ADDRESS to the AUDIENCE by PUNCH, on the OPENING of the MICROCOSM.
[]HUZZA! my hearts! our MICROCOSMIC Puppet-Show
Muſt ſtand; ſince foſt'ring friends concur to prop it ſo.—
Let me be hang'd but I'm in perfect extacy,
Such a bright blooming bank of the fair ſex to ſee;
So interſpers'd with beaux, in gay variety,
That it fulfils my wiſh, ev'n to ſatiety.—
For, we, (tho' wooden mimies of humanity)
Are not ſuch blocks as not to feel th' urbanity
Of your obliging readineſs to come to us
In our new edifice, —well, an't it ſumptuous?—
Are not all quondam much-complain'd of grievances
Amply redreſs'd by our well-plann'd contrivances?
Have not our brains been rack'd, and our poor purſes drain'd,
To ſhew that no convenience was by us reſtrain'd?
Have we not built a cover'd way to ſhelter you;
Where no blaſts ruſſie, rains wet, or funs ſwelter you;
A green room,—lucky thought! where lolling, at her caſe,
STELLA may liſten to her STREPHON'S flatteries
And point againſt his heart all her maſqu'd batteries;
Here may of ſcandal-ſpreading prudes forget her awe,
Adjuſt her dreſs, balls, parties, drums—& catera.—
Your entrance to our room laſt year, was odious:
But our new CORRIDOR is quite commodious.
[iv]Our MICROCOSM ſhines with a ſplendid dignity
Which may defy the cavils of malignity,
And flatter us with hopes of your benignity.
Then on the inſide, many faults are mended too,
Things, in no puppet ſhow 'till ours, attended to.—
Obſerve, in true; perſpective, ſtage and gallery,
Not like our former dog-hole, ſqueez'd and all awry:
Obſerve our light arrang'd in order curious,
Nor to the audience or the ſcene injurious.
Obſerve our high-rais'd benches curv'd with ſymmetry,
If any thinks he can outdo us, he may try.—
Ingreſs and egreſs, now, are free and elegant,
What more is wanting?— by my conſcience! tell I can't, —
Save WELCOME:— which I ſnatch this opportunity
Of giving in the name of our community.
Thrice welcome all!—our lib'ral hoſpitality
Is not conſin'd to rank alone, or quality,
To charms or wealth:—(yet if we made a difference)
Such ſurely are entitled to ſome preference.
Our doors are ſhut to none; except ſuch trumpery
As never ought be ſeen in decent company;
With that riff-raff we evermore muſt be at war,
And drive with ignominy from our Theatre.
Plain folks may enter and by ſeated happily;
Unle [...]s they ſhame themſelves by dreſſing ſhabbily.
DECORUM is our guide rever'd, our governor,
Whoſe well-digeſted laws admit no ſloven here.
For if a peer come like a porter jacketed,
Retire he muſt:—tho' up he raiſe his back at it,
And ſorm, and ſume, and bounce, and flounce, and racket it.
All this may ſhew what ſtudious care we have of you;
[v]Now, in return, one favour let us crave of you;
The ladies' caps are riſen to ſuch enormity,
That, far from being a grace, they're a deformity:
(For gauge a modern female's height;—I'll venture on't
Ten guineas that her face is [...]ound the centre on't.)
In ſuch a room as ours they're quite prepoſterous;
A ſenſeleſs nuiſance.—But, I'll not be boiſterous.
No. (kneels) PUNCH upon his knees in all humility,
Implores you, the true patterns of civility,
To lay them by when e'er you deign to viſit us,
'Tis for the common good I'm thus ſollicitous.
Do, lay them by; hide not each other from our view:
Elſe 'tis indifferent whether many come or few.
The kind polite compliance well would ſuit you all
And each would feel the condeſcenſion mutual.
(Turns aſide ſtill kneeling and claſping his hands.)
O Nature! hear my pray'r;—ſubmiſs I aſk your aid
To free your maſter-pieces from this maſquerade;
You form'd them perfect; artleſs you intended them;
But French-frizeurs have, for the worſe, ſince mended them.
Why will they puniſh us who ne'er offended them?
(He riſes and comes forward.)
Nought can be call'd a SHOW, where nought is to be ſeen,
Where ev'ry bodies' light ſome huge head-robe is in.
The eye ſhou'd have free ſcope to rove ad libitum.—
Our ſcenes are fine; but we in vain contribute 'em,
If, only to gauze-caps, we can exhibit 'em.
Suppoſe, the men a fancy took to wear their hats
With the broad leaves ſlouch'd down; enough to ſcare the rats.
Wou'd you not think it rude? and call them Savages
Who, on your comforts, made ſuch horrid ravages?
[vi]But they'll not dare to do it—in this place I mean,
They know there's a point I could diſgrace 'em in
And of my vengeance give the clowns a ſpecimen.—
Now to conclude: if you bring diſpoſitions
Vacant to harmleſs mirth, our exhibitions,
(Devoid of ribaldry and malice ſiniſter
Some food, perhaps, to ſuch light mirth may miniſter:
We our beſt efforts will exert, to coax you here:
And you will candid ſmile when our arch jokes you hear.
You have too much good ſenſe and are too affable
Not to laugh out at what is truly laughable.
You know,—that all our pleaſantries here local are,
That our performances are paſtimes jocular,
To pleaſe the auricular organ and the ocular.
But whoſo comes reſolved on peeviſh criticiſm,
Watching to pick an hole for ſome flat witticiſm,
Smartly with trite Joe Miller's Jeſts to tickle us,
We caution him to curb his gibe ridiculous.
Our ſtage ſhall be no butt, to vent his jeſt upon:
We're thorns, we're thiſtles; we ſhall ſting if preſt upon.
And tho' we ſcorn the ſneers of ſuch wit-coalheavers,
Yet we have Rowlands ready for their Olivers.—
On their defeat we will erect a grand trophy,
Prizing one gen'rous plaudit from philanthrophy
More, than we dread the hiſs of all miſanthrophy.
PROLOGUE.
[]The Curtain riſing, diſcovers Merlin ſitting at a table, covered with black; a large volume inſcribed with magical figures open before him, after a while, he ſhuts the book and ſpeaks.
THE ſpel's wound up,—the myſtic page I cloſe,—
GNOMES, to your poſts!—each elf his ſtation know's.
(Waves his wand, and comes forward, addreſſing the audience.)
To night, the force of MAGIC ſkill to prove,
I mean t'exhibit PUPPETS that can move
Spontaneouſly;—nay more; can ſpeak, can ſing,
Fight,—laugh,—make love,—in ſhort, do any thing;
Endu'd with tranſient life, for ſome three hours,
And, in contracted ſize with human pow'rs
They, for that while, with action, ſpeech and dreſs,
Shall welcome all my friends to this receſs;
Shall cringe, ſhall ſhrug, and ſprawl along the ſtage,
Aping their brother blockheads of the age.
Fear not, how'er, theſe tiny apparations:
I warrant 'em of harmleſs diſpoſitions.—
They ſha'n't approach you nearer than I ſtand:—
(I keep 'em under excellent command;)
Nor be ſurpriz'd at aught they ſay or do:
They're for the time as much alive as you.
[viii]An OPERA compleat they ſhall diſplay,
That finiſh'd from the heated dawn of day,
The mimic viſions all muſt fade away.—
Then from his wooden ſhall each Sylph retires,
Leaving the ſenſeleſs log,—to kindle fires.
I ſcorn'd to ranſack ancient Greece or Rome
For fable; (we've enough of that at home:
My ſubject is domeſtic: 'tis TOM THUMB.—
His martial proweſs CAESAR'S far exceeded,
THUMB freed his country—(that was more than he did.)
And cou'd have won himſelf a crown if needed.
Giants he quell'd and rebels he ſubdu'd,
Nor in his country's wounds his hands imbru'd;
No; TOM was more than great;—for he was good.—
Let not his ſtature prejudice your mind,
True worth is to no certain ſize confin'd,
The leaſt may be the greateſt of mankind.—
Such the bold heroe, who to-night appears;
He againſt Spaniſh Dons and French Monſieurs,
Was fit to lead brave IRELAND'S VOLUNTEERS.
With ſuch a chieftain, ſoon that valiant hoſt
Would humble GALLIA'S and IBERIA'S boaſt,
And drive the daſtards trembling from our coaſt.
That gallant CORPS' inſatiate thirſt of FAME,
Sanction'd by glorious LIBERTY'S fair name,
Muſt draw,—(what I too hope,) your joint acclaim.