of her Husband's displeasure, may make her petulance habitual to him, and live to rejoice in seeing him pleased with her, iii. 304. [iv. 90].
Men in the former age used to have many ways that women had not, to divert themselves abroad, when they could not be happy at home, iii. 304, 305. [iv. 90, 91].
But modern women, as
Lady G. observes,
can every hour of the twenty-four be up with their monarchs,
if they are undutiful,
iii. 305. [iv. 91].
If a woman would have the world respect her Husband, she must set the example, iii. 329. [iv. 115].
The Wife who gives the least room to suspect that she despises her Husband, subjects him to contempt if he resent it not; and if he do, can she be happy?
ibid.
There is a kind of immorality in the public fondness of a married pair, iv. 22. [194].
A woman cannot more effectually dishonour herself, than by exposing her Husband, iv. 33. [205].
A fond Husband,
Lady G. says,
is a surfeiting thing; yet she believes most women love to be made monkeys of, iv. 74. [246].
Lord and master,
says Lady G.
do not always go together, tho' they do too often for the happiness of many a meek soul of our sex, iv. 86. [258].
Those Husbands,
says the same lively Lady,
are not to be forgiven, who will argue when they have nothing to say, iv. 87. [259].
Many Husbands praise their Wives, many Wives their Husbands,
Lady G. says,
to do credit to their choice, who, were they at their option, would be hanged rather than renew their bargain, iv. 242. [v. 113].
Happy the Husband, happy the wife, who on the death of either, has no material cause of self-reproach, on reflecting on his or her behaviour to the departed, iv. 243. [v. 114].
When harmony reigns between a wedded pair, their very foibles will make them shine in every eye, v. 4. [275].
If a Husband has foibles, a wife should be very careful how she exposes him for them, v. 14. [285].
The tender and polite, yet discreet, behaviour of a Husband to his Wife in public, does as much credit to his own heart, as to her, v. 174. [vi. 152].
Real and unaffected tenderness from a healthy Wife to an Husband labouring under sickness, or the infirmities of age, is the very essence of generous love, vi. 36. [vii. 36].
A good Husband and good Wife are the world to each other, vi. 37. [vii. 37].
An Husband seldom cares to be convinced by a Wife's arguments; the less, if he is jealous of the superiority of her understanding, vi. 73. [vii. 73].
What hopes then can a woman have of reforming an habitual rake; who holds her cheap, perhaps, for the very choice she has made of him in preference to a better man?
A scoffer is a wit in his own opinion; his conceit, as well as profligacy, will render him impenetrable to a Wife's arguments, tho' ever so reasonable and conclusive, vi. 73. [vii. 73].
It seems necessary, to the happiness of common minds in wedlock, that the woman should have a greater opinion of her Husband's understanding, than she has of her own, vi. 131. [vii. 131].
See
Good
Wife.
Love. Marriage. Marriage
Bickerings.
Men
and Women.
Prudence. Wit.
I.
Jealousy.
CONSCIOUSNESS of demerit, is often the parent of Jealousy, iii. 222. [iv. 8].
What will not Love and Jealousy united, make a man do! v. 152. [vi. 130].
As a woman's honour is of a more delicate nature than that of a man, with regard to
personal
love, a man may be as jealous of a woman's warm civility to another man, as a woman may be of a man's love to another woman, v. 276. [vi. 254].
ILL-WILL.
See
Anger.
IMPARTIALITY.
See
Ingenuousness.
Indulgence.
INDULGENCE will be a stronger tie upon a generous mind, than either interest or inclination, i. 38. [
ibid
].
A generous reliance placed by parents and guardians in the discretion of a young lady who wants not gratitude, will make her more difficult in the disposing of herself, than if she were made uneasy by distrust and confinement, i. 38. 45. [
ibid
].
How can palsied age,
says the good old Mrs. Shirley,
which affords but a terrifying object to youth, except the Indulgence, the love, of the young and gay, if it do not study to promote those pleasures of which itself was fond in youth? v. 288. [vi. 266].
Enjoy innocently, your season, girls,
once said she,
setting half a score of young ladies into country-dances,
ibid.
I watch for the failure of my memory, and shall never give it over, for quite lost, till I have forgotten what were my own innocent wishes and delights in the days of my youth,
ibid.
The way to judge of the propriety of a present Indulgence, is to look back to what we should have thought of it, before we allowed ourselves in it, vi. 90. [vii. 90].
By an Indulgence growing upon us in the passed year, we may be apprehensive of the head it will gain upon us in the next, if not prudently restrained,
ibid.
See
Generosity. Good Man. Gratitude. Guardian. Parents
and Children.
Inferiority,
Superiority of the two Sexes.
MEN, in the pride of their hearts, are apt to suppose that nature has designed them to be superior to women: the highest proof that can be given of such superiority, is the protection afforded by the stronger to the weaker, iii. 45. [205].
What can that man say for himself, or for his haughty pretension, who employs all his arts to seduce, betray, and ruin the creature whom he should guide and protect,
ibid.
After all,
says Miss Byron,
speaking of courage in men, I think we must allow a natural superiority in the minds of men over women. Do we not want protection? And does not that want imply Inferiority? v. 287. [vi. 265].
Yet, if there be two sorts of courage,
acquired
and
natural,
why may not the former be obtained by women, as well as by men, were they to have the same education?
Natural
courage may belong to either,
ibid.
But women have more silly antipathies than men, which help to keep them down: Which, however, may be owing rather to affectation, at first, than to natural imbecility of mind,
ibid.
A frog, a toad, a spider, a beetle, an earwig, will give us,
proceeds she,
mighty pretty tender terror; while the heroic men will trample under foot the insect, and look the braver for their barbarity, and for our delicate screaming,
ibid.
But, for an adventure,
concludes she,
if a lover gets us into one, we frequently leave him a great way behind us,
ibid.
For the notion of the Inferiority and Superiority of men and women, see the amicable debate between Lady G. Mrs. Shirley, Sir Charles Grandison, and others,
Vol. v. Let. lviii. [Vol. vi. Let. lv].
Ingenuousness. Impartiality. Justice.
AN ingenuous mind will not be afraid of a monitor, i. 16. [
ibid
].
We ought to judge of our friends as they deserve; not as being our friends, i. 31. [
ibid
].
A noble mind will be ever ready, on conviction, to acknowlege its mistakes, i. 290. [
ibid
].
Esteem and love should be founded on merit, not on mere relation, ii. 89. [190].
Mercy and justice are sister-graces, and, in a virtuous bosom, should not be separated, ii. 107. [208].
No one can judge properly of another, that cannot, in imagination, be that other, when he takes the judgment-seat, ii.
08. iv. 315. [ii. 209. v. 186].
The laws of truth and justice are ever the same, ii. 157. [258].
What others would
not
have done in a like situation, will not be considered by a good man, ii. 157, 158. [258, 259].
Justice will be thought a severe thing by the unjust, ii. 158. [259].
A man of intrinsic merit will not seek to raise his own character at the expence of that of another, ii. 162. [263].
Tho' I say it, that should not say it;
a faulty phrase, when it is spoken of a deserving relation, ii. 239, 240. [340, 341].
Mercy should never be separated from justice, ii. 242. [343].
It is a weakness to look without abatement of esteem on those faults in one person, which we should hold utterly inexcusable in another, ii. 265. [iii. 9].
A worthy man will not plead his privilege, to defend himself against a legal pursuer, ii. 325. [iii. 69].
The person who treats even a faulty person with injustice or hardship, makes himself enemies, and the criminal friends, [pitiers at least]
ibid.
Let not even the faulty have just cause to complain of us, ii 364. [iii. 108].
We should do proper things for our own sakes, whether persons are capable of gratitude or not, ii. 366, 367. [iii. 110, 111].
In cases of right and wrong, we ought not to know either friend or relation, iii. 7. [166].
For the honour of the sex, let it not be said, that a woman, whose glory is compassionate tenderness, is not to be prevailed upon to do an act of kindness, much less of justice, iii. 238. [iv. 24].
An ingenuous person who has insisted upon a wrong measure, will, when convinced, recede with a grace, iii. 241. [iv. 27].
We ought not to be displeased with, nor depreciate, the person, who cannot do for us, or be to us, all we wish, iii. 279. [iv. 65].
It is a degree of merit, to acknowlege with some grace an error, iv. 33. [205].
The acknowlegement of a fault affords as much honour as could be gained by a victory, iv. 136. [v. 7].
Were the aggressor, in a quarrel, the nearest and dearest of all others to us, an impartial person will condemn him, and espouse the cause of the sufferer, iv. 172. [v. 43].
To what we know to be right, we ought to submit; the more difficult it is to do so, the more praise-worthy, v. 60. [vi. 38].
To do justice against ourselves, is intitling ourselves at least to a second merit,
ibid.
A person is guilty of false heroism, who in doing more justice than is due to one person, does less than is due to another, vi. 252. [vii. 252].
See
Good Man. Modesty. Sincerity.
INGRATITUDE.
See
Gratitude.
Innocence. Innocent.
AN injured person must have dignity on seeing the injurer, which the latter must want, i. 382. [ii. 67].
A protector of injured Innocence, if a generous man, will be careful of acting in such a manner, as shall lessen the merit of his protection, i. 385. [ii. 70].
Innocence is an attractive equally to the attempts of men and devils, ii 91. [192].
An Innocent man, if calamity befal him, or those he loves, will rejoice that he was not the occasion of it, ii. 322. [iii. 66].
She who loves another for her Innocence and worthy heart, has reason to love herself, vi. 175. [vii. 175].
Whom shall an innocent and injured man fear? iii. 203. [363].
See
Education. Example. Duties
Moral and Religious.
Good Man. Goodness. Happiness. Modesty.
INSINCERITY.
See
Sincerity.
INTEMPERANCE.
See
Ebriety.
JOY.
See
Mirth.
JUSTICE.
See
Ingenuousness.
Justices
of Peace.
WOULD persons of sense and distinction more frequently than they do, act as Justices of Peace, the office would be lighter to every one, and would keep the great power vested in this class of magistrates, and which is every year increasing, out of mean and mercenary hands, vi. 263. [vii. 263].
And do not men of consideration in the world, owe it to their tenants and neighbours, to employ in their service those advantages of rank and education, which make it easy for them to clear up and adjust matters that would be of endless perplexity to the parties concerned?
ibid.
K.
KEEPERS.
See
Kept
Women.
Kept
Women.
Keeper. Keeping. Guilty Attachment.
WHAT a frail tenure is that by which a Kept Woman holds! ii. 94. [195].
Keeping men often yield up points to the teazing arts of a low-born mistress, which they would not concede to a worthy wife, ii. 98. [199].
Keepers (made by their vices real slaves) imagine themselves masters of their liberty, and sit down satisfied with the sound of the word,
ibid.
The reputation of a woman is above all price, ii. 324. [iii. 68].
Every quarterly payment, every present made, to a person engaged in a guilty Attachment, must strike her to the heart, when overtaken by compunction, to behold in it the wages of her shame, ii. 324, 325. [iii. 68, 69].
The woman who has forfeited her own reputation will not be careful of the man's,
ibid.
Folly encounters with folly in a Guilty Attachment, ii. 326. [iii. 70].
Unprincipled women bear testimony to the honour of virtue, by the high price they generally set upon their first departure from it, ii. 327. [iii. 71].
The woman who stipulates a price for her virtue, knows the uncertainty of the tenure by which she holds,
ibid.
How can a Keeper complain of the misbehaviour of his woman, be it ever so base? Does she not first misbehave to herself, to her sex, and break thro' all laws divine and human? ii. 328. [iii. 72].
Ought a man who brings a woman to violate her first duties, to expect from her a regard to a mere discretionary obligation?
ibid.
It must be a wretchedness beyond what can be conceived, for a man and woman to live together a life of guilt, yet with hatred, animosity, or even indifference, to each other,
ibid.
God knows what he will forgive; but his forgiveness, however, depends, in a great measure, upon the offenders themselves, ii. 329. [iii. 73].
Where hatred or dislike has once taken place of likeing, in a Guilty Attachment, the first separation is always best,
ibid.
Guilty persons render themselves contemptible in the eyes even of those very minions who administer to their unlawful pleasures,
ibid.
The woman who has not virtue, has no title to spirit or resentment,
ibid.
The daughter of a cottager, who keeps her virtue, is superior to the greatest man on earth, who seeks to corrupt her. [He himself allows her to be so, in the court he makes to her, as well as by the indignity he offers both to her and himself] ii. 329, 330. [iii. 73, 74].
Keepers are generally, tho' bravoes of the law, cowards and cullies to their paramours, ii. 330. [iii. 74].
Indeed the courage of the men, who can defy the laws of society (to magnanimity they must be strangers) is ever to be doubted,
ibid.
The Keeper, by the same act, sinks his own consequence, and generally raises that of an inferior and lowbred woman, ii. 332. [iii. 76].
The private man who quarrels with his woman for no reason but to take another, is a worse man than Henry VIII. for he allowed not himself to be either a Keeper or Polygamist, ii. 341. [iii. 85].
Guilty Attachments are often the cause of mens despising a legal one, iii. 44. [204].
And what are the invectives of free livers against the legal one, but meanly studied attempts to justify the way of life they have fallen into?
ibid.
A good heart, a delicate mind, cannot associate with a corrupt one,
ibid.
What tie can bind a woman who has parted with her honour?
ibid.
What, in a Guilty Attachment, must be a man's alternative, but either to be the tyrant of a wretch who has given him reason to despise her, or the dupe of one who despises him?
ibid.
It is the important lesson of life in the present union of soul and body, to restrain the unruly appetites of the latter, and to improve the faculties of the former,
ibid.
Can this end be restrained by licentious indulgencies, and profligate associations?
ibid.
How much in the power of women are the resolutions of a sensual man! iii. 48. [208].
See
Address
to Men of Sense in the gay World.
Libertines. Seduction. Vice.
Kindred.
KINDRED minds will soon recognize one another, i. 204. [
ibid
].
Two sisters agreed to manage a love-affair, have advantages over a lady and her woman, i. 391. [ii. 76].
Sisters are sometimes convenient to each other in a bashful or beginning love, ii. 16. [117].
Brothers and sisters, when they are deprived of one or both parents, should endeavour to supply to each other the irreparable loss, ii. 136. [237].
Relations have a right to expect to be made easy and happy, by such of their Kindred as can make them so, without hurting themselves, iii. 253. [iv. 39].
Men of rank, if men of merit, must be of Kindred, and recognize the relation the moment they meet, iii. 255. [iv. 41].
What is the relation of body to that of mind? iii. 336. [iv. 122].
True brotherly love will ever hold the principal seat in the heart of a good man, when he sits in judgment upon a sister's conduct, vi. 132. [vii. 132].
Why, taking advantage of the defencelessness of her sex is a sister to be treated by her brothers in a love case (not disgracefully circumstanced) as if she had not a will of her own, when, perhaps, she is not inferior to them, either in discretion or understanding? vi. 138. [vii. 138].
See
Love. Persuasion.
Single
Women.
L.
LANGUAGES.
See
Learning.
LAUGHTER.
See
Mirth.
Law. Lawyers.
THE Law was not made for a man of conscience, ii. 118. [219].
If two contending parties, before they commence a Law suit, would sit down and calculate the probable expences, and agree, the one to
give,
the other to
take,
what, if they were to prosecute the suit, would probably be the Lawyer's share, the compromise would be frequently a great saving of expence to both, as well as of time and vexation, v. 24, 25. [vi. 2, 3].
A good man will not appear to support his nearest and dearest friend in an unjust cause, v. 27. [vi. 5].
See
Mediation.
Learning. Learners. Languages. Science. University.
THE man of the town, and the pedant, are two extreme points in comparison with each other, i. 58. [
ibid
].
Vast is the field of Science. The more a man knows, the more he will find he has to know, i. 60. [
ibid
].
Good-nature, a general philanthropy, but not a love of persons for their faults, mark the true satirist, i. 61. [
ibid
].
The world is one great University, i. 62. [
ibid
].
The knowlege that is to be obtained in the lesser University, should not make a man despise what is to be acquired in the greater, in which, that knowlege was principally intended to make him useful, i. 62. [
ibid
].
Smatterers in Learning are the most opinionated, i. 64. [
ibid
].
Learning consists not in the knowlege of Languages, i. 66. [
ibid
].
The first great genius had not human example, and human precepts, to improve by, i. 66. [
ibid
].
Language is but a vehicle to Science; it is not Science itself, i. 67. [
ibid
].
Great respect should, however, be paid to Linguists; but ought that confusion of tongues, which was intended to punish presumption, to be thought our greatest glory now? i. 71. [
ibid
].
It were to be wished, that in all Nurseries of Learning, the manners of youth were proposed as the principal end,
ibid.
Morals and good breeding are too generally obliged to give way to that Learning, which is of little moment, but as it inculcates and promotes those,
ibid.
Sir Hargrave Pollexfen says,
that many of the young men at the Universities, in the present age, are in more danger of becoming fine gentlemen, than fine scholars,
ibid.
As it is said of the advantages of birth and degree, so may it be said of Learning,
says Mr. Walden,
no one that has pretensions to it, despises it, i. 72. [
ibid
].
Too great a portion of life is bestowed in the learning of Languages, i. 72. 76. [
ibid
].
Are not the works of many of the antients,
Harriet asks,
more to be admired for the stamp which antiquity has fixed upon them, and for the sake of their purity in Languages which cannot alter, than for the lights obtained from them, by men of genius in ages more enlighten'd than theirs? i. 72. [
ibid
].
The
reputation
of Learning is often acquired by writers who treat on subjects that only serve to amuse inquisitive minds, and in themselves are of very little use to the greater purposes of life and knowlege,
ibid.
People who least know how to argue, are generally the most contentious,
ibid.
Homer, Virgil, Milton, were learned men, yet wrote their immortal works in their respective native Languages, i. 73. [
ibid
].
Milton's frequent recourses to the pagan mythology, in a work, that so greatly adorns a much nobler, the christian, thought by some to be a condescension to the taste of persons of his time, who had more reading than genius,
ibid.
Much noble knowlege is to be had in the English and French Languages,
(Bishop Burnet)
i. 76. [
ibid
].
Geography, history, the knowlege of nature, and the more practical parts of the mathematics, may make a person very knowing, without a word of Latin
(Bishop Burnet) ibid.
There is a fineness of thought, and a nobleness of expression in the Latin authors, that will make them the entertainment of a man's whole life, if he once understands them, and reads them with delight: But if this cannot be attained, I would not
(says the same Prelate)
have it reckoned, that the education of an ill Latin scholar is to be given up, i. 77. [
ibid
].
The Language of nature is one Language throughout the world, tho' there are different modes of speech to express it by, i. 260. [
ibid
].
Every learned man is not a man of sense, i. 302. [
ibid
].
A man may be illiterate, yet not ignorant, ii. 209. [310].
The soliloquies and asides in a play, are generally unnatural expedients of authors to make their performances intelligible to an audience, ii. 396. [iii. 140].
Learners should not wish to be every thing at once, iii. 50. [210].
See
Vol. V. Letter lv. [Vol. VI. Letter lviii].
for the justice Sir Charles Grandison does to the cause of Languages, as well as Learning; from an apprehension that it suffered from the weakness of its advocate in the debate between Mr. Walden and Miss Byron, at Lady Betty Williams's, in
Vol. I.
p.
62.
to
77.
See
Education. Learned
Women.
Learned
Women.
A LEARNED Woman, with her own sex, is as an owl among the lesser birds, i. 63. [
ibid
].
Men generally are afraid of a wife who has more understanding than themselves,
ibid.
Is it a necessary consequence, that that knowlege which shall make a man shine, must make a woman vain and pragmatical?
ibid.
May not a lettered wife, and a learned husband be flint and steel to each other?
ibid.
Many men, like the Turks, think that empire safest, which is founded in ignorance,
ibid.
In what a situation are women, who, if they have genius, will be thought guilty of affectation, whether they appear desirous to conceal it, or submit to have it called forth, i. 66. [
ibid
].
Women should not be ashamed either of their talents or acquirements, i. 77. [
ibid
].
They should only take care, not to give up their domestic usefulness for Learning,
ibid.
They will then, by reason of their acquirements, be more suitable companions for men of sense and learning,
ibid.
The man must have a narrow mind who is apprehensive of his prerogative from a Learned Woman,
ibid.
A woman who does not behave the better the more she knows, would make her husband uneasy, and think as well of herself, were she totally illiterate,
ibid.
Do not men court for wives whom they please? A conceited, a vain mind in a woman, cannot be hidden,
ibid.
Young women who are writers, should not suffer their pen to run away with their needle, i. 140. [
ibid
].
Nor their love of reading to interfere with that housewifery which is an indispensible in the character of a good woman,
ibid.
Tho' Learning should not be the principal distinction of a woman, yet, where talents are given, they should not be either uncultivated or unacknowleged,
ibid.
When no duty is neglected for the acquirement; when modesty, elegance, and a teachable spirit are preserved, it is not a disgrace to a woman to be supposed to know something, i. 141. [
ibid
].
Why should women, in compliance with the petulance of narrow-minded men, forbear to use a word which indicates knowlege, when no other single word will so well express their sense? i. 245. [
ibid
].
Yet the confining themselves to the usually-known and familiar words in language, will always give them a simplicity and ease, that will make them shine in the true grace of expression above men, especially above the generality of scholastic men.
A young woman will rather choose to distinguish herself by her discretion and prudence, than by her wit and poetry, ii. 206. [307].
Yet the easy productions of a fine fancy, not made the business of life or its boast, confer no denomination that is disgraceful; but very much the contrary,
ibid.
Libertines. Rakes.
LIBERTINE men consider all intellectual attainments in women, as either useless or impertinent, i. 4. [
ibid
].
A wise, a learned woman, they look upon as an unnatural character,
ibid.
They want women to be all love, and nothing else,
ibid.
A man of free principles, shewn by practices as free, can hardly make a tender husband, i. 26 [
ibid
].
Who shall trust for the performance of his
second
duties, the man who avowedly despises his
first? ibid.
The profligate who had a good education, must have taken pains to render vain the precepts of his instructors, and still more to make a jest of them, i. 26. [
ibid
].
The man must have a very hard heart, as well as be a most abandoned man, who can pass from woman to woman, without remorse for a former, whom he has by solemn vows seduced, i. 27. [
ibid
].
Of what a dreadful abuse of passions, given for the noblest purposes, are profligate men guilty!
ibid.
Libertines have all one dialect. They say nothing new, or deserving attention, i. 143. 320. [i. 143. ii. 5].
Libertines delight to sport with the healths and happiness of credulous young creatures, whom they pretend to love, i. 223. [
ibid
].
A man who has insulted a woman, must have a high opinion of himself, and a low one of her, if he thinks marriage will be an atonement, or do her honour, i. 311. [
ibid
].
Rakish men are generally suspicious tyrants: They live in continual fear of retribution, ii. 12. [113].
Men of strong health, and of a riotous turn, should not, in mere compassion, associate with men of weaker constitutions than their own, ii. 40. [141].
Neither should extravagant men, of high and low fortunes, associate; since the expences which will but shake the estate of the one, will demolish that of the other, ii. 40, 41. [141, 142].
Rakish men seldom make good husbands, good fathers, good brothers, ii. 74. [175].
Libertines are generally narrow-hearted creatures, who center all their delights in themselves, ii. 74. 84. [175. 185].
The notion that a reformed Rake makes the best husband, is equally vulgar and pernicious, and becomes only the mouth of an inconsiderate woman, ii. 75. [176].
Rakish men frequently endeavour to justify their vices by general reflexions on the sex [which so often prefers them to better men] ii. 83. [184].
Such men think one half of a woman's virtue is pride; the other cunning, which they call the wisdom of women,
ibid.
Were they sure,
says Sir Thomas Grandison,
that the man would not think the worse of them for their forwardness, they would not wait for a second question, ii. 83. [184].
Who shall answer for the durable reformation of an habitual Libertine? ii. 91. [192].
Mercy is a virtue: Can it be expected from the wicked? ii. 94. [195].
A seducing Rake has more souls to answer for than his own, ii. 95. [196].
It is an high degree of confidence in a man of free principles, to think of approaching a woman of piety and prudence with any hope of success, ii. 142. [243].
Rakes often have contentions with themselves, which they own to one another, whether they shall
vouchsafe
to offer themselves in marriage to a lady, before they conclude to do her that favour, ii. 142, 143. [243, 244].
Those who pretend to know the sex best, think themselves intitled, among one another, to treat it with the least respect, ii. 178. [279].
The most profligate men love modesty in the sex, at the very time they are forming plots to destroy it in individuals of it, ii. 332. iii. 327. [iii. 76. iv. 113].
What absurdities are free-living Men guilty of! What misfortunes to others do they not occasion! iii. 261. [iv. 47].
What a poor, creeping, low thing is a Libertine, weighed in the scale against a man of true honour! iii. 301. [iv. 87].
Libertines think that women prefer a fervent Lover to a discreet one; and, presuming upon their undistinguishing weakness, aim at deceiving them accordingly, v. 69. [vi. 47].
There are more clumsy and foolish Rakes, than polite ones, except women can be so much mistaken as to ascribe to impudence the name of
agreeable freedom,
v. 157. [vi. 135].
Bad habits,
Lady G. says,
are of the Jerusalem-artichoke kind, which once planted, there is no getting them out of the ground, v. 187. [vi. 165].
See
Address
to Men of Sense in the gay World.
Advice
and
Cautions
to Women.
Compliments. Delicacy. Femalities. Love
at first Sight. Clandestine
Marriages. Modesty. Protestations.
Single
Women. Seduction.
Love.
LOVE dignifies the adored object in the eye of a lover, i. 5. [
ibid
].
True Love is always modest and diffident, i. 48. 103. [
ibid
].
Trifles are acceptable from those we love, i. 61. [
ibid
].
Women ought not to be ashamed of owning a susceptibility of a natural passion, when duty and prudence are their guides, and the object worthy, i. 87. [
ibid
].
Women, when they begin to
like,
should look into their hearts; since
Love
is not then far off,
ibid.
Young women often given way to a passion, which they
suppose
unconquerable, because they will not take pains to subdue it,
ibid.
A prudent woman will shut the door of her heart against the blind deity, when she finds he has set his incroaching foot on the threshold, i. 88, 89. [
ibid
].
Such a one will endeavour to keep her heart her own, till duty adds force to the lambent flame, i. 89. [
ibid
].
Making Love,
as it is called, is an
ungenerous
abuse of the ears of a young woman; since a man can address whom he pleases, and a woman must wait his motions; and since we are all ready to believe what we wish, i. 113. [
ibid
].
A man who truly loves, cannot, without pain, allow himself to teaze, by importunity, the object of his passion, who favours him not, i. 122. [
ibid
].
One of the greatest pains that a grateful heart can know, is to be obliged to deny a worthy man, who tenderly loves her, i. 124. [
ibid
].
Respectful Love is not the indication either of a weak head, or a faint heart, i. 143. [
ibid
].
Violent Love is not likely to be lasting, i. 151. [
ibid
].
It is one of the sweetest pleasures imaginable, to hear a whole circle join in applauding the absent person who stands high in our opinion, i. 410. [ii. 95].
Love is a self-mortifier, i. 411. [ii. 96].
Love is made a cover to baseness of heart, when the pretender to it seeks to gratify his own passion, at the expence of the happiness or duty of the object, ii. 60. [161].
In a pure flame Love and Friendship cannot be separated,
ibid.
Love is a word, that is often made a cover to the vilest cupidity, ii. 92. [193].
Love [however, dignified by romancers and poets] is a narrower of the heart; since, while its success is in suspence, it is the parent of envy, jealousy, dissimulation, ii. 141. 283. iii. 32. [ii. 242. iii. 27. 192].
That Love which is founded on fancy, or exterior advantages, may, and oftentimes ought to, be overcome, ii. 144. [245].
But that which is founded on interior worth, generally acknowledged, cannot be easily restrained, damped, suppressed, ii. 144. v. 67. [ii. 245. vi. 45].
Women do not often with
earnestness
reject a man, who is not quite disagreeable, if they are not prejudiced in another's favour, ii. 160. [261].
It is no wonder that a man who is always worthily employ'd, is not in love; since Love is the child of leisure and indolence, ii. 185, 186. iii. 218. [ii. 286, 287. iv. 4].
A woman who means not preferable favour to a man, will allow herself in saying civil and polite things to him, ii. 192. [293].
There are subjects that cannot be touched upon, without raising emotion in the bosom of a person who hopes, and is uncertain, ii. 193. [294].
Why should women be ashamed of owning a
laudable
passion? There is nothing shameful in discreet Love, ii. 239. iv. 66. [ii. 340. iv. 238].
Love is a selfish deity: He puts two persons upon preferring their own interest, nay, often a gratification of their passion against their interest, to those of every-body else; and reason, discretion, duty, are frequently given up in a competition with it, ii. 240. [341].
But Love, nevertheless, will not do every thing for the ardent pair,
ibid.
Parents know this, and ought not to suffer for the rashness they wish to prevent, but cannot, ii. 240. [341].
Is a father, who has, by his prudence, weathered many a storm, and got safe into port, obliged to re-imbark in the voyage of life, with the young people, who perhaps, in a little while will look upon him as an incumbrance, and grudge him his cabin?
ibid.
Parents should be indulgent [to those who are to succeed them in carrying on the business of the world]: But children, when they put themselves in one scale, should allow parents their due weight in the other,
ibid.
A worthy woman will banish that love from her heart, which would corrupt its simplicity, and make her guilty of artifice, ii. 258. [iii. 2, 3].
Womens eyes are wanderers, and too often bring home guests that are very troublesome, and whom, once introduced, they cannot get out of the house, ii. 268. [iii. 12].
The voice, as well as the heart, is sweetened, mellowed, harmonized by Love, ii. 306. iii. 350. 378. [iii. 50. iv. 136. 164].
It is a hard matter for women, in Love-cases, to avoid affectation, ii. 391. [iii. 135].
A lady, in suspending unnecessarily the happiness of the man to whom she has no objection, and whom she resolves to marry, seems to confess self-denial, ii. 392. [iii. 136].
Esteem is the female word for Love, ii. 403. [iii. 147].
The woman who has been disappointed in Love, will be able to play with another flame without burning her fingers, iii. 4. [163, 164].
A prudent man or woman will never leave MIND out of his or her notion of Love, iii. 12. [171].
Women often take pains to cheat themselves into a belief that they are not in Love; but detect themselves by the very pains they take to obviate such a charge, iii. 14. [173].
Of what absurd things does the passion called Love, makes its votaries guilty! iii. 37. [197].
The woman who circumscribes her passion by the laws of reason and duty, will never subject herself to lasting disturbance from her recollections, iii. 37. [197].
The tenderness, and even veneration which a worthy man shews to a deservedly-beloved object, is not a derogation from his character, iii. 52. [212].
Love, like water, will work its way thro' the banks that are set up to confine it, if not watched, and dammed out in time, iii. 93. [253].
The poison of Love once taken in at the eye, will soon diffuse itself thro' the mass, iii. 125. [285].
Seldom, as the women suppose, is there that fervor in a second love, as in a first, iii. 153. [313].
Women, in Love-cases, see into each other's hearts from small openings, iii. 257. [iv. 43].
A young woman, challenged with loving a man who has made no declaration, if the challenge be just, need not to labour under a greater difficulty,
ibid.
Reverence will not easily allow of the innocent familiarity that is requisite in love, iii. 260. [iv. 46].
What a remembrancer is the heart in a Love-case! Not a circumstance escapes it, iii. 260. [iv. 60].
If a woman loves a man for his merit
only,
may she not love merits equally great in another, and even in one of her own sex? iii. 275. [iv. 61].
True Love makes every task easy, every burthen light, iii. 332. [iv. 118].
Young people often, in compliment to their own understandings, persevere in a first flame, which ought to be discouraged,
ibid.
Love gilds every object that bears a relation to the object beloved, iv. 27. [199].
There is,
says Lady
G. a great deal of free-masonry in Love: The secret, like that, when found out, is hardly worth the knowing [The Paphian Love she must mean] iv. 84. [256].
Love, however, at best, is a flame founded on a but supposed merit. The proof may be wanting in matrimony, iv. 203. [v. 74].
What is that Love which we women,
says Lady G.
vow at the altar? Surely not adoration, iv. 246. [v. 117].
Not a preference of that object absolutely, as in excellence superior to every imaginable being, iv. 246. [v. 117].
No more, surely, in most cases, than such a preferable choice (all circumstances considered) as shall make a woman with satisfaction of mind, and with an affectionate and faithful heart, unite herself for life with a man she esteems,
ibid.
Who she thinks is no disagreeable companion; but deserves her grateful regard,
ibid.
That his interest, from thenceforth, should be her own; and his happiness her study,
ibid.
And is not this very consistent with seeing and pitying, in this partner of her life, such imperfections as make him evidently the inferior of angels?
ibid.
Disappoinment in Love may operate in different minds different ways, iv. 258. [v. 129].
Young women often go on courageously with a Lover, while the end in view is distant, or there have been difficulties to encounter with, iv. 261. [v. 132].
But when those difficulties are overcome, and they have climbed the hill they toiled up, they often look about them with fear as strong as their hope,
ibid.
The controul of those we truly love, is freedom, iv. 395. [v. 266].
How sweet is the affiance which a woman has in the declaration of a man of principle, whom she loves! v. 51. [vi. 29].
Love-matches,
Lady G. says,
are generally foolish things, v. 65. [vi. 43].
Violent Love on one side, is enough in conscience, if the other party be not a fool, or ingrateful,
ibid.
The wall-climbers, the hedge and ditch-leapers, the river-forders, the window-droppers, always find reason to think it so,
ibid.
Who ever,
proceeds she,
hears of darts, flames, cupids, venus's, and such sort of nonsense, in matrimony?
ibid.
Passion is transitory; but discretion, that never boils over, gives durable happiness,
ibid.
Love, merely personal, that sort which commences between the age of fifteen and twenty, and where there is no extraordinary merit in the object, may, and generally ought to be subdued, v. 67. [vi. 45].
What tumults, what a contrariety of passions break the tranquility of the woman who yields up her heart to Love! [The more, as custom has made the man entire master of the question, and the woman can but follow as he thi
fit to lead] v. 88. [vi. 66].
A man of sense, in Love, will preserve his dignity; yet, for his own sake, will give consequence to the lady whom he one day hopes to call his wife, v. 133. [vi. 111].
Love will plead for its votary in a single breast, when consultation on the supposed fit and unfit (the object absent) will produce delay, v. 168. [vi. 146].
A little cold water will quench a beginning flame in a young person; or, if it do not, its blaze may be directed by prudent management to another and more proper object, v. 184. [vi. 162].
Love on one side, discretion on the other, is much better than love on both; since in the latter case, if the Love be of the usual giddy sort, there can be no room at all for discretion, v. 186. [vi. 164].
Love ever makes a woman think meanly of herself, in proportion as she thinks highly of the object, v. 196. [vi. 174].
It is a circumstance to be wished for, in a Love-affair, that the affection of the man should be first engaged, vi. 38. [vii. 38].
A man of honour, who is not disengaged himself, will be very careful of engaging the affections of a young woman, vi. 39. [vii. 39].
What a sad gradation is there in that Love, which, tho' begun in hopelesness of succeeding, rises by selfflattery, to a possibility, then to probability, and to hope; and, sinking again to hopelesness, ends in despair, vi. 137. [vii. 137].
Reason and duty will give a preference in the affection of a prudent woman, to the man, who is most suitable to her, vi. 202. [vii. 202].
Esteem, heightened by gratitude, and enforced by duty, will soon ripen into Love, vi. 204. [vii. 204].
A tender, a faithful affection, is the only sort of Love that suits this imperfect state,
ibid.
There is a superior ardor that is due only to supreme perfection, vi. 205. [vii. 205].
Love, authorized by reasonable prospects, and guided and heightened by duty, is every-thing excellent that poets have said of it, vi. 208. [vii. 208].
Yet, even
this
Love must submit to the awful dispensations of Providence, whether of death or other disappointment,
ibid.
Such trials ought to be met with chearful resignation, and not to be the means of embittering our lives, or of rendering them useless,
ibid.
Love is a passion that is oftener the cause of meanness, than of laudable greatness, vi. 251. [vii. 251].
See
Advice
and
Cautions
to Women.
Compliments. Daughters. Delicacy. Example. Fancy. Femalities. Female
Dignity
Frankness
of Heart.
Generosity. Girls. Good
Man.
Good
Wife.
Husband
and Wife.
Libertines. Lover. Love
at first Sight.
First
Love. Dismission of a
Lover. Marriages.
Clandestine
Marriages. Modesty. Parents
and Children.
Persuasion. Prudence. Protestations. Politeness. Signs
of Love.
Single
Women.
Seduction. Vincibility
of Love.
Love
at first Sight.
Cupidity. Paphian Love.
NONE but the giddy Love at first Sight, i. 45. 106. [
ibid
].
Love, prostituted name! is often made a cover for all acts of violence, indiscretion, folly, i. 382. [ii. 67].
Poor passion would be ashamed to see the sun, were discretion only to be attended to by lovers, ii. 53. [154].
Constancy, in the language of lovers, too often means only the sacrifice of filial duty to the addresses of a man of inferior merit; and who aims to establish himself on a young woman's credulity, ii. 71. [172].
Love at first Sight must indicate a mind prepared for impression, iii. 358. [iv. 144].
It is generally a sudden gust of passion, and that of the ignoblest kind; since it affords not an opportunity of knowing the merit of the object,
ibid.
What modest woman would have herself supposed capable of such a tindery fit? iii. 358. [iv. 144].
In a
man,
it is an indelicate paroxysm: But in a
woman
who expects protection and instruction from a husband, much more so,
ibid.
Love at first, may be only fancy: Such a young Love may be easily given up, and
ought,
to a parent's judgment,
ibid.
The woman who falls in Love at first Sight, were the man to be a Solomon, cannot have his merit or mind for her inducement, iv. 252. [v. 123].
Bars, bolts, walls, rivers, seas, will no more hold the supercilious than the less reserved, when stung with the passion miscalled Love, iv. 391. [v. 262].
Love, as it is called by boys and girls,
says Lady G.
shall ever be the subject of my ridicule. Does it not lead us girls into all manner of inconveniencies, undutifulnesses, disgraces, absurdities?—Villainous Cupidity! it does, v. 118. [vi. 96].
The parturient circumstances are humbling and awful ones,
says Lady G.
and yet, with such prospects, do some girls leap rivers, climb walls, &c. v. 311. [vi. 289].
What,
says Lady G.
is the stuff, the nonsense, that romantic girls prate about, and din our ears with, of
first Love, first Flame,
but
first Folly?
v. 354. [vi. 332].
Do not most of such give indication of gunpowder constitutions, which want but the match to be applied, to set them in a blaze?
ibid.
Souls of tinder; discretions of flimsy gauze, which conceal not their folly,
ibid.
One day,
adds this Lady,
[who intends, by the freedoms she takes with her sex, both instruction and warning, and to inspire in them a generous shame] they will think as I do; and perhaps before they have daughters, who will convince them of the truth of my assertions,
ibid.
Abhorred be that Love,
says Sir Charles Grandison,
which is pleaded in excuse for any extravagant, undutiful, or unnatural conduct, or action, vi. 252. [vii. 252].
What is the inclemency of season; what are winds, mountains, seas, to a woman who has set her heart on an adventure? vi. 276. [vii. 276].
See
Daughters. Delicacy. Fancy. Femalities. Girls. Libertines. Love.
Clandestine
Marriages. Modesty. Parents
and Children.
Protestations. Single
Women.
Vincibility
of Love.
First
Love.
FIRST Love is generally first folly, ii. 57. [158].
Wife and experienced people will not allow of that sacredness which young people are apt to imagine in a First Love, iv. 245. [v. 116].
The woman narrows her own use and consequence, who resolves, if she have not her First Love, never to marry? vi. 214. [vii. 214].
Few women have their First Loves, vi. 213. [vii. 213].
Few First Loves are fit to be encouraged,
ibid.
For example. A young woman may fix her affections on a man who may prove perfidious, vi. 214. [vii. 214].
On a man who may be engaged to another woman,
ibid.
On a married man, not knowing him, in her hasty fit, to be so; or, if Love be an irresistible passion, knowing him to have a wife.
On a man who may be superior to her in degree or fortune, of whom she can have no hope,
ibid.
Or on one who may be greatly inferior to her in both; an hostler, a groom, a coachman, a footman; a grenadier, a trooper, a foot-soldier,
ibid.
Her Lover may be taken from her by death,
ibid.
Do we find many of these constant nymphs,
asks Lady G.
when they have had their foolish way given them, as to a first flame, and they have happened to bury the man of whom they were so dotingly fond, refuse to marry again?
ibid.
No,
says she;
They have had their whimsy out: Their fit of
constancy
is over; and they go on without
rantipoling,
in the ordinary course of reasonable creatures,
ibid.
See
Daughters. Delicacy. Fancy. Femalities. Girls. Lover. Modesty. Parents
and Children.
Single
Women.
Vincibility
of Love.
Lover.
LADIES, in a competition, seldom prefer a whining to a bolder Lover, i. 6. [
ibid
].
The boistrous or threatning Lover will make a tyrant husband, i. 12. [
ibid
].
Women are very quick in discovering the beginning regards of a Lover, i. 37. [
ibid
].
Those Lovers who pay their court rather by external appearance, than by interior worth, ought not to be encouraged, i. 253. [
ibid
].
Self-love and pride are of use to a Lover, to enable him to get over the slights of a beloved object, i. 276. [
ibid
].
An handsome man need not to have great qualities to engage the hearts of the generality of women, i. 300. [
ibid
].
A good man, who is handsome, and is a man of vivacity, may choose where he pleases,
ibid.
If women love handsome men for the sake of their eye, they must be contemptible creatures if they love not good men for the sake of their hearts,
ibid.
A hopeless Lover, if prudent, will endeavour to lessen his torment, by flying from the temptation, ii. 4. [105].
A generous Lover will bind himself, but leave the object free, ii. 61. [162].
Such a one will not put a young woman upon doing a wrong thing, whether it respect her filial duty or her interest,
ibid.
A man of honour, if he find suspense painful to the object of his Love, will, by an explicit declaration, put himself into the power of her, whose honour and delicacy ought to be dearer to him than his own, ii. 203. [304].
Where delicacy is concerned, the hearts of Lovers, should be the whole world to each other, ii. 209. [310].
A man of spirit will disdain to think of any woman for a wife, who balances in her choice of him, or another man, ii. 211. [312].
Womens objections to a Lover are sometimes so slight, as make it evident they wish to have them obviated, ii. 218. [319].
The
Lover
may shine out in an address to a beloved object, yet the
man
may not be forgotten, iii. 52. [212].
Lovers, in some cases, are the weakest people in the world, iii. 75. [235].
It is difficult for a Lover, talking to a second person, to be sincere, iii. 86. [246].
In Lovers absences, the face of the meanest servant of the beloved object gives joy to the other, iii. 114. [274].
The self-consequence of a Lover is either heightened or lowered, as he is, or is not, encouraged, iii. 156. [316].
Modesty in a Lover enables a bashful woman to behave before him with ease, and (as may be said) with security, in the consciousness of a right intention, iii. 328. [iv. 114].
The man whom a lady may safely encourage with a view to happiness, is he who is distinguished by the gentleness of his manners, by the evenness of his temper; by his general desire to oblige; iv. 42. [214].
Lovers labouring under difficulties will look back to the beginning fervors of the passion (when not any of those difficulties were foreseen) as the happiest days of their lives, iv. 311. [v. 182].
Thus Lady Clementina often recollects with delight, the happy time when she was learning of her Mr. Grandison the English tongue.
In a great disappointment, a Lover is dissatisfied with himself, perhaps he knows not why; wants somebody to accuse, but hardly can blame, even if faulty, the beloved object, iv. 312. [v. 183].
How few women are there, who, for one reason or other, have the man of their choice? It is well therefore, that the passion of Love is vincible, v. 67. [vi. 45].
A lady will often defend an arraigned Lover in his absence, for faults which she in her heart condemns him for, v. 91. [vi. 69].
Such a one, if beloved, should, for his own sake, be moderate in his requests, in order to leave to her the merit and pleasure of obliging him beyond his expectation, v. 279. [vi. 257].
Where a Lover has had former engagements, tho' they took not place, a second mistress will, on the least occasion, apprehend a slight, tho' none may be intended, v. 201. [vi. 179].
A woman ought not to be shy of giving consequence to a man, who, through delicacy, assumes not any, from her silent tenderness for him, v. 243. [vi. 221].
A fervent Lover will have the whole heart of the beloved object, in the grant of every request he makes to her, or will chearfully give up his will to her, v. 278. [vi. 256].
See
Advice
and
Cautions
to Women.
Compliments. Delicacy. Fancy. Female
Dignity.
Libertines. Love.
Clandestine
Marriages. Modesty. Parents
and Children.
Prudence. Vincibility
of Love.
Dismission or Refusal of a
Lover.
HOW excellent, in a Love case, must the repulser be, how generous the repulsed, when the latter can find no fault in the former, to comfort himself with, on his dismission! i. 108. 124. [
ibid
].
The man who addresses a woman for her consent, has no right to be displeased with her for refusing him. Is she not mistress of the question? i. 131. 157. [
ibid
].
A young woman's refusal of a proposal of marriage, that is apparently unexceptionable, is a strong sign of prepossession, ii. 14. iii. 51. [ii. 115. iii. 211].
Courteousness mingled with dignity, obtains respect, even for the refuser of a request, ii. 17. [118].
Many persons have found an ardor when repulsed, which they would never have known had they succeeded, ii. 386. [iii. 130].
A generous man will rather wish to
receive
a repulse, where a lady's honour and delicacy is concerned, than to be obliged to
give
it, iii. 93. 97. [253. 257].
Delicate minds have many ways by which to express denial, iv. 363. [v. 234].
A lady who always avowed her love, who had no uncertainty to contend with, yet, spontaneously thinking it proper to change her mind, is likely to adhere to her resolution, v. 7. [278].
Perseverance in a rejected Lover, after the lady has run thro' her circle of humble servants, and found herself disappointed in her own views, has often been crowned with success, vi. 119. [vii. 119].
See
Love. Lover.
M.
Magnanimity. Spirit. Fortitude.
MEN of true courage do not threaten, i. 289. [
ibid
].
Honest policy, as well as true greatness of mind, recommends that noble doctrine of returning good for evil, ii. 57. [158].
Greatness of soul, and goodness, are inseparable, ii. 126. [225].
A brave and good man will declare his mind to a prince, were he called upon to do it, and if he were likely to do good by his honest freedom, ii. 319. [iii. 63].
What greater Magnanimity can be shewn by mortal, than by a woman of sense, who having been prevailed upon to marry, to her dislike, a man who proves to be of sordid manners, and a tyrant, and deeply sensible of her unhappiness; yet irreproachably and meekly bears her part of the yoke laid upon her? ii. 321. [iii. 65].
A good man will not palliate the faults of a fallen person; yet he will not suffer his zeal for virtue to cause him to insult an object in distress, ii. 327. [iii. 71].
What a noble mind is his, who having been rendered unhappy in his own affairs, can give himself joy in promoting the felicity of others! iii. 8. [168].
A great heart undervalued, will swell. It will be put perhaps upon
over
-valuing itself, iii. 163. [323].
Insolence from a great man, a rich man, or a soldier, is a call upon a man of Spirit to assert himself, iii. 173. [333].
The greatest triumph a man can obtain, is to subdue his own passions, iii. 181. [341].
Silence on the contempt of an insolent person, may, in some cases, be thought subscribing to the justice of that contempt,
ibid.
A man of Spirit cannot be offended at a man exerting Spirit on proper occasion, without lessening himself, iii. 183. [343].
It is difficult, but very laudable, for sufferers to act with Spirit and Temper at the same time,
ibid.
Disappointment in Love is one of those cases in which a woman can shew fortitude, iii. 215. [iv. 1].
A man cannot complain, cannot ask for compassion, as a woman can, iii. 383. [iv. 169].
Women, for the honour of their sex, in which their own is included, should not rally and ridicule a woman in love, iv. 57. [iv. 229].
A man of true Spirit will not be solicitous to enter into a family that thinks meanly of him; nor will he seek to subject the woman he loves to the contempt of her own relations, iv. 129. 327. [iv. 301. v. 198].
A weak man made a tyrant, is an insupportable creature, iv. 205. [v. 76].
Women love not to be suspected. Opposition arises from suspicion and contradiction, iv. 272. [v. 143].
A good man may bend beneath a heavy weight, when it is first laid upon him; but if he cannot relieve himself from it, or finds he ought to bear it, he will endeavour to collect his whole strength, and make himself easy under it, iv. 321. [v. 192].
A noble heart, however disappointed, will not stoop to artifice and contrivance, in order to engage pity, iv. 323. [v. 194].
The noble heart, on a disappointment, not given up to unmanly despair, will lay hold of the next good to that it has lost, iv. 338. [v. 209].
Great minds are above being governed by punctilious forms, where decorum is not neglected, v. 104. [vi. 82].
See
Beneficence. Example. Good
Man.
Good
Wife, or Woman.
Modesty.
MAN
of
HONOUR.
See
Good
Man.
Marriages.
FAMILIES are little communities. There are but few solid friendships out of them. They make up worthily, and help to secure, the great community of which they are so many miniatures, i. 28. [
ibid
].
A religious education is the best security for the performance of the matrimonial duties, i. 36. [
ibid
].
Weak men of high fortunes, should not marry either for beauty or wit; but seek for a woman of humble views, who would think herself repaid, by his fortune, the obligation she would lay him under by her acceptance of him, i. 53. [
ibid
].
The woman who marries a man to get rid of his importunity, falls upon an
odd,
but perhaps
sure,
expedient, i. 83. [
ibid
].
Young
people of small or no fortunes, should not be discouraged from marrying, i. 133. [
ibid
].
Marriage is the highest state of Friendship that mortals can know, i. 259. [
ibid
].
Equality of fortune and degree, tho' not absolutely necessary to matrimonial felicity, is, however, a circumstance not to be slighted, i. 309. [
ibid
].
The kind, but not ostentatious regard which a man and wife pay to each other, are equally creditable to themselves, and to the married state, i. 328. [ii. 13].
Marriage is a duty, whenever it can be entered into with prudence, ii. 19. vi. 223. [ii. 120. vii. 223].
It is a state that binds a man and woman together by interest, as well as affection, ii. 324. [iii. 68].
Infirmity requires indulgence: In the very nature of the word and thing, indulgence cannot exist with servility. Between equals, as man and wife, either of them ill, it may, ii. 339. [iii. 83].
Who can enough value the joy, the tranquillity of mind, that results from mutual confidence? ii. 340. [iii. 84].
Womens sphere is the house, and their shining-place the sick chamber, in which they can exert all their amiable, their lenient qualities,
ibid.
A man gives consequence to the woman he marries, and finds his own increased in the respect paid to her, ii. 340. [iii. 84].
They are not the striking, dazling qualities in men and women, that make happy in Marriage, ii. 399. [ii. 143].
Good sense, solid judgment, a natural complacency of temper, a desire of obliging, and an easiness to be obliged, procure the silent and serene happiness in wedlock, to which the tumultuous fervors of passion contribute not,
ibid.
Men and women, admired by every one, and admireing each other, before Marriage, tho' neither of them unworthy, may not be happy in it, ii. 400. [iii. 144].
Some ladies, to be honest to their matrimonial engagements, should condition with their men, to exchange vows with them at the altar, ii. 403. [iii. 147].
The married man, who is known to love his quiet, will often find it difficult to be the master of his family, ii. 404. [iii. 148].
Consideration is not always a friend to wedlock, iii. 334. [iv. 90].
Those who marry for convenience, and deal honestly with each other, are most likely to be happy in Marriage, iii. 323. [iv. 109].
The woman who marries the man to whom she is indifferent, if she prefer no other to him, may be upon a par with eight women out of twelve who marry, yet make not bad wives, iii. 343. [iv. 129].
In the wedded life, more obedience is sometimes practised by the party who vow'd it not, than by the party who did, iii. 344. [iv. 130].
Convenience, when it is made a motive to Marriage, will hold out its comforts, when a gratified love is evaporated, iv. 95. [267].
The happiness of a married pair will not be proved under a year, two, or three; since Love, which may be the inducement to the parties to enter into the state, does not always ripen into Friendship; to do which, the merits of each must appear on full proof to the other, iv. 203. [v. 74].
A woman who has not prudence, should not marry a man of less understanding than herself, iv. 255. [v. 126].
A soft man and a saucy woman,
Lady G. says,
are best matched for happiness, v. 4, 5. [275, 276].
The man,
she whimsically adds, ought
to be meek and humble, who will not let the woman be quiet till she be his [yet knows her indifference to him] v. 5. [276].
Great inconveniencies must generally attend a marriage between persons of different persuasions, one of them zealous, the other not indifferent, iv. 304. [v. 175].
A lady politely treated, and politely returning the treatment, in courtship, will not, when love is heightened by duty, and the obligation is doubled, be less deserving than before, of the polite affection of the husband, v. 286. [vi. 264].
The daughterly, the sisterly, duties of a young woman are strengthened, not weakened, by Marriage, v. 371. [vi. 349].
Happy are those Marriages, which give as much joy to the relations on both sides, as to the parties themselves, vi. 127. [vii. 127].
Early Marriages, as well for the sake of the parties, as for that of posterity, are by no means to be encouraged,
ibid.
Young people, moreover, should be allowed time to look about them, that they may not repent of the choice made for them,
ibid.
Marriage is a state that is attended with so much care and trouble, that it is a kind of faulty indulgence and selfishness to live single, in order to avoid the difficulties it is attended with,
ibid.
See
Advice
and
Cautions
to Women.
Good
Wife.
Husband
and Wife.
Love. Marriage. Matrimonial
Bickerings.
Parents
and Children.
Prudence. Single
Women.
Widows.
Marriage
in advanced Years, and with an Inequality as to Age.
MEN in years, and labouring under infirmities, are far more excusable for marrying a young woman, than a woman in years is for marrying a young man, ii. 340. [iii. 84].
The difference arises from the tenderness and helpfulness of women in their attendance on a sick or infirm husband: While male-nurses are unnatural characters,
ibid.
The man in years, who has no children to repine at a mother-in-law, and to vex him by little jealousies arising from a contrariety of interests and views; who is weakly, and often indisposed; may marry without impeachment of his prudence,
ibid.
Nor would his relations be worthy of his kindness, who, for selfish views, would wish to continue him in mean hands, rob him of the joys of confidence, and the comfort of tender help from an equal, or one deserving to be made so,
ibid.
Such a man has only to take care so to marry, as not to defeat his own end; not with a gay woman who will be fluttering about in public, while he is g4oaning in his chamber, and wishing for her presence,
ibid.
If he be a man of family and fortune; he should not aim at a fortune with her: She should be a gentlewoman by birth and education: Of a serious [but not melancholy] temper: Not a girl as to years; yet, if he has no children,
not
past the probability of bringing him an heir [which would add to their mutual good understanding] ii. 341. [iii. 85].
She ought to be one who has been acquainted with affliction. Must consider her Marriage with him, as an act both of condescension in herself, and preferment, ii. 387. [iii. 131].
Her tenderness will, by this means, be engaged, and her dignity supported,
ibid.
A woman for her morality's sake, ought not to marry a man in years in hopes of his death, iii. 230. [iv. 16].
If a woman has but the shadow of a doubt, whether she can behave in Marriage with condescension and indulgence to a man of unequal years, she ought not to be tempted, by the most advantageous proposals, to accept of him,
ibid.
Clandestine
Marriages.
Inferior
Marriages. Fortune-Hunters.
A WOMAN who marries beneath herself, must expect to be rejected, scorned for one while, if not for ever, by her natural friends, ii. 168. [269].
What right has a daughter to give to her father and mother a son, to her brothers and sisters a brother, to whom they are averse?
ibid.
Have not they at least as good a right to reject him for their relation, as she had to choose him for her husband?
ibid.
The woman who marries a man of mean understanding, as well as of mean birth and fortune, must blush at every civility paid him in her own family, ii. 184. [285].
While he, perhaps, will have the higher opinion of himself, for their very civilities, and for having succeeded with her,
ibid.
Inferior men, and Fortune-hunters, now find an easy introduction to women of fortune, at public places, ii. 268. [iii. 12].
A woman of the greatest fortune is
but
a woman, and is to be attacked and prevailed upon by the same methods, which succeed with one of the slenderest, ii. 268. [iii. 12, 13].
And perhaps is won with equal, if not with greater ease; since, if she have a romantic turn, and the man a great deal of art and flattery, she will miscall that turn generosity; and, supposing she can lay a lover under obligation, will meet him her full half way, ii. 268, 269. [iii. 13].
How necessary is it then, for parents or guardians, to have a watchful eye over their wards and daughters
of rank and fortune; the rather, as Fortune-hunters are generally the most unworthy of men.
In the address of a man of small fortune, to a woman of great, his love may well be suspected, ii. 269. [iii. 13].
See
Advice
to Women.
Daughters. Fancy. Female
Dignity.
Femalities. Girls. Libertines. Love
at first Sight. First
Love. Modesty. Parents
and Children.
Prudence. Protestations. Single
Women.
Vincibility
of Love.
Marriage
Treaties.
Settlements.
MARRIAGE Settlements ought not to be made so large, as to make a wife independent of her husband, and to put it out of his power, with discretion, to engage her gratitude by his generosity, iv. 194. [v. 65].
The hearts of young women are apt,
unjustly,
to rise against the notions of bargain and sale, as some phrase it, in a Matrimonial Treaty, v. 62. [vi. 40].
The reproach of Smithfield bargains, in a Marriage contract, is an odium cast upon prudence, principally by those, who wish a young woman to encourage a clandestine and unequal address,
ibid.
But should not the flagrant selfishness of such be penetrated; since they can mean nothing but their own interest, at the very time they would have a young woman pay no regard to hers?
Previous stipulations are surely indispensible provisions among us changeable mortals, however promising the sunshine may be at setting out, v. 62. [vi. 40].
A man, whose proposals of Marriage are unexceptionable, should be spared the indelicacy of asking questions as to fortune, v. 71. [vi. 49].
Generosity requires not, of even a generous man, that in a Treaty of Marriage, since the interest of himself and his wife will be one, that he should make a compliment to his affection, by giving up her natural right; especially if there be no one of her family in low circumstances, v. 73, 74. [vi. 51, 52].
A prudent lover will not be either romantic or ostentatious. He will be as glad to follow, as to set, a good example, v. 74, 75. [vi. 52, 53].
If the lady's fortune be an
ascertained
one, and he in easy circumstances, he will not accept of contributions from such of her friends, as are not the nearest to her in relation, and who have others who stand in an equal degree of proximity to them, to make it up,
ibid.
Marriage
Proposals.
THERE never was a Treaty of Marriage set on foot, that carried not its conveniencies and inconveniencies, in the face of it, iii. 229. [iv. 15].
A polite and good man will not make a proposal to a lady in behalf of a friend, which, for the sake of her sex, has not
her
honour and dignity for its first object,
ibid.
A person who has a right to choose, ought not to incur displeasure for making use of it,
ibid.
Explicitness in every case becomes the proposer, iii. 230. [iv. 16].
A man of strict honour, proposing an advantageous alliance, will not seek strongly to attach the friends of the young lady in favour of his proposal, till he know her mind, lest he impose a difficulty upon her, that neither for her own sake, or the man's, ought to be laid,
ibid.
A declared, and not unreasonable aversion, should not be attempted to be overcome, iii. 231. [iv. 17].
A generous proposer will, in case of a reasonable opposition to his proposal, be an advocate for the person refusing, rather than the persuader,
ibid
It is an indelicacy hastily to urge a modest woman for an affirmative to a proposal of Marriage, when she has received it without giving a negative,
ibid.
A lady's consent is enough implied in an early proposal, if she declare herself disengaged, and refer herself to her friends,
ibid.
Masters. Mistresses. Servants.
MASTERS and Mistresses are answerable for the character, and even for the behaviour, of their domestics, i. 23. [
ibid
].
Wages to a
good
Servant are not to be stood upon, i. 134. [
ibid
].
An honest Servant should be enabled to lay up for age and infirmity,
ibid.
What has not a Master to answer for, who puts a servant on a wicked action? i. 238. [
ibid
].
By the behaviour of Masters and Servants to each other, the good and bad qualities of each may be judged of, i. 321, 322. ii. 302, 303. [ii. 6, 7. iii. 46, 47. 49].
Servants are as sensible as Masters and Mistresses. They speak to their feelings, ii. 302. [iii. 46].
Servants, when they find themselves of use, will not be always
Servants,
ii. 339. [iii. 83].
A man of honour will not accept of intelligence from another person's Servants, tho' to serve himself, iii. 157. [317].
A man, to have good Servants, will treat them as necessary parts of his family, iii. 352. [iv. 138].
He will not entrust secrets to them, the keeping or disclosing of which, might make them of importance to him:
He will give them no bad example:
He will not be angry with them but for wilful faults:
If
those
are not habitual, he will shame them into amendment, by gentle expostulation and forgiveness:
If they are not capable of generous shame, and the fault be repeated, he will part with them; but with such kindness, as will cause their fellow-servants to blame them, and take warning:
He will be fond of occasions to praise them:
Even when they mistake, if it be with a good intention, they will have his approbation of
that,
and endeavours to set them right as to the act:
He will make sobriety an indispensable qualification for his service:
He will insist upon his Servants being kind and compassionate to one another:
And, as a compassionate heart cannot be habitually an unjust one, he will by this means make their good-nature contribute as well to his security as quiet.
Generally speaking, a Master may make a Servant what he pleases, iii. 352. [iv. 138].
Servants judge by example, rather than by precept; and almost always by their feelings,
ibid.
The most insupportable of all dominion, is that of Servants, iv. 223. [v. 94].
A truly religious Servant, of whatever persuasion, cannot be a bad one, iv. 224. [v. 95].
A good Master, if his Servants live but up to their own professions, will indulge them in all reasonable opportunities of pursuing the dictates of their own consciences,
ibid.
The worthiness of a man will be frequently known by his kindness to his domestics, and by their general good behaviour and civility, v. 81. [vi. 59].
Masters find it their interest, as well as duty, to promote family devotion among their Servants, vi. 32. [vii. 32].
See
Example. Generosity. Good
Man.
Magnanimity.
Matrimonial
Bickerings.
FEW women, in a Matrimonial Debate, have reason to lay
all
the fault at the husband's door, iii. 242. [iv. 28].
What foolish things are the quarrels of married people! Since they must come to an agreement again; and the sooner the better, before hard blows are struck, that will leave marks,
ibid.
A petulant wife makes that husband appear unpolite, who with a good-natured wife would have been thought a polite one, iii. 244. [iv. 30].
Shall there be a misunderstanding between man and wife, and an husband court a refused hand?
ibid.
In a contention between man and wife, there must pass some mutual recriminations on their making up, to keep each in countenance on their past folly, iii. 245. [iv. 31].
Women are of gentle natures; accustomed to be humoured, opposition sits not easy upon them,
ibid.
Women indirectly allow of the superiority of men, when they expect them to bear with their perversenesses, iii. 245. [iv. 31].
What then has an husband to do, but, in pity to his wife, and compliment to himself, [if he find her
fervent
] to bear with her foibles? iii. 246. [iv. 32].
A prudent man, if he find his wife in the wrong, will endeavour to be in the right; and if she be inclined to dispute, leave her to recover herself; for arguments with a
stedfast
woman, will beget arguments,
ibid.
Those reconciliations will be the most durable, in which the lady makes the advances,
ibid.
Married people should not be quick to hear what is said by either, when in ill humour, iii. 248. [iv. 34].
Married people, who openly differ, make bystanders judges over them, iii. 333. [iv. 116].
Those bystanders will remember, when the parties are willing to forget,
ibid.
And their fame will be the sport of those beneath them, as well in understanding, as degree,
ibid.
How many debatings, if not direct quarrels, are saved, by the frequent absence of the good man, from his meek wife! iv. 84. [256].
In what can men and their wives, who are much together, employ themselves, but in proving and defending, quarelling and making-up?
(Lady G.) ibid.
Especially, if they both marry for love; for then, both honest souls, having promised more happiness to each other, than they can possibly meet with, have nothing to do, but reproach each other, tacitly at least, for their disappointment,
(Lady G.) ibid.
Married people, in their debatings, should not choose either mediators or witnesses, iv. 86. [258].
Married folks, brought up differently, of different humours, inclinations, need not
study
for occasions of debate, iv. 190. [v. 61].
See
Femalities.
Matronly
State.
GOOD wives, mothers, mistresses,, dignify the Matronly State, and make it the most estimable stage of female life, iv. 200. [v. 71].
When health and a good conscience accompany the Matronly State of life, there cannot be an happier
woman, v. 52. [vi. 30].
See
Good
Wife.
Meannesses.
ALL men, who can be guilty of a premeditated baseness, are mean, i. 290. [
ibid
].
It is a Meanness, as well as Injustice, to depreciate a worthy person, whose favour we are not so happy as to obtain, ii. 18. [119].
Little-spirited men choose to be obliged to [good-natured] relations, in hopes that they will less vigorously exact payment than a stranger, ii. 131. [232].
The man who habitually degrades himself, will be liable to be despised, perhaps insulted, by his own menials, ii. 315. [iii. 59].
Violent spirits, when over-awed, are generally tame in their submissions, ii. 331. [iii. 75].
When a woman has submitted to take a price for her honour, she must, at times, appear despicable, even in the eyes of her seducer, ii. 332. [iii. 76].
The fawning, cringing slaves of persons in power, are the first to insult them in their disgrace, ii. 338. [iii. 82].
Cardinal Wolsey, in a train made up of persons even nobly descended, in his fall, found but one Cromwell, ii. 338. [iii. 82].
A spirit that will fawn and cringe, will be a tyrant in power, iii. 52. [212].
Ungenerous persons detected in a Meanness, hardly know how to forgive the man to whose forgivingness they are obliged, iv. 291. [v. 162].
What a narrowness must there be in the heart of that man, who cannot allow himself to look with pleasure and kindness on a worthy heir, because he is his heir, v. 234. [vi. 212].
Mediation.
OFFICIOUS Mediators frequently make light differences heavy, iii. 317. [iv. 103].
Officious Mediations often widen wounds that would heal of themselves, iv. 175. [v. 46].
An Umpire or Mediator, who wishes to reconcile parties at variance, may, when the point in dispute is referred to him, best effect his end, by enquiring of each party separately, what his expectation is; and when he has brought them near, pronounce; having prepared the one to advance the other to concede, as of their own motion, beyond what was to be pronounced by him, vi. 53. [vii. 53].
See
Friendship. Generosity. Good
Man.
MELANCHOLY.
See
Grief.
Men
and Women.
FROM sixteen to twenty-four, Women are generally aforehand with Men in ripeness of understanding, i. 259. [
ibid
].
Tho' after that time, Men may ripen into a superiority,
ibid.
The intellects of Women usually ripen sooner than those of Men; but Men, when ripened, like trees of slow growth, generally hold longer, are capable of higher perfection, and serve to nobler purposes,
ibid.
As Men and Women are brothers and sisters, can Womens failings be peculiar to themselves? i. 266. [
ibid
].
Must it needs be, that a daughter of the same father and mother, must be more silly, more unsteady, more impertinent, more absurd, than her brother?
ibid.
Women, in general, want not to travel abroad to render them easy and polite in conversation, i. 271. [
ibid
].
Yet this, perhaps, must be allowed, that Women who travel, generally return more fantastic than Men; and yet few of the
latter
improve themselves by going abroad.
To judge comparatively of the genius's of Men and Women, instances should be drawn from equal degrees of both, and who have had equal opportunities of improvement, i. 272. [
ibid
].
Men in their raillery are generally less delicate than Women, i. 275. [
ibid
].
Women can better account for the approbation and dislikes of Women, than Men can, i. 318. [ii. 3].
Were Men in general lively, chearful, good, there would be but few bad Women, i. 415. [ii. 100].
Woman's weakness is man's strength, ii. 83. [184].
Men who inveigh against Women indiscriminately, must be supposed to have kept bad company,
ibid.
Men who hope to carry a point with a Woman by passion and insolence, behave quite differently to Men, ii. 180. [281].
Apprehensiveness, the child of prudence, is as characteristic in a Woman, as courage is in a Man, ii. 183. [284].
Men and Women are so much alike, that, put custom and difference of education out of the question, the meaning of the one may be generally guessed at by that of the other, in cases where the heart is concerned, ii. 197. [298].
Men and Women are devils to one another: They need no other tempter, ii. 218. [319].
Womens minds have generally a lighter turn than those of Men [owing perhaps to their finer imaginations: But if so, how watchful an eye ought to be kept upon daughters!] ii. 267. [iii. 11].
Were Men in general to value Women for those good qualities only, which are characteristic of the sex, they would never want objects worthy of their love, for companions, ii. 321. [iii. 65].
Affection between Man and Woman once forfeited, can hardly ever be recovered, ii. 339. [iii. 73].
When two persons, who have lived in familiarity with each other, differ, the fault is seldom wholly on one side, ii. 332. [iii. 76].
Women dislike not that a Man should be decently free with them, but not impertinent, iv. 152. [v. 23]
A Woman may be eloquent in her grief; when a
Man,
tho' his heart were torn in pieces, must hardly be heard to complain, iv. 335. [v. 206].
Greatly, therefore, are the distresses of a manly heart to be pitied,
ibid.
Men and Women can hardly have great troubles but what must arise from each other,
ibid.
It is in the power of either sex to mend the other, v. 47, 48. [vi. 25, 26].
The same Men and Women are not always the same, v. 224. [vi. 202].
The Woman who knows herself to be wrong, may, one day, mend: But what hopes is there of her, who, however faulty in her conduct, believes herself to be right? v. 307. [vi. 285].
See
Duties
Moral and Religious.
Education. Example. Friendship. Good
Man.
Husband
and Wife.
Love. Marriage. Magnanimity. Modesty. Prudence. Single
Women.
Wit.
Military Men.
A SOLDIER is the least master of his own life, of any man in the community, i. 372. [ii. 57].
The principal officer of a corps in his quarters, however subordinate and low, is looked upon in the neighbourhood, as a general, ii. 167. [268].
A Soldier must generally be a slave to his superiors, a tyrant to those beneath him, ii. 182. [283].
Women are the most delicate parts of the creation; conscious that they stand in need of protection, they naturally love brave men,
ibid.
The army is, perhaps, more indebted for many a gallant man, to the gay appearance its officers are expected to make, and to the favour of women on
that
account, than to a true martial spirit, ii. 182. [283].
But how can a Soldier's wife expect constant protection from her husband, who is less his own, and, consequently, less hers, than almost any other man; a Sailor excepted?
ibid.
Mirth. Joy. Laughter.
THE general Laugh that is excited by a man's laughing at what he says himself, has usually more of contempt than approbation in it, i. 55. [
ibid
].
Mirth, however insipid, will occasion smiles, tho' sometimes at the expence of the mirthful, i. 58. [
ibid
].
Gloom, severity, moroseness, will be disgustful even in a Solomon,
ibid.
The man, who laughs at his own absurdities, leaves us at liberty to suppose, that his folly is his choice, i. 59. [
ibid
].
Laughing is almost as catching as gaping, when people are disposed to be merry, however silly the occasion, i. 79. [
ibid
].
Comfort approaches nearer to happiness, than Joy, iii. 222. [iv. 8].
The Joy of sensible people is easy, serene, deep, full; that of others is mad, loud, tumultuous, noisy, iv. 48. [220].
In the highest of our pleasures, the sighing heart will remind us of imperfection, iv. 231. [v. 102].
Abundant reason for Joy has the person, who has it still in his or her power, to avoid an evil, and choose a good, iv. 383. [v. 254].
Immoderate Joy is the parent of many a silly word and action, iv. 198. v. 13. [v. 69. 284].
There may be a fulness even in laudable Joy, that will mingle dissatisfaction with it, v. 48. [vi. 26].
Hence may be deduced,
says Miss Byron,
an argument, that the completion of our happiness must be referred to a more perfect state than this, v. 49. [vi. 27].
To weak spirits, sudden Joy is almost as painful at the time, as grief would have been, v. 83. [vi. 61].
There is nothing so unwelcome as an unseasonable jest, v. 83. [vi. 61].
There are loud Laughs, which betray more vexedness than mirth, v. 90. [vi. 68].
The Joy that seems to be of an easy and familiar nature, is the Joy that is likely to last, v. 334. [vi. 312].
Men of sense are most capable of joyful sensations; and have their balances; since it is as certain, that they are most susceptible of painful ones, v. 354. [vi. 332].
Miscellaneous
Observations.
GOOD hearts are apt to be credulous, i. 25. [
ibid
].
Men give not themselves their intellects: No one should be despised for want of genius, i. 52. 55. [
ibid
].
What we want to tell, we wish our friend to have curiosity to enquire about, i. 55. [
ibid
].
Over-wisdom is as foolish a thing as moderate folly. i. 59. [
ibid
].
A graceful yielding in debate, is more reputable than a victory obtained by heat and obstinacy, i. 67. [
ibid
].
The honest poor are a valuable part of the creation, i. 133. [
ibid
].
Riches never yet of themselves made any body happy, i. 157. iv. 227. [i. 157. v. 98].
Marriage is too generally thought an amends for every outrage, i. 213. [
ibid
].
Odious circumstances may invert the force of the kindest words, i. 217. [
ibid
].
One of the heaviest evils, to a worthy mind, is to be slighted by those whom it loves, i. 275. [
ibid
].
People long used to error, submit not without reluctance to new methods of proceeding, i. 319. [ii. 4].
Goodness to goodness is a natural attraction, i. 330. [ii. 15].
The man who finds himself more feared than beloved, must generally have something in his outward behaviour to correct, i. 335. ii. 20. [ii. 283. iii. 27].
True merit will never want admirers, i. 392. [ii. 77].
That, to some, will be thought weak and silly in writeing or speaking, which, to others, will appear as a beauty, i. 397. [ii. 82].
We are apt to try to recollect circumstances in another's story, when the case is likely to be our own, which at the time, we disregarded, i. 406. [ii. 91].
Mortification is sometimes the happiest thing that can befall a proud man, as it may teach him to think better of others, and not so highly of himself, i. 411. [ii. 96].
Too much emotion on a slight charge, is a kind of tacit confession, ii. 7. [108].
The eye and the ear are too often great misleaders, ii. 29. [130].
We know not to what inconveniencies a small departure from principle will lead, ii. 164. [265].
He that will not impose on another, will himself least bear to be imposed upon, ii. 172. [273].
The expectation of a favoured person's company, diminishes the pleasure, that would be full in the company we have, were not he or she expected, ii. 296. [iii. 40].
There are faults that must be left to heaven to punish, and against the consequences of which, it behoves us only, for our own sakes, to guard, ii. 364. [iii. 108].
Things out of our power have often a very different appearance to what they had when we believed they were in it, ii. 368. [iii. 112].
Uncalled-for apologies are tacit confessions, iii. 16. [172].
Men are too apt to govern themselves by events, without looking into causes, iii. 205. [365].
Ill use of power will take reputation from the oppressor, and give it to the oppressed, iii. 238. [iv. 24].
Perverse tempers, when properly touched, are sometimes capable of sudden and generous turns, iii. 250. [iv. 36].
Persons to whom the world has been kind, generally make a great deal of a little pain, iii. 327. [iv. 113].
Aggressors lay themselves open to severe reprisals, iv. 330. [116].
When our hearts are set upon a particular subject, we are apt to think every other impertinent, and beside the purpose, iii. 344. [iv. 130].
Trifles, insisted upon, make frequently the widest breaches, iv. 18. [190].
Odd characters are sometimes needful, to make even ones shine, iv. 54. [226].
All human excellence is but comparative, iv. 55. [227].
Many a one may be thought well of in conversation, who, by putting pen to paper expose themselves, iv. 67. [239].
A rooted malevolence, tho', for a time, appeased, will occasionally recur, iv. 127. [299].
On a first visit from one we greatly respect, and wish to oblige, a kind of uneasy sensation will perplex us, after he or she has left us, as if something was omitted or done, that might weaken us in the person's good opinion, iv. 153. 193. [v. 24. 64].
We pray for long life; and what for,
asks Lady G.?
but for leave to out-live our teeth and our friends; to stand in the way of our elbowing relations; and to change our swan-skins for skins of buff; which, nevertheless, will not keep out either cold or infirmity, iv. 250. [v. 121].
As well the courage as the quality, be it ever so high; of the man who can be premeditatedly unjust, is to be despised, iv. 197. [v. 68].
Great princes are not always great men, iv. 221. [v. 92].
Those who can allow themselves in some deviations, may be suspected in others,
ibid.
In competitions, we may afford to speak handsomely of the man we neither envy nor fear, iv. 356. [v. 227].
Every one is not called upon, by the occasion, to act nobly, iv. 364. [v. 235].
It is not always given us to know what is best for ourselves, v. 4. [275].
Tempers, as well as complexions, generally are best suited by contraries,
ibid.
Were we all equally to like the same person or thing, we should for ever be engaged in broils,
ibid.
Early perfection generally induces an early decay, v. 9. [280].
We may be very differently affected by the same event, when judged of at distance, or near, v. 56. [vi. 34].
A busy mind should be always employed, in order to keep it out of mischief, v. 81. [vi. 59].
It is not unusual for a person to seek, as his greatest good, what found, would be his greatest misfortune, v. 184. [vi. 162].
Disagreeable qualities cannot always be separated from good ones in the same person, since the one, perhaps, is the constitutional occasion of the other, v. 189. [vi. 167].
Those are the truest admirers of fine flowers, who love to see them in their borders, and seldomest pluck the fading fragrance,
ibid.
The less delicate crop, put them in their bosoms, and in an hour or two, after one parting and careless smell, throw them away,
ibid.
Women love to surprize, and to be surprized; but it is a love that often draws them into inconveniencies, v. 268. 270. [vi. 246. 248].
Things are generally best as they are, v. 315. [vi. 293].
People of condition, when either their curiosity or pleasure is concerned, like sometimes to engage with difficulties, and to be put to little inconveniencies, for novelty sake, and that they may have something to talk of, v. 318. [vi. 296].
She that boasts of her good behaviour on particular occasions, when she acts but as she
ought,
reflects upon herself, v. 326. [vi. 304].
It is a common thing for a person in a coach, to call for the attention of his company in it, to something that passes as they ride, and at the same time to thrust his head out of the window, so that nobody can see but himself, v. 346. [vi. 324].
True jests are not always the most welcome. Tell a woman of forty, that she is sixty or seventy, and she will not be so angry as if her true age were nearly guessed at: The one nobody will believe; the other every-body, v. 347. [vi. 325].
The man who is
officious
to excuse, or palliate an evident fault in another, may give a suspicion of his puting in an indirect claim to an allowance for the like faults of his own, vi. 55. [vii. 55].
When once the mind has been disordered, there is danger, on extraordinary occasions, of its shewing itself capable of extravagance, even after the cure is supposed to be perfected, vi. 101. [vii. 101].
See
General
Observations.
MISFORTUNE.
See
Adversity.
MISTRESSES.
See
Masters.
Modesty. Decorum.
A MAN who deserves the name of a gentleman, will be careful in his conversation not to offend a chaste ear, i. 49. [
ibid
].
Modesty is easily alarmed; the proper answer to one who had said, that women, on certain subjects, were very quick, i. 50. [
ibid
].
A woman of virtue would be wanting to her character, if she did not resent reflexions made in her company that might be construed an insult on Modesty,
ibid.
A pure heart, whether in man or woman, will, on every occasion, in every company, be pure,
ibid.
Volubility of speech, is generally owing to want of doubt, i. 56. [
ibid
].
To hear more, and speak less, is a rule that deserves to be remembred,
ibid.
Modest men must have merit, i. 104. [
ibid
].
Self-diffidence is a quality, from which the worthy of either sex cannot be wholly free, i. 304. [
ibid
].
Ought a Modest woman, who would not wish to look silly under the staring, confident eye of a bold man, to choose such a one for a husband? iii. 3. [162].
Modesty in a man gives an agreeable self-confidence to a woman, iii. 2, 3. 8. [162. 168].
All men, good and bad, admire Modesty in women: What a reflection on their own sex, then, do those women cast, who do not admire the same grace in a man! iii. 227. [iv. 13].
Meekness and Modesty are characteristic qualities in women, of which men are justly fond, iii. 307. [iv. 93].
A modest man loses nothing by subscribing to the visible superiority of a worthy friend, iii. 345. [iv. 131].
A young woman's Modesty will often cover her with confusion, for what people of sense and candour will consider as a beauty, v. 4. [275].
Something is due to the fashion in dress; and shall not those customs which have their foundation in Modesty, and are characteristic of the gentler sex, be intitled to approbation? v. 168. [vi. 146].
See
Advice
and
Cautions
to Women.
Delicacy. Female
Dignity.
Good
Man.
Goodness. Libertines. Love. Marriage. Single
Women.
N.
New-married
Woman.
Wedded Love.
A PRUDENT Bride, entering into her new family, will make no unnecessary changes. If she think herself happy, she will let every one who deserves it, find their happiness in hers, vi. 27. [vii. 27].
It is a pleasure to good servants to be directed by a mistress, who herself knows when services are well performed, vi. 28. [vii. 28].
To be respected by servants, it is necessary to be able to direct them in their several offices; and not to be found ignorant in the articles that it behoves a mistress of a family to be acquainted with,
ibid.
Happy is the New-married Woman, who finds her husband's respectfulness to her increased, and her own reverence for him augmented, without abatement of their mutual love, vi. 30. [vii. 30].
Discretion and gratitude are the corner-stones of the matrimonial fabric, vi. 35. [vii. 35].
What a heart must that woman have, which, though she married with indifference to the man, love and gratitude cannot engage!
ibid.
A New-married woman of prudence, will acquaint herself with the methods observed in her husband's house, and will put nobody out of their good way, merely to shew her authority, vi. 40, 41. [vii. 40, 41].
Politeness mingled with familiarity, becomes a Wedded Love, vi. 132. [vii. 132].
Happy is the woman who marries a good man; since such a one will do obliging things for principle's sake, vi. 135. [vii. 135].
He will pity involuntary failings; he will do justice to good intentions; and give importance to all his fellowcreatures, knowing that they and he are equally creatures of the Almighty,
ibid.
A generous man will not subject his wife to the danger of her being either a refusing Vashti, or a toomeanly mortified Esther, vi. 177. [vii. 177].
The maternal circumstance will subdue the excentric spirit of a Newly-married young woman of too great vivacity, and, if her heart is not bad, make her an obliging wife: Since she will doubly disgrace herself, if she love the child, and behave improperly to her husband, vi. 190. [vii. 190].
See
Good
Man.
Husband
and Wife.
Matrimonial
Bickerings.
Masters, Mistresses, Servants.
NOVELTY.
See
Fashion.
Nuptial
Preparations.
Wedding-Day.
FINE ladies, who think so slightly of the matrimonial office, as to prefer the chamber to the church, for its performance, should not wonder if fine gentlemen think still more slightly of the obligations it lays them under, iii. 314. [iv. 100].
Marriage is one of the most important engagements of a woman's life: If the lady mean a compliment to her lover, by a chamber, rather than a church, marriage, let her declare as much; and that she was in a hurry to oblige him,
ibid.
A person who means to shame a free lady into delicacy, may be forgiven for using free images, and strong expressions, iii. 314. 326. [iv. 101. 112].
The anniversary-day of marriage, when doubt of happiness is turned into certainty, must be happier to the lady, than the day itself, iii. 336. [iv. 122].
A prudent young woman, in her bridal dresses, will not wish to be fantastically equipped, v. 274. [vi. 252].
Humility becomes persons of degree; such being known to be able to afford rich dresses, need them not to give them consequence in the eyes of the many,
ibid.
[Fancy, art, study, should not be seen to have been consulted on the occasion; for simplicity only can be elegance],
ibid.
Every thoughtful young creature, as her Nuptial-Day draws near (a change so great, and for life) must have conflicts in her mind, be her prospects ever so happy, v. 294. [vi. 272].
If so, of what materials must the hearts of runaways, to men almost strangers to them, be compounded?
An obliging woman in courtship, parts with power to a generous man, but to take it back with augmentation, v. 298. [vi. 276].
There is something awful to a woman, in the circumstances of her consenting to a fixed day of marriage, v. 301. [vi. 279].
Let private Weddings,
says Mr. Selby,
be for doubtful happiness, v. 302. [vi. 280].
Chamber-marriages,
says the sams facetious gentleman,
are neither decent nor godly,
ibid.
When a woman,
adds he,
is to do any thing she is ashamed of, she is right (for fear of setting an ill example) to be private,
ibid.
We women,
says Lady G.
are strange creatures for delaying things that must be done, to the last moment, v. 315. [vi. 293].
We put our men in a hurry: We hurry our workwomen, milaners, mantua-makers, friends, allies, confederates, and ourselves,
ibid.
When once we have given the day, night and day, we neither take rest, nor give it,
ibid.
When, had we the rare felicity of knowing our minds sooner, all might go on fair and softly,
ibid.
But then, the gentle passion, I doubt,
says she,
would glide into insipidity,
ibid.
Yet all these honest souls,
proceeds she,
as mantua-makers, attire-women, workwomen, are delighted with a hurry that is occasioned by a wedding, v. 315, 316. [vi. 293, 294].
And why should not we women,
adds she,
contrive
hurry-skurries,
and to make the world think our affairs a considerable part of the business of it, and that nothing can be done without us, v. 316. [vi. 294].
Since, after a few months are over, new novelties take place, and we get into corners, sigh, groan, look silly and meagre, and at last are thrown into straw?
ibid.
Every woman's heart leaps,
says Lady G.
when a Wedding is described, and longs to know all how and about it, v. 347. [vi. 325].
A considerate young lady, near marriage, will be thoughtful, when she contemplates the following circumstances, however excellent the man may be;
That she is beginning a new course of life: That, person and will, she is soon to be the property of another: Her name sunk in that of her husband: That she is to go to a new house: Be ingrafted in a new family: To leave her own, which dearly loves her. An irrevocable destiny; and for life, v. 364. [vi. 342].
From such considerations as these,
Lady G. infers,
that young women ought to be indulged in their choice, if not a disgraceful one, of the man they love, v. 366. [vi. 344].
For the behaviour of a new-married pair to each other, see
Vol. v. 373. [vi. 351].
O.
OBSTINACY.
See
Conceit.
Oeconomy. Early
Rising.
WOMEN who set themselves to acquire the knowlege that is proper to men, often neglect for it, that which indispensibly belongs to their own sex, i. 93. [
ibid
].
The habit of Early Rising enables a person to do every-thing with ease, pleasure, and without hurry and confusion, i. 253. [
ibid
].
Servants cannot for shame, be in bed at a reasonable hour to be up, when a principal sets the example of Early Rising,
ibid.
An Early Riser earns the pleasures she allows herself in innocent recreations,
ibid.
Persons of the highest quality ought not to be above valuing themselves as Oeconomists, i. 394. [ii. 79].
A wise man will plant, as well as cut down, ii. 129. [230].
Women, short as their power is, are generally better Oeconomists than men, ii. 238. [339].
Those who look into their own affairs will avoid the necessity of doing or suffering many things disagreeable to a person of spirit, ii. 314. [iii. 58].
Many men of large estates pay interest for their own money,
ibid.
Good Oeconomists, whatever be their fortunes, will make it a rule to conclude the year with discharging every demand that can be made upon them, and to commence the new year with cash in hand, iii. 227. [iv. 13].
The man will be well served, and greatly respected, who suffers not a just demand to be twice made upon him, iii. 346. [iv. 132].
Early hours and method, and ease without hurry, will do every thing in family management, iv. 243. [v. 114].
A prudent man, in the management of his affairs, will see with his own eyes, and dispense with his own hands, vi. 6. [vii. 6].
In choosing men of principle and seriousness to deal with, we have their reputation, as well as conscience for our security, vi. 42. [vii. 42].
The prudent man attends to the minutest, as well as greatest things, in his Oeconomy, vi. 44. [vii. 44].
A prudent landlord will immediately cause necessary repairs to be set about, and will do any thing that tends to improve his estate; but will not be imposed upon by craving or unreasonable tenants,
ibid.
A good landlord will suffer his tenants to grow into circumstance under him,
ibid.
He will not twice put himself in the power of a man who imposes on him; were it only, that he will not be obliged to act the part of a suspicious man, and be a watchman over people of doubtful honesty, vi. 45. [vii. 45].
See
Generosity. Good
Man.
Good
Woman.
Prudence.
Old
Bachelors.
Old
Maids.
OLD Bachelors often insist upon qualities in a wife for themselves or relations, not one of which perhaps the chosen woman, if they marry, will have, i. 36. [
ibid
].
They often make exceptions for themselves, till no family thinks it worth while to receive or make proposals to them,
ibid.
Grown splenetic, and disregarded by every-body, their pride is lowered, and they frequently confess obligation to a woman, for accepting of them, whose betters they formerly despised, i. 37. [
ibid
].
Women who have had no lovers, or, having had lovers, have not found a husband, have, perhaps, as men go, rather had a miss than a loss, i. 326. [ii. 11].
Those women who join with the men, in their ridicule of Old Maids, ought not to be forgiven, if the single state, and not the bad qualities of the person, is what they mean to expose,
ibid.
In the abusive sense of the word, there are Old Maids of twenty, and among widows and wives of all ages and complexions,
ibid.
A single woman, tho' either disappointed, or not addressed to, has infinitely less cares, less anxieties to contend with, than a married one, ii. 146. [247].
Bachelors and Maids, when long single, may be compared to houses long empty, which nobody cares to take, ii. 202. [303].
As the house in time, by long disuse, will be thought, by the vulgar, haunted by evil spirits, so will the other, by the many, be thought possessed by no good ones,
ibid.
Many an Old Maiden lady,
says Lady G.
has substantial notions of ideal love, v. 7. [278].
Those notions,
this lively Lady fancies,
last a long time with those who have not had the opportunity of gratifying the silly passion,
ibid.
Would a woman who ridicules Old Maids, have one think that she is over-joyed that she has put it out of any one's power to reproach
her
on that account? v. 13. [284].
If so, how thankful, on all occasions, ought she to be to the man who has so generously kept her from the odium!
ibid.
It looks like a want of decency in women, to cast reflexions on others of their own sex (for what?) probably for their prundence and virtue,
ibid.
Such reflecters consider not, how much they, by their ludicrous freedoms, exalt the men, and depreciate their own sex,
ibid.
It is no wonder that the men join in the ridicule: It is
their
interest to do so; and it augments their consequence,
ibid.
Many of the foibles for which Old Maids are ridiculed, they would have been guilty of had they been old wives, v. 13. [284].
Wives should not fall into the mistakes for which they would make Maids the subject of their ridicule,
ibid.
Women of sense should be above joining to hunt down a class of people of their own sex, whom they deem unfortunate, v. 13, 14. [284, 285].
Multitudes of the sex owe their ruin to the odium so unmeritedly cast upon Old Maids, by both sexes.
[Whereas this class of females rather merit compassion; since] a single woman is too generally an undefended, unsupported creature, vi. 202. [vii. 202].
Her early connexions, year by year, drop off: No new ones arise, and she remains solitary and unheeded in a busy bustling world, perhaps soured to it by her unconnected state,
ibid.
But yet if no proper match offer to a single woman, must she make an improper one to avoid the ridicule of a mere name? vi. 209. [vii. 209].
An unsupported state is better than an oppressed, a miserable one, vi. 209. [vii. 209].
How many rashly-chosen husbands, and repentant wives, justify the women who having not had an offer they can with prudence accept of, choose to live single?
ibid.
May not the woman who makes a rash choice, be said to throw herself out of the protection and defence upon which every one may depend, in the state of life marked out to her by providence? vi. 218. [vii. 218].
Unsuitable matches cannot be called a support and defence,
ibid.
The single state may be said to be fitly marked out by providence, to those women who never have it in their power fitly to change it,
ibid.
Yet it must be owned,
says Lady Gertrude,
that a woman is most likely to find her proper happiness in the married state,
ibid.
But there are surely many exceptions, in favour of single women: Women of large and independent fortunes, who have hearts and understandings to use them as they ought, are often more beneficial to the world, than they would have been, had they bestowed them on such men, as look for fortune only, vi. 218. [vii. 218].
Nor need women, who have by their numerous relations many connexions, seek out of their own alliances for protection and defence, vi. 218, 219. [vii. 218, 219].
Ill-health, peculiarity of temper or sentiments, unhappiness of situation, of person, afford often such reasons as make it a virtue to refuse what it would be right in others to accept, vi. 219. [vii. 219].
P.
PAPHIAN LOVE.
See
Love
at first Sight.
Parents
and Children.
THE Parents who finds more faults in a Child, than she is guilty of, may make her inattentive to those she ought to correct, i. 87. [
ibid
].
What honour do good Children eflect back on their Parents! i. 327. [ii. 12].
Wives and mothers who perform their domestic duties, are an honour to the age in which they live,
ibid.
What have those who do
not,
to answer for to God, to their Children, and even to their Sex, for the contempts they bring upon it, by their uselesness, and perhaps extravagance! i. 327, 328. [ii. 12, 13].
There are Parents who cover by the word
indulgent,
that remisness in the education of their Children, which rather should be attributed to indolence, and a love of their ease, than to their own good-nature [and who become thereby their children's worst enemies] i. 335. [ii. 20].
A worthy child will always choose to walk within its limited bounds, i. 399. [ii. 84].
A dutiful Child will reluctantly mention the failings of its Parents, ii. 28. [129].
Sweet is the remembrance of good Parents departed, to good Children,
ibid.
Of what pleasure do those Parents deprive themselves, who neglect or think themselves above attending to the dawnings of their Childrens reason? ii. 31. [132].
Worthy Children who have faulty Parents, may improve by the bad example, as well as by the good, ii. 33, 34. [134, 135].
There is no merit in performing a duty to a
good
Parent, ii. 33. [134].
In reciprocal duties, the remisness of one side, is not an acquittal of the other, ii. 33. 61. [134. 162].
The daughters of antient families are usually too hardly dealt with, in regard to their portions of the family estate, ii. 34. 37. [135. 258].
Children who make themselves judges of the measures of their duty, will be in danger of sacrificing it to their inclinations, ii. 43. [144].
Parents may have reason for their conduct, which may not appear to their Children; nor for which they are accountable to them, ii. 44. [145].
Children very seldom owe thanks to the fancies of those mothers, who have given them a rake for their father, ii. 48. [149].
Parents ought to be made acquainted with any address made to their daughters, before liking has taken root in love; and while their advice may have its proper weight with them, ii. 58. 59. 70. [159, 160. 171].
Some Children act as if they thought their Parents had nothing to do, but to see them established in the world, and then quit it, ii. 69. [170].
Those Children who engage their hearts without consulting their Parents, would make no scruple to marry without asking questions, did they not think it necessary first, to know what they would do for
them,
tho' they had left their Parents no option, ii. 70. [171].
Parents, in such cases, if not passive, are accounted tyrants,
ibid.
Daughters at marriagable years [whatever some of them think] have then more need than ever of the care and advice of Parents, ii. 75. iii. 374. [ii. 176. iv. 160].
Parents should be the judges, if not of their daughters likings, of their own, ii. 77. [178].
Modesty never forgets duty, ii. 78. [179].
The man who has daughters, seldom knows discomfort with them, till they look out of their father's house for that happiness, which they seldom find, in equal degree, but in it,
ibid.
No provocation from a Parent can justify a rash step in a Child, ii. 87. [188].
The loss of a good mother, is a call upon the prudence of a worthy daughter,
ibid.
Where duty to a Parent is wanting, all other good qualities are to be suspected, ii. 89. [190].
A father is not accountable to his Child for what he has a right to do, ii. 109. [210].
Parents should take care how they give cause to their Children to think meanly either of their justice or understanding, ii. 166, 167. 170. 181. [267, 268. 271. 282].
A good Child must recollect with pleasure those instances of duty in which he or she gave joy to a departed Parent; and regret those of a contrary nature, ii. 175. [276].
What pleasures do mothers lose, who want tenderness to their Children! ii. 207. [308].
All fathers are not wrong, who expect a fortune to be brought into their family, in some measure equal to the benefit the new-comer hopes to receive from it, ii. 240. [341].
Prudent Parents will watch when habits begin to change in their Children; and will be more-especially afraid of young creatures exposing themselves when they are between girls and women, ii. 277. [iii. 21].
Children should never be made parties in the misunderstandings that may happen between father and mother, ii. 288. [iii. 32].
Children, when they come to be Parents themselvs, will think, in certain arduous cases, as their Parents think, ii. 314. [iii. 58].
Who, in his own decline of life, can expect a comfort from his Children, who never administred any to his own Parents in theirs? ii. 388. [iii. 132].
The Parent who condescends to put his or her authority into mediation, deserves the utmost observance and duty, iii. 52. [212].
Parents are entitled to know the reasons of their daughter's objections to the man they wish her to have, and to judge of the force of them, iii. 80. [240].
Parents who have even hopeful Children, are not always happy in them, iii. 96. [256].
She that can wilfully give concern to good Parents, may justly make a Lover afraid of her, iii. 137. [297].
It is not every woman who will shine in a state of independency, iii. 374. [iv. 160].
Avarice in a Parent, and Love in a Child, are almost irresistable, when their powers are united to compass the same end, iv. 118. [290].
What plea can Parents make use of to an opposing Child, in recommendation of a man they like, but that of filial duty? When the Child can justly plead conscience in bar, the duty should not be insisted upon, iv. 316. 318. [v. 187. 189].
The Almighty every-where, in his word, sanctifies the
reasonable
commands of Parents, iv. 352. [v. 223].
So that it may justly be said, that to obey Parents in their lawful commands, is to serve God, iv. 352. v. 39. [v. 223. vi. 17].
Childrens faults are not always their own, v. 42. [vi. 20].
Good Parents will be placable: Such as have not given good examples,
ought
to be so,
ibid.
Sweet to a gentle temper are the chidings of paternal love, v. 268. [vi. 246].
A first
wilful
rashness in a young lady, is to be severely, yet not unindulgently noticed, lest it should be a prelude to still more fatal enterprizes, v. 269. [vi. 247].
A good young woman will grieve to be in such a situation, as to be obliged to insist on conditions with her Parents, vi. 169. [vii. 169].
Opposition has its root in importunity, vi. 283. [vii. 283].
See
Duties
Moral and Religious.
Filial
Piety.
Good
Man.
Love. Vincibility
of Love.
Parliament
Men.
A GOOD man in Parliament will not be under engagements to any party, vi. 264. [vii. 264].
Nor will he, in standing for a county or borough, contribute to destroy the health and morals of all the country-people round him, in order to make himself what is called an
interest, ibid.
Young men are apt to be warm: When they have not studied a point throughly, they will act upon hasty conclusions, and sometimes support, sometimes oppose, on insufficient grounds,
ibid.
Partiality.
WHEN we are disposed to like a person, we make out his or her character to our wishes, i. 133. [
ibid
].
When we are strongly possessed of a subject, we are apt to make every thing we see, hear, or read of, that bears the least resemblance to it, turn into, and serve to illustrate it, i. 189. [
ibid
].
How easily do we glide into, and how do we love to dwell upon, subjects that delight us! i. 273. [
ibid
].
Characters given by the mouth of declared prejudice, are not to be depended upon, ii. 329. [iii. 73].
The
Passions.
ENVY is a self-tormentor, i. 405. [ii. 90].
Pride generally produces mortification,
ibid.
Our Passions may be made subservient to excellent purposes, ii. 181. [282].
Our best Passions,
says Charlotte Grandison,
have their mixtures of self-love, iii. 286. [iv. 72].
Our Passions are ever apt to run away with our judgments, iii. 300. [iv. 86].
Frequently we need but apply to the Passions of men, who have not been remarkable for benevolence, to induce them to do right things in
some
manner, if not always in the most graceful, iv. 146. [v. 17].
Pride will often do greater things for women, than reason, iv. 367. [v. 238].
A good man will be at continual war with his Passions: But without wishing to overcome those tender susceptibilities, which, properly directed, are the glory of human nature, iv. 370. [v. 241].
To what purpose live we, if not to grow wiser, and to subdue our Passions? iv. 383. [v. 254].
There is a pride that may not be improperly encouraged as a prop, a support, to an imperfect goodness, which rightly directed, may in time grow into virtue, iv. 386. [v. 257].
The Passions are intended for our servants, not our masters; and we have within us a power of controuling them; which it is the duty and the business of our lives to exert, vi. 205. [vii. 205].
This will be readily allowed in the case of any Passion, which the poets and romance-writers have not set off with their false colourings,
ibid.
See
Good
Man.
PASSION.
See
Anger.
Penitence. Reformation. Remorse. Contrition.
TRUE Penitence is to be encouraged, lest the trespasser, made desperate, should take such courses, as might be fatal not only to himself, but to many innocent persons, i. 236. [
ibid
].
The Reformation of a criminal takes from the number of the profligate, and increases that of the hopeful, and may influence others of his acquaintance, i. 237. [
ibid
].
Contrition is all the atonement that can be made for a perpetrated evil, i. 315. [
ibid
].
When a man who has lived freely, can be serious on serious subjects, yet be so chearful as to shew that his seriousness sits easy upon him;
When he can prefer the company and conversation of a worthy man of the cloth, and wish to stand well in the opinion of such a one; he then gives hopeful signs of Reformation, i. 331. [ii. 16].
Repentance is too hard a task to be learned on a sick bed, ii. 95. [196].
Shall not virtue be appeased, when the hand of God is acknowleged in the Penitence of the offender? ii. 106. [207].
A generous person will make the generous confession of a fault easy to the contrite self-accuser, ii. 169. [270].
An error gracefully acknowleged, is a victory won,
ibid.
Reformation is sooner to be hoped for from a woman who was once good, if not totally abandoned, than from one who never had worthy principles, ii. 316. [iii. 60].
All that is wish'd-for in the latter, is, that she may be made unhurtful. The former, when in a state of true Penitence, cannot be easy till she is what she once was,
ibid.
Resolutions of Reformation, to be efficacious, must generally be built upon a better foundation, than occasional disgust and disobligation, ii. 320. [iii. 64].
To little purpose does a great man keep a chaplain, if he encourages him not in doing his duty; but the contrary,
ibid.
The good man's pity, where he sees compunction, will be stronger than his censure, ii. 323. [iii. 67].
The spirit of a true penitent, is an humble, a broken, not a rageful or recriminating, one, ii. 332. [iii. 76].
If a finger laid upon a guilty person will make her feel, the weight of the whole hand should be spared, ii. 334. [iii. 78].
The truest, the sincerest, Penitence, may atone for, but cannot recall, the guilty past, iii. 220. [iv. 6].
Remorse will ever accompany the reflexions of a man, not wholly abandoned, who can accuse himself of being the wilful cause of the calamity of a worthy fellowcreature, iii. 272. [iv. 58].
Instantaneous Reformations are unnatural, iv. 189. [v. 60].
What a wretched creature is a man vice-bitten, and sensible of detected folly and obligation! v. 186. [vi. 164].
Very profligate people, when touched with Remorse, are apt to pass from one extreme to another, v. 191. [vi. 169].
The despondency of a wicked man is blacker than Remorse: It is Repining, without Repentance, v. 230. [vi. 208].
His
Reformation wants reforming who is not able to look back to his former companions in iniquity with pity; who distinguishes not between the men and their crimes; and thinks he cannot be in earnest, if he hates not both, v. 232. [vi. 210].
The fears of that man must be stronger than his hopes, who, on his sick-bed, has nothing of consolation to give himself from reflexions on his past life, v. 232. [vi. 221].
Persuasion. Forced
Marriages.
THERE may be cruelty in Persuasion, when the heart rejects the person proposed, whether the urger be either parent or guardian, iii. 280. [iv. 66].
And still more to a soft and gentle temper, than to a stubborn one, iv. 261. [vi. 239].
Marriage is an awful rite: It can be only a joyful one to the woman who is given to the man she loves, iii. 342. [iv. 128].
What a victim must that woman look upon herself to be, who is compelled, or even over-persuaded, to give her hand to a man, who has no share in her heart?
ibid.
A parent or guardian, who compels her child to marry against inclination, ought to think himself chargeable with the unhappy consequences that may follow from such a cruel compulsion,
ibid.
Tyranny and ingratitude from a man beloved, will be more supportable to some women, than kindness from a man they love not [how dreadful to such, therefore, is a Forced Marriage!] iii. 357. [iv. 143].
Persuasion strongly urged by parents, is
more
than compulsion [because it seeks to make a young creature accessary to her own unhappiness] v. 109. [vi. 87].
Persuasion, as it may be circumstanced, is compulsion, vi. 76. 99. 104. 119. 143. [vii. 76. 99. 104. 119. 143].
See
Guardian. Indulgence. Love. Parents
and Children.
PERVERSENESS.
See
Conceit.
PETULANCE.
See
Anger.
Physicians. Surgeons.
SPIRIT, piety, tenderness of heart, reading, practice, and critical courage, are the requisites of a good Surgeon, iv. 109. 112. [281. 284].
In lingering cases, patients or their friends, are often too apt to listen to new recommendations, iv. 110. [282].
How cruel is punctilio in cases of difficulty and danger, among the medical tribe!
ibid.
Physical advisers and operators, are often too complaisant to the appetites of their patients, iv. 111, 112. [283, 284].
The mind has great power over the body, iv. 112. [284].
In chronical cases, Physicians go their rounds with their patients. The new one only asks, what the old one prescribed, that he may
guess
at something else to make trial of,
(Lady G.)
v. 66. [vi. 44].
When a patient has money, it is difficult for a Physician to say, till the last extremity, that the parson and sexton may take him,
(Lady G.) ibid.
Patients,
Lady G. in a ludicrous way, hints,
might have a chance for recovery, if Physicians gave them over earlier than they generally do, v. 191. [vi. 169].
PIETY.
See
Religion.
Pity. Compassion.
PITY is but one remove from Love, i. 39. vi. 89. [i. 39. vii. 89].
How affecting to a gentle mind are the visible emotions of a manly heart! i. 125. [
ibid.
].
A compassionate heart is a blessing, tho' a painful one, ii. 63. [164].
We pity others, then most cordially, when we want pity ourselves, ii. 164. [265].
Those moralists, as they affect to call themselves, who suffer by such libertine principles as cannot be pursued but by the violation of the first laws of morality, are not intitled to our Pity, ii. 328. [iii. 72].
There is more generosity, more tenderness, in the Pity of a woman, than in that of man, iii. 77. [237].
In the Pity of a man for a woman, there is, too probably, a mixture of insult or contempt,
ibid.
Unhappy indeed must the woman be, who has drawn upon herself the helpless Pity of the man she loves!
ibid.
A pitiless heart deserves not Pity, iii. 269. [iv. 55].
God will pity him who pities his fellow-creature, iv. 163. [v. 34].
Where Compassion proceeds from tenderness of nature, and not arrogance, it is greatness, even in a woman, to accept of it from a man of honour, iv. 343. [v. 214].
It is the glory of the human heart to melt at another's woe, iv. 385. [v. 256].
We cannot be angry at, or alarmed by, the person whom we Pity, iv. 392. [v. 263].
Who would not so act, as to invite the admiration, rather than the Pity of a worthy man? v. 122. [vi. 100].
Platonic
Love.
PLATONIC Love is a dangerous allowance; and, with regard to the other sex, a very unequal one; since while the man has nothing to fear, the woman has every thing, from the privileges that may be claimed in an
acknowleged
confidence; especially when alone together, iii. 320. [iv. 106].
An offered and accepted friendship between a man and woman, neither of them indelicate, may lead them into great perplexities, tho' both should mean honourably, i. 321. [iv. 107].
If a man forbear to ask of a young lady, in absence, those favours, (of correspondence, for example) which their avowed friendship might warrant; or if he ask, and she decline granting them; in either case, and on either side, something more than common friendship seems to be indicated,
ibid.
Heaven, for laudable ends, has implanted such a regard in the sexes to each other, that both man and woman, who hope to be innocent, cannot be too circumspect in relation to the friendships they are so ready to contract with each other, iii. 376. [iv. 162].
Platonic Love is generally an insidious pretension, vi. 39. [vii. 39].
See
Advice
and
Cautions
to Women.
Artful
Men.
Friendship.
Poets.
POETS have
necessarily
heated imaginations, which generally run away with their judgments, ii. 128. [129].
Poets have finer imaginations than other men; but imagination and judgment seldom go together, iii. 59. [219].
Poets when provoked, are the wasps and hornets of society.
Men and women are cheats to one another: But,
says Lady G.
we may, in a great measure, thank the Poetical tribe for the fascination, v. 310. [vi. 288].
Are they not,
proceeds she, in her usual lively manner,
inflamers of the worst passions?
ibid.
Would Alexander, madman as he was, have been so
much
a madman, had it not been for Homer?
ibid.
Of what violences, murders, depredations, have not the Epic Poets, from all antiquity, been the occasion, by propagating false honour, false glory, and false religion!
ibid.
Those of the amorous class,
rants she on,
ought in all ages (could their talents for tinkling sound and measure have been known) to have been strangled in their cradles,
ibid.
Abusers of talents given them for better purposes, and avowedly claiming a right to be
licentious,
and to overleap the bounds of decency, truth and nature,
ibid.
They should have been banished our commonwealth, as well as Plato's,
concludes that over-lively Lady, ibid.
Polite. Politeness. Elegance.
PERSONS who are willing to return esteem for civility, often draw themselves into inconveniencies, i. 120. [
ibid
].
A man may
afford
to shew Politeness to those he is resolved to keep at distance from his heart, ii. 227. [328].
Polite men, whenever ladies are retired with ladies only, will consider them as in their own apartment, and will not intrude without leave, iii. 315. [iv. 101].
Of how many falsehoods does what is called Politeness, make people who are deemed polite, guilty! iv. 17. [189].
A well-bred person will not slight the innocent pleasures in which others delight, iv. 44. [216].
A truly gallant and polite man will find his heart recoil, at the thought of a denial of marriage to a woman of character who expects the offer, iv. 397. [v. 268].
Ease with propriety is the foundation of true Elegance, v. 88. [vi. 66].
A polite and generous man will distinguish and encourage a doubting mind, v. 137. [vi. 115].
A polite person will double an obligation, by the graceful manner of conferring it, v. 183. [vi. 167].
Praise. Self-Praise. Dispraise.
IT is lawful to repeat those things spoken in our own Praise, which are necessary to be known, and cannot otherwise be come at, i. 40. [
ibid
].
It will be easily discovered whether persons repeating their own Praises, are elated with them, or not,
ibid.
The heart hardly deserves Praise, that is not fond of it from the worthy, i. 392. [ii. 77].
We are too apt to give Praise or Dispraise to the actions or sentiments of others, as they square with our own, ii. 224. [325].
It may be concluded, that nothing
extraordinary
can be said of a man whom his friends praise highly for the performance of those common duties, which, if he failed in, he would be justly deemed a bad man, ii. 318. [iii. 62].
A worthy mind will wish to be thought well of by the worthy, ii. 388. [iii. 132].
Praise and Dispraise should be justly given, iii. 5. [165].
Whatever men praise, they should endeavour to imitate, iii. 186. [346].
A good man, looking upon himself only as the instrument of Providence in the good he dispenses, will, with reluctance, receive the over-flowing thanks and Praises of grateful hearts, iii. 253. [iv. 39].
Modesty may look up, and be elated with the Praises of a good man, iii. 338. [iv. 124].
We are fond of standing high in the opinion of those we love, tho' we may be conscious of not deserving all the Praises they may give us, iv. 169. [v. 40].
We may allowably repeat the Praises given us by grateful and benevolent spirits, when we cannot otherwise so well do justice to the generous warmth of their friendship, iv. 212. [v. 83].
The Praises given to those we really love, are often more grateful to us, than those conferred on ourselves, iv. 251. v. 276. [v. 122. vi. 254].
The reason is, we doubt not perhaps our
own
merit; but may be afraid, that the favoured object will not be considered by others, as we are willing to consider him: But if he is, we take the Praises given him as a compliment to our own judgment, iv. 251, 252. [v. 122, 123].
A person may be praised into a good behaviour which he never designed to shew, when he has an opinion of the Praiser, v. 4. [275].
Men,
Mr. Greville says,
may take to themselves, the advantages and good qualities, which every-body attributes to them, v. 147. [vi. 125].
Praise will stimulate a worthy mind to deserve Praise, v. 215. [vi. 193].
Sweet is the incense of Praise from a good man, of his wife, in presence of her surrounding friends, vi. 26. [vii. 26].
See
Friendship. Good
Man.
Good
Woman.
Love.
PROFESSIONS.
See
Protestations.
PROFUSION.
See
Extravagance.
PROMISES.
See
Protestations.
Protestant
Nunneries.
IN England many young women marry men they would refuse, if the state of a single woman there were not so peculiarly unprovided for and helpless, iii. 354. [iv. 140].
Protestant Nunneries, under proper regulations, would be a most desirable institution for young women of slender fortunes, and genteel education; and at the same time seminaries for good wives.
See a scheme for this, Vol.
iii. 354, 355, 356. [iv. 140, 141, 142].
Protestations. Professions. Promises. Vows.
LARGE Protestations of love and honour, imply, that the Protester thinks them needful, i. 81. [
ibid
].
And are a tacit implication of superiority, as well in degree, as fortune,
ibid.
A woman's credulity is a greater proof of her innocence, than mens Professions are of their sincerity, i. 95. [
ibid
].
Volubility in love-speeches, makes sincerity questionable, i. 113. [
ibid
].
It would, in some cases, be an affront to herself, were a woman to
own
to a man who pleads honourable views, that she doubts his honour, [even tho' she suspected him] i. 117. [
ibid
].
The man who teazes a woman to make a Promise, as good as tells her, that he intends to hold her to it, let what will happen to make her repent of it, ii. 77. [178].
Women should never be drawn in to fetter themselves by Promises, ii. 173. [274].
To what end is a Promise endeavoured to be obtained, if the urger suspect not the fitness of his addresses; and if he did not either doubt the lady's honour, or feared her returning discretion?
ibid.
The woman who is induced to make a Promise to a
Lover,
as he is called, makes father, mother, brother, of no consideration with her, but as they give into his views,
ibid.
A young woman, therefore, ought to despise a man from the moment he seeks to engage her to make a Promise, ii. 180. [281].
A man who seeks to engage a Promise from a
Lady,
must doubt either his own merit, or her steadiness; and, in either case, ought not to be complied with, ii. 210, 211. [311, 312].
Where a man is assured of a return in love, there is no occasion for a Promise, ii. 211. [312].
Silly men, in love Professions, aim at saying to their mistresses all that
can
be said, because they know not how to say things proper
to
be said, iii. 72. [232].
A worthy man will be known by his actions, rather than by his Professions, iii. 276. [iv. 62].
The Promise of a man of honour is followed by absolute certainty, the first opportunity, not that
offers,
but which he can make, iii. 283. [iv. 69].
A worthy man will never recede from his Offers or Promises, circumstances continuing the same, iv. 114. [286].
Large Professions are equally a disgrace to true love, and to the merit of the object, vi. 108. [vii. 108].
See
Advice
to Women.
Compliments. Good
Man.
Love. Modesty. Single
Women.
Prudence. Discretion. Wise
Men.
FORTUNE, in the choice of a wife, should be the least thing stood upon by the man who is in circumstances not uneasy: But Prudence will advise,
says Sir Rowland Meredith,
that she should have so much as would serve to shew, that the man was rather captivated by the understanding, than by the eye, i. 26. [
ibid
].
Where a woman is possessed of a moderate fortune, it will be an earnest,
says the Knight,
that the family she is of, wants not to lie under obligation to the man who marries her,
ibid.
A Prudent person will resolve to amend by the faults found in her; and endeavour to confirm herself in the virtues ascribed to her, i. 40, 41. [
ibid
].
A young lady who speaks little, and hears what is said by her elders with attention, may be pronounced discreet, i. 325. [ii. 10].
The Discretion of a person is often seen in minutenesses, i. 393. [ii. 78].
The troubles of the Discreet proceed from other people; of the Indiscreet, from themselves, i. 405. [ii. 90].
A Prudent woman will not give way to an hopeless passion, ii. 19. [120].
A Prudent and uniform man will be able to create friendships, even by a graceful non-compliance with an undue request, ii. 127. [228].
Prudent benefactors will not make the young persons to whom they wish well, independent of their own diligence, ii. 272. [iii. 16].
Discretion is not always the companion of age, ii. 341. [iii. 85].
A Wise man will bring his mind to bear inevitable evils, and to make a virtue of necessity, ii. 375. [iii. 119].
Can a proud, vain, or arrogant man have any hold in the affections of a prudent woman? iii. 216. [iv. 2].
A Prudent person, by remembering past mistakes, will avoid many inconveniencies, into which forgetfulness will plunge imprudent ones, iii. 222. [iv. 8].
There is a bright side in every event; a Wise man will not lose sight of it; and there is a dark oue, but he will endeavour only to see it with the eye of Prudence, that he may not be involved by it unawares, iii. 380. [iv. 166].
A Wise man, if he cannot be as happy as he wishes to be, will rejoice in the felicity he
can
have,
ibid.
The trial of prosperity is a much more arduous one, than that of adversity, iv. 329. [v. 200].
A Prudent man sees before him at great distance. He will have nothing to reproach himself with in future, that he can obviate at present, iv. 336. [v. 207].
A Prudent and good man will not be above complying with the innocent customs of the world, v. 73, 74. [vi. 51. 52].
A Wise man will thankfully enjoy the present hour, and leave the future to the All-wise disposer of events, v. 138. [vi. 116].
People who are prudent in the advice they give to others [such is the difference between theory and practice] are not always prudent in the management of their own affairs [especially in love-cases] v. 187. [vi. 165].
A woman of superior mind will not permit the follies of her nurses, in her infantile state, to be carried into her maturer age, so as to depreciate her womanly reason, v. 309. [vi. 287].
People,
says Lady G.
may be very happy, if not
most
happy [
She mentions instances in point
] who set out with a moderate stock of love, and supply what they want of the rage of that, with Prudence, v. 354. [vi. 332].
A Prudent person will not suffer diffidence of the future, to lessen his present enjoyments, vi. 28. [vii. 28].
A Prudent man will be always prepared for, and aforehand with, probable events, vi. 45. [vii. 45].
See
Advice
and
Cautions
to Women.
Good
Man.
Good
Wife.
Prudery. Coquetry.
WISDOM out of its place, is a Prude, i. 417. [ii. 102].
Modesty, under the name of Prudery, is in danger of becoming ignominious, and of being banished from the behaviour and conversations of all those who frequent public places; iii. 353. [iv. 139].
The word Prudery has two senses. As derived from Prudence, it were to be wished it were restored to its primitive signification, lest virtue should suffer by the abuse of it, as religion once did by that of the word Puritan, v. 170. [vi. 148].
Coquets, when the general attention towards them grows languid, will regain it, by often flirting out and in, or not staying so long in a place as to tire their company, v. 226. [vi. 204].
Public
Places.
Modern
fine Ladies and Gentlemen.
Depravity
of Times and Manners.
Racketing.
COULD it have been thought twenty or thirty years ago, that the high mode would require, the gamingmaster to be added for completing the female education? i. 23. [
ibid
].
If a young woman finds in herself a reluctance to go often to Public places, let her not try to overcome it, lest she turn gadder, and make her home undelightful to her, i. 125. [
ibid
].
Italians say, they suffer not often their finest voices, and finest composers, to turn strollers, i. 146. [
ibid
].
Many persons of low genius among the gentry, have such a taste for foreign diversions, that they think not tolerably of those of their own country, however preferable,
ibid.
Masquerades are not creditable places for young ladies to be known to be insulted at them, i. 99. [
ibid
].
They are diversions that fall not in with the genius of the English commonalty,
ibid.
They are said by those who speak most favourably of them, to be a diversion more silly than wicked, i. 165. [
ibid
].
Prudent and good women may, with reason, be allowed to say, that their lot is cast in an age of petit maitres and triflers of men, i. 253. [
ibid
].
The taste of the men of the present age is dress, equipage, and foppery: Must a woman, who is addressed by a man of inferior talents to her own, hide hers, to keep him in countenance? i. 324. [ii. 9].
A woman cannot pick and choose as a man can; what can she do, if her lot be cast only among such foplings?
ibid.
The luxury of the age, and the turn which women take, in undomesticating themselves, occasion an increase of bachelors, i. 326. [ii. 11].
Women who are solicitous to go to Public places, with a view to engage the attention of men, may give over their solicitude, if they strike not at once, and before their faces become cheap and familiar, ii. 72. [173].
Men in their hearts despise for their forwardness, those women whom they most compliment,
ibid.
If women of sense, virtue, honour, give in to the fashionable amusements of an age of dissipation, who shall make the stand of virtue and decorum? ii. 200. [301].
No woman can be a prude at a Masquerade,
ibid.
Repartee and pertness are the current wit at that witless place,
ibid.
What are other peoples follies to a woman of prudence? Is such a one to make an appearance that shall want the countenance of the vainest, if not the silliest, part of the creation? ii. 201. [302].
The assumed characters at a Masquerade, are hardly ever attempted to be kept up [that of the arch-fiend and his infernal ministers excepted]
ibid.
Places of Diversion [or dissipation rather, as they should be called] become dreadfully general,
ibid.
Young women should be indulged [once or twice in a season] at the innocent Public Diversions, that they may not add expectation (which runs very high in young minds, and is seldom answered) to the ideal scenes, ii. 267. [iii. 11].
By this indulgence a bound is set to the imagination,
ibid.
What knowlege a young person will gain by her introduction to Public places, if the diversions engage her attention, she had better be without,
ibid.
A wise man need not run into grave declamations against the times, to prove, that English men and women, are not what they were in their manners and public behaviour, ii. 269. [iii. 13].
A wretched effeminacy prevails among the men: Marriage, the bond of civil society, is more and more despised; and even women deemed virtuous, discourage not by their contempt the free-livers, ii. 271. [iii. 15].
Flippant women love to associate with empty men, because such keep their folly in countenance, iii. 353. [iv. 139].
They are afraid of wise men. But wise men should not turn fools to please them,
ibid.
They will despise the wise man's folly, more than the weak man's; and with reason, because being uncharacteristic, it must sit more awkwardly upon him, than the other's can do,
ibid.
How should modern fine gentlemen know any thing of delicacy, when the women they associate with, have forgot it? iv. 72. [244].
Women, since they have been admitted so licentiously to share in the Public diversions, want not courage, iv. 73. [245].
They give men stare for stare, where-ever they meet them, iv. 73. [245].
The next age, on this account, must surely be all heroes and heroines,
ibid.
Among the Modern fine people, the company, not the entertainment, is the principal part of the rareeshew, iv. 83. [255].
Pretty enough,
says Lady G.
for us, to make the entertainment, and pay for it too, to the honest fellows, who have nothing to do but to project schemes to get us together,
ibid.
What,
asks the same Lady,
are our Modern fine gentlemen fit for, but to purvey for news and scandal for our sex?
ibid.
What times are we fallen into, that chastity in a man will subject him to the ridicule of the one sex, and to the contempt of the other! iii. 174. [v. 45].
Joyful people are not always wise ones, iv. 198. [v. 69].
Women,
Lady G. says,
marry not now so much for love, as for the liberty of gadding abroad with less censure and less controul, iv. 255. [v. 126].
Yet the number of single women that croud to Ranelagh and Vaux-hall markets, to be
cheapened,
will convince us,
she says,
that maids will be as soon above shame and controul, as wives,
ibid.
But were not the
fathers, proceeds she,
willing to get the drugs off their hands, those freedoms would not be permitted,
ibid.
As for
mothers, concludes this free-speaking Lady,
many of them are for escorting their daughters to Public places, in order to take their share of the Racketing,
ibid.
It is the interest of gay and designing men, to promote this almost universal dissipation; yet, tho' women would not croud to market were there not men there, they find, that men worth a wish, rather
cheapen
than
purchase
at places of Public resort, v. 126.
See also
vol. v. 245. [vi. 223].
We live in an age, in which more good may be done by
seeming
to relax a little, than by strictness of behaviour, v. 227, 228. [vi. 205, 206].
Yet those are to be most applauded, who from a full persuasion of what their duty requires of them, do
not
relax; and the more, if they have got above moroseness, austerity, uncharitableness, v. 227, 228. [vi. 205, 206].
Women are not so soon tired of Public diversions, particularly of dancing, as men, vi. 35. [vii. 35].
Their minds are generally more airy, more volatile, and more susceptible of joy and festivity: They should not therefore be too much indulged in them; and the less, as a decent and becoming reserve is an ornament of their sex, and one of the principal bulworks of virtue.
See
Advice
or
Cautions
to Women.
Chastity. Fashion. Femalities. Polite. Prudery.
PUNCTILIO.
See
Honour.
Q. R.
RACKETING.
See
Public
Places.
RAILLERY.
See
Ridicule.
RAKES.
See
Libertines.
Recommendation.
A MAN should not engage his interest to serve an unworthy and incapable man, ii. 217. [318].
A man should think himself accountable for warm Recommendations; especially in cases wherein the public is concerned,
ibid.
A good man, when he engages his interest to serve a friend, will not be cool in his favour,
ibid.
He will think himself answerable to a worthy man, and to all connected with him, were he a means of lifting one less worthy over his head,
ibid.
See
Friendship. Good
Man.
Gratitude. Ingenuousness. Prudence.
Recrimination. Reproof.
THERE are no great hopes of amendment in a person who shews uneasiness at Reproof or admonition, i. 325. [ii. 10].
We should not remind persons of faults of which they repent, and wish to forget, ii. 366. [iii. 110].
The aim of a good-natured Reprover is to amend, not to wound, ii. 383. [iii. 127].
Indiscretions repented of, and not repeated, should free a person from reproach, iii. 6. [165].
See
Penitence.
REFORMATION.
See
Penitence.
Religion. Piety.
PROTESTANTS who persecute one another, disgrace their profession in the eyes of people of different communions, iii. 64. [224].
What can this short life give, to warrant the sacrifice of a man's conscience? iii. 93. [253].
What pity that Religion and Love, which heighten our relish for the things of both worlds, should ever run the human heart into enthusiasm, superstition, or uncharitableness! iii. 160. [320].
Moderation, properly shewn, must ever create esteem, iii. 183. [343].
The man who for fear of being branded for an hypocrite, declines performing his public duties, will incur the charge of cowardice, without being acquitted of the other, iii. 353. [iv. 130].
The protestant churches, tho' they allow of the possibility of salvation out of their pale, allow not their members to embrace error against conviction, iv. 24. [266].
Over-doers make Religion look unlovely; and put under-doers out of heart, iv. 174. [v. 44].
That devotion which is owing to true Piety, never makes a good person sour, morose, or melancholy, iv. 209. [v. 80].
When Piety engages the heart to give up its first fervors to its superior duties, all temporal impulses will receive abatement, and love of the creature, will become but a secondary fervor, iv. 287. [v. 158].
A man convinced of the truth of his own Religion, must have a generous and great mind, to allow to another of a different persuasion, what he expects shall be allowed to himself, iv. 298. [v. 169].
A good man will be afraid of prescribing to tender consciences, v. 228. [vi. 206].
The man who in Roman catholic countries, would think it hard to be treated as an heretic, cannot, consistently, flame out against his countrymen at home, for smaller differences in the articles for which the party himself is answerable only to the common Father of all men,
ibid.
Piety is the best security for good behaviour, in man or woman, vi. 40. [vii. 40].
Pity,
says Lady Grandison,
that different nations of the world, tho' of different persuasions, do not, more than they do, consider themselves as the creatures of one God, the sovereign of a thousand worlds, vi. 159, 160. [vii. 159, 160].
A day spent in doing good, be the objects of it ever so low, is more pleasing to reflect upon, than a day of the most elegant indulgence, vi. 263. [vii. 263].
See
Beneficence. Duties
Moral and Religious.
Example. Generosity. Good
Man.
Goodness. Magnanimity.
The
Passions. Penitence. Virtue.
REMORSE.
See
Penitence.
REPROOF.
See
Recrimination.
REPUTATION.
See
Honour.
RESERVE.
See
Frankness
of Heart.
Retribution.
YOUNG women who marry old men, when advanced in years themselves, often take a young man for their second husband: That second husband, when manumitted, in his advanced years, marries a young woman: Whence, each having wished to bury the elderly mate, Retribution takes its course with each, ii. 205. [306].
The violators of the social duties are frequently punished by the success of their own wishes,
ibid.
It is suitable to the Divine Benignity, as well as Justice, to lend its sanctions and punishments in aid of those duties, which bind man to man, ii. 205. [306].
Ridicule. Humour. Raillery.
HUMOUR and Raillery are very difficult to be reinedin. They are ever curvetting, like a prancing horse, and will often throw the rider, ii. 274. [iii. 18].
Many a person who sets light on the Ridicule play'd off upon another, would be extremely sensible of it in his own case, iv. 171. [v. 42].
Some men cannot appear with advantage, as they seem to think, without making their friend a butt to shoot at, v. 146. [vi. 124].
Humour is a gentle, a decent, tho' a lively talent, vi. 71. [vii. 71].
See
Wit.
RIOT.
See
Ebriety.
S.
FALSE SHAME.
See
Ebriety.
SCIENCE.
See
Learning.
SECRETS.
See
Concealment.
Seduction.
THE Seduction of a young creature from the path of virtue, in which she was safely walking till she was overtaken by the Seducer, is a capital and most ingrateful crime, iii. 44. [204].
Who that can glory in the virtue of his own sister, can allow himself in attempts upon the sister, the daughter, of another?
ibid.
Can that crime be pardonable in a man, which renders a woman infamous?
ibid.
A man who can betray and ruin an innocent woman, who loves him, ought to be abhorred by
men,
as well as by women, iv. 96. [268].
Would he scruple to betray and ruin
them,
were he not afraid either of the law, or of a manly resentment? iv. 96. [268].
The poorest
honest
girl in Britain, seduced by promises of marriage, is intitled to the performance of the promise, iv. 197. [v. 68].
See
Address
to Men of Sense in the gay World.
Libertines. Protestations. Vice.
SELFISHNESS.
See
Avarice.
Self-Partiality.
WHAT a miser calls Prudence, an extravagant man calls Avarice: The miser is even with him, and properly calls that Profusion, which the other, in self-complaisance, calls Generosity, ii. 313. [iii. 57].
Men are loth to think themselves wrong in those pursuits in which they are willing to indulge themselves, iii. 18. [178].
When the hearts of men are engaged in a hope, they are too apt to think every step they take for promoting it, reasonable, iv. 14. [186].
Self-love,
Lady G. says,
is generally at the bottom of all we say and do, iv. 252. [v. 123].
See
Avarice. Ingenuousness.
SELF-PRAISE.
See
Praise.
Sentiments.
THE French, at this day, are more fond of Sentiments in their authors writings, than the English, v. 354. [vi. 332].
Story, in works of imagination, is what the English hunt after, whether probable or improbable,
ibid.
SERVANTS.
See
Masters.
SETTLEMENTS.
See
Marriage-Treaties.
Signs
of Love.
REVERENCE mingled with admiration, i. 80. ii. 306. [i. 80. iii. 50].
Avoiding naming the person's name in conversation; substituting instead of it, the words
him
and
he, somebody, certain person,
&c. i. 397. [ii. 82].
Observing to the advantage of the object, trifles, that would escape common observation, i. 397. [ii. 82].
A pleasure in sighing, that cannot be described; yet that it is involuntary, i. 406. [ii. 91].
When a young woman is ready to quarrel with herself, yet knows not why,
ibid.
When she has a fretting, gnawing pain in her stomach, that she can neither describe nor account for; yet is humble, meek, as if looking out for pity of every-body, and shewing a readiness to pity every-body [especially those in Love]
ibid.
When her attention is eagerly given to Love-stories, and to difficulties in them,
ibid.
When her humanity is raised, and her self-consequence lowered,
ibid.
Rest broken; sleep disturbed; frightful dreams; romantic resveries,
ibid.
A kind of impatience, next to petulance, when her retirement is broken in upon of a sudden; yet employed about nothing of consequence, i. 414. [ii. 99].
She must be indeed in Love, who usually thinking well of herself, can think still more highly of her lover, ii. 68. [169].
Where a woman expresses indifference to a change of condition, with an unobjectible man who makes advantageous offers, she gives cause to imagine a prepossession in favour of some other, ii. 214. iii. 64. [ii. 315. iii. 224].
When a beloved person cannot be named or prais'd, but a young creature's eyes will sparkle, and be taken off either work or book, ii. 276. [iii. 20].
Idleness is a great friend of Love, ii. 299. [iii. 43].
She will devour his praises with greediness; her cheeks will glow, and a sigh will escape her own observation on such occasions, ii. 300. [iii. 44].
A trick of sighing, which, on being challenged, she is sollicitous to attribute to any other cause than to the true one, ii. 303. [iii. 47].
Owns an Esteem; but denies a Love, ii. 305. [iii. 49].
A weight at her bosom, that urges sighing, and which seems to be relieved by it,
ibid.
Disordered by surprizes; put out of breath by sudden hurries, as if she had run down an high hill, ii. 306. [iii. 50].
Emotions that can no more be described, than accounted for, ii. 307. [iii. 51].
Tender sentiments, sweetness of manners, softness of voice, are indications of a mind harmonized by Love, ii. 376. [iii. 120].
Respectful modesty in the looks of a man, in presence of a beloved object; a look of languor; a withdrawn eye, when hers is cast upon him; are signs of true Love in a man, iii. 2, 3. [162].
Sudden turns in health or temper, the reason for which appears not; a love of solitude, silence, are strong indications of Love, iii. 60, 61. [220, 221].
Lady G. says,
it is one of the truest Signs of Love, when men are most fond of the women who are least fit for them, and use them worst, iii. 72. [232].
The woman who delights in the praises given to a favoured man, more than in her own, gives undoubted Signs of Love, iii. 223. [iv. 9].
When a young woman finds both pleasure and pain in sighing, she should look to her heart, iv. 63. [235].
See
Delicacy. Female
Dignity.
Femalities. Love. Love
at first Sight.
Vincibility
of Love.
Sincerity. Insincerity.
IT is no impeachment of Sincerity, if a person answers not every question put to her, by those to whom she is not accountable, i. 115. [
ibid
].
The Sincerity of a young woman who pretends to love a man much older than herself, is to be suspected, ii. 92. [193].
What a littleness is there in the custom that compels us to be Insincere? ii. 258. [iii. 2].
Persons who are solicitous to be thought plain-dealers, should take care to avoid rusticity or indecorum, iv. 289. [v. 80].
There may be cases in which Sincerity can hardly be separated from unpoliteness, iv. 356. [v. 227].
See
Duties
Moral and Religious.
Frankness
of Heart.
Good
Man.
Single
Women.
SWEETNESS of temper illustrates plain features, and makes them shine, i. 4. [
ibid
].
From sixteen to twenty, all women, kept in humour by their hopes, and by their attractions, appear to be good-natured,
ibid.
To what evils may a sole and independent woman be exposed? i. 84. [
ibid
].
Many men are to be looked upon as wild beasts of the desart; a Single, an independent woman they hunt after as their proper prey, i. 85. [
ibid
].
Those young women are happiest, whose friends, consulting their inclinations, take the trouble of settling nuptial preliminaries for them,
ibid.
Yet are young women too fond of being their own mistresses,
ibid.
The young woman who takes upon herself the disposal of her person, lays a heavy task upon her circumspection, i. 85. [
ibid
].
A young woman of delicacy will be ready to think it has the appearance of confidence in her to stand out to receive, as a creature uncontroulable, the first motions to an address from a man with whom she is but little acquainted, i. 86. [
ibid
].
It is much easier for a young woman in courtship to say No, than Yes,
ibid.
The young woman who engages to keep her lover's secrets from her friends, is brought into a plot against herself as well as them, i. 121. [
ibid
].
And is not such a step an indirect confession, that she is doing something wrong and unworthy?
ibid.
A good woman ought to have an opinion of the morals of the man, on whose worthiness she proposes to build her hopes of present happiness, and to whose guidance entrust her future, i. 133. [
ibid
].
To say nothing of the consequence she gives him, and takes from herself, by her implicite reliance on him, and him only, in preference to all her natural friends.
It carries with it an air of arrogance for a woman to say, she
pities
a man she will not accept, i. 150. [
ibid
].
The time from eighteen to twenty-four, is generally the happiest of a woman's life, i. 151. [
ibid
].
A woman when she is alone with a man, should not allow in him, even those liberties of speech, gesture, address, which in company might not be blameable, i. 153. [
ibid
].
Daughters often, in a beginning address, declare, that they will not marry without their parents consent; but they will frequently suffer their affections to be engaged, without letting them know a syllable of the matter: [and what then is the case, but that the child, who would have deemed a parent a tyrant, had he sought to compel her to break off her engagement, actually hopes to compel him to approve of her ingrateful rashness?] i. 391. [ii. 76].
Young women frequently, in certain cases, as much dread to find out themselves, as to be found out by others, i. 399, 400. [ii. 84, 85].
The age of fancy is a dangerous time in a young woman's life, ii. 27. [128].
How unworthy of encouragement must he be, who, for selfish considerations, seeks to involve a young woman in difficulties which she never knew in her father's house? ii. 50. [151].
Young women who encourage the first man that offers, frequently sacrifice their future preferment to their want of patience,
ibid.
Women qualified to adorn the domestic life, may, in the present age of dissipation, be esteemed blessings, tho' they should have but scanty fortunes, ii. 54. 58. [155. 159].
A young woman ought to be sure, that the man to whom, as a lover, she gives a preferable place in her affections to her parents, and brothers and sisters, should be a man of merit, ii. 65. [166].
Young women should refuse a libertine man, if not for their own sakes, for the sake of their posterity, ii. 84. [185].
Young women often, in rash engagements, dread to make those communications which only can be a means to extricate them from them, ii. 174. [275].
It is more safe, in a doubtful case, to check, than to give way to an inclination,
ibid.
Single women should be sure of their men before they think of embarking with them in the voyage of life, ii. 177, 178, 179. [278, 279, 280].
Inextricable are the intanglements of love, when young women are brought to correspond with men, ii. 212. [313].
Men have opportunities of knowing the world, which women have not,
ibid.
Experience therefore, engaging with inexperience, and perhaps to a great difference in years, the combat must be unequal,
ibid.
Most young women who begin a correspondence with men, find themselves mistaken, if they think they can stop when they will, ii. 218. [319].
The Single woman who has but a middling fortune, has more persons to choose out of, and stands a better chance for happiness, than she that has a large one, ii. 268. [iii. 12].
A Single woman, in a love-affair, ought to fear nothing so much as to be more in a man's power than in her own, iii. 100. [260].
Those who set out for happiness in wedlock, will be most likely to find it, if they live single till the age of fancy is over, iii. 316. [iv. 102].
The longer a woman remains single, the more apprehensive she will be of entering into the state of wedlock, iii. 354. [iv. 140].
At seventeen or eighteen, a girl will plunge into it, often without either fear or wit,
ibid.
At twenty, she will begin to think,
ibid.
At twenty-four, will weigh and discriminate,
ibid.
At twenty-eight, will be afraid of venturing,
ibid.
At thirty, will turn about, and look down the hill she has ascended, and sometimes rejoice, sometimes repent, that she has gained that summit,
sola, ibid.
What a happiness is hers, says Miss Byron,
(Vol. i. p. 13). [
ibid
].
who is able to look down from the elevation of thirty years, her principles fixed, and having no capital folly to reproach herself with!
Women are generally in as much danger from the liveliness of their own imaginations, as from the devices of men, iii. 374. [iv. 160].
The Single life is capable of the noblest tendernesses, and cannot be a grievance, [except in indigence, or dependence] iv. 40. [212].
Young women have high delight in communicating their love-progresses to a friend who interests herself in her tender concerns, v. 26. [vi. 74].
Let a good man,
says the revered Mrs. Shirley,
to a set of favourite young ladies; let good life; let good manners, be the principal motives of your choice: In goodness will you have every sanction; and your fathers, mothers, relations, friends, every joy in your nuptials, v. 370, 371. [vi. 348, 349].
We women,
says Lady G.
prate and prate of what we
can,
and of what we can
not,
of what we
ought,
and of what we ought
not,
to do; but none of us Stay-till-we-are-asked mortals know what we shall or can do, till we are tried by the power of determining being put into our hands, vi. 261. [vii. 261].
See
Advice
and
Cautions
to Women.
Compliments. Delicacy. Daughters. Fancy. Female
Dignity.
Femalities. Girls. Good
Man.
Libertines. Love. Lover. Love
at first Sight. First
Love.
Clandestine
Marriages. Parents
and Children.
Protestations. Prudence. Public
Places.
Seduction. Vincibility
of Love.
SPIRIT.
See
Magnanimity.
Step-mother. Mother-in-law.
A HUSBAND'S mother and his wife had generally better be visiters than inmates, i. 324. [ii. 79].
One person's methods may be different from another's, yet both equally good, and reach the same end,
ibid.
A prudent mother-in-law will not give a son's wife, if she means well, cause to think, that in family-management she prefers her own methods to hers,
ibid.
She never should give her daughter-in-law advice in family-matters, but when she asks it,
ibid.
And then, should not be angry, if she takes it not,
ibid.
People who are answerable for their own actions should generally be left to judge for themselves, i. 394. [ii. 79].
Suicide.
SHALL a human creature perish, and its fellow-creature not be moved? Shall an immortal Being fix its eternal state, by an act dreadful and irreversible; by a crime that admits not of repentance; and shall we not be concerned? How ill is the soul that can give way to such an act, prepared to rush into eternity? vi. 277. [vii. 277].
See Sir Charles Grandison's reflexions on the manner of Laurana's death.
SURGEONS.
See
Physicians.
SUPERIORITY
of the two Sexes. See
Inferiority.
SUPERSTITION.
See
Dreams.
Susceptibilities.
SUSCEPTIBILITIES in some, will shew themselves in outward acts; in others, they cannot burst into speech, v. 4. [275].
Where words are restrained, the eyes often talk a great deal,
ibid.
See
Love. Signs
of Love.
Suspense.
A STATE of Suspense to a lover, is the most cruel of all states, ii. 193. [294].
It is ungenerous to keep an expecting mind in Suspense, tho' with a view of obliging in the end, ii. 234. [335].
The surprize intended to be raised on such an occasion, carries in its appearance an air of insult,
ibid.
Doubtful minds will increase their Suspense, by fanciful circumstances, ii. 357. [iii. 101].
A woman of honour when she knows her own mind, will not leave a worthy lover in Suspense, iii. 7. [167].
Certainty in what
must
be, however afflicting, is much better than Suspense, iii. 79. [239].
See
Artful
Men.
Love. Lover. Signs
of Love.
Sincerity.
T.
Taste.
WE should conform, whenever we innocently can, to the Taste of the times in which we live, ii. 267. [iii. 11].
Expensiveness is not always the mark of a true Taste, iii. 74. [234].
A man of Taste, in buildings and alterations, studies situation and convenience,
ibid.
He pretends not to level hills, or to force or distort nature; but to help it, as he finds it; without permiting art, if he can possibly avoid it, to be seen in his works,
ibid.
He would rather let a stranger be pleased with what he sees, as if it were
always
so, than to seek to obtain
comparative
praise, by informing him what it was, in its former situation,
ibid.
And why? Because there is as much praise due to a man, who knows how to let a thing remain well, that is well, as to him who makes it so, when otherwise.
Those who have a Taste for trifles, if innocent ones, should not be diverted from pursuing it, unless there were a likelihood, that they would bestow their time better, iv. 59. [231].
The best
any
thing, carries with it the appearance of excellence,
ibid.
Who can forbear to think slightly of a man, who by a Taste for trifles, undervalues
himself?
iv. 205. [v. 76].
TEARS.
See
Grief.
Temptation.
How happy is the person, who, tempted to do a wrong thing, has it
yet
in his or her power to reject the Temptation, and to do a right one? ii. 261. [iii. 6].
In a Temptation yielded to with our eyes open, it is mean to accuse the Tempter, ii. 263. [iii. 7].
Temptation, strengthened by power, is often the corrupter of a before unsuspected heart, iv. 150. [v. 21].
Travellers. Travelling.
HUMAN nature is pretty much the same in every country, allowing for different customs, i. 259. [
ibid
].
Let men,
says Miss Byron,
make ever such strong pretensions to knowlege, from far-fetched and dear-bought experience; cannot a penetrating spirit learn as much of human nature, from an Englishman at home, as he could from an Italian, a Frenchman, or a Spaniard, in their respective countries? i. 260. [
ibid
].
Men not bad, may possibly, in their Travels, mistake, and import some gay weeds for flowers, i. 274. [
ibid
].
A prudent and good man, visiting foreign countries, will not either prevaricate, or deny his religious principles; yet, in good manners, will shew respect to the religion of the country he passes thro', or resides in, and venerate the good men of all communions, iii. 66. [226].
Honour, and the laws of hospitality, will be the guides of a young Traveller's conduct, iii. 69. [229].
What can Travellers see, but the ruins of the gay, once busy world, of which they have read? iii. 261. [iv. 47].
At best, but ruins of ruins; since the imagination, aided by reflexion, must be left, after all, to make out the greater glories, which the grave-digger time has buried too deep for discovery,
ibid.
Miss Byron, in a petulant fit, questions,
whether takingin every consideration relating to time, expence, risques of life, health, morals, Travelling abroad, is so useful a part of education, as some seem to think it, iii. 262. [iv. 48].
Confirming her opinion by the little improvement which she says, six parts out of eight of the Travelled young men return with,
ibid.
A prudent youth, by Travelling, learns to prefer his own country: an imprudent one, the contrary, iii. 311. [iv. 97].
Did many of the young men who Travel for improvement, better answer that end than they do, their country, and the religion they were educated in, would suffer less than they do, from the scandals they give to both in the eyes of enemies, iv. 212. 300. [v. 83. 172].
A prudent young man, on his Travels, will endeavour to live well with people of all religions; but, when called upon, will not be afraid discreetly to avow his own, iv. 309. [v. 180].
Such a one will so behave, as to deserve the protection of the state thro' which he passes, iv. 337. [v. 208].
V.
Vanity. Birth. Descent. Pride.
A VAIN man will praise a woman for her taste, and good qualities, and give the proof in the distinction she has paid him, vi. 14, 15. [vii. 14, 15].
A man proud of his descent, however bankrupt in fortune, will be ready to apologize for himself to his acquaintance, for marrying a meaner-descended woman, though she has raised him in the world by her fortune, vi. 15. [vii. 15].
He will look upon the distinction she has paid him, as his due; and that he will sufficiently reward her, by his civility to her, and her family and friends,
ibid.
She who can give Pride to others by her condescension, should not condescend to be proud;
ibid.
What, in a nation the strength and glory of which are trade and commerce, is Gentility, what even Nobility, where the descendants depart from the virtue of the first ennobling ancestor? vi. 131. [vii. 131].
Vice. Wicked. Wickedness.
VICE is a degrader even of high spirits, ii. 91. [192].
Wicked men are generally the severest punishers of those Wicked people, who minister not to their own particular gratifications, ii. 93. [195].
Habitual Wickedness debases, as habitual goodness exalts, the human mind, and gives an actual superiority and inferiority respectively, to persons naturally of equal parts and abilities, ii. 327. [iii. 71].
Wickedness may be always put out of countenance by a person who has an established character for goodness; and who is not ashamed of doing his duty in the public eye, v. 145. [vi. 123].
Vincibility
of Love.
THE woman who would have conquered her passion, had the object of it been married, gives a proof that it may be overcome, ii. 90. [191].
Few women marry their first Loves, iii. 258. [iv. 44].
Like merits, where
person
is not the principal motive of love, may produce like attachments,
ibid.
To love with an ardor that would be dangerous to a person's peace of mind, there must be more tenderness than reverence for the object, iii. 260. [iv. 46].
A woman of delicacy will deprecate being in such a situation, as to warrant the compassion of the best man in the world, iii. 264. [iv. 50].
The passion that can admit of raving on a disappointment, is temporary, and seldom dangerous, iv. 354. [v. 125].
If the head be safe, pride and supposed slight will in time harden the heart, and resentment, in a woman of spirit, will take place of Love, iv. 255. [v. 126].
The unexperienced virgin is to mistrust her heart, when she begins to meditate with pleasure the good qualities of an object, with whom she has frequent opportunities of conversing, iv. 340. [v. 211].
To suppose that kind of Love, which in its very beginning is contrary to duty, difficult to be overcome, is to deny ourselves a title to virtue, as well as discretion, vi. 208. [vii. 208].
See
Advice
and
Cautions
to Women.
Female
Dignity.
Love. Lover.
First
Love. Magnanimity. Modesty. Prudence. Single
Women.
Virtue.
VIRTUE cannot be proved but by trial, ii. 61. iv. 15. [ii. 162. iv. 187].
Virtue may pity and be atoned with the penitence of the lapsed, ii. 123. [224].
The man who loves Virtue for its own sake, loves it where-ever he finds it, iii. 350. [iv. 136].
Such a man may
distinguish
more Virtuous women than one; and there will be tenderness in his distinction to every one, varying only according to the difference of circumstance and situation, iii. 351. [iv. 137].
It is sometimes the fault of good people to be too rigorous in their Virtue, iii. 385. [iv. 171].
It is necessary for Virtue to be called forth by trials, in order to be justified by its fortitude in them, vi. 31. [vii. 31].
See
Duties
Moral and Religious.
Good
Man.
Magnanimity. Prudence. Religion. Temptation.
UNCHASTE.
See
Chastity.
UNHAPPINESS.
See
Happiness.
UNIVERSITY.
See
Learning.
VOWS.
See
Protestations.
W.
WARD.
See
Guardian.
WEDDED LOVE.
See
New-married
Women.
WEDDING-DAY.
See
Nuptial
Preparations.
WICKEDNESS.
See
Vice.
Widows.
THE worthy Widow of a worthy man, will, in material cases, determine by what she imagines her husband would have done, or wished her to do, were he living, ii. 22. [123].
The last refuge of battered rakes, and the chief hope of younger brothers, lie in the good-nature of Widows; and sometimes, of forward maids, v. 187. [vi. 165].
Considerate
women will not despise a diligent plain man for a first husband, since such a one is likely to raise a fortune, which, if he be so kind as to die in good time, may recommend her to the arms of a gayer second, v. 188. [vi. 166].
When such a worthy couple set out in taste, business, the good lady's first rise, will probably be despised, and the grateful couple will lead up a frolic dance on the grave of the honest plodder, v. 188. [vi. 166].
Weak reasons will have great weight with a Widow who is inclined to marry,
ibid.
See
Fancy. Femalities. Vanity.
Last
Wills. Funerals.
IT is a kind of presumption to be a week without a Will, ii. 115. [216].
Monuments for the dead should rather afford matter of instruction to the living, than panegyrics on the departed, [where those panegyrics are not in themselves instructive] ii. 102. [203].
The difference in the expence between a decent and a pompous Funeral, may be made a relief to poor tenants, decayed housekeepers, &c.
ibid.
A worthy successor will perform what he knows to have been the intentions, as well as the written injunctions of the deceased, ii. 118. [219].
Where a father dies intestate, it is glorious for a son to make such a Will for him, as it may be presumed he would, or ought to, have made for himself, ii. 133. 135, 136. [234. 236, 237].
The
intention
of the bequeather, in doubtful cases, ought always to be considered, iv. 148. [v. 19].
WISE MEN.
See
Prudence.
Wit. Witty
Men.
Witty
Women.
IT may perhaps be some degree of merit, to be able to repeat and apply other men's Wit with some tolerable propriety, i. 20. [
ibid
].
Wit and Wisdom are different qualities, and are rarely seen together, i. 47. [
ibid
].
Women who despise their own sex, are as deservedly, as generally, laughed at by both, i. 53. [
ibid
].
Persons of quick parts frequently, by their improvidence, lay themselves under obligation to those of slower, whom they have been accustomed to despise, i. 53. [
ibid
].
A man of understanding is greatly to be preferred to a man of Wit, ii. 62. [163].
Sprightly persons often make it necessary for them to ask two forgivenesses instead of one, ii. 165. [266].
That species of Wit, which cannot shine without a foil, is not a Wit to be proud of, ii. 381. [iii. 125].
A Witty Woman should not think of marrying a man of inferior understanding, if she cannot resolve to shield him, not only against her own, but every other person's ridicule, ii. 393. [iii. 137].
Such a one should confine her vivacities to time and place, ii. 394. [iii. 138].
The lively woman, who has not the offer of a man of understanding superior to her own, should encourage the addresses of one who will be likely to allow the superiority of hers, ii. 401. [iii. 145].
A Witty Woman's vivacity may less become the wife, than the single woman, iii. 3. [163].
Vivacity should never carry us beyond the bounds of prudence and discretion, iii. 7. [167].
Witty people seem to think they cannot shew their own consequence, but by putting a fool's coat on the back of a friend, iii. 72. [232].
Sterling Wit requires not a foil to set it off,
ibid.
It is sometimes the misfortune of a Witty Woman herself, sometimes that of her companions, that she cannot
help
being Witty, iii. 348. [iv. 134].
Witlings study for their pleasantries, and hunt for occasions to be smart, iv. 54. [226].
There can he no firm friendship, where there is a rivalry in Wit,
ibid.
Mere Wit is a foolish thing, iv. 254. [v. 125].
That ought not to be called Wit, in the good sense of the word, that has not justice in its sallies; nor humour, that preserves not decorum, v. 14. [285].
Wicked Wit,
says Miss Byron,
what a foe art thou to decent chearfulness! v. 194. [vi. 172].
See
Conceit. Poets. Ridicule. Vanity. Youth.
The
World.
This
World.
WHERE this World is inclined to favour, it will over-rate, as much as it will under-rate where it disfavours, i. 39. [
ibid
].
In such a World as this, people should not lay themselves open to the temptation of acting contrary to their duty, i. 102. [
ibid
].
The World, thinking itself affronted by superior merit, takes delight to bring it down to its own level, i. 260. [
ibid
].
This World is a state of trial and mortification [it was intended to be so; and not a state of festivity and dissipation] i. 279. [
ibid
].
A wise and modest man will not despise the world's opinion. When it will have patience to stay till it is master of facts, it will be oftener right than wrong, iv. 316. [v. 187].
The World if we can enjoy it with innocent chearfulness, and be servicable to our fellow-creatures, is not to be despised even by a philosopher, iv. 358. [v. 229].
The World will not see with our eyes, nor judge as we would have it; and, as it sometimes ought to judge, iv. 383. [v. 254].
Dissatisfactions will mingle with our highest enjoyments in this life, v. 86. [vi. 64].
WRATH.
See
Anger.
X, Y.
Youth. Young
Men.
YOUTH is the season for chearfulness, i. 10. [
ibid
].
It is difficult for Young Persons of genius to rein-in their imaginations, i. 21. [
ibid
].
Such are apt rather to say all that
may
be said, on their favourite topics, than what is
proper
to be said,
ibid.
It is a great virtue in good-natured Youth to be able to say NO, i. 238. [
ibid
].
Young Men of character and ability should not be put to difficulties at their entrance into the world. The greatest expences are then incurred; and in scanty beginnings, scanty plans must be laid, and pursued, ii. 344. [iii. 88].
A prudent Young Man will propose to himself a living example of goodness, to serve him for a kind of second conscience, and to whose judgment he will suppose himself accountable, iii. 10. [170].
He will particularly avoid the company of gay and light women, however distinguished by personal beauty or rank, and tho' not known to be dissolute in their morals,
ibid.
By avoiding intrigues, or giving offence to serious or pious people, a Young man travelling, will intitle himself to the respect of every worthy foreigner, as well as native,
ibid.
Good-nature is the characteristic of Youth, iii. 185. [345].
Young people should consider, that they may often rejoice in the company of one other, when they cannot have that of parents, and friends in years, iv. 248. [v. 119].
A good Young Man, not occasionally questioned in his conduct by a faithful monitor, will be diffident of the ground he stands upon, iv. 323. [v. 203].
It is a lovely sight to see blooming Youth fond of declining age, v. 242. [vi. 220].
Those who respect age, deserve to live to be old, and to be respected themselves, v. 349. [vi. 327].
Youth is rather to be pitied than envied by people in years; since it is doomed to toil thro' the rugged road of life, which the others have passed through, in search of happiness that is not to be met with; and which, at the highest, can only be compounded for, by a contented mind, vi. 11. [vii. 11].
Young people set out with false notions of happiness; gay, fairy-land imaginations, vi. 201. [vii. 201].
See
Address
to Men of Sense in the gay World.
Duties
Moral and Religious.
Education. Example. Friendship. Generosity. Good
Man.
Goodness. Gratitude. Ingenuousness. Men
and Women.
Magnanimity. Parents
and Children. The
Passions. Penitence. Politeness. Public
Places.
Self-partiality. Virtue. Vice. Wit.
The
World.
Z.
Zeal. Zealous.
ZEAL will be Zeal, in persons of whatever denomination, iii. 83. [243].
New converts are generally more stedfast and zealous in their principles, than others are in those which they imbibe from their ancestors, iii. 111. [271].
Religious Zeal [when not improperly directed] is a strengthener, a confirmer of the social sanctions, v. 112. [vi. 90].
But, frequently, religious Zeal is a fiery thing, v. 229. [vi. 207].
A good man, if not over-heated by Zeal, will be a good man, whatever be his religious persuasion,
ibid.
TABLE to the SENTIMENTS,
&c.
Extracted from The HISTORY of PAMELA.
A.
ADdress
to the Rich
Page 1
Advantages
of Men over Women, owing to Women themselves
2
Adversity
ibid.
Advice
to young married Women
3
Advice
to Young Women ibid.
Anger 6
B.
Bashfulness. Sheepishness 6
Beauty 7
Beneficence
ibid.
C.
Calumny. Censure. Censoriousness 8
Cautions
to young Female Servants ibid.
Charity. Almsgiving 9
Chastity.
See
Virtue p. 78
Chearfulness 10
Children
in their early Infancy ibid.
Children
how to be treated in their Infantile State, with a view to the Cultivation of their Minds
11
Children
and Servants
12
Clergy 13
Clergyman's
Wife
15
Comedy.
See
Public
Entertainments,
p. 62.
Competency 16
Conscience. Consciousness
ibid.
Conjugal
Piety
17
Consolation
ibid.
Consolation
to the Poor
17
Content.
See
Consolation
to the Poor.
Heroic
Poverty,
p. 38. Low
Life,
p. 49.
Courtship 18
Credulity 19
Custom
ibid.
D.
Death 20
Diffidence.
See
Bashfulness, p. 6. Merit, p. 53. Modesty, p. 54.
Double Entendre 20
Dress 21
Duty
to Superiors ibid.
E.
EDUCATION
ibid.
On a
Home
and
School Education 23
A middle way of
Education
between both
24
Female
Education 28
Envy 29
Example
ibid.
F.
Fashion 30
Female
Dignity ibid.
Filial
Piety
31
Flattery
ibid.
Forgiveness
ibid.
Fortitude 32
Friendship
ibid.
G.
General
Instructions
33
General
Observations
34
Genius 36
Good
Men ibid.
Good
Wife ibid.
Gratitude 37
Guardian
ibid.
H.
Happiness 37
Heroic
Poverty
38
High
Life; a Picture of it, from Infancy to Maturity
39
Histories
and
Characters
of particular Ladies
40
Honour 41
Human
Life ibid.
Human
Nature
42
Humility
ibid.
Husband
and Wife ibid.
I.
Impartiality. Partiality 43
Impropriations.
See
Clergy, p. 13.
Industry 44
K.
Keeping 44
L.
Lawyer 44
Libertines. Rakes
ibid.
Love 45
Love
at first Sight
47
Platonic
Love 48
Low
Life
49
M.
Magnanimity 49
Marriage 50
Unequal
Marriages 51
Masquerades.
See
Public
Entertainments,
p. 62.
Master's
Behaviour to his Female Servant
51
Maternal
Duty
52
Merit 53
Mistress
of a Family ibid.
Modesty 54
Moral
Man ibid.
N.
Nurses,
See
Children
in their Infancy,
p. 11. Maternal
Duty,
p. 52.
Nursery Tales.
See
Pamela, Vol. iv. 477,
& seq.
12
ves.
and Vol. iv. 415,
& seq.
8
vo.
O.
Obligation 54
Obstinacy 55
Old
Maids ibid.
Old
Rakes ibid.
Opera.
See
Public
Entertainments,
p. 62.
P.
Parents
and Children
55
Passion. Passionate 56
Patrons
ibid.
Penitence
ibid.
Plays.
See
Public
Entertainments,
p. 62.
Pluralities.
See
Clergy, p. 13.
Political
Observations
58
Poor
not to be despised by the Rich, ibid.
Praise 59
Pride. Proud
ibid.
Promises. Vows 61
Prosperity
ibid.
Public
Entertainments
62
R.
Rakes.
See
Libertines, p. 44. Old Rakes, p. 55.
Rectitude
of Mind
64
Reformation
ibid.
Relations 66
Religion. Religious
Considerations
67
Repentance.
See
Penitence, p. 56.
Reproofs 68
Reputation
ibid.
Resignation
ibid.
The
Rich. Riches 69
Ridicule 70
Romances. Romantic
Time of Life ibid.
S.
Scholar 71
Self-Interest
ibid.
Servants
ibid.
Shame. Shamelesness 72
Sheepishness.
See
Bashfulness, p. 6.
Sickness. Visiting
the Sick
73
Spiritual
Pride ibid.
Steward
ibid.
Stile
in Writing ibid.
Suicide 74
Swearing
and Cursing ibid.
T.
Temptations 75
Town
Diversions. See
Public
Entertainments,
p. 62.
Tragedy.
See
Public
Entertainments,
p. 62.
Travelling 75
Tutors 77
Tythes
ibid.
V.
Vapourishness 78
Vigilance
ibid.
Virtue. Chastity
ibid.
Voluptuousness 80
Vows.
See
Promises, p. 61.
W.
Wife 80
Wit 82
Writers
ibid.
X, Y.
Young
Widows
82
Youth 83
TABLE to the SENTIMENTS,
&c.
Extracted from The HISTORY of CLARISSA.
A.
ADversity. Affliction. Calamity. Misfortune 85
Advice
and
Cautions
to Women
87
Air
and Manner.
Address 93
Anger. Displeasure 94
Apprehensions. Fear 95
B.
Beauty. Figure
ibid.
Blushes. Blushing 96
C.
Censure. Character
ibid.
Charity. Beneficence. Benevolence 98
Church. Clergy 99
Comedies. Tragedies. Music. Dancing 100
Condescension 101
Conscience. Consciousness
ibid.
Consolation 102
Controul. Authority 104
Covetousness. Avarice 105
Courtship 106
Credulity 108
Cruelty. Hardheartedness 108
D.
Death. Dying 109
Delicacy. Decency. Decorum 111
Despondency. Despair 112
Deviation
ibid.
Dignity. Quality 113
Double-Entendre 114
Dress. Fashions. Elegance
ibid.
Duelling 116
Duty. Obedience 117
E.
Education 119
Example 120
Expectation
ibid.
Eyes 121
F.
Faults. Folly. Failings. Error
ibid.
Favour 122
Flattery. Compliments 123
Fond. Fondness
ibid.
Forgiveness. Pardon 124
Friendship 125
G.
Gaming 128
Generosity. Generous
Minds
129
Goodness. Grace. 131
Gratitude. Ingratitude
ibid.
Grief. Sorrow. Grievances 132
Guilt. Vice. Wickedness. Evil
Habits.
Evil
Courses
133
H.
Happiness. Content 134
Health 135
Heart. Humanity
ibid.
Honesty 136
Human
Life
137
Human
Nature
138
Humility
ibid.
Husband
and Wife
139
Hypocrisy 141
I.
Ill-will. Envy. Hatred. Malice. Spite
ibid.
Imagination 142
Inclination
ibid.
Indiscretion. Inconsiderateness. Presumption 143
Infidel. Scoffer
ibid.
Innocence
ibid.
Insolence 144
Judgment
ibid.
Justice. Injustice. Right. Wrong 145
K.
Keepers. Keeping 146
L.
Law. Lawyer 147
Learning 148
Libertine. Rake
ibid.
Little
Spirits.
Meanness. Narrowness 150
Love 151
Love
at first Sight
154
Lover
ibid.
M.
Magnanimity. Fortitude. Hope. Steadiness 155
Marriage 156
Masters. Mistresses. Servants 159
Meekness 161
Men
and Women ibid.
Merit. Demerit 162
Minutiae 163
Modesty. Audacity
ibid.
O.
Obligation. Oblige. Obliging
Temper
164
Obstinacy. Perverseness. Frowardness. Pertness 165
General
Observations
and Reflexions ibid.
Oeconomy. Frugality. Housewifery 168
P.
Palliation. Evasion. Excuse 169
Parents. Children
ibid.
Partiality. Impartiality 173
Passions 175
Patience. Impatience 176
Pedants. Colleges 177
Physic. Physicians
ibid.
Pity. Mercy 179
Politeness. Travelling
ibid.
Political
Precepts
180
Poverty. Poor
ibid.
Power. Independence 181
Praise. Dispraise. Applause. Blame
ibid.
Prejudice. Prepossession. Antipathy 182
Pride 183
Procuress. Profligate
Woman
184
Prosperity. Success. Riches 185
Providence 186
Prudence. Wisdom. Discretion 187
Purity 188
R.
Rapes
ibid.
Reflexions
on Women
189
Reformation. Conviction. Conversion 193
Relations 194
Religion. Piety. Devotion. Sabbath
ibid.
Remorse 196
Repentance. Contrition 197
Reprehension. Reproof. Correction 198
Reputation 199
Resentment
ibid.
Respect. Reverence
ibid.
Revenge 200
S.
Satire
ibid.
Secrets. Curiosity 201
Self. Self-Interest. Selfishness 202
Sensuality 203
Sickness. Infirmities
ibid.
Suspicion. Doubt. Jealousy 204
T.
Tears
ibid.
Theory 205
Thoughtfulness. Sensibility
ibid.
Tyranny
ibid.
V.
Vanity. Conceit. Affectation 206
Vapours 207
Veracity. Truth 208
Violent
Spirits ibid.
Virtue. Virtuous. Principle 209
Vivacity 210
Vows. Curses. Oaths. Promises. Protestations 211
W.
Widow 212
Wills. Testators. Executors,
&c. ibid.
Wit. Talents. Conversation 213
Writers 214
Y.
Youth. 215
TABLE to the SENTIMENTS,
&c.
Extracted from The HISTORY of Sir CH. GRANDISON.
A.
ABsence p. 217
Address
to Men of Sense in the gay World ibid.
Adversity. Calamity. Misfortune. Disappointment 221
Advice
and
Cautions
to Women
224
Affectation 228
Age.
See
Youth, p. 392.
Anger. Passion. Petulance. Wrath. Ill-will 229
Artful
Men
230
Artful
Women
231
Avarice. Selfishness
ibid.
B.
Beauty. Beautiful 232
Beneficence. Benevolence. Charity 233
Benevolence.
See
Beneficence
ibid.
Ungraceful
Benevolence 234
Birth.
See
Vanity, p. 387.
C.
Calamity.
See
Adversity, p. 221
Censure. Censoriousness 235
Challenges
ibid.
Chastity. Unchaste 237
Charity.
See
Beneficence, p. 233.
Charity
in Judgment
238
Communicativeness.
See
Concealment, p. 241.
Compassion.
See
Pity, p. 361.
Compliments. Flattery 238
Compulsion 240
Concealment. Secrets. Communicativeness 241
Conceit. Obstinacy. Perverseness 242
Conscience 243
Consolation 244
Contrition.
See
Penitence, p. 358.
Coquetry.
See
Prudery, p. 369.
Courtship 245
Courage 249
Cupidity.
See
Love
at first Sight,
p. 318.
Curiosity 249
Custom
ibid.
D.
Daughters 250
Decorum.
See
Modesty, p. 344.
Delicacy 251
Descent.
See
Vanity, p. 387.
Depravity
of Manners. See
Public
Places,
p. 369.
Disappointment.
See
Adversity, p. 221.
Discretion.
See
Prudence, p. 367.
Dispraise.
See
Praise, p. 364.
Dreams. Superstition 252
Dress.
See
Fashion, p. 263.
Duelling 253
Duties
Moral and Religious
255
E.
Early
Rising. See
Oeconomy, p. 249.
Ebriety. Intemperance. Riot. False
Shame
257
Education 258
Elegance.
See
Politeness, p. 363.
Example 259
Executor 260
Extravagance. Profusion 261
F.
Families
decayed
261
Fancy. Imagination. Romances
ibid.
Fashion. Dress. Novelty 263
Female
Dignity ibid.
Femalities 264
Fencing 270
Filial
Piety ibid.
Flattery.
See
Compliments, p. 238.
Forced
Marriages. See
Persuasion, p. 360.
Forgivingness 270
Fortitude.
See
Magnanimity, p. 324.
Fortune-hunters.
See Clandestine
Marriages, p. 330.
Frankness
of Heart.
Reserve 270
Friendship. Friend 271
G.
Gaming. Gamesters 273
General
Observations
274
Generosity. Over-generosity 277
Girls 279
Glory.
See
Honour, p. 292.
Goodness 281
Good
Man.
Man
of Honour.
Honest
Man ibid.
Good
Wife.
Good
Woman
288
Gratitude. Ingratitude
ibid.
Grief. Melancholy. Tears 289
Guardian. Guardianship. Ward 290
H.
Happiness. Unhappiness 291
Honest
Man. See
Good
Man,
p. 281.
Honour. Glory. Punctilio. Reputation 292
Hospital
for Female Penitents ibid.
Humanity 293
Human
Nature ibid.
Humility 294
Humour.
See
Ridicule, p. 376.
Husband
and Wife
294
I.
Jealousy 297
Ill-will.
See
Anger, p. 229.
Impartiality.
See
Ingenuousness, p. 299.
Indulgence 298
Inferiority. Superiority
of the two Sexes ibid.
Ingenuousness. Impartiality. Justice 299
Ingratitude.
See
Gratitude, p. 288.
Innocence 301
Insincerity.
See
Sincerity, p. 379.
Intemperance.
See
Ebriety, p. 257.
Joy.
See
Mirth, p. 339.
Justice.
See
Ingenuousness, p. 299.
Justice
of Peace
302
K.
Keepers.
See
Kept
Women,
p. 302.
Kept
Women
302
Kindred 304
L.
Languages.
See
Learning, p. 305.
Laughter.
See
Mirth,
ibid.
Law. Lawyers,
ibid.
Learning. Learners. Languages. Science. University 305
Learned
Women
308
Libertines. Rakes 309
Love 312
Love
at first Sight.
Cupidity. Paphian
Love
318
First
Love 320
Lover 321
Dismission of a
Lover 323
M.
Magnanimity. Spirit. Fortitude 324
Man
of Honour. See
Good
Man,
p. 281.
Marriages 326
Marriage
in advanced Years, and with an Inequality as to Age
329
Clandestine
Marriages. Fortunehunters 330
Marriage
Treaties.
Settlements 331
Marriage
Proposals
332
Masters. Mistresses. Servants
ibid.
Matrimonial
Bickerings
334
Matronly
State
335
Meanness 336
Mediation
ibid.
Melancholy.
See
Grief, p. 289.
Men
and Women
337
Military
Men
339
Mirth. Joy. Laughter
ibid.
Miscellaneous
Observations
340
Misfortune.
See
Adversity, p. 221.
Mistresses.
See
Masters, p. 332.
Modesty. Decorum 344
N.
New-married
Women.
Wedded
Love
346
Novelty.
See
Fashion, p. 263.
Nuptial
Preparations.
Wedding
Day
347
O.
Obstinacy.
See
Conceit, p. 242.
Oeconomy. Early
Rising
349
Old
Bachelors.
Old
Maids
350
Over-generosity.
See
Generosity, p. 277.
P.
Paphian
Love. See
Love
at first Sight,
p. 318.
Parents
and Children
353
Parliament
Man
357
Partiality
ibid.
The
Passions
ibid.
Passion.
See
Anger, p. 229.
Penitence. Contrition. Reformation. Remorse 358
Persuasion. Forced
Marriages
360
Perverseness.
See
Conceit, p. 242.
Petulance.
See
Anger, p. 229.
Physicians. Surgeons 361
Piety.
See
Religion, p. 374.
Pity. Compassion 361
Platonic
Love
362
Poets 363
Politeness. Elegance
ibid.
Praise. Dispraise. Self-praise 364
Professions.
See
Protestations, p. 366.
Profusion.
See
Extravagance, p. 261.
Promises.
See
Protestations, p. 366.
Protestant
Nunneries
366
Protestations. Professions. Promises. Vows
ibid.
Prudence. Discretion. Wise
Men
367
Prudery. Coquetry 369
Public
Places.
Depravity
of Manners.
Racketing.
ibid.
Punctilio.
See
Honour, p. 292.
R.
Racketing.
See
Public
Places,
p. 369.
Raillery.
See
Ridicule, p. 376.
Rakes.
See
Libertines, p. 309.
Recommendation 373
Recrimination. Reproof
ibid.
Reformation.
See
Penitence, p. 358.
Religion. Piety 374
Remorse.
See
Penitence, p. 358.
Reproof.
See
Recrimination, p. 373.
Reputation.
See
Honour, p. 292.
Reserve.
See
Frankness
of Heart,
p. 270.
Retribution 375
Ridicule. Humour. Raillery 376
Riot.
See
Ebriety, p. 257.
S.
False
Shame.
See
Ebriety, p. 257.
Science.
See
Learning, p. 305.
Secrets.
See
Concealment, p. 241.
Seduction 376
Selfishness.
See
Avarice, p. 231.
Self partiality 377
Self-praise.
See
Praise, p. 364.
Sentiments 377
Servants.
See
Masters, p. 332.
Settlements.
See
Marriage
Treaties,
p. 331.
Signs
of Love
377
Sincerity. Insincerity 379
Single
Women
380
Spirit.
See
Magnanimity, p. 324.
Step-mother. Mother-in-law 383
Suicide 384
Surgeons.
See
Physicians, p. 361.
Superior
ty
of the two Sexes. See
Inferiority, p. 298.
Superstition.
See
Dreams, p. 252.
Susceptibility 384
Suspence
ibid.
T.
Taste 385
Tears.
See
Grief, p. 289.
Temptation 385
Travellers. Travelling 386
V.
Vanity. Birth. Descent. Pride 387
Vice. Wicked. Wickedness
ibid.
Vincibility
of Love
388
Virtue
ibid.
Unchaste.
See
Chastity, p. 237.
Unhappiness.
See
Happiness, p. 291.
University.
See
Learning, p. 305.
Vows.
See
Protestations, p. 366.
W.
Ward.
See
Guardian, p. 290.
Wedded
Love. See
New-married
Woman,
p. 346.
Wedding-Day.
See
Nuptial
Preparations,
p. 347.
Wickedness.
See
Vice, p. 387.
Widows 389
Last
Wills. Funerals 390
Wise
Men. See
Prudence, p. 367.
Wit. Witty
Men.
Witty
Women
390
The
World.
This
World 391
Wrath.
See
Anger. p. 229.
X. Y.
Youth. Young
Men
392
Z.
Zeal. Zealous 394
FINIS.
By Desire, the Two following LETTERS are inserted here.
Copy of LETTER to a LADY, who was solicitous for an additional volume to the HISTORY of Sir CHARLES GRANDISON; supposing it ended abruptly, and expressing herself desirous to see Sir CHARLES in the Parental Character; and to know if the Story were intended to be carried further.
Mar. 1
. 1754.
MADAM,
I Write to your commands sent me yesterday.
I have no intention of pursuing further the History of Sir CHARLES GRANDISON: And hope, when you consider the circumstances of the Story, you will be of opinion, that it ends very properly where it does; tho' at the first perusal it may seem, to a Lady who honours the piece with her approbation, to conclude a little abruptly; and the rather, as the necessary delay in publishing the last volume, occasioned by the treatment I met with from Dublin, made persons imagine that marvellous events, and violent catastrophes, were preparing; and but for which treatment the three last volumes would have been published together.
The Story of PAMELA was supposed to have taken place within thirty years, that of CLARISSA within twenty, of their respective publications. In either of those spaces of time, there was room to marry and bury half a generation of people.
That of Sir CHARLES GRANDISON is supposed to be more recent. In his recital of what passed between himself and Clementina, long before the Story began, and before he had hopes of being allowed by his Father (then living) to return to England, he mentions the rebellion in 1745 and 1746; and that the exultations made over him in Italy, on the reported success of the young Adventurer, obliged him to go to Vienna.
What passed between him and Clementina, and her Family, on his return from thence to Bologna, till he quitted Italy, and (on his Father's death) arrived in England, may be supposed to take up a considerable space of time.
He had been about fifteen months in England when the Story begins. That takes up a year and half.
All this may be supposed to bring it down pretty near to the present time.
EMILY, under the direction of so prudent a guardian, was not, for example sake, to be married till she was near twenty.
Lady GRANDISON'S circumstances and her lying-in, would not permit her to leave England for a voyage to Italy, so soon as might be hoped for by Clementina and her friends. Sir Charles had a view, I fansy, to those delicate circumstances, when he offered to make them judges of the reasons, should he and his Harriet be unable to attend them within the next year, why they could not.
Do you think Harriet would not be a Nurse as well as Lady G? It would be a desirable thing, we may suppose, to all their Italian friends, as well as suitable to the maternal fondness, for her to take her child with her: But would she do so, till it was at least a year old? There is no doubt but it would be a very fine and forward child: But the heir of Sir Charles Grandison must not be needlesly, or for a compliment, exposed to dangers and difficulties. Read again the passage by land over mount Cenis; acquaint yourself with the Bay of Biscay, were they to go by sea.
As to the good JERONYMO, he is happy where he is. Lady G. makes him alive and merry: And have you not an intimation that he is to go to Bath? And do you think that those salutary springs will not, for the honour of our country, quite establish him?
CLEMENTINA, at the year's end, may either marry the Count of BELVEDERE, her malady not returning; or, as Sir Charles has engaged all her friends to promise, may, at her own request, be allowed more time. You have seen that the COUNT acquiesces entirely with whatever shall be her will, in this particular.
Do you think, Madam, I have not been very complaisant to my Readers to leave to them the decision of this important article? I am apt to think, from what I have already heard from several of them, of no small note, and great good sense, that a considerable time will pass before this point will be agreed upon among
them:
And some of my correspondents rejoice that Clementina is not married in the book; hoping that she will never marry; while others express their satisfaction in the time given her, and doubt not but she will. Some are pleased with the Count; others not. Some are of opinion, with Jeronymo, that her compliance with the silent wishes of her friends, when left entirely to her own will was the only duty wanting to complete her character; she having voluntarily renounced, so nobly as she did, the only man whom she preferred to
him
who was the choice of her parents, and given up her wishes to be allowed to take the veil.
Let us take a survey of what is done for the other characters.
No more need be said, than is, of EVERARD GRANDISON; or of Aunt ELEANOR.
Mr. DEANE, you see, is provided for, to his own, and every one's content.
So is good Dr. BARTLETT.
The skilful LOWTHER also.
Sir EDW. BEAUCHAMP and EMILY are in a way to be happy.
Who can be more so than Mrs. SHIRLEY? Why, Madam, would you wish to have further time taken in, to conclude a life so valuable, so exemplary?
Sir ROWLAND and Mr. FOWLER are not unhappy. They are going to Caermarthen; and you remember, Sir Rowland says, there are fine girls in Caermarthenshire.
Mr. SELBY goes on at Selby-house crowing over his Wife, and his Nieces; and, tho' always defeated by their good-humoured arguments, and superior sense, crowing on, and making all around him pleasant.
Who can be happier than Mr. and Mrs. REEVES?
LUCY has already her PEER.
I could have given NANCY SELBY to Mr. ORME; but that it is not right to put together two persons who neither of them have entire health, till they are quite recovered; and that would take up time. He, accompanied by his Sister, is a second time gone to Lisbon, you know. And she, Emily hints, is not without her Lover.
Miss ORME is a good girl, and must be happy.
As for GREVILLE and FENWICK, who cares for them?
The fate of Sir HARGRAVE, of MERCEDA, of BAGENHALL, is absolutely, and exemplarily, decided.
JAMES SELBY is as good as provided for: But if he had not, it would not have been much matter.
Lady BETTY WILLIAMS indeed, and her forward Daughter, and Miss CANTILLON, are deservedly unhappy; and there are too many of such characters, in every-body's knowlege, to require
theirs
to be further dwelt upon.
Lady BEAUCHAMP, Lady MANSFIELD and her family, Lord and Lady W. Lord and Lady L. are all happy. Lord G. also. And his CHARLOTTE is as good as
she
can be. Her Lord wishes her not better than we leave her.
Sir CHARLES is the happiest of men. Plans of his beneficence, oeconomy, charity, have been actually laid down.
His LADY is, as she deserves to be, the happiest of women.
By what we have seen of
both,
we know how they will behave on every future call or occasion.
CLEMENTINA, let me add to the notice I have taken of her, is mistress of her own will. By the power Sir Charles, in the articles he drew, stipulated for her, we know she will make herself happy in acts of beneficence; and, as he has foretold, will see every-thing in a chearful light, that before appeared to her in a cloudy one. What will be the result?
LAURANA has been punished, in kind, as we may say.
Lady SFORZA also.
The MARQUIS, the MARCHIONESS, the GENERAL, the BISHOP, in short, the whole
Porretta family,
are happy to the extent of their wishes.
Mrs. BEAUMONT is highly so in the general felicity.
So is Father MARESCOTTI.
Should the story, which were it prolonged to do every-thing that seems to be expected, would take up more time, though not quantity of matter, than it has already taken up, be continued for the sake of OLIVIA? Surely, No.
Can it, then, be more happily concluded than it is?
As to what you are pleased to hint of the Hero's appearing to shine in the parental character, have I not in PAMELA entered into that subject pretty largely? And have I not in this history avoided touching upon the same topics that I have treated on in either of the two former?
But you will be apt to say, You expected more on these subjects from Sir Charles's character, than from that of Mr. B. or even of his Pamela.
But (to say nothing of his care for the education of his Father's natural children by Mrs. Oldham) see we not, from his tenderness to Mrs. Reeves's little boy; from his goodness to Lady L's son; and to Lady G's little girl; from the observation of his Lady, that the Brave are always tender and humane; from his general prudence, as well as from his own duty to a blameable Father, whose failings he occasionally deplored with a piety worthy of himself; that he would have shone in every part of the parental character? [Who ever knew a dutiful Son that made not a good Father?] And where, and at what age of his children, had I entered into such particulars, should I have been allowed to stop; since, as they grew in years, they would have had larger demands on his cares?
I might indeed, in what
is done,
have introduced a conversation in which the Education of Children might have been touched upon, and his opinion given: But the lovers of Story would have found fault with me for it, as they have done with the few independent conversations that appear in the book, however useful others have thought them: And besides, the occasion must have been forced in. Nor would the subject have appeared with the requisite advantage, handled by, or before, single men and women, or even by young married people, who had no opportunities to strengthen their opinions by experience.
Permit me further to observe, that the conclusion of a
single story
is indeed generally some great and decisive event; as a
Death,
or a
Marriage:
But in scenes of life carried down nearly to the present time, and in which a
variety of interesting characters
is introduced, all events cannot be decided, unless, as in the History of
Tom Thumb the Great,
all the actors are killed in the last scene; since persons presumed to be still living, must be supposed liable to the various turns of human affairs.
All that can be expected therefore in such a work, if its ending is proposed to afford the most complete scene of felicity of which human life is capable, must be to leave the principal characters happy, and the rest with fair prospects of being so.
I am, however, greatly obliged to you, Madam, for having so far interested yourself in the story, as to write to me upon it; and beg leave to subscribe myself
Your obliged and most obedient Servant.
ANSWER to a LETTER from a FRIEND, who had objected to Sir CHARLES GRANDISON's Offer to allow his Daughters by Lady CLEMENTINA, had his Marriage with her taken Effect, to be educated Roman Catholics.
Mar. 25. 1754.
I HAVE received, my dear friend, several anonymous Letters written on the same subject with your favour before me of the 19th; finding fault with Sir Charles Grandison for his offered compromise with the friends of Clementina, in the article of Religion; all of them expressing, as yours does, a laudable zeal for the interests of the Protestant cause.
One of the gentlemen desired an answer to what he wrote, directing whither it was to be sent. I do not think myself at liberty to transcribe for you his Letter, though an anonymous one, and which would do credit to any writer: But as your Letter and his are in substance pretty much the same, you will allow me to hope for your attention to the extracts I shall make from my answer to his; and if they are not of sufficient weight with you to excuse the Hero in this important article, I shall be ready, at your command, to re-consider it.
This gentleman wishes, as you do, that I had gone further into the subject: That I had exposed the iniquity of such compromises, and shewn, that the souls of girls ought to be as much regarded as those of boys; and the rather, as such stipulations are now made a point in course, in the marriage-treaties of persons of different religions. He is so good as to call for my opinion on the subject. Thus I answered.
Give me leave, Sir, to say, I have shewn in the work, when the subject required it, that I have the honour to be of your opinion as to this compromise. I have, in Vol. iii.
Octavo,
p. 105, 106. made the Bishop (Clementina's Brother) thus say to Mr. Grandison, after a debate between them on the two religions;
"You will call to mind, Chevalier, that
your
church allows of a possibility of salvation out of its pale—
Ours
does not."
—
"My Lord," answers the Chevalier, "our church allows not of its members indulging themselves in capital errors, against conviction."
Mr. Grandison was a young man: He pretended not to be divested of passion. It was necessary to let the Porretta family, and the Reader, who it was supposed, would not be unconcerned in the destiny of Clementina, see, that he was willing to make some sacrifices, for those the family made, in consideration of so excellent a creature, who had suffered so much, and was actually in a state of suffering, for her Love of him. What could he do
more,
he asks Dr. Bartlett, than to make such an offer? He considers it as a very great concession, though he must know, that it was, as you, Sir, observe, a too usual one: And he tells her warmest relations, the General in particular,
"that he would not have come into such a compromise, no, not in favour of a princess, in a
beginning
address."
And this he says in answer to the General's question,
"What, Chevalier, must the poor daughters have done, that
they
should have been left to perdition?"
And this put by that haughty man, when he knew that Mr. Grandison was of a religion which inspires its professors with more charity, than does that which allows not salvation out of its own pale; and the souls of whose daughters therefore, in his opinion, could not be endanger'd merely by such an education.
Who that thinks the Porretta family bigotted, must not have allowed
them
to think Mr. Grandison so, had he not made some such sort of concession as he expected them to make? Nay, the, actually made a much greater than
be
offered [The SONS of the family]; and besides, were more apprehensive of their Daughter's change of religion, were the marriage to take place, than hopeful of his.
Some concessions are expected to be made in all marriage treaties; and (contrary to what was proposed in
this
) greater, frequently, on the man's than on the woman's part; since it is understood, that the wife is more the property of the husband, than he is hers; and he therefore in marriage makes an acquisition. Pecuniary sacrifices could not have affected Mr. Grandison: Nothing but what touched his principles could. This was a severe trial to him. Clementina, at the time, was the only woman he could have loved. He knew not then Miss Byron: But we have reason to believe, from different parts of the story, that he thought himself not unhappy, that a marriage, to be entered into on such terms, took not effect; as well as that it was owing to Clementina herself, and not to him, that it did not; frequent as such compromises are in marriage-treaties between people of different persuasions.
That these observations lie scattered, as I may say, in different parts of the story, is owing, a good deal, to the manner of writing, (to the moment, as it may be called) as occasions arose in the progress of the story: A manner of writing that has its conveniencies and inconveniencies. The
latter,
in such cases as that before us; the
former,
in giving opportunities to describe the agitations that fill the heart, in the progress of a material and interesting subject, the event of which remains undecided.
You will be pleased to observe, that I had a very nice and difficult task to manage, to convince nice and delicate Ladies, who, it might be imagined, would sit in judgment upon the conduct of a man in a Love-case (who was presumed to be nearly perfect, and proposed as a pattern) that a Lady so excellent as Clementina; of so high a family and fortune; all her relations adoring her; so deeply in love with him; yet so delicate in her whole behaviour to him; was not slighted by
him.
What would the Ladies, and the men of gallantry, have said, had he not done all it was possible for him to do, to obtain so rich a prize?
Allow me to say, that if his distress, in different scenes of the story, were duly attended to (attacked as he was on the side of his Generosity, his Compassion, his Gratitude, his Love) together with his stedfastness in his own Religion, I presume, that, in the whole affair between him and Clementina, he would be rather thought a confessor for it, than a lukewarm man in it. Be pleased to reperuse what he says to Miss Byron on this subject, in the library at Colnebrook,
Vol.
iii.
Octavo, p.
29, 30.
Vol.
iii.
p.
189, 190.
Duodecimo.
'What must be my grief, to be obliged to disappoint such expectations as were raised by persons who had so sincere a value for me! You cannot, madam, imagine my distress: So little as could be expected to be allowed by them to the principles of a man whom they supposed to be in an error that would inevitably cast him into perdition! But when the friendly Brother implored my compliance; when the excellent Mother, in effect, besought me to have pity on
her
heart, and on her
child
's head; and when the tender, the amiable Clementina, putting
herself
out of the question, urged me, for my soul's sake, to embrace the doctrines of her holy mother the church—What, madam—But how I grieve you!'
'[He stopt, says Miss Byron—His handkerchief was of use to him, as mine was to me—What a distress was here!]'
'And what, and what, Sir, sobbing, was the result? Could you,
could
you resist?'
'Satisfied in my own faith! Entirely satisfied! Having insuperable objections to that I was wished to embrace!—A Lover of my native country too—Were not my God and my Country to be the sacrifice, if I complied? But I
laboured,
I
studied,
for a compromise. I must have been unjust to Clementina's merit, and to my own character, had she not been dear to me. And indeed I beheld graces in her
then,
that I had before resolved to shut my eyes against; her Rank next to princely; her Fortune high as her rank; Religion; Country; all so many obstacles that had appeared to me insuperable, removed by
themselves;
and no apprehension left of a breach of the laws of hospitality, which had, till now, made me struggle to behold one of the most amiable and noble-minded of women with indifference.'
—Then he relates his offer of compromise.
And let me add here that noble apostrophe of his, when he had been contemplating the perfections of Clementina, the worthiness of her family, and their great offers to him—
"But, O my Religion, and my Country! I cannot, cannot renounce you. What can this world give, what can it promise, to warrant such a sacrifice?"
Nor are these the strongest instances that he gives of his attachment to his Religion and Country in the course of the work; to say nothing of what might be supposed to pass between him and the Bishop, in their debate on the two Religions; in which he convinced the Prelate (who from that time forbore to attack him on that subject) that he had a great deal to say in behalf of his own.
In an omission in the Sixth Volume, Octavo, which is supplied p. 401, 402. Lucy Selby is made thus to express herself, with regard to this compromise, in order to weaken the danger to Religion that might be apprehended from the example—
"How could Sir Charles, so thorough an Englishman, have been happy with an Italian wife? His heart indeed is generously open and benevolent to people of all countries. He is, in the noblest sense, a Citizen of the World: But see we not, that his long residence abroad has only the
more
endeared to him the Religion, the Government, the Manners, of England?"—
"How was this noble-minded man, proceeds she, entangled by delicacies of situation, by friendship, by compassion, that he should ever have been likely to be engaged in a family of Roman Catholics, and lived half of his days out of his beloved country; and the other half to have set, as to the world's eye, such an example in it?"
"I know, adds Miss Selby, he would have made it his study to prevent any mischief to his neighbours from the active zeal of his Lady's confessor, had a certain compromise taken effect. I remember the hint he gave to Father Marescotti
Vol. iv. p. 122. Octave—Vol. v. p. 93. Duodecimo.
: But would even that good man have thought himself bound to observe faith with heretics in such a case?"
And in the Concluding Note to the work, I have further endeavoured to obviate the apprehended mischief, by declining to
contend
with such of my Readers, whose laudable zeal led them to consider this compromise as a fault.
Thus, my dear Friend, you will see, that, however usual it may be for people of different Religions, when they intermarry, to enter into compromises of this kind, they are not countenanced by the
judgment
of Sir Charles Grandison; who considered, as the greatest misfortune that could have befallen him, the situation he was in; which in a manner
compelled
him to make some concessions, in compassion to an excellent woman, who laboured under a disorder of mind on his account.
After all, if this concession of Sir Charles is to be deemed a blemish, it is rather a blemish in his conduct than in his character. Very few in
his
circumstances would have done better; few so well: And what he offered, in so
peculiar
a situation, is by no means a precedent to be pleaded in
common
cases.
Believe me to be, with equal truth and affection, Sir,
Your most obedient Servant.